Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I like that Sunbeam, think I might just use that as well! Thanks!

[abcowboy]

Most everyone in recovery talks about being on a journey, but a journey to what? It isn’t a journey to a cure, because there isn’t one. It isn’t a journey to a destination, we have no real destination. It isn’t a journey that has an end, unless we consider death the end of our journey. So what is our journey?

I think for me the journey is a path, a direction I must travel that will allow me to be the best person that I can be. To be that person, I had to leave alcohol back at the starting point. And every stop I make along my path, I have to remind myself that there is no going back. There will be forks and crossroads along my path, it will be up to me to choose the right direction each time I reach one, no one can decide for me. My journey is a journey to sobriety, I travel it every day, and there is no end in sight. I’m okay with that, because if I only look at it as traveling just one day at a time, those days will add up. Just like walking one mile at a time, you increase the distance between what you were to who you want to be. I have come a long way on my journey, but there are still miles to make. But then tomorrow is another day to get in a few more miles….

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[lex]

great posts AB thx! lex

[abcowboy]

Thanks for stopping by and the kind words lex!

As we were sitting around at my brother’s yesterday, most everyone was enjoying some sort of alcoholic beverage as we talked and joked around. I was quite happy with my Coke and didn’t feel the least bit out of place because I wasn’t drinking beer. Not all the nieces and nephews know that I quit drinking, not because I try to hide it, but because we haven’t been together since I quit. No one asked and no one seemed to worry about it. It was a great afternoon and my brother and sil put on a great meal!

When we got back to our hotel room, I was doing my evening reading and thinking about my day. Is this what recovery is all about? Am I recovered? Not in the fact that I’m recovered from being an alcoholic, but because I can be around alcohol and watch other people drink without thinking about why I can’t. And I think the answer came to me. I will never be recovered completely because relapse is just one drink away. All it takes is one weak moment, one situation where I want to drink more than I want to be sober. Will that day ever come? I highly doubt it because I’m very happy with my sobriety, how far I’ve come, who I’ve become, and why I’ve come to this stage in my life.

I think that’s why people in recovery speak of themselves as recovering rather than recovered. Relapse is always a possibility, and we must do everything we can to prevent it from happening.

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[lex]

AB- great sentiments and my thoughts exactly. I've come to see alcohol for what it truly is: as substance that INCREASES anxiety and discontent. Why would I want to do THAT? Too bad it took so long for me to see the truth of it. But hey, it's all good now. Except I, too, am only one weak moment from grabbing an ice cold beer. So I too need to be vigilant. Thanks
for reminding me my friend!

[abcowboy]

Independence Day, Freedom Day, freedom…..

Awhile back, Idef asked me to describe sobriety in one word, without hesitation I said freedom. And it really is. Freedom from the chains of alcohol, and it really does hold us captive. We are prisoners of our own doing, held back from doing many of the things we want to do because drinking became the most important thing to us. Held back from enjoying the simple things in life because our lives had become anything but simple. Held back from being who we wanted to be because we turned into what alcohol made us into. I got tired of being a prisoner! It was time to break free! Everyone can break free from the chains of addiction, you just have to have the courage and start digging under those prison walls…..

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[abcowboy]

It’s nice to be back home, it was a great trip back to my home town, but it’s still nice to be in familiar surroundings. It was tough visiting all the graves, but I got through it okay and I think I finally am at peace with their passing. Bubba always told me that I never did get a chance to grieve through each death as I was always busy with arrangements, reading of wills, being executor, etc. etc, but my time spent beside the individual graves gave me a chance to let them go. I’ll always remember them and I know they are with me always, but it’s time to move on. I’m sure they are looking down on me, smiling, and I can feel their pats on my back for putting the booze behind me.

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It didn’t really come as a surprise that I didn’t get any drinking urges, I know that drinking would only lead to heartache. I don’t have to remind myself where the first one would lead because I don’t want or need the first one. I’m grateful for my sobriety, that I don’t have to fight my addiction any longer, and I keep all those who still struggle and suffer in my thoughts and in my prayers.

[abcowboy]

Sobriety is a choice we all have the freedom to make. We make choices every day, what should I wear today, what should I have for breakfast, should I pack a lunch or eat out, so many choices that we don’t even realize that we are making them. And they are usually easy choices to make. But then we get hit with some tougher choices, usually choices that will have a big impact on our life such as; should I get married, should we but a new car, or maybe even should we buy a house. But we think through the choices and make them. But for some reason when it comes to drinking or quitting, we just can’t make that choice, it seems the choice is made for us.

When I first accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic I did what most of us do, I went to AA. But as the months went by and I had a slip, then more months went by and I slipped again, I started reading and researching everything I could about alcoholism. I didn’t buy into the “disease” theory because there was no easy, simple treatment that works. If people could and did get sober through meetings, determination, support, or prayer, then it wasn’t a disease to me. I guess the only reason I think of it as a disease is because you are never really “cured”. I didn’t believe that my brain was wired wrong either, if that were the case we’d all need some sort of medication to alter our brain wiring.

When I finally did get sober, I quit worrying about “why” I was an alcoholic, all I worried about was staying sober and none of the rest of the talk about alcoholism bothered or affected me. It all came down to a choice, did I want to be sober or did I want to drink. I wanted to be sober so I just quit thinking about that first drink. If you don’t have the first, you can’t have the second, pretty simple it seemed. We all have the freedom to make the choice I did, the hard part comes in finding a method that can support that choice, finding the way out. There is a way out, a choice, for each and every one of us. Don’t let that choice become a reason to drink again like I did. AA isn’t working so I may as well drink until I find something else that I can try. The first choice and only choice is to not have that drink, now you just have to find the method that will continue to support that choice. And until you do, keep making the choice to not drink, you’ll find that you had the way out inside you already, but you couldn’t see the forest because of all the trees…..

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[SnoopyC]

Thanks for this post. Very helpful and uplifting.

[abcowboy]

If what we have is not enough, there will never be enough. Interesting statement and one that I think most of us can agree with. I know when I was drinking there was never enough for me, and I’m not just talking about beer. Everything had to be about me, everything had to revolve around me! I always had to be the center of attention.

As we were driving home from our mini vacation, Bubba commented that it was nice to see me just sit back in a group and listen. Not to be always hogging the discussion, but enjoying the conversation without steering it. To be able to watch me smile, laugh, just nod my head, and make sense when I did join in the conversation.

I thought about her comments and realized that I have changed, it isn’t always about me. It’s enough for me to just sit back and be a part of the group instead of trying to be the group. It’s more enjoyable, less work, and it’s enough. Sobriety has given me enough, I don’t want or need more…..

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[Mr Vervill]

Glad to see you here, back in the saddle, Cowboy. Very strong posts indeed. Thank you.

[abcowboy]

Hey Mr V, long time no see! Hope everything is working out good for you. I never did get out of the saddle, but have been riding for a different brand for the past while. I check back in here once in a while and noticed that MWO was pretty stagnant so I figured I’d maybe see if I could help out a bit. I don’t post on other threads very often, there’s other members who are more experienced and learned than me, so I let them take care of that. I just try and post some of the wisdom I’ve gained in the past 17 months in the hopes that it may inspire someone else to start or continue on their own journey to sobriety. Great to see you back and looking forward to reading your posts!

[abcowboy]

Let go and let God, another statement made in recovery circles. But what does it mean to you? It meant lasting sobriety to me, when I couldn’t get sober on my own and failed at whatever attempts I made, I finally just let go and let God take over. I prayed, and somehow He gave me the strength to get through, one day at a time.

But if you don’t believe in God, what’s the point of that statement? Well it’s the same as saying don’t try to control things you have no control over. We have all been in situations that we weren’t happy about so we just walked away from them. We first tried to do what we could in that situation, realized we weren’t doing much good, so we just let it be. We let go and let God. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we let go so that God could handle it, it means we let go and let someone or something see if they could do something about it.

I’ve learned that there is great inner peace when I’m able to just let go. I can’t fix everything, I don’t have the solution to every problem, and I can’t control every situation, so why would I even try? It makes my life less complicated, a lot less stressful, and so much easier to keep my mind focussed on what’s really important to me, my sobriety.

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[abcowboy]

Do you have what it takes? A question we get at different points in our lives. The answer is yes, we all have what it takes to get us through whatever situation we are facing. There will be some variation to that when it comes to money, education, etc. but I’m not talking about that. What I’m talking about is the courage and determination to get done what needs doing.

We all, at some point in time, feel inadequate, feel like we can’t do something, but we can. We have to let go of the fear of failure and the thought that we aren’t strong enough to git’er done. If we let the thoughts of failure constantly overtake us we wouldn’t accomplish anything. Failure is a fact of life, we all fail at something, but what we learn from that failure is what will determine if we have success the next time we attempt it. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from doing what it takes to get things done because you do have what it takes, you just need to be confident that you do….

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[abcowboy]

We all have strengths and talents, and we all like to get a pat on the back for a job well done. But it shouldn’t be that we need that pat constantly. In the early stages of our quit we need encouragement, support, and the occasional pat on the back to help keep us on the right path, but if it becomes a necessity in staying sober, I think we need to look at what sobriety means to us. We should be getting sober for ourselves first and foremost and just remember that others will reap the benefits of our sobriety as well.

If we are aware of our strengths and talents, wanting to be praised is not a bad thing. If, however, we need other's compliments to let us know we are doing the right thing, we have a problem. In the first instance, we are aware of our reality, and desire others to appreciate us. In the second instance, we expect others to praise us because we have no self-worth. There’s a fine line between needing and being needy. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the later.

My suggestion, when you start to being needy, needing the praise and pat on the back, turn to service. Try starting to help others. You’ll get to a point in your sobriety where you don’t need to protect your quit as much as you used to, but you still have to do the things to maintain your quit. Helping others is a great way to do this. Remember when you are helping others, you are helping yourself!

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