Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[Lost Soul]

Hi ABC, that sounds like a very trying situation you are in & money worries are very real. I hope Bubba finds a new more rewarding job soon & send a hug to you both x
Your absolutely right, if you have faith you will get through
Take care
LS

[abcowboy]

Well, that little burb, together with the responses to it, thank y’all, and my chat with idef last night, has lifted my spirits! We’re all going to have bad or at least not so good days, and yes, you may get 3 or 4 (or more) in a row, but it’s never the end of the world. And it’s certainly nothing to drink over.

It’s more like recognizing that feeling when it first starts, and put a stop to it right then and there. So why I didn’t do that, I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to feel a bit of self-pity in order to humble myself. For whatever reason, I let those feelings drag me down instead of being my usual cheerful self.

And that got me wondering why I didn’t think of just escaping from the realities of life by drinking? I could only come up with one answer, I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I want to reach out for help and support before I even think of reaching for a drink. Knowing and accepting that alcohol would have only made things worse. I need to heed my own advice and reach out when things seem to be going downhill, not that I’m afraid I’ll drink, but just a bit of a boost to get back on track, back to the right frame of mind! Thanks again everyone for being here for me when I need you most!

[abcowboy]

I went to Edmonton yesterday to do a bit of work for my good friend Rick and his wife Marie. Bubba came along to visit with Marie while Rick and I worked. Of course a trip to Edmonton always involves shopping for Bubba as well lol. When we got to Rick’s, he didn’t look like he was in very good shape, turned out they had a few people over the previous evening and Rick got into a few too many lol. He looked like he was in pain lol. Needless to say, he wasn’t much help with the work, but he tried. Got the work done and Marie set out some lunch but Rick didn’t feel like eating, I wonder why?? Been there done that! There was a marble bundt cake with hot sauce for desert and Marie informed me that the rum and butter sauce was made with real spiced rum, she just thought I should know so that I could make my own decision about having any. I gratefully declined, so she put ice cream on my cake instead!

We got into a discussion about the things that contain alcohol, near beer, etc. and how I felt about them and what it would mean if I inadvertently had something with alcohol in it. I said that I would never knowingly consume or drink anything with alcohol in it, but if it happened by mistake then no harm, no foul. I’m sure a bit of rum and butter sauce wouldn’t have me running to the liquor store. I said that for me, the worst that would be is having to reset my counter, to start at day 1 again. Rick asked why that was so important to people in recovery as he’d heard the same thing from others who had quit drinking. I explained that for me anyway, it took a lot of work to get to where I am today, over 2 years sober, and there is a bit of pride in being able to say that. Starting over would be a huge disappointment, not just to me, but to the people who have supported and helped me. It just wasn’t worth it to have to start over again.

I guess the point to all my rambling is that it’s great to have drinking friends who respect my decision not to drink. To have friends that are considerate enough to help me protect my Day 1 by mentioning things like what’s in the things they cook and serve. Those are the kind of friends that show what true friendship is all about and I’m fortunate enough to have many of those friends in my life….

[mario]

I had a dream the other night folks, I was back drinking, it was so real, In the dream I knew I shouldent be drinking but I thought I could have a few, next day in my dream I was screaming for a drink & shouting at everyone I told yis I couldn't stop and I was also heartbroken that I couldn't say I had so much recovery time . It was horrible , Glad to have woken up clean n sober. Pesky dreams.

[abcowboy]

It’s always said that we have to quit for ourselves, that quitting for someone else rarely ends up successful. I think I agree with that, to a certain extent. I knew that if I didn’t quit, it would kill me, but I also knew that Bubba and my kids could only take so many broken promises. So I think on Valentine’s Day it’s fitting to do a post of my thoughts as to how they relate to my loved ones.

Bubba, what can I say about the love of my life. I don’t know how she put up with me, my drunken words, my drunken promises, all the lies, and never ending heartache, but she did. She stood beside me through all that, and more. I remember asking her why she did it, why she stayed by my side through thick and thin. She told me that she didn’t do it for me, she did it because of a promise she made to my Grandma the first day she met her. She told me that my Grandma asked her to look after me, that I was one of her grandsons that would need looking after the most. How was she able to know that? That sooner or later I would sink to my rock bottom? She did, and she asked Bubba to promise her to look after me, to stand by me, that I was a good man deep inside. So I guess I need to offer my thanks and my love to both Grandma and Bubba, for knowing that I would need help, and sticking by me till the good man in me was finally able to surface.

My kids, they stood by me as well. Our two eldest daughters live in Vancouver and didn’t see the mess I had become in the final years of my drinking, but Adam (our son) kept them informed and told them that I would need all the help and support they could give if I was ever going to be able to get rid of the monkey on my back. And those were the exact words he told me, that I would never be his real dad again until I got rid of it. But he stood by me through the slips and relapses, encouraging me to keep trying, seek whatever help I needed to finally be free. And Ashley, the youngest, how I wish every day that I could take back the words I said to her when I was angry at my ex and took that anger out on my daughter. It’s taken over two years, but I think she has forgiven me a little bit, and we keep working on getting our relationship back to where it was. It will never be the same, but at least we know that there is love between us, and we express that love now.

So yes, I did quit for me, but not just for me. I quit for my wife, my kids, and all my family and friends. They all could see how low I was sinking, hoping that I’d be able to climb out of the hole that I had put myself in. I know for a fact that if they had given up on me, I’d still be drinking, or dead. How can one show how grateful we are for that love and understanding? That’s easy, by staying sober, for ourselves and for them. By becoming the person we were meant to be all along….

[fluff]

How do you just quit?

[abcowboy]

Hi fluff, great to see you again! A bit uncanny though because I was just thinking about you yesterday! How do you just quit? You wake up tomorrow morning and decide that you want to be sober more than you want to drink. Then you go about getting whatever support you need to stick with your quit. I'm not really sure how that works in everyone's case. Some people are forced by the courts, some receive ultimatums, but everyone sooner or later gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. Detox, rehab, counselling, AA, prayer, meditation, support groups, etc. etc. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes. It's not easy for the first little while, but it gets easier and easier. Start with going one day without drinking, then move to 3 days, then to a week, but don't drink. Take it one day at a time, the first day, the 3rd. day, the seventh day, by doing it one day at a time.

The key thing is support, get that wherever you can, and stick with it! Make a list of all the things you regret you did and said while drinking, and look at that list when you feel tempted to drink again. Be grateful for the good things in your life, remembering that better and better things will happen the longer you stay sober. You just quit by never picking up that first drink again, and by embracing a new, sober life. Never give up, everyone can quit drinking and stay quit if they want it bad enough....

[fluff]

I've quit but for short times 3-7 days then back to drinking. Mostly because I was bored. How do you get beyond that? I can't find anything I'm interested in- I'm not the same same person I used to be- I'm now an empty nester- two kids in college- one in Berlin. I'm so sad. My husband doesn't get home till 8pm and I start drinking at 5. I feel totally worthless. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to push back back my drinking an hour a day-till I don't drink anymore- not sure if that will work. I quit my last job 'cause I hated it- and now I'm looking for a new one.I fell down twice and hit my head and then had a brain scan done- everything turned out normal- they say. But I put down the wrong birth date on my last medical record and my left hand has been shaking from time to time. My daughter noticed that before she went to Berlin and grabbed my arm in the store. I really hate what I've done to myself. I want to be normal again.Plus. I've been smelling and tasting odd smells- very weird- but that's starting to go away.

[actiongirl46]

Hi Fluff - I really get being bored. That is a huge trigger for me. I'm only a few weeks in, but having something to look forward to around 9pm has been helpful. Also, something mindless and something that will consume/distract my mind. For me, that is TV. I've also got myself convinced that if I can make it to 9pm I'm good. Little tricks like that.

But the bottom line is it hasn't been easy. I think this time I just really tried to focus and grab on to some will power, certainly a trait that has never been a strength of mine. But, like anything, if you practice something you get better at it. Do I want to be sober more than anything? To be honest, I don't know (sorry Cowboy!). But I do know I do not want my kids seeing me toddle around the house, I do not want to sit through another meeting with a fuzzy head and glazed eyes, I do not want to feel tired all day long until 5pm, I do not want to wake up yet again hating myself, I do not want to wonder what I said or did the night before, I do not want to run the risk of getting into trouble with the law, I do not want to hurt myself by tripping or falling. Most of all, I want my family to have my full and complete presence and self, because they deserve that.

When you think about it, I am at Day 25 the same way I got to Day ????? of abusing AL. One Day At A Time.

You deserve this. As Nora said to me, just grab on and hold tight. I'll try too. :hug:

[mario]

Hi fluff, how hard do you really want to stop drinking, straight away you are knocking yourself back when you say you have no interests, you are bored, No one or nothing is going to come knocking on the door to help you, You yourself have to want to change, really,
This takes hard discisions and work, when we have not got a drink we all went out of the way to make sure we got it, we need to put the same and more amount of time and effort in changing our life's for the better. There is the tool box and nesters thread here that you can check into, The changes come from within and nothing changes if nothing changes.
Said to you with respect fluff, I do know how hard it is.

[satz123]

I've quit but for short times 3-7 days then back to drinking. Mostly because I was bored. How do you get beyond that? I can't find anything I'm interested in- I'm not the same same person I used to be- I'm now an empty nester- two kids in college- one in Berlin. I'm so sad. My husband doesn't get home till 8pm and I start drinking at 5. I feel totally worthless. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to push back back my drinking an hour a day-till I don't drink anymore- not sure if that will work. I quit my last job 'cause I hated it- and now I'm looking for a new one.I fell down twice and hit my head and then had a brain scan done- everything turned out normal- they say. But I put down the wrong birth date on my last medical record and my left hand has been shaking from time to time. My daughter noticed that before she went to Berlin and grabbed my arm in the store. I really hate what I've done to myself. I want to be normal again.Plus. I've been smelling and tasting odd smells- very weird- but that's starting to go away.

Fluff - you could be describing me - 4 years agao - down to the empty nest, shake in the hand & my daughter noticing.
I was drinking daily and like you I posted here. I saw that people my age etc seemed to be living contended sober lives.
I couldn't understand - were they not bored ?
I WANTED their life so much.
Actiongirl's idea of having something to look forward to around 9pm worked for me. Boxsets on TV to just sit & watch.
I started to realise how much I'd been missing - by waltzing aound and using boredom as the reason to drink. I was BORING. I had nothing to add to a conversation because I'd lost interest in current affairs, reading etc.
It took many months, I liken it to a 'penny' dropping very slowly, but I eventually took the plunge and had an AF day.

You sound SO unhappy and I feel for you.
We are over on the Army thread if you want some inspiration........

[abcowboy]

There you have it fluff, see how many people are willing to offer support! And as mario and satz pointed out, there's lots of threads on MWO to get advice, help, and support. The three most active that come to mind are the Steppers, the Army, and the Nest. Why not introduce yourself on them, you'll be amazed how many people are willing to help. We're all in this together, one day at a time...

No worries AG, we all have to do what works for us, and no offense taken. I just know that if you continually think that you're missing out on something by not drinking, you're leaving that drinking door open just a crack... I think you're on the right track this time, 25 and counting, in my books that's gittin'er done!

[NoSugar]

I'm not the same same person I used to be- I'm now an empty nester- two kids in college- one in Berlin. I'm so sad. My husband doesn't get home till 8pm and I start drinking at 5. I feel totally worthless.

Hi, Fluff. I suspect many people here could have written a version of this. I used to have many hobbies, activities, interests, causes, etc. etc. which I gave up slowly over the years as I became addicted. I always had a "good reason" for giving up a certain volunteer activity or quitting a club but they were just excuses -- the fact is, they were interfering with my drinking and because of drinking, I didn't feel well enough to participate anyway. It took A LOT of time to acquire, hide, consume, recover from, and dispose of the evidence of nightly secret drinking.

The good news is, after a time away from alcohol, the real Fluff will have a chance to re-emerge. You might want to again get involved in old interests or maybe some new activities will appeal to you. Recovery doesn't just get you back to where you were. This experience, bad as it is, is a catalyst to growth. You might find you love the Recovered Fluff even more than the person you were before you became addicted. If nothing else, addiction teaches us compassion, empathy, patience, and tolerance.

In the short run, it helps to immerse yourself in something. For some people, that could be exercise or a new skill. I frankly didn't feel up for those at the time but I started learning everything I could about addiction - the biochemistry, physiology, psychology, treatments, etc. etc. As with most topics, the more you learn, the more interesting it becomes. I also spent hours and hours reading on MWO and the many blogs by women I could relate to. It helps to see people like yourself living the life you want. I so wanted to blink my eyes and simply BE JackieClaire, Byrdie, or Lav --- contentedly sober women of around the same age. And guess what? It happens! The days are going to pass one by one and they can either be taking you to the life you want or keeping you where you are, sad and miserable. The path you take is completely up to you.

Just take the leap of faith and realize that you can break the cycle. Once you decide to be free, you are.

xx, NS

[Changes]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I am new to this site and yesterday I came across this thread and the last 8 or so posts that I read of this thread said to me what I needed to hear and to get off my excuse making butt and make the changes. Hence my name I took when I joined today. I have quit so many times before only to fail after a few days or weeks and a month is the most I have ever gone, but that was so long ago I barely remember how it felt.

I am ready. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Obviously what I have done in the past didn't work, so I need to make changes.

This may not be the correct thread to make my first post but I wanted to mention in this thread that it motivated me to join. I will look around and post and join other threads also. Thank you.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Hi Changes. You've definitely come to the right site. You also found the newbies nest roll call which is a really good way of keeping motivated as you see the number of days build.
Every single person on this site has had at least one "day 1" and we know where you're at and how hard things can be right now.
You might want to post in the newbies nest (under the "just starting out" tab...and I think I've just made that clickable too) as well as there are a mix of people there who are at the beginning of this journey and also a number of long-timers who constantly give invaluable advice.

If you look for any post from Byrdlady she has a link in her signature line to the "tool-box" which can be a real help to start with.

If you have any questions or you are going through any physical or mind problems whilst in these early stages then I can almost guarantee that you will not be the first person on here to have the symptom/problem so just post it on the newbies nest and you'll get advice back.

I wish you well on your new journey....just take one day at a time

Tony