Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

On one of the other forums I belong to, a member posted how she almost gave up her months of sobriety because she opened the door in her mind just a crack. She grabbed a cold one from the fridge for her hubby last night and almost thought she could enjoy one herself, but better sense prevailed! After letting the moment pass, she grabbed a SanPellegrino instead, disaster averted! And she attributed that thinking to not checking in on her support system daily. Two things came to mind as I read her post. I’ll deal with the second thing first.

I’ve been asked on all 3 of the forums I belong to why I do what I do. Why do I check in everyday even with 2+ years of sobriety? The biggest reason I do it is to give back, give back the help and support that I got when I was struggling to find my final quit. Just maybe someone will read what I’ve said right when they need it most, or my story will sound so similar to what someone else is going through and they might get the idea that if I quit, they could too! And I’ll tell you, everyone can quit and stay quit if they want it as bad as I did. Also, by checking in each morning, I’m making a commitment to myself, I’ll try and get through the day sober because today is all I have to worry about. I know that if I gave up on my commitment, it wouldn’t be long before I’d start figuring that I could return to being a normal drinker. So by starting the day knowing and telling myself that I just have to get through today without drinking, I’ve planted that sober thought in my head and can fall back on it if needed. Sobriety is something we work towards every single day, not just a hit and miss kind of thing!

Now, as to thinking I could have a cold one then continue being sober tomorrow? Not a chance! I would never stop at just one! I don’t drink for the taste, I don’t drink to be social, I drink for the buzz, I drink to get drunk! So, I could go on a one night drunken binge and then start over tomorrow because I’ve proved to myself I can do it! Or have I? I’ve proved to myself that I can get through today, I’ve proved to myself that I can go 2+ years without drinking, but I haven’t proved to myself that I could quit again if I slipped or relapsed! And I’m just not willing to take that chance……..

[mario]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Another good post there ABcowboy & more knowledgeable & wise words.

I come here to help myself & hopefully by sharing what I have gone through will help others, We show & learn other folks by our examples & we are living proof that our addictions can be beaten .

Re having a cold one, I have well come to the acceptance that I cant drink alcohol or take any mind altering substances, My mind & body are to weak to just have one, I actually never had one, I always drank to get drunk or high. that was my goal. Nowadays I playing on a higher & better level & my goals are much more satisfying .

[abcowboy]

You bring up a good point [MENTION=8463]mario[/MENTION] about having goals! When I was drinking, that was basically my only goal, drinking! Oh sure, I had some sort of future plans, but they were more like dreams, something I just wished for. Then, I had a realistic goal. Get sober! Once I achieved that goal, I could focus on my dreams, turn them into goals, and start working to achieve those goals. I wouldn't be doing that if I was still drinking!

[abcowboy]

Well Mr [MENTION=23772]Administrator[/MENTION] & Ms [MENTION=9640]Forum Manager[/MENTION], you two are just full of surprises! I just saw a new "quote notification" option in the General Settings area, keep up the good work, and thanks for everything you do to make MWO better!

[NoraC]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Thanks [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION] - glad you're checking out the features

[idefineme]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

goals seem to be elusive to me, so this discussion is good! I'm a recent lover of Hip Sobriety and sat in on an hour long talk about addiction. One of the points she makes is about how our sobriety is our #1 goal for now, at least. For me it's always been something that's taken back seat to life in general, so it's nice to hear that it's okay to make it a priority for now. I need to just break it down to easy steps for now. I don't have to be perfect, ever. Break it down. Humility is a great place to start.

[idefineme]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

are you @Ms Forum Manager, [MENTION=9757]NoraC[/MENTION]? that would be awesome!

[NoraC]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[MENTION=22391]idefineme[/MENTION]
No - I just meant I was glad cowboy was pointing the features out to us :thumbsup:

[idefineme]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

so you are not @Ms Forum Manager, [MENTION=9757]NoraC[/MENTION]? Is that a true statement?

[mario]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Hi all, just going back to the goals if I may.

My goals at the very start were just to stop drinking, that was it, I quickly expanded that from daily to weekly to monthly & then my first biggest (for me) test was St Patricks day, That was a huge goal to get over & I did that by having a plan in place just for that day, next goal came my birthday then siblings twin birthdays all huge drinking occasions in my family, Once again I had my plan in place & that worked for me, my next goal was to be clean for a year, And once folks I got that I never looked back, Nowadays my goals are different & my goal is just trying to better my life in all always & help others as best I can, & of course coming here to share what I went through.

[abcowboy]

I think what [MENTION=8463]mario[/MENTION] said was true for me as well [MENTION=22391]idefineme[/MENTION], simple goals like just getting through today, or making it 3 days. I was telling [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION] to try and get through 3 days. Once we have tried and tried many times to quit we know it's one day at a time, but maybe a simple goal is 3 days, then repeat it. A bit more of a challenge, but certainly doable.

It's important to make realistic goals, goals we can achieve, otherwise we set ourselves up for disappointment. I could say that my goal is to retire when I'm 61. The only way to achieve that goal is to win the lottery lol. My goal is to not worry about when I'll retire, my goal is to just have enough to be happy. That's a realistic goal for me. And of course maintaining my quit! lol, but that's another realistic goal....

[NoraC]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

so you are not @Ms Forum Manager, [MENTION=9757]NoraC[/MENTION]? Is that a true statement?

I am not forum manager. I am not administrator. :eek-new:
Like I replied to your PM, I have no idea who the moderators are. But, you can PM them your concerns. They seem very responsive. :happy2:

[abcowboy]

I enjoy when I’m able to respond to members via pm, a more one-on-one type of situation. And I’m going to share a bit of a pm from a member and part of my reply to it…

I'm surprised (sort of) at how many times a day it crosses my mind to drink. Basically I was using it for everything. It was just what I had in my right hand, or very close by at all times.

I think you hit on a key point, realizing just how much and how often we turned to alcohol for help or escape. No matter what happened or what was said, we thought alcohol would help. And I'm not going to lie because at least for me, it did help me escape even though I knew whatever it was would have to be faced sooner or later. Yet, I continued to drink, that's how powerful my addiction was. The hard part for me was finding an alternative to drinking when those situations arose, so I mostly used prayer and gratitude.

A good exercise for everyone, in my opinion, is what my counsellor had me do. She told me to sit down and write down the things that triggered me to drink. Then I was supposed to come up with alternatives to those situations that wouldn’t include drinking. It was a very simple exercise because I didn’t take it serious. I’d about had enough of pro/con, good/bad lists and one more wasn’t going to help. But as a bit of time went by, I understood why she wanted me to do this; to get at the root of my drinking and find ways to handle those triggers without drinking. In some cases, I just couldn’t come up with an alternative, so I figured those would be the times to use prayer and gratitude, or worst case, let go and let God.

When I thought of my triggers, I realized I always reached for the easy way out, escape by alcohol. Why? Because I didn’t want to do the work, I wanted to ignore and escape even for just a few hours. But I never really settled anything, just put it aside until it became a problem again, and then I’d just drink it away again. The real relief is when we can face our problems and fears head on, deal with them, and move on. It didn’t take long before I figured out that drinking was causing a lot of my problems and that by quitting drinking, I have less and less to drink about…

[abcowboy]

Well, that was quite the kerfuffle on Sunday! Good thing we have the new administration and they are acting quickly when problems arise. It seems that they have the situation well in hand and just a few minor things to get sorted out, but MWO will be all the stronger for it!

But what happened Sunday should be a warning for the members who only use MWO as their support system. I’ll say it again, it’s so very important to have a couple of phone numbers, email addresses, or FB contacts from some sober friends so that you’re not left high and dry when you need someone to talk to. So, if you haven’t done that yet, now’s the time to do it!

As with any site problems, we’re bound to lose a few members. Some will find it a good time to bow out. Some won’t be bothered to find out why they can’t log in, and some will look for new or different sources of support. It’s just the way it is… Hopefully everyone will find their way back and become active again, but if they don’t, it’ll be up to those of us that are dedicated to MWO to carry it forward and make it even better than it was.

And also remember, no quitting on your quit eh!!

[NoraC]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

But what happened Sunday should be a warning for the members who only use MWO as their support system. I’ll say it again, it’s so very important to have a couple of phone numbers, email addresses, or FB contacts from some sober friends so that you’re not left high and dry when you need someone to talk to. So, if you haven’t done that yet, now’s the time to do it!

Excellent point - thank you! I am in contact with several members here (very good friends now ). I have other websites and blogs I follow. It did help to know that I still would be able to contact my friends.