Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

Hi Lex & Beaches1! I just try to jot down what sobriety means to me, how it affects my thoughts and actions in everyday life in the hopes that it may help someone who is on the same journey, the journey to sobriety.

It’s been a while since I posted but it’s been a busy week with long hours. I don’t like to spend too much time on the forums while I’m on the job because I feel like it’s “stealing” from my customers. As they say, time is money. I just need to take a few moments in the evening to write out my thoughts instead of procrastinating, and speaking of procrastinating…

I think alcoholics can be the biggest procrastinators, I know I was. I knew had to quit drinking but I always found an excuse to put it off. The wedding is in two weeks, I’m going on that all-inclusive holiday, we’re going out for supper with so and so, we have that birthday party to attend, and on and on and on. So we keep putting our sobriety off. Why? I think it’s because we have self-doubts about our ability to quit drinking. Or we don’t really want to quit, we can’t face the reality of the rest of our lives without a drink or two in it.

Then one day the reality sinks in, we won’t have a very long rest of our life unless we quit! So stop making up excuses, stop looking for that reason to put off your quit. All those things will happen year after year so you just have to accept the fact that you can do all those things without drinking. And you’ll have fun and enjoy doing them sober! I wondered what my second year of sobriety would be like after I got through my first year of 1st times of events without drinking, how would I feel? I use my first year as a tool to let me know I can and did those things without alcohol and I had a great time doing them. It’s time to stop procrastinating and grab the bull by the horns and just git’er done. There’s no better day than today…..

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[Inthesky]

Your absolutely right Cowboy,
I am a procrastinator but also a master of excuses. I was starting to use my excuses as excuses..lol Thank you for the dose of reality and encouragement. :heartbeat:

[Sunbeam]

Good to see you, Beaches. I think you live near me, if I remember correctly.

[abcowboy]

It's interesting how many people think they need “liquid courage” to loosen up and be social. While it certainly increases the quantity of social activities, it decreases the quality. When I would talk to people while drinking, it was difficult to remember what’s been said, stay focused on the stories being told, or read body language. Likewise, I would repeat things I’d said because I couldn’t remember saying them or I was unaware of how a thing I said was interpreted or received. For every person that said I was fun while drinking, I’m sure there are at least a dozen who have less impressive memories of me while drunk.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions and this is a very dangerous double edge sword. On the one hand, your inhibitions are lowered. On other hand, your inhibitions are lowered. Perhaps your inhibitions are keeping you from taking the risk of connection with another person, but they are also keeping you from doing a lot of shit that will make other people lose interest in connecting with you. It is better to select a strategy for overcoming social anxiety than rely on alcohol. This is the long hard way, but it gives you control. Alcohol is a shortcut to overcoming social anxiety but the toll for that road is great indeed.

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[NoraC]

Cowboy, you said you haven't always kept the source for these artcles/blogs you post here. I have the link to the entire article for your last post. I liked the way he referred to the sunglasses. So hope this is helpful. You already posted most of the good points from his article but there was a line in there that hit home......so true for me

I had to have my own awakening on my own terms. Most people will never have their own awakening, but if they do it won’t be because anyone persuaded them.

10 Observations From 2 Years of not Drinking

[abcowboy]

It would take too much time and I’m just too lazy to look up where I got everything in my toolbox, but I should be giving credit where credit is due, so thank you Nora for doing that for me! I’ve just booked marked that site because Ed writes about a lot of things and a lot of it makes sense to me.

It internet is a wonderful thing in many ways, but it can also be a bad thing. I think there is a lot of time wasted because of the internet. I sometimes find myself with extra time and I usually spend it online reading inspirational and motivational things but I can also find myself just wasting time on useless stuff lol. There are so many things like Twitter, Facebook, etc that can eat up so much time without even knowing it. Time can fly by so quickly when you get caught up in worrying or thinking about what other people are saying or doing. I never had an FB account until a little while ago, and I only joined to stay in touch with some sober friends, but all of a sudden my FB account started growing, almost out of control. I rarely post anything there, and it is a good way to stay in touch with family and friends, but I think there are better ways I can spend my free time. I try not to worry about what other people are doing or thinking, and if I need to communicate with them, I’ll use other ways such as email and/or texting, or even the almost extinct telephone call lol.

So when you have some spare time I recommend using it in a way that helps you or others, give back so to speak. That could be MWO, FB, Twitter, etc. but make the most of your free time. Heaven knows we don’t get enough of that in this day and age!

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[NoSugar]

Cowboy, I work in the publication world. Intellectual property is important. Look at all the hullabaloo surrounding Melania Trump's speech last week !

If you don't have the link, maybe you could just give the author's name or the name of the newsletter. At a minimum, use quotation marks. An interested person would then know there's more information available and could do a simple Google search on the words to find the original source if it is online.

Your posts seem to resonate with many people and you're helping all of us with your own words and those of others. Thank you for sharing the peace you've found in your new life. I think it is what we're all looking for.

All the best, NS

[abcowboy]

Good idea NS, if I don't have the direct link, I'll use quotation marks and a different color, thanks!

[NoraC]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR="#000080"]It would take too much time and I’m just too lazy to look up where I got everything in my toolbox, but I should be giving credit where credit is due, so thank you Nora for doing that for me! I’ve just booked marked that site because Ed writes about a lot of things and a lot of it makes sense to me.

Well......to be honest........many, many of your posts come from your 'toolbox'. Which means they were written by someone else. In my opinion, you should at a minimum say I read the following and think you might enjoy or learn something......
Your post above was almost the entire article will with just your own opening sentence. Anyone that dropped by would naturally assume you wrote it.

Putting it in a different color will help. I prefer links because I am the type that likes to drill down into the other links and just keep going. So much good information. It only makes sense to share as much as we can. Who knows what will resonate with someone.

Lots of good information out there for us to share with each other.

[NoraC]

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I do hope that this wasn't directed at me.

[Inthesky]

Hi Cowboy,
Just wanted to say I love your posts! I personally don't care where the information comes from as this is your thread and it helps me to to open my mind to different areas of AL recovery that I wouldn't have thought of yet. In other words it makes me stronger:happy2: please keep on posting, my friend.
Sky

[lloydlady]

Hi ABC! I don't post a lot here or the other forums but I wanted to comment on this discussion. I agree with NoSugar your posts have helped me and a lot of others no matter if they are your words or words you've read somewhere. I do think like you said that you should "give credit where credit is due" and try and mention where you get your topics from, at least tell us the name of the person or website. Anyway I'll continue reading your posts because I get good advice from most of them. Have you and Bubba given any more thought on attending the AA Summer BBQ? I know everyone would love to see you both!

[SnoopyC]

Abcowboy,
I love your posts too, following your journey is very helpful to me. Thanks for all the efforts you make on this thread.

NoraC, loved that link for 10 observations, every word is true!

Have a good one.

[abcowboy]

Thank you for all the replies, I will continue to help and support however I can, I’ll just be a bit more careful when using online resources. We all try to be here for those needing that help and support. I sent you an email LL regarding the picnic.

self-doubt
noun
noun: self-doubt
1. lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities.
(taken from Google dictionary)

I think back to the weeks before I finally quit for good and realized that self-doubt was one of the biggest roadblocks to lasting sobriety. I lacked the confidence in myself that I could do it, I doubted that I would ever get to the point where booze was meaningless to me. And I’m almost sure that most of us had those same thoughts. The question is, how do we build confidence in ourselves? By continued repetition and practice, that’s how. Just like an athlete who trains and practices constantly building confidence in themselves, not to be a winner every time, but to be the best they can be. That’s what I’m doing right now, my sobriety isn’t a contest or an event where there are winners and losers, or where my achievements are greater than others, it’s something that I prove to myself, that I’m the best person I can be. And I do it by repetition and practice, like the phrase we hear so often “rinse and repeat”.

I start each day with a prayer and end each day with a thought of gratitude. I do what I have to during the in between hours to stay sober. I do that every single day until it becomes a natural part of my routine. Everyone of us has the strength and courage to stay sober, we just need to say goodbye to self-doubt and start building our confidence. Just remind yourself that you gave up your power and confidence to your AV so you have the power and confidence to take that power back. Pick today to lock up your AV and throw away the key, pick today to start being the best you can be!

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[abcowboy]

I was sitting relaxing last night after a productive weekend at the farm and thinking about what jobs I have this week. That got me thinking about how long I’ve been in the mechanical trades. I was 15 when I started work for my Uncle, I only went for 3 months during the summer break, then I went back home to finish high school before moving out to Alberta for good. So that was 44 years ago, I’ve been doing what I enjoy doing for 44 years, not many people can say that.

Anyway, my Uncle had this Chrysler station wagon, a big old boat of a car, and there were 2 bumper stickers on the back, remember those “bumper stickers”? Lol, seems like everyone had one or two of them. My Uncle’s were “Easy Does It” and “One Day At A Time”, so much for anonymity eh!

“Easy Does It” means not to get yourself all worked up over things that need getting done, don’t make mountains out of molehills so to speak. But as alcoholics, or recovering alcoholics, we are famous for that. In our own minds we blow things way out of proportion. I think we do that because we just don’t want to do what needs to be done, so we get ourselves convinced that it’s something we just can’t do, or we think we can change everyone and everything to our way of thinking. Of course there are some things that are just going to be out of our control so we need to learn to just let those things go, we can’t change everything and there’s no point trying if it’s not possible. There’s no reason to get ourselves worked up over things that we really don’t have a say in. Easy does it, take it easy, relax, and let it go if you have too. You’ll find your sobriety that much easier and rewarding if you just worry about yourself, take it one day at a time, and let the future unfold as it may……

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