Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[Eloise]

This is just an awesome post Cowboy. I could not be happier to read about how positively wonderful you are doing.
Truly inspirational! I am also thrilled to see you back on the boards.
Happy sober June 18th dude!

[Inthesky]

Hey Cowboy,
I wish I had a friend like you close by to of helped me and my hubby. I'm like your friend tossing around going to AA, I petrified actually. But everyday I am growing a bit stronger and wanting to overcome my fears and anxieties. There are a lot of meetings in the city I live I don't know which one.
Sorry just trying to navigate through my complicated thoughts and protect my sobriety.

[abcowboy]

Inthesky, you can come and post here and ask as many questions as you want! I'll try and help you, and if I can't, I'll search for someone or another resource that might answer your questions. Or another member may have what you've been looking for. I tried AA, it didn't work for me and many people have asked me why I didn't. I'll give you the same answer as I gave them, I'm not giving you my reasons because I don't want you going to your first meeting with a preconceived thought that I helped you plant. My advice, go to a meeting, and if you have lots of meetings to choose from, try them all! It only takes one hour of your time for the meeting, but the other advice is, go early, stay late, because that is often times you'll hear things that really help you out. What AA did for me was plant the idea that I could get and stay sober, I wanted what the long term members had; lasting sobriety that seemed to be rewarding. There are many types of meetings so don't close the book on AA if you go to one that doesn't appeal to you. Keeping trying different meetings to see if you can find one that works. I live in a small rural town, one AA meeting per week, the same type of meeting each week, so I looked for other methods of recovery because I knew that if I continued drinking, I would die....

[abcowboy]

Thanks Eloise, sometimes I wonder why I came back lol. Seriously though, I think we all are inspirations, we just need to talk about the work that needs doing. If I can help one person out of alcohell, it's all worth it! I really am happy in and with my sobriety, and every day sober is a happy day dudette!

I've been thinking about my firm belief that I will never drink again and tried to come up with a reason/excuse as to why I would. The only thing I could come up with was losing Bubba. Let’s say someone who resented me for my ability to quit drinking put a gun to Bubba’s head and set a case of beer in front of me and told me to drink it or he’d shoot her. Would I drink it? My first thought was, of course I would! I could reset my counter and start over the next day. But as I thought about it further, I realized I wouldn’t. Even if I did drink it, he’d probably shoot her, then shoot me. I’d sooner die with her, sober, than die with her, drunk. I think I’ve been reading too many crime novels lol.

But the point is, that’s where I’m at in my sobriety, I’ll protect it no matter what! And for the life of me, I can’t find one single reason/excuse why I’d ever drink again. So stop and ask yourself, do I really want to be sober, and if you do, there’s no reason/excuse to pick up another drink!

[Eloise]

Maybe I need to get where you are in your thinking?
I am just happy to be sober and I know that IF I ever drank again it would start out okay and progressively get worse.
Actually, I well imagine this time it might take me just a few weeks to get back to where I left off?
Now, we all know there is no point in that especially since it would probably be 2x as hard get sober. And, if I speak honestly, the last time I thought for sure I couldn't stop. I do not ever want to have to quit again, therefore, I won't be drinking alcohol ever again.

Just being able to put that in writing is so liberating.

[abcowboy]

As I was enjoying my coffee and reading time this morning, I found myself getting very caught up in the future. Trying to plan things out and make a road map for exactly what I was going to do, where I wanted to go, and how I wanted things to unfold. As my thoughts began to snowball, I started to feel slightly overwhelmed. I took a deep breath and just sat with it. As I quieted my mind, it came: just be patient.

Just be patient. Let the flow of things happen and do not be worried with how the rest of the year looks. Focus on today and do the best possible job working towards the future, but with only the present day in mind. I think we all get caught up with trying to plan and control what the future holds or looks like. So much so, that we can forget the beauty in the natural order of life. When we are entirely focused on the future, we miss the moments of greatness happening now, in the present. I always have to remind myself that life is not a race. I don’t have to do things immediately. There is a plan already prepared for my life and sometimes I just need to sit back and let that plan take it’s shape. I’m not saying we need to be lazy or not work toward goals with some sort of idea in place of what we want for ourselves. Having goals and working towards them is absolutely necessary, but when we get stressed out by them, that is when we need to take a step back and remember: just be patient.

The definition of patient is: being able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. What this says to me is that being patient is an exercise in strength. Being tolerant to the fact that not everything can happen right this very second takes a strong resolve. Some things take time and the more you carefully work on crafting your present moments and goals, the better the future begins to look. If we want something, we need to work hard towards it. If we want a change to happen in our life, we have to remember that change begins in our daily routines, practices and habits. If you can’t change just for today, how can you change for a lifetime? They say “one day at a time” in AA and all recovery circles, but really this is a great practice for everyone all the time. Today is the day. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. When we remember that our todays are ultimately what turn into our future, it makes it easier to make today as best as we can, knowing that what we do today is molding our future.

The Dalai Lama said, “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day to love, believe and mostly live.”

There is a peacefulness that comes when you begin to live for today. What can you do today to get you closer to where you want to be? When we let go of the days that have not yet come and allow our todays to build into our tomorrows, things unfold just as they should. And when life gets hectic and the thoughts of the future, or even the past, begin to become too loud, it’s important to remind ourselves: just be patient.

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[abcowboy]

I don’t think there’s any “one” definition of sobriety Eloise, I think everyone’s sobriety is as individual as they are. We read the stories and experiences of the long-timers and want to be like them, want the sobriety they have. But I think once you find lasting sobriety, why worry about someone else’s? If you’ve done what you need to do to get and stay sober, you should be happy with your own journey. That’s not to say we can’t improve on our sobriety, we can always learn successful coping mechanisms, things that will help us maintain our sobriety, things that will help us deal with the stresses and anxiety of everyday life. Our individual sobriety is no different than our individual journey to get there, don’t worry about others, be grateful we have our own!

By being individuals, we show the newcomers and those still struggling that there is no “one way” just as there is no “perfect sobriety”. All we can do is help and encourage them to never give up, they can get to our stage if they really want it!

[lloydlady]

Thanks for coffee and the Danish cowboy, it was great seeing you again this morning and chatting with you. You can buy me coffee anytime you're in Lloyd haha.Thank you for explaining why you're not interested in AA anymore. I'll let the rest of the group know why you're not coming anymore. I think you're right about MWO, but you do what you think you have to do. I personally like We Quit Drinking, Sober Recovery is just too big. I know I should post more there, but with AA, reading on WQD, and our pm's I have enough support so far. Hope to see you again soon, take care my friend and I'll pass on your hello's to Joe.

[abcowboy]

You're very much welcome LL! Not sure when I'll be in Lloyd next, but I'll let you know in advance if I can, maybe Joe can sneak away and join us if I try to be there at coffee time! I haven't heard from any of the group except you and Darryl so I don't think they are worried about me lol. Take care my friend!

[NoraC]

Cowboy - some of these posts you make are really helpful. Will you please start including the websites where you are getting them from? I love finding new websites and since I've recognized several of your posts, I know that you are cruising around the same websites and posting from those sites.
Anyway - I think it would be really helpful to everyone if you post the links so that we all can benefit from these other resources.

[abcowboy]

I'll be sure to do that whenever I can, they are all from my toolbox so not always sure where I read them.... Either way, I thinks it's better than talking about what I had for supper...

[SnoopyC]

Abcowboy...I loved your last big post, all the hateful things about drinking clearly stated, and why would we want that? Freedom from all that is my ongoing goal. Whenever I get a craving, and I do, I just think back to the last time I drank, nasty hangover, horrible anxiety and depression, wasting money on feeling like sh**, not getting along with loved ones. Instead, having used the book 30 days to Sobriety, it has you journal all the benefits of not drinking and I personally find that helpful too! Again, those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. Not for us.

[abcowboy]

I couldn’t agree with you more Snoopy! My past is nothing to be proud of! I did some crazy stuff, caused so much pain to myself and others, had no regard for anyone but me. It is a place I never want to go back to, and I refuse to. I think back only to remind myself what drinking did to me. And to try and make up for all the years I lost to alcohol. We can’t really ever make up for the things we did or said, we can apologize, try and make amends, but at the end of the day it’s up to us to prove we’ve left that life behind us.

You’d think the memories alone would be enough to make anyone quit drinking. But our alcoholic mind doesn’t work that way. It wants to blame anyone and anything for a reason to drink. When you finally accept that nothing or anyone causes us to drink, we do it ourselves, we alone submit to alcohol, then we can move on and leave that life behind. It’s all about finding other things to do when you think you deserve a drink. Talk to someone, meditate, pray, read, anything other than drinking. When you continually fall back on alcohol to numb yourself from life, you’ve let alcohol become your Master, and you are it’s slave. I broke those chains and I refuse to be a slave any longer!

[SnoopyC]

Abcowboy,
I find that HALT is key for me. Last night I had a craving, as I am traveling, and realized that I was very tired. When I am tired, for some reason, I will think Oh a drink would be nice. Wrong. Then I think of the past, how bad it was, and take care of either eating or resting. Before, I would just mindlessly get a drink, buy a bottle, whatever. Now, I stop and observe how I feel, am I hungry, tired, what am I feeling, do I need to call someone, and then remember my past. What about you?

[abcowboy]

The two biggest triggers for me were angry and lonely, and I’m not even sure about lonely, I didn’t drink because I felt lonely, but I preferred drinking alone. I still watch my anger level, not that it triggers me to drink anymore, but try to keep it at the frustration level instead of letting it build. I used to look for ways to be alone to drink, and even put work off for drinking time. Now, I stay busy all day long, there’s always something to do!

If we can stay on top of our triggers, work around them, and keep reminding ourselves that there is no future in drinking, none!