Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[ssd858]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Yes! I really want to be sober.
Thank you for this amazing thread.

[abcowboy]

I was over reading on a thread [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] started, trying to be helpful and supportive, and something [MENTION=16893]Wildflowers[/MENTION] said stuck in my head;

We need to find other ways of self comfort and soothing life's sadness.

I wonder if that’s really true? When we were actively drinking, we always found an excuse or reason for it. But were we really self comforting and soothing a problem, or did we create the problem so we could justify drinking? Granted there are real life situations that cause us a great deal of pain, not just a reason or excuse, but we always managed to turn those situations into just that, a reason or excuse. But maybe we are meant to feel a bit of pain, a bit of discomfort, to remind us that life is like that. Not everyday is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. And everything we go through, and what we feel, will eventually pass. The trick to that is not turning to alcohol or drugs to ease that pain.

What’s wrong with just being in the moment? Acknowledging those thoughts and feelings for what they are, a chance to be grateful for all the good things we have and for the good things that will continue to come to us, instead of reaching for something to numb us to everything that’s happening.

I think we all look for the easiest solution to everything that challenges us. Once we take booze off the table, do we really need to look for a replacement? Maybe the replacement is already inside us, we just have to open ourselves up to it.

Two old sayings come to mind; “no pain, no gain” and “that which doesn’t kill us helps to make us stronger”. Maybe it’s time we quit looking for solutions to the things we want to drink over, just accept what we are feeling and move on from there..

[paulywogg]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Huh,Cowboy, my daughter had to KILL her baby which would have been in my arms next week, I had to take her there because her boyfriend was too scared to take her,I was strong and held her through it, should that make me stronger? I'm sick of you..please put me in ignore!! I just pm'd someone about you being up my ass a few days ago,I'm over it and YOU!! Is the cartoon leprechaun in your mind? Is that why you're acting out? Seems that time of year I guess..

[Wildflowers]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I was over reading on a thread [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] started, trying to be helpful and supportive, and something [MENTION=16893]Wildflowers[/MENTION] said stuck in my head;

I wonder if that’s really true? When we were actively drinking, we always found an excuse or reason for it. But were we really self comforting and soothing a problem, or did we create the problem so we could justify drinking? Granted there are real life situations that cause us a great deal of pain, not just a reason or excuse, but we always managed to turn those situations into just that, a reason or excuse. But maybe we are meant to feel a bit of pain, a bit of discomfort, to remind us that life is like that. Not everyday is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. And everything we go through, and what we feel, will eventually pass. The trick to that is not turning to alcohol or drugs to ease that pain.

You are talking about two different things imo. Yes it's really true. There is nothing wrong with healthy comfort and applying soothing techniques when were very sad and in pain. Or any other time a person chooses. Some of us never learned how to comfort ourselves when we were young. I've often found comfort in a bottle. Isn't this why many of us drank, until we didn't. Of course I also made excuses and found reasons. Of course we aren't meant to destroy our selves through addictions. Yes, we can learn to be uncomfortable and in pain with life's problems and crisis's. It's not a trick. It's a desire to learn new skills and then apply them. This process of time is individual. With love and support it's more possible. Most of us have the mental capacity to comprehend life isn't all unicorns and rainbows.

What’s wrong with just being in the moment? Acknowledging those thoughts and feelings for what they are, a chance to be grateful for all the good things we have and for the good things that will continue to come to us, instead of reaching for something to numb us to everything that’s happening.

Nothing. Some circumstances may be to painful to feel or see any gratitude or anything positive in them. They are what they are. We don't have to be grateful for everything. Some life events just piss me off, make me very sad. Sometimes there just isn't any good in some situations. Learning to sit with them, feel them, cry, scream, get angry is helpful, its okay. I've been triggered to drink when holidays come or dates of losing loved ones, or other extremely painful losses occur. I'm learning its okay to find comfort outside of the bottle. Sometimes my tears are enough, to comfort and heal. Sometimes I need other's help.

I think we all look for the easiest solution to everything that challenges us. Once we take booze off the table, do we really need to look for a replacement? Maybe the replacement is already inside us, we just have to open ourselves up to it.

Losing a grandchild is more than a challenge ABC! Holding your daughter through an extremely painful situation is something I hope you and I never have to experience. Many alkies-addicts look for all types of replacements. Like running, art, music, therapies, etc. Many of us do have inner work to do. Some of us need support from others finding it. It isn't always magically sitting there inside us.

Two old sayings come to mind; “no pain, no gain” and “that which doesn’t kill us helps to make us stronger”. Maybe it’s time we quit looking for solutions to the things we want to drink over, just accept what we are feeling and move on from there..

Sorry you didn't see the sensitivity in Pauly's situation. Your words were obviously not chosen well. This is close to her one year loss of losing a precious grand baby.

As your recovery time progresses ABC, hope you will learn to "where your recovery robe more loosely." It's fitting rather tight right now.

Please don't PM about this. I'm sure I'll continue to find good positive things that you post. I thank you for the many good helpful things you contribute here. Found this post to be in bad taste and timing. Which caused hurt to an already hurting member here.

[satz123]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Ladies - Cowboy by name & Cowboy by nature : he tends to shoot from the hip - but he means well.
I tend to have the same 'move on' mentality and not hold on to hurt - because it achieves nothing only hurt.

Who knows who is right

[abcowboy]

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Huh,Cowboy, my daughter had to KILL her baby which would have been in my arms next week, I had to take her there because her boyfriend was too scared to take her,I was strong and held her through it, should that make me stronger? I'm sick of you..please put me in ignore!! I just pm'd someone about you being up my ass a few days ago,I'm over it and YOU!! Is the cartoon leprechaun in your mind? Is that why you're acting out? Seems that time of year I guess..

I'm not going to say much more on the subject, nothing I said was intentionally meant to hurt anyone. I also know what feeling pain is all about. But the leprechaun comment was just plain rude and it was said with the intention of hurting. I don't put anyone on ignore, but I will refrain from making any more comments on some posts and I'll stay away from certain threads. Everyone here is always in my daily prayers, and that won't change.

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I see many misunderstandings take place on the threads, both of a political and a nonpolitical nature, that are caused by the simple fact that written communication can be misinterpreted and so much depends on the background and experiences of the readers.

Yep. 'Tis true. For what it's worth, abcowboy, I read your musings and reflected on them and tried to apply some of the concepts to my own life and relationships. I was startled by the replies. I know you well enough to know that hurting someone with your words was the last thing you intended!

[ssd858]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Yep. 'Tis true. For what it's worth, abcowboy, I read your musings and reflected on them and tried to apply some of the concepts to my own life and relationships. I was startled by the replies. I know you well enough to know that hurting someone with your words was the last thing you intended!

I agree and I am a returning newcomer to mwo.
Have a brilliant day.

[ssd858]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Yep. 'Tis true. For what it's worth, abcowboy, I read your musings and reflected on them and tried to apply some of the concepts to my own life and relationships. I was startled by the replies. I know you well enough to know that hurting someone with your words was the last thing you intended!

I agree and I am a returning newcomer to mwo.
Have a brilliant day.
I look up to both you and Pauly. Hugs to you both.

[Wildflowers]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Ladies - Cowboy by name & Cowboy by nature : he tends to shoot from the hip - but he means well.
I tend to have the same 'move on' mentality and not hold on to hurt - because it achieves nothing only hurt.

Who knows who is right

Don't want to believe anyone here is intentionally trying to hurt others. We are all familiar with pain. Satz, I don't think there is a wrong answer either. Moving on is influenced by many factors.

Wished I wouldn't have gotten involved. It's very sensitive and private situation.

Have co-dependency issues. Don't like seeing people suffer. Like many of us. Mother hen here wanted to comfort and rescue. Sorry if I've made things worse. Not that I have any real power over any of this.

Hope Pauly, will feel better soon and get right back on the sober train. :hug:

ABC, try and remember your surrounded by a few mother hens here. I almost feel sorry for you, brave man.

[abcowboy]

Thanks for the visit [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] [MENTION=16893]Wildflowers[/MENTION] [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] and [MENTION=22385]ssd858[/MENTION], and for the kind words.

I was working in the Rec Centre in a small village west of us today. There was a problem with the control system that runs the ice plant for the curling rink and hockey arena. These controls also look after all the building heating systems, all the equipment in the commercial kitchen, walk-in coolers, ice machine etc. Since this weekend is their windup curling bonspiel and rec hockey tournament complete with steak supper and dance on Saturday night, it was kind of important to get the control system up and running again! As I was talking long distance to the control contractor and the ISP, as the controls are web-based, there was lots of activity getting things prepared for the start of the weekend. As I had some spare time between phone calls and diagnostic checks, I figured I may as well lend a hand with the preparations. Guess what I got to do? Help unload all the booze for the weekend lol.

Greg, the bar manager, backed up his truck to the doors and the box of the truck was literally full of booze! Booze of all kinds, wine, coolers, beer, and every kind of hard liquor imaginable, along with cases and cases of mix! Now a few years back when I was the building manager, the first case of Budweiser through the door would have been opened and passed out to the volunteers, and the beer would have flowed till 3am this coming morning! Today, I passed on the beer offered and opened a can of Coke.

Because we live in such a small rural area, most everyone knows I quit drinking and why, so there was no mention of me not drinking, I was accepted for who and what I am, no questioned asked. It was great to lend a hand while waiting for instructions from either the contractor or the ISP support and be treated like one of the gang. A few years back, I would have been drunk by 4 in the afternoon, maybe called Bubba, maybe not, maybe just let her worry till I got home. And the saddest part is that I probably would have driven the 15 miles home.

Today, between the 3 of us, 2 on telephone and me in the building, we had everything up and running pretty good manually, and just had to wait for the ISP to get the internet back up and running. I got home just before 3 and had plenty of time to spend with Hank and Bubba before supper time. I had a great visit with the boys, got the building systems going for the weekend, enjoyed my time there and got home sober! I’ll wake up tomorrow morning clear headed and hangover free! Life just doesn’t get much better than that…

Oh ya, I almost forgot, huge congrats on the 3 weeks SSD!

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

That was a nice story and I am very happy for you. I have been thinking lately too about my own journey in terms of 'that was then, this is now'. Now is a much better place! It sounds like you have come such a long way. I didn't really read your posts years ago when you first came on. I stayed pretty much cloistered for several years over on the monthly thread and read around the boards just occasionally. So I am sort of just getting to know you. I think we share a common bond in that we both live in rural communities.

I have a technical question. How do you do mentions? I tried to mention you over on the café thread but don't think I did it right.

[abcowboy]

"Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny."

6:25am in Alberta, 24 more for me please dear Lord, and thanks for yesterday's...

The mentions are really simple to do [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION], all you do is put the ampersand (@) symbol in front of the name. No space between, and the member's name has to be spelled exactly how they use it... Not very technical if I can do it lol

[abcowboy]

There’s lots of members [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] who stick pretty much to one thread, others who post on a few, and then people like me who poke their nose in everywhere lol. I think that is a bit of a downfall for me, trying to help too much. But I think most members read throughout the threads and get what they need from the forum as a whole.

We do share the common bond of our rural living, as well as our desire to leave alcohol behind. I did a post on one of the recovery forums I post on, not sure which one, where I talked about the upsides and downsides to country living. Just like we all have upsides and downsides to not drinking. There are those who believe there is no downside to being AF, but I try not to kid myself that there isn’t. It helps me understand that even though there are times I wish I could have a drink, staying sober far outweighs those times!

Then and now are important tools to maintain your quit. But it’s hard to get a true then and now until you get an appreciable amount of sober time in. No doubt that even after a week sober you can start to see those moments, but the longer we stay sober, the more “then and now” we achieve. I remember my Uncle telling me how important that first year is, because we get through all those “first times” of getting through without drinking. Of course every day we remain sober is important, but the longer we remain sober makes those firsts easier to deal with as they arise. And how those experiences help to show us that if we can get through that (insert event, problem, crisis, here) without drinking, we can get through this (insert event, problem, crisis, here).

[abcowboy]

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