Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

“Drama”, quite the word. And it seems like it follows us everywhere. I for one refuse to get involved anymore, but it seems that there are some that thrive on it. There are posts that I read that I’d love to disagree with; the first thing I do is look at who posted it, then I ask myself if anything I have to say will change things, probably not. If someone posts something to cause an uproar, or on something I don’t agree with, nothing I or anyone else says will change things, just add to the drama.

Bubba says both alcoholics and recovering alcoholics thrive on drama. I don’t necessarily agree with her, but I do find some truth to it. I know when I was drinking, it was all about drama, the drama I created. I’m so glad those days are behind me. And I know there are two sides to every story and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not when it’s racist or slanderous, or meant to demean or hurt someone. Just like we’re all working for long term sobriety, let’s try and keep the forum’s and our lives drama free. So the next time you go to click on “submit reply”, stop and ask yourself “Is this really helping someone?”

[abcowboy]

Like lot of people, I get different inspirational sayings and thoughts emailed to me each day. They help me to stay focussed on maintaining my quit and reinforcing all the reasons for why I quit drinking. One that I got today goes like this;

“Recovery teaches us to avoid futile reactions. During a driving lesson, the car in front abruptly stopped, and I screamed. The instructor said, "Apply the brakes." As a learning driver, I had not yet adopted the correct response of braking. This is similar to taking a drink in response to stress. It is not only futile but, if we allow it to substitute for the correct reaction, will bring negative consequences. Recovering people learn to avoid useless reflex responses, and to do what it takes to get the job done. As we dispense with futile attempts to solve problems by drinking, we also discard other ineffective responses.”

It’s amazing how we used alcohol as our reaction to most things. No matter if we were happy or sad, we drank. Angry or elated, we drank. Any emotional situation gave us the excuse to drink. We now have to find other ways to react to all those situations, drinking is off the table. So what do we do now? We start by figuring out what triggers us, and then find ways to deal with them without booze.

For me, no matter what stresses start causing me any amount of anxiety, I stop whatever I’m doing and remember why I’m on this journey. I’m doing this because it’s the only way to be the best person that I can be, for me and for those I love. I remind myself how far I’ve come and what I’ve left behind, the hard work it took me to get and stay sober. Then I start dealing with those stresses in a positive

The bottom line is, no matter what gets in our way, the only futile reaction for us is to pick up a drink. By drinking we take away any other effective reactions we could have used. Learning to deal with stresses and triggers is the only way we’ll get our quit to stick. My plan is already in place, is your’s?

[abcowboy]

Normal drinkers, what is a normal drinker? Was I ever a normal drinker? I doubt it. Maybe in the beginning I had a drink or two just to be sociable and celebrate with everyone else, but in the days, weeks, months before I quit I drank to get drunk, no other reason. Bubba and I have talked extensively on the subject of alcohol and drinking. I'm a pretty lucky guy in as much as she drinks rarely and won't allow alcohol in our house. She said "we" always refer to "normal drinkers" but what is normal about putting a controlled substance into your body? She claims there is no such thing as a normal drinker because drinking isn't normal at all or it wouldn't be a controlled substance. I like her attitude, and it makes me feel like "we" are the normal drinkers because we drink water, milk, coffee, tea, juice, pop, etc. the drinks you don't need to provide proof of age to buy!

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[abcowboy]

“How are you?” “How’s it going?” Just a couple of questions that are similar, but ask the same thing. And how many times in a day do you hear something like that or ask it yourself? Quite a few times I’ll bet. And the next question is, how important is your answer or the person’s you asked? Many times those types of questions are used as conversation starters, no one really pays attention to the answer. Except in recovery circles, where people are genuinely concerned about how you are doing, or at least I know I am.

There’s a connection between alcoholics, both active and recovering, that only we understand because we’ve been there. And asking a question like that should come from a person who is willing and wanting to help, support, or get you started on your journey. So if you ask the question be ready to listen to the answer, not just in one ear and out the other. And be willing to reply, even if you’re not sure what the right thing to say is. No one likes to be patronized, so don’t make light of the answer they give you. And if you’re asked that question, don’t brush it off, be honest and let the person know. You never know when that next piece of advice is the one that makes your quit stick!

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[abcowboy]

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[abcowboy]

"I owe my sobriety to God, it was a gift from Him.” I’ve heard more than a few people say these words, and the people in AA will call it their “Higher Power” My belief is that God helped me get sober and is a big reason for my staying sober. It was indeed a gift that I cherish every morning when I get up, and every evening when I hit the pillow still sober. You may not believe it but I do, prayer does work.

I’ve heard it said that what works for Joe might not work for John. The key words that I will agree with is “might not” but I think the word “not” could be removed. How will John know for sure unless he tries what worked for Joe?

I don’t know of very many who got sober on their first try, but I know they are out there. I think I read that Mick was one of those few. I tried white knuckling, AA, and finally prayer. I found what worked for me and I haven’t needed to look since. If you’re still trying to find your last quit, get a pen and paper and write down all the methods that you know. White knuckling, AA, TSM, RR, rehab, detox, prayer, meditation, medications, and whatever else you’ve heard of. Then cross off what you’ve tried, and I mean really gave it your all. I’m sure there will be methods that you haven’t tried. Maybe it’s time to try something different if what you're doing isn't working?

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[abcowboy]

The first step, we hear that so often when we’re starting our recovery journey. We have to make the first step; no one can make it for us. The first step in AA, admitting we have a problem. The first step in anything is supposed to take us to better places, better than what we are leaving behind anyway.

Once we get that first step in, we shouldn’t dwell on the past, we should work towards the future that we know is waiting for us if we just learn not to drink. Drinking will put us back to the first step. And we work towards the future one day at a time, not looking back, not be willing the take that first step again.

We can’t convince anyone to take that first step any more than we can convince them that being sober is a great way of life. It’s something they have to do and experience for themselves. We can set good examples by living a happy, sober life. We can explain how not drinking has made our own lives so much better. And we can help and support them when they decide to take that first step. But ultimately it is their decision. Why not take that first step, turn it into a leap of faith that you can do it

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[abcowboy]

Imagine, some 81 years ago 2 people figured they could help each other get sober, if you can't do it by yourself, maybe someone like you could help you. And look at that organization now! No matter what you think of AA, they did something right to have it last this long and have such a huge membership! Just like Roberta and MWO, someone, somewhere has a thought, builds on that thought, and it grows and grows. But for whatever reason, she abondoned ship and we are left on our own. So it's up to the members to support each other, spread the word to other people we know who struggle, tell them about MWO and what it's done for us.

The other site I'm on just went through a major upgrade so I asked the site founder why he did the upgrade. He said that "someone" tried to "attack" the forum and if he happened not to be online at the time, the system would have crashed. From what he told me, Vbulletin is no longer supporting any 4. versions so if people find back doors in to attack the system there's nothing the owner can do. I don't understand a lot of the technical stuff that goes with running a forum, but upgrades are something that have to be done for sure. Let's just hope MWO is small enough not to be on any hackers radar.

So we can only do what we can do, help and support those who are here and extend the same to any newcomers. Even though we may choose different paths, the journey is the same.

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[abcowboy]

"The man I was drank; the man I was will drink again." An interesting quote but oh so true. Quitting drinking without changing who you are will just lead to drinking again. Your lifestyle has to change, your attitude has to change, how you look and deal with things has to change, and if they don’t, say hello to Day 1 again.

I think we all worry about change, especially someone trying to quit drinking. “No one will like me anymore, they are scared to drink around me, I’ll never get invited to anything anymore”. All valid concerns, but nothing to drink over. Things have to change or you’ll just stay the person you were, and that person drank. Don’t be afraid to make changes, you’re making them for you, to be the best person you can be. When others see that, you’ll find that what you were worried about slowly disappears and the new confident, sober you shines through. And it becomes a light for others to follow out of their own darkness…..

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[abcowboy]

It’s often said that dreams bring hope, hope brings faith, and faith brings possibilities. I used to dream about material things, new truck, big house, financial security for retirement, the stuff that doesn’t really count for much in the overall scheme of things. My dreams are now more on helping, supporting, giving back, the things I feel I should be doing.

I guess my dream would be that there was no such thing as alcoholism, or that those afflicted could accept, quit, and stay quit on their first try. I know that's not the way it works though. So all I can do is give back, help those still struggling to get through each day without drinking. I can show it can be done by example. So I share my way of life with those who ask about it. I don't run around trying to show everyone it can be done, but I try and help anyone who is looking for a better way of life. We all have something to offer, to give back, even if it’s just sharing your struggle so that others know they are not alone. We can all make a difference to someone who needs a bit more strength when they think they don’t have it.

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[abcowboy]

I only worked till noon today then went over to the farm to cut grass and water everything really good as we're leaving tomorrow to head down to my hometown. It was another scorcher of a day here and a cold beer would have been great. But one cold beer leads to 2, then to 3, then...... so I grabbed a bottled water and kept working because I don't drink anymore. As I was on the riding lawnmower I started thinking about how I'd feel when I got there. I haven't been back since we buried my mom 3 years ago. I have more than a few gravesites to visit, both sets of grandparents, mom and dad's, 2 brothers, and quite a few aunts and uncles. None of them saw or got to experience sober Bruce. Sure they saw me days when I was sober, and I'm sure quite a few of them would be surprised to even know I was an alcoholic, but they didn't get a chance to see the man I was supposed to become before alcohol turned me into the man I was. I will kneel at a few graves and ask for forgiveness, and I will ask that they keep watch over me and guide me with their eternal love. And I will cry, very sad that they went before me. And then I will pray....

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[SnoopyC]

Abcowboy, wishing you a healing trip, it is so hard to mourn/grieve our loved ones, but a lovely way to honor them by visiting their final resting place. Experiencing this AF will be very emotional, know you will get through this.

[abcowboy]

Thanks Snoopy, it might not be as bad as I think, but one thing that has definitely changed for me since getting sober is not hiding my emotions anymore. That was one of my biggest problems, hiding and not dealing with my emotions, or trying to deal with them by drinking. I think I really need this trip, to find some closure, not on all the death but to say goodbye to the alcoholic Bruce. It is where my drinking started and I'm going to bury it in the cemetery along with everyone who has gone before me.

[abcowboy]

Recovery forums are meant to bring people together, people who share the same struggles and who are all looking for the same thing, recovery. It’s often hard to know what to say, how to help and support, but doing nothing isn’t the answer either. So all one can do is share their own experiences in the hopes that it might work for someone else.

This thread is more like a journal, my journal, my journey to sobriety. I take my sobriety seriously. I worked hard to get where I am and each day that goes by the drinking thoughts get less and less. When tough situations arise, I don’t think about how drinking will help me escape them, I think about how sobriety has given me the strength to deal with them without drinking.

So when we see someone struggling, what should we do? What words will seem right? What help and support does the person need? You really don’t know because online forums are a virtual world. People can be whoever they want to be. Whereas with f2f you can see and feel the emotions of individuals, not just guess or wonder if they are honest, or if they really are the person that they are portraying. So what is the right thing to do to help virtual people? Do what you feel is right, there’s not much else you can do.

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[Sunbeam]

When offering advice for anyone including my husband, I try to say, "this is one choice you have" instead of telling them to take a specific course of action.