Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[Wildflowers]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[ATTACH=CONFIG]3365[/ATTACH]

I really love this and so does hubby. Think I'll send this to kids. Hope you and your family have a good weekend. :smile:

[abcowboy]

“Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.”

6:40am in Alberta, thank you Lord for helping me through this past week. I'd be okay with it if You'd give my 24 today to someone who needs it more than me..

[lloydlady]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

It took me a bit of reading back ABC to see why you left the Club. I don't think you should feel like you have to leave. I don't know how to quote people but I do know how to copy and paste "I decided to start this new thread, in honour of a friend here, that has helped SO many of us. Let's not forget that. " The Cafe and Club was started to honour you for your comittment to helping others. If other people don't agree with what you say, they should be the ones to leave or put you on ignore. I'll be back next Sunday and I expect to see you back where you belong.

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], thanks for the explanation. Easy-peasy! I agree 100% with [MENTION=22708]lloydlady[/MENTION]. But, do what you think best.

I like rural living, but not necessarily small town living. When we moved here 25 years ago we made no effort to become part of the local community. We have a few friends and neighbors, but that's it. Our kids opted to remain in the school in the town we moved from and were able to do so because of an open enrollment policy. So, we never got drawn into school activities in this town which is often the way to get more involved in a community. I like the anonymity. Even if I had gotten more involved tho, my drinking would not have been publicly known. Once I realized drinking was becoming a problem for me I went to isolation mode and only drank at home.

[ssd858]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Me three.

[abcowboy]

23 years ago, today, my younger brother (34 years old at the time) took his best friend up flying to get some aerial photos of his farm. Once the flying was done, Daryl drove home, poured himself a cup of coffee, sat in his favorite chair, and died from a massive heart attack. I hadn’t seen or spoke to him since the previous Christmas. The next time I got to see him was when he was laying in his casket.

I tried to make the trip home at least twice a year to visit my parents and 3 brothers, I was the only one who left our hometown for greener pastures. And when I did get back home, it was always party time, the prodigal son/brother returns! Looking back on those years, and the infrequent visits, I don’t think there was a time when booze wasn’t involved. My dad and mom hardly ever drank, neither did my 3 brothers, but I’m sure I made up for all of them put together. I’m not sure if there wasn’t at least one hangover involved in any of my trips home. My dad, mom, and 2 brothers that are gone never got to see the sober me, never got to see the man that should have been there when he visited.

It's times like these that I’m ashamed at myself for not being able to control my drinking even on those visits home. Ashamed at myself for letting booze rob my parents and brothers of the person that I should have been for them. And ashamed at myself for not getting the help that I needed back then. But it’s water under the bridge, I can’t change the past, but I can continue being the son/brother that I was before I let alcohol take over my life. I can continue to show them that I have become the person that they wanted me to be. And I can continue to be an example for the people who are still struggling and suffering from this deadly addiction, that it can be beaten! And so my little brother, look down on me with favour, share with me the happiness that I now feel, and walk beside me each day until we meet again…..

[Baclofenman]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

It's times like these that I’m ashamed at myself for not being able to control my drinking even on those visits home. Ashamed at myself for letting booze rob my parents and brothers of the person that I should have been for them. And ashamed at myself for not getting the help that I needed back then. But it’s water under the bridge, I can’t change the past, but I can continue being the son/brother that I was before I let alcohol take over my life. I can continue to show them that I have become the person that they wanted me to be. And I can continue to be an example for the people who are still struggling and suffering from this deadly addiction, that it can be beaten! And so my little brother, look down on me with favour, share with me the happiness that I now feel, and walk beside me each day until we meet again…..

@abcowboy,

Nice post.

I think all of us who have reached a sober period in our lives reflect on the times when alcohol has affected our judgement and behaviour. Jeez, when I look back on some of the things I have done, the stupid and reckless things have all been alcohol related. Many, I have forgotten but some still play on my mind from time to time.

I went out the other weekend to a pub party with the Pianna. When we arrived we were offered a drink by the host. The conversation went something like this;

Hi, what can I get you?
Thanks, the Pianna will have a (large) white wine, and a fizzy water for me
Water? - Come on, have a pint
No, a water will be great thanks
So you dont drink then?
No, I am an alcoholic, so booze is out of bounds

There then followed a 20 minute discussion blar blar. During this time, he must have said to me 20? times how much respect he had for the path I had chosen. He then proceeded to tell everyone (who was listening) all about it.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that (as you know), the past is the past, what we have done has been done. Certainly for me this is my life Pt2 and whilst I will not forget the sadness and upset my drinking has caused, i will not allow myself to dwell on it as what Ph2 has offered me, is the opportunity to rebuild, with the benefit of hindsight.

Regards


Bacman

[Sunbeam]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Good posts, friends. We all regret the time wasted and relationships that were marred by drinking, but it's important to forgive yourself and move on with the new life. I feel we are here doing that.

[mario]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Love this thread,
Bacman that situation happens me a lot due to my work, usually follows this pattern...

host/ you like a drink
me/ yes please, still water be fine.
host/will you not try something erm more refreshing.
me/ no thanks water is fine, make it sparkling then.
host/ok are you sure, can I not tempt you,
me/ no thanks I am an alcoholic & drink just does not agree with me.
host/O ok, slides of looking back at me as I an alien.

Later someone will always come up to me to comment & when I explain the reason ,they usually say, yea thinking of stopping myself and waddle of to someone on there level....

[Baclofenman]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

and waddle of to someone on there level....

Ha ha Mario

Funny and true

Regards


Bacman

[abcowboy]

It’s so true @mario and @Baclofenman how so many people find it hard to understand that there are people who just don’t drink lol. Because of the small rural area I’m from, most people know now that I don’t drink. Bubba and I usually go to one of two favourite restaurants when we dine out and unless the waitress is new, all they ever ask me is if I want my usual lol. But if we happen to dine out in Edmonton or elsewhere, I get a strange look when I just order ice tea. From my years of working/volunteering with the Agricultural Society, I know that the best profit is in the alcohol sales!

When we moved to this area @dill, we got involved in a few volunteer organizations, mostly to meet new people and make friends. And if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m kind of an outgoing guy lol, I used to love being the life of the party. As time went on though, I found myself volunteering with the groups where drinking was the norm, not the exception. And if it was a social function where booze was involved, my name could be found at the top of the volunteer sheet! Like you, towards the end, my volunteer time got less and my drinking alone time got bigger. I think that was mostly because I didn’t want people to know how much and how often I drank! We don’t volunteer as much anymore, but I’ve always been taught to lend a hand where a hand is needed. And when we do attend/volunteer at a function, we’re one of the first to leave now instead of being the person who had to lock up after everyone else was gone. Now I try and live by the rule of going to bed the same day I woke up in!

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], I had picked up on the fact that you are a very outgoing individual! LOL! I admire that. I am not necessarily shy but I am quiet and retiring. I am a better listener than I am a talker. As far as drinking in social settings, I imagine it became a problem for me before I ever realized it was a problem. I used to host some get-togethers for the people I worked with. It was a mixed crowd in terms of drinking. Some big drinkers, some normal drinkers and some total abstainers. I began to realized that I was perhaps bigger than your average big drinker. LOL! I started pouring my wine into soft drink cans at these parties so no one would know the extent...I think toward the end some people began to notice I was over the line. The drinkers of course didn't care. But my dear friends who were abstainers began to grow concerned. I'm embarrassed to say that they never uttered a word to me until a long time later, and then only with concern, not judgement. Apparently I was not hiding my drinking as well as I thought! However, some time after that point I began to realize I should not drink with work colleagues anymore. I stopped drinking anywhere but at home. I too am ashamed to say that I drove home at times when I was in no condition to drive. That was another reason for my going to isolation mode. I am forever grateful that I never harmed anyone and always made it safely home.

I also live by the rule of going to bed in the same day I wake up in. And by "Early to bed, early to rise....":happy2:

[abcowboy]

Well, I think my sobriety is kind of rubbing off on my friend and neighbour Tommy! I was down at his shop yesterday (my old watering hole) installing electric openers on the two overhead doors, and he didn’t pour himself a shot till after lunch! Unheard of for him! I got there at 8:30 and he came down from the house with coffee in hand, but I guess he could have had something in his coffee, maybe a little hair of the dog so to speak. But if he did, it was all he drank until after lunch. And he might have made it all day if it wasn’t for 2 buddies that stopped in and sat down to have a couple of shots with him. They left after an hour or so, but it was all Tommy needed to continue drinking. At least he got through 4 waking hours AF! So glad that I don’t sit down and join in drinking anymore, nothing would have got done, and I would have drove home drunk….

Bubba and I are headed up to the country hall by the farm tonight for the annual spring perogy supper and silent auction fundraiser. I do a bit of work for the association throughout the year and don’t usually charge my labour, just material, so they usually don’t charge us for the meal. And I always donate some sort of tool for the silent auction, but I consider it just that, a donation. We could enjoy the meal and entertainment twice a year for free, but we never do, we always make a cash donation at the door even if they refuse to let us pay for supper.

I know that the profit is mostly in their liquor sales, so they won’t be getting any money from me that way lol, so we just put money in the till at the door. But we’ll get an evening of great food, I’ll try and bid up the prices on the auction items, visit with all the area neighbours, and get home safe and sober. I feel pretty fortunate that I can go and enjoy these functions without worrying if the lure of alcohol will be too much, it’s all about living life on life’s terms. Doing what’s best for me, not worrying about what the others are doing, just enjoying what sobriety has given me. Can’t be much happier than that…

[caysea]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Hi All

I enjoyed reading your post and know you have the strength in your AF life to not have this be a tough situation. It had me thinking back to when I first started recovery and could not place myself in social situations with old friends or events. I had to avoid many events for well past 6 months into recovery because it was just to hard to deal with. In time and I think its only with time that we are able to socialize and not have it be a white knuckle experience. When I did start to go back into social situations I always had a plan. When I went to my first baseball game sober I had Antabuse in my pocket that I had left over from a previous attempt to get sober. I was ready to take the pill without hesitation but didn't need to.

At the start of recovery we are all consumed with what to say about not wanting a drink with time that is not even in our minds. We just don't drink no big deal. That first year of recovery is not just stoping drinking but facing the world in a whole new way. The worries we have at the start become non issues as you can read in AB post about enjoying an evening without AL. For those of you at the start of recovery please know with each day without al you are building a foundation. I don't care what program you are working the only way to success in recovery is to not take that first drink. It has to be a 100% commitment thats the only way recovery is possible.

[abcowboy]

What you said about it having to be a 100% effort is spot on [MENTION=6034]caysea[/MENTION]! I remember back 3 or so years ago when I first tried to quit, I wasn’t really trying to quit, I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t have a problem, or at least a problem that I couldn’t manage.

I would go a week without a drop just to prove to myself that I wasn’t like those other alcoholics. Or I would go a few months just having one or two here and there, but it was always a fight with myself to prove I could control my drinking. And when I let that 5% of doubt enter my mind, drinking was okay to me. So what if I have a few every day, I wasn’t hurting anyone! So what if every couple of months I’d let loose and go on a binge drunk, everybody did that! I was just as normal as the next person.

Then one day I finally realized and accepted that I did have a problem, that I wasn’t like everyone else, that I was like all those other alcoholics. That’s the day when it became a 100% effort to get and stay sober. It would be so much easier to just say no instead of fighting with myself trying to control my drinking. I knew that no matter what the excuse or reason that I gave myself to convince me that I deserved a drink, it wouldn’t be good enough to make me pick up that drink. And as time went on, it did get easier and easier to just say no.

It takes a long time to get comfortable with the fact that you can never drink again, but once you reach that stage, accepting it becomes the new normal. No more fighting it, no more excuses, no more blaming others, it’s just the way it has to be.