Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

As Bubba and I were talking the other morning, she also asked why I read so much on my two forums, was I getting any benefit from it, or was I just there to help those still suffering. It’s a two-way street I told her, by helping and supporting others, I’m helping and supporting myself. She was worried that by spending so much time on the forums I’d start missing my beer, that it would be okay to have a slip here and there. I told her not to worry, I’m only thinking of ways to help those still struggling, not trying to figure out if I can drink again lol.

In trying to offer help and support, we must always choose our words carefully, especially with the newcomers. One wrong sentence could turn them away from MWO. I have learned over the years to pm someone if I have anything controversial to offer, instead of a thread post that they may take the wrong way, or other members may take the wrong way. And over the past couple of years I’ve known a few newbie’s who have left because of a remark made to them, I know this because we still stay in touch via email. The members who have been around for a while know how to take what they need and leave the rest, but the newcomers haven’t yet learned this. And many of the newcomers don’t know about the “ignore” feature, so I try to give them all the options available so that they stick around and benefit from the years and years of experience of getting and staying sober.

We all came to MWO to get and stay sober, some of us are past the stage of worrying every time we see or read about alcohol, but many are still trying to find their final quit. We all have something to offer, just choose your wording carefully when you offer it….

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[little beagle]

There were times when I first joined MWO that I wasn't sure how to take things other people said. But I was so desperate to quit I just hung in there. I too try to carefully word myself when offering advice.

[abcowboy]

One never knows what the right thing to say little beagle, but saying nothing isn’t always the answer and sometimes it is. We just keep trying, it’s all we can do.

I read this early in my quit, printed it, and have it posted above my desk in the office. I usually read it most mornings as I’m getting ready for work. That is one piece of advice I would give those who are new to recovery, still struggling, or even just need to keep their eye on the prize, if you find something that hits home to you, print it, put it somewhere where you’ll see it, or carry it around with you. I try and remind the newcomers to print their first post on MWO and look at it whenever they think drinking is better than being sober. Something simple such as reading an inspiration can go a long way in keeping you sober…

“Dare to Be”

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can – At all times, Dare to be!

[abcowboy]

Just when does sobriety stop being good? I’m not sure it does, but if it ever happens to me I’ll let you know.

Lots of things I’ve read on MWO over the past couple of days have caused me to wonder about being sober, is it all that it’s cracked up to be? Well, it’s definitely better than the alternative! I get the feeling that a lot of people slip because of this, think that everything will be so much better and simpler if they quit drinking. And it does, but life goes on. A lot of the things we hoped would disappear when we quit drinking did go away, but a lot of them also stayed and we now have to deal with them sober.

There have been more than a few come back to start over once again, and that’s a great thing! You have to keep on trying, never give up! But you also have to take the responsibility for slipping, you did it, no one forced that drink into your hands. And we like to think of the reasons we return to drinking as excuses, and in a way they are, but we made those excuses up, no one did it for us.

I know that after a period of AF time we begin to wonder if it’s all worth it, this being sober didn’t fix my problems like I thought they would. Alcohol didn’t fix them either though, did it. I could go on and on about the many reasons for being sober, I can only think of one reason for drinking; escaping life and my responsibilities. Getting and staying sober is only as good as you make it, you have the choice. See my signature line, it’s all there. You have to enjoy being sober, you have to embrace your sobriety and be grateful for everything that it’s done for you. When you start thinking that being sober isn’t worth all the hard work it takes, come here and tell me why it isn’t worth it, maybe I can convince you otherwise…

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[abcowboy]

It was a long day, worked hard at finishing up this job, have one smaller job to get done then my work board is all cleaned up and I’ll be ready for harvest! Yep, harvest is just around the corner so it’ll be back to farming for me!

As I was working today I was thinking back on all the days that I drank while I worked. Most of the time I work by myself so enjoying a few too many beers during the day wouldn’t be seen by anyone else. I thought of myself as a high functioning drunk. Heck, some days I even thought my work picked up a notch or two after a few beers lol. Who was I kidding! I get a lot more accomplished now without having to run for a cold beer, and make sure it was hidden in case anyone stopped in to check on progress. My work looks good when it’s done, I keep a cleaner, tidier worksite, and I’m more safety conscious. When I was drinking I threw caution to the wind, what was the worst that could happen, fall off a ladder or maybe cut a finger off with the sawzall? Anything minor that happened I’d just patch myself up and carry on.

Times have changed, I now view all those wasted hours as theft from my customers. They were paying me to drink! I didn’t think that back then, but I think it now. And I also have to reconsider my hours when bidding jobs, what used to take me a week I can now get done in 4 days. Save money because I’m not buying beer and get more billable hours in the week. Who said sobriety doesn’t pay!!

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[lloydlady]

Hey ABC, I just wanted to thank you again for talking me down Wednesday night. You're right you can never have enough phone numbers and so glad I used yours instead of drinking. You always seem to know what to say and when to say it. Because of you I'm enjoying my 7 month milestone today! Yippee! I sure wish you'd reconsider and come back to the meetings. I know lots would benefit from your experience. Say hi to Bubba for me.

[abcowboy]

Congrats on your 7 month milestone LL! I didn't do anything special, you had it in your heart not to drink, you just needed a little encouragement! You use my number any time you need to! Did you get a chance to watch the meteor shower? They were spectacular!

[abcowboy]

I used to think I was only allergic to canola blossoms, but I like to think that I have another allergy, alcohol. And I guess I do have physical reactions to it when I consume it, but not in the medical sense. Our daughter-in-law has a real allergy to alcohol, even the slightest bit makes her break out in hives. She’s very careful when she buys anything, making sure it has zero alcohol content. When someone offers her a drink, she politely says no thanks, I’d love to have one with you but I’m allergic to alcohol. No one questions her.

Think of all the people in the world with allergies, milk, flour, nuts, shellfish, chocolate, etc etc. Imagine a child never being able to experience the taste of ice cream, or a chocolate bar? Now imagine what they feel they are missing out on. Our missing out on a drink or two seems pretty mild by comparison. So when you get to thinking about how hard you’re done by for not being able to drink, think of all the children who are allergic to chocolate on Easter Sunday morning. Imagine the tears rolling down their cheeks as their parents try to explain why all the other kids can eat their chocolate bunnies but they can’t. Feel hard done by now? I bet not….

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[abcowboy]

I had a darn good day yesterday considering it was hotter than Hades! Got the perennial patch weeded and looking good, picked a bunch of cucs and tomatoes, and the apple tree is loaded with apples so we picked about 4 dozen so that Bubba can make pies and applesauce. Spent two and a half hours on the riding lawnmower and got the grass all cut as well! Yard is looking pretty good right now, cleaned up and maintenance done as we’re starting harvest in a week!

It was time for some r&r, so I had a shower and Bubba and I sat outside in the shade just talking while we were reading. Then my phone rang and Scot said him and Tyler were going for a horseback ride, did I want to come along? They got over to our place and the three of us saddled up and off we went, it was a beautiful day/evening for a ride. We told Bubba we’d be back around 6:30 or 7 and she invited the other two to join us for supper. We rode for about 3 hours and by the time we had the three horses unsaddled and brushed down, Bubba had the steak and potatoes ready to chow down on.

After we finished eating, I let Bubba visit with the fellas while I did up the dishes. Towards dusk I built a campfire and we all sat around visiting and talking about haying and harvest. Scot and Tyler had a cooler of beer on ice and since they knew I’d quit they didn’t even bother asking if I wanted one, but Tyler did ask if it was okay if they had a couple. Of course I said , hell ya, go on ahead! Bubba was having tea and I was having SanPellegrino. Not once through the evening did I feel I was missing out, and not once did the discussion come around to me not drinking. They both knew why and I think they respected me for it. When they got up to leave I asked if they were okay to drive (they only had 2 miles of gravel road to home) and Scot said no problem.

It sure is nice to have buddies that can be around me and understand that even though they can have a couple, I can’t. No questions, no curiousity, just friendship.
Life can’t get much better than that for an old codger like me….

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[treetops]

Just read you post Cowboy and thats generally these days how i feel with my friends who enjoy some wine while I am with them. there is no pressure to make me drink, no questions about my drinking or not drinking and I dont interfere with their drinking. It has been a bit awkward with people who have not seen me in some years - or it can be awkward if they clearly have a problem with their AL intake. For a while after I quit some kind folk didn't invite me to events where was AL but now they know it doesn't bother me (and my sobriety doesn't bother them) and so I get the invites.
It was much much harder for me to pretend I was sober or a 'social drinker' in the years before I quit. I was irritable and waiting to find an excuse to leave. Now I can relax and just take the event on its own terms and not be dictated to by AL.

[abcowboy]

I couldn't agree more treetops! It's a great feeling when you know longer worry about what other people think of our reasons for not drinking. We'll always get some people who question it, and probably don't understand it, but it's what we feel about ourselves that counts!

[abcowboy]

I see other members worried when they don’t see someone posting everyday. I also get concerned when I see someone who’s struggling not logging in regularly. But the first thing I do is check to see if they’ve been at least logging in and reading. Not everyone has something to say everyday, and some people do. That’s just the nature of individual recovery. Just like people use different means to get sober, they may also have another support outlet that they use. It’s when they leave and don’t return that concerns me the most, so instead of an SOS post on a thread, I pm them to see if there’s anything wrong. Sometimes I get a reply, sometimes I don’t. But I can’t do much else, I reached out and extended my help and support, there’s not much else to do after that.

And maybe the person isn’t getting what they need here. Maybe they’ve exhausted what MWO can offer and have moved on. I think MWO has covered all the bases and has a thread for just about anyone if they want to participate.

I have chatted with a few members who are trying to moderate and have left MWO because of the comments made about people who are trying to moderate. We need to be accepting to those people as well, they are trying to do something that works for them, just like the abstainers are trying to do.

We have to find a place for everyone here, and there’s no reason there can’t be. All you have to do is keep in mind the name of this forum.

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[abcowboy]

I sometimes wonder why it took me so long to realize and admit that I was an alcoholic. Granted, in the last five years of my drinking career it really got out of hand, drinking 12 hours a day, seven days a week, $200 per week on booze. One would think that would be enough to realize that the drinking was more than just a problem, it had turned into an addiction. Then came the 2.5 years of trying to quit. And you’d think after all I’d been through and put my family through that walking away from it would be easy, but it wasn’t. Always an excuse to drown my sorrows, fears, anger, whatever!

And I think what would have changed if I’d quit earlier? For one thing, the relationship between my youngest daughter and I wouldn’t be so strained. Bubba wouldn’t have had to go through all those nights of worry, and arguments, crying herself to sleep. And there’s always the money that would have been saved, but we never think about the money.

Then I remind myself that I can’t change any of that, I can only try and make amends wherever possible, and show by my actions and attitude that the drunken me is dead and buried. And be grateful that I found a quit that sticks, that it is possible, and not just for me but for everyone. They say that good things come to those who wait and I say good things come to those who never give up.

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[abcowboy]

Most anyone who has some sober time in will say the same thing, lots of times you try to drink your worries and problems away only to wake up and find that they are still there the next day. So we just head back to the bottle to keep escaping them. But we really never escape them, only prolong them. Sooner or later we just have to deal with them. And it’s a whole lot better dealing with them sober, or at least it’s a better approach to dealing with them. And sober, we realize that a lot of those worries and/or problems were things we couldn’t do anything about anyway!

Now that I have some sober time in, I can honestly say that I have way less problems and worries than I thought I did! What I considered things I couldn’t deal with unless I had a few beers, weren’t really all that big of a deal, I just made them into things I thought I had to drink over. And really, if you’ve just started out or have a week, month, or more in, think about what circumstances were there the last time you drank. Did drinking help? Did drinking solve them? Or can you say that the outcome wouldn’t have changed whether you drank or not! I’ll bet in most cases it was just your AV convincing you that drinking would help. Next time you think you need to drink over something, think it through, would drinking really help?

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[abcowboy]

I always do a Costco run twice a year, once before seeding and once before harvest, to stock up on supplies. It’s a 2 hour drive to the closest Costco, so that’s why only 2 trips a year, and you don’t want to know what the till tape says each time lol.

So I was in the beverage area picking up Coke, Perrier, and San Pellegrino, and low and behold what do I see???

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Well, well, well, my drink of choice in a true 0% alcohol beer! And available only in Canada they say?? What does that say about us Canucks lol. Did I buy any? No...and for this reason…

I stood in front of the stacks of 24 packs for about 1 minute, then turned and walked away. In that one minute, I realized what sober time really means, and also how cunning alcohol is! My first instinct was to grab a case and try it. My next instinct was to ask myself, why? After 19 months of not drinking, why did I need the taste of beer? And I also knew that I would just be teasing myself, why drink 0% when I could have the real stuff! I know there are lots of people who can drink the NA beverages, but in that minute I stood there looking at the new Budweiser, I knew I was not one of those people. I didn’t drink for the taste, I drank to get drunk! So how long after I started drinking Prohibition Beer would it be before I went back to the real thing? Who knows, maybe never, but I’m not willing to take that chance.

What it all boils down to is time, the more time I spend away from drinking, the stronger my rational voice becomes. And thats what really matters to me….