Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I have the Sobertool app on my phone that counts my sober days, tells me how much money, on average, I’ve saved by quitting, and gives lots of good help and tips for staying sober. This morning it tells me I have 935 days of sobriety and have saved approximately $14,000.00! That money saved was based on beer prices when I quit. Anyway, at the wedding last week I asked my son and nephew how much beer costs today as I haven’t been in a liquor store since I’ve quit. They both agreed that the average 12 pack is around $22.00! When I quit, I was paying around $15.00 for the same case of beer, and I drank that much most everyday, sometimes a little less, but most often a little more. So, at today’s prices, I would have saved $22,500.00! But like all addictions, the cost is usually not enough to get us to quit, but what a waste of money eh!

So, what does it take to find a quit that sticks? Ask 10 people who have found sobriety and you’ll probably get 10 different answers. But the one thing that will be constant is that we all got sick and tired of being sick and tired. And the reasons that we were sick and tired will be as different why we quit, but the bottom line is that we accepted that we had a problem with alcohol and that we could never pick up another drink. Sounds pretty simple eh, never have another drink, just try putting that into practice! But, the good news is that it can be done. You just have to want to be sober more than you want to drink, if you are, then quitting becomes easier, not instant, but easier.

Will an online forum be the answer for you? Who knows, but I can assure you of this, it will definitely help you. But no one can do it for you, the hard part is up to you. Never quit, don’t let failure at repeated attempts turn you into a loser, let those failures inspire you to try again, to keep trying, that’s what makes us winners!

[abcowboy]

For my friend Mario, I'll remember you with a sadness in my heart on every Jan 13th....

[abcowboy]

As I sit here in the Mazankowski Heart Institute of Alberta waiting for my father-in-law to get his echocardiogram done, I watch people from about 6 years of age to about 90 wearing all sorts of electronic heart monitoring and auto-defibrillating equipment. I always get a bit perturbed when I have to take time off and drive the 2 hour one way trip to take him to his appointments, whether it’s for his heart or his dementia. It’s only after I arrive that I realize how lucky I am. I put my body through the wringer all those years that I drank and yet somehow remained relatively healthy. I took my health and my life for granted, expecting that I’d always be lucky. It wasn’t until I sobered up, and times like today, that I realize how much I took for granted. How easily and quickly my life could've ended by all the risks I took when drunk.

Sobriety doesn’t give us back all those years, but it definitely improves our chances to get it right for the rest of whatever time we have here. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, nothing in life is guaranteed, well, except maybe death, that is a guarantee, but why invite it any sooner than necessary.

I get up in the morning and try not to expect anything extra for the day. I ask and pray that I’ll be safe, that my family and friends will be safe, and that I’ll get home being the same man I was when I left in the morning. Really, what more can we expect from life?

[abcowboy]

I was going to post this in the Café [MENTION=16893]Wildflowers[/MENTION], but because it’s going to be mostly about me and my take on things, I figured I’d better post it on my thread.

Years back when I first figured out that I had a problem, I thought that I’d got myself into this mess, I’d better get myself out of it. I didn’t look into the “science” of alcoholism because I knew if there was a scientific reason why I was an alcoholic, then science would hold the clue as to how I could drink normal again. I wouldn’t be looking for the reason why I drank, but would hold on to false hope that science would find a cure. Who knows, one day it might. But even if it did, I’m almost 100% certain that I would stay a non-drinker. If I got through all this time as a happy AF person, how would being able to drink make me any happier? I didn’t look at the reasons why I drank either, I just knew that I drank “over and at” everything and anybody. I figured that drinking made everything better! I really don’t care why alcohol does what it does to me, all I know is that if I don’t pick up the first drink, alcohol can’t do anything to me. I took back the control that I’d given away.

What God and my counsellor gave me was all I needed. God gives me the strength that I need to get through each day, and my counsellor gave me the understanding that my triggers to drinking all came from an emotion that turned into a thought, nothing more. I let myself get all worked up over something and figured that drinking would either help or make it go away. It didn’t do any of those things. If I could get through my emotions positively, then I wouldn’t have negative thoughts. And it works, change your thoughts, change your life!

I don’t look for answers as to why I can’t drink, I just accept that I can’t. I don’t worry about why other people can drink and I can’t. And I never think about “forever” or “for the rest of my life”, because who knows how long those will be. I can look at tomorrow, or a week or month from now and be fairly comfortable knowing that I won’t drink, but all we really need to concern ourselves with is just today. As the old saying goes “if you just look after the minutes, the hours will look after themselves”.

[Sunbeam]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Cowboy, your last sentence made me think about a saying regarding cleaning windows, "Start with the corners, do them carefully. The middle will take care of itself."

[abcowboy]

The saying “you’re not getting any younger” sure rang true for me this week! I spent the week climbing up and down a ladder all day running water lines, crawling under a mobile home hooking up sewer and water, and digging trenches for the plumbing in a new house and Thursday night my back and hips were starting to complain! This morning I almost had to get Bubba to help me get up from the couch as my back was hurting with any move I made. I consider myself in pretty good shape for a sixty year old, over 40 years of being in a physically demanding trade has kept me that way. So why now am I feeling all these aches and pains?? Two reasons, I’m not getting any younger, and I tortured my body by drinking!

And I’m not talking about the internal organ damage I did, and I’m sure there is some, but the damage I did to muscles, joints, etc because I was too drunk to feel any pain! I can remember falling off a ladder countless times because of alcohol induced loss of balance, I even fell 10 feet down the side of scaffolding because I was drunk and trying to hold on to a can of beer as I climbed!

But we don’t think of any lasting damage done because we were drunk and didn’t feel anything, heck, I thought I was indestructable! I realize it now as all those drunken injuries are starting to catch up to me. I’m sure some of it is just from getting older, but I’ll bet most of it is from drinking.

It’s just one more reason to get sober and stay that way! Your internal organs will appreciate it for sure, and your physical self will thank you in the long run. And the younger you are is even more reason to quit right now, you’re not getting any younger so why not make getting older as pleasant as you can!

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], you sure have been hard on your body over the years! You reminded me of times I fell because I was drunk. No one knows about any of those times because I was either home alone (Mr. D away at a conference - While the cat's away, ......) or it was late at night and I was up drinking after everyone else went to bed. I'm lucky I didn't do anything serious to myself! It sounds like you escaped serious injury, too. It is amazing it didn't dawn on me how serious my drinking problem was. I just thought, "Well, I'll be more careful next time!" I'm so glad for both of us that that is all in the rearview now. Thanks for the reminder. It's always good to remember how bad things really were.

[ssd858]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION] - I try not to worry about the damage I have caused my body.
The sooner we stop feeding ourselves poison the better!
Like [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] I have fallen ... but I think some people saw me!

[catch22]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Hi abc was reading your first post on here very powerful, not sure if anyone remember me. But I though I come back been sober from Jan 2010 to 2013 replase by a flip of a coin was a nightmare, with in one day it was like I lift of from where I start of from was not good. Got help from a friend straight away and been sober every since July 2013. I have come back to give away what I got from mwo, and share my experience strength & hope.
I still take this very serious, & keep it in the 24hour, a day.
I enjoy being sober it a good life and am grateful for that. I deal with my ups & downs & feel my pain & get through it without picking up a drink.
Keep safe all
Catch22 xx

[abcowboy]

Great to have you here (back) [MENTION=9531]catch22[/MENTION]!

[abcowboy]

Well, the beer clouds rolled in last night so I’m getting a day break from farming and back at home for one night..

Anyway, as far as me being here and my kind of tough love in regards to slips. I think that the true newbie, the person who finally realizes they have to quit, needs a bit of tender love in the beginning, extra encouragement to help them get some sober time in. But when you go years without being able to manage any long term sobriety, something has to change. I know for me, if I could string together a few weeks, or even months, if I slipped then those around me would give me a pat on the back, tell me that I’m doing good, and hopefully forget all about the slip I had after I spent some more time sober. But that’s a never-ending cycle. So, that’s what I try to point out to people, sooner or later your loved ones will just give up on you thinking you’ll never get sober, that you’ll always be a drunk. That doesn’t have to happen to anyone, unfortunately it does, some people will never get sober.

After getting in a few years of sobriety, it’s easy to forget just how hard getting sober is because sobriety becomes the new normal. And all the help and support I try to give comes across like I know it all, and I do know what it takes to get and stay sober, but I can’t tell an active drinker that because they think they know it all. That was me a few years ago, no one could tell me what to do because I had the answers, I knew how to get sober and I’d do it when I thought I was good and ready!

So I try to point out to people that it’ll end up in a never ending cycle of sober, slip, sober, slip unless you reach out for help. I remember back when I talked with my uncle and he told me to phone him if the urge to drink got too strong. And I did that a few times and after a bit of talking on the phone, the urge went away. I also remember a few times that I didn’t call him, I didn’t reach out to anyone, and I ended up drunk again. Why, because I wanted to get drunk again, I wanted everyone to understand that I needed to drink, that my excuse was good enough. That’s how an alcoholic mind works, we convince ourselves that we deserve to drink because our situation is bad (or good) enough that the need to drink through it is okay. It isn’t, nothing is bad enough or good enough that justifies drinking over it.

I can tell you that sobriety gets easier and easier with time. I can tell you that life without alcohol is way better, and I can tell you that you’ll be so much better off once you leave alcohol behind. The thing I can’t do is make you believe it, you have to do that for yourself. And the only way to do that is by staying sober……

So the next time the drinking urge comes along and you think that you have a good enough reason to drink, reach out to someone, anyone, and let them help you through it…..

[catch22]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Very true post abc,
I think our pride or ego get in the way as well to get that help. Also I remember after my slip getting the help a friend took me straight to aa meeting in had money problems & it was not because of alcohol. (Part of me was thinking why have I got money problems now.) Anyway my friend picked me up and took me to the meeting I felt ashame again, all that guilty coming running back inside me. During the meeting I shared I had to, for my own self to let people know that my head was telling me am Not a alcoholic, because I had just one day,, a slip, but everyone was so kind and could related how this illness works. I made some guy that I knew cry because, he could feel the pain I was going through. I felt good after that meeting. The think is alcohol seems to effect my brain inside the head where I just want to go mad or I feel like I have the power to do what I want.
It getting late need my sleep ☺

X catch22 X

[Guitarista]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Love that last post of yours Cowboy. Right on i reckon. thanks.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Great post AB. Thank for your continued support to all on the boards.

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

But that’s a never-ending cycle. So, that’s what I try to point out to people, sooner or later your loved ones will just give up on you thinking you’ll never get sober, that you’ll always be a drunk. That doesn’t have to happen to anyone, unfortunately it does, some people will never get sober.

People always say that you need to want to get sober for yourself. No other motivation will be enough. It can't be because your children want it, your husband wants it, your wife, mother, gf, bf your dog wants it! It has to be because You want it. We all know this to be true. It is true of any goal one aspires to. But wanting it isn't motivation enough somehow. We have to have reasons. Powerful reasons to help keep us on the path. It's a difficult path.

They also say not to worry about what others think of you. That what others think of you doesn't matter. But sometimes, it really does. Because if their perception of you is accurate, it matters. Because our perception of ourselves is often off kilter. Especially when the demon comes calling. Denial.

So, each and every day we need to find that thread. The thread of motivation. It's never in the same place it seems. We have to hunt for it. Today I found mine in [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]'s words above. I hate the word "drunk". But there it is. I have strong feelings about it because sometimes the truth hurts. It does matter what others think of you. Especially when it comes from a place of love.

I don't want people to think of me as a hopeless case. Even more important, I don't want to think of myself that way. Even more important, I don't want it to be so.