Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I started this earlier, then got busy and didn’t get back to finish it. Since I had a short day at work, I figured this would be a good time to git’er done.

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] had a great daily quote earlier this week in the Club & Café. It was about honesty, with ourselves and with others. No sense telling y’all how much we lied to ourselves about our drinking problem, or how many lies we told to others to cover up our drinking problem. But I remember the very first thing my counsellor said to me “I need you to be totally honest with me at all times, otherwise, you’re just wasting my time”. That can be equally as true when it comes to being honest with ourselves. And we started doing that the moment we admitted to ourselves that we had a problem. That was hard enough, now how do we admit that to others? Simple, just tell the truth.

No sense going over how many lies we’ve told to hide our drinking because I’m sure we’ve all told our fair share. And no doubt some of those were as outrageous as some of the ones I’ve told lol. And are all lies harmful? I suppose the bottom line is yes, they are. But sometimes the truth can be more devastating than a “little white lie”, especially when it comes to children. This is my take on it; when I tell a lie to hide something I’ve done, it’s wrong. When I tell a lie to bolster my self-esteem or stroke my ego, it’s wrong. But if I tell a “little white lie” so as not to hurt someone else, is that wrong? I guess it would have to do with the context in telling it. Maybe it’s just better to plead the 5th lol.

What I do know is that my lies have gone the same way as my drinking, done with it all! It’s so refreshing to just tell the truth and not worry about getting caught up in a lie, that’s also happened to me too many times. And when that happens, you lose a bit more trust and respect from the person you told it to. Just not worth it in my book….

[abcowboy]

[abcowboy]

It wasn’t very long ago
When I gave up the booze
I knew if I had one more drink
My life, I’d surely lose.

The first few days weren’t all that bad
No withdrawals like others get
But I knew my mind was playing tricks on me
The cravings would come, I’ll bet.

So I had to figure out a way
To deal with them as they came
I knew one thing was for certain
My life would never be the same.

I had to change the way I lived
And even how I thought
Or I’d just end up drinking again
Something I’d rather not.

I started each morning with a prayer
And prayed throughout the day
To get past the triggers and cravings
Whenever they came my way.

As time went on, it got easier
To turn those thoughts around
I kept telling myself, I don’t drink
And I really liked that sound.

Now booze is just a thing of the past
Just a memory for me
And it’s easy to just say no thanks
When I’m in drinking company

Me and Bud, we were great friends
But that relationship is done
I’ll wake up every morning now
Thinking, look out 4yrs, here I come!

[abcowboy]

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

This is probably going to end up a long, boring post that will only make sense to me lol. But just trying to clear my mind and remind myself why sobriety is great!

When I got home from work today, the first thing I did after I sat down was look up the above poem and read it over a couple of times. This winter has been one of the coldest that I can remember. Since Dec 20th till now I don’t think there’s been more than a dozen days that it got above -20C. And that means furnaces, boilers, and space heaters have been running way more than usual. And when that happens, there are more and more breakdowns. I try and stock the most common components that are likely to fail, but with dozens of heating unit manufacturers now, I can’t stock everything. And that’s what happened today. I had to drive to Edmonton to get a couple of parts for a brand of furnace that I don’t install, much less carry parts for. After driving for 4 hours, I get back to the job only to discover that one of the parts was wrong. I did manage to “MacGyver” it to get heat on, and then find out from my supplier that they don’t have the right control board in Edmonton, it has to come from Calgary. So I had them put it on the bus and will hopefully get it tomorrow afternoon.

As I was driving home I wondered why I ever decided to become a plumber, things are so technical now with all the electronics, and customers expect that I will have everything I need to get their heat running again. Is this what the rest of my life will be like? Seeing the disappointment on their faces or hearing it in their voices when I tell them there’s nothing I can do. Then I realized I was giving it my all, doing everything in my power to solve the problem.

And I feel the same way a lot of times when I log in to MWO and read about slips and relapses, was there something I missed, could of I been of more help? There are times like today when I’d love to escape from everyday life, grab a case of beer and let the world pass me by. And that’s what happens, the world passes us by, the hours we spend drinking can never be recovered. That’s no way to live life. So I think of a poem, an inspirational quote, and have a little chat with the Big Guy, and be grateful knowing I did all I could do.

My oldest daughter laughs at me from time to time because of my new outlook on alcohol. I refuse to consume anything remotely related to alcohol. No liqueur filled chocolates, no rum sauce on my cake and ice cream, no Jack Daniels flavored b-b-que sauce, nothing even hinting at alcohol. It’s part of my sobriety plan and I’m not about to change it. Like the things I mentioned above, it's all a part of my plan and I'm sticking to it, no matter what.

So when you feel like drinking, do like me, remember why it is you’re quitting. Pull out that special poem, repeat that favourite inspirational quote, call a sober friend, and even have a one on one with the Big Guy. We all have it in us to quit and stay quit, it just depends on how bad you want it….

[Marylou123]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Well said [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]. Thank you - love you.

[abcowboy]

As a former charter bus driver, who drove hockey teams all over Alberta and points in B.C. and Saskatchewan, my thoughts and prayers go out to the Humbolt Bronco’s and their bus driver, our worst nightmare come true....

[abcowboy]

Geez, I haven’t been here for a long while, but I wasn’t sure exactly where to post these thoughts, so this is as good as any place to put it. While reading through the various threads this morning, I realized just how great MWO is, and for two reasons. The first is because of the people, some of the best people I’ve come across in my life. And the second reason is what these people have to say and share. No matter how much sober time I get in, some one will say something that will bring me back to the reason I joined MWO, and I will learn something new about myself.

As I was reading through the Café posts this morning, a couple of statements made me pause and ponder,

This is my first sober summer in a very long time, and for some reason the urge to drink seems to go hand in hand with the warm weather.

I too, can put on the rose colored glasses this time of year and think a drink or two on the deck would be grand, but no, no it wouldn't. I have to be careful about romanticizing the drinking.

this problem we all share never really leaves us.

I’ll also admit that there are times when the old AV gives me a nudge, trying to trick me into forgetting just how big of an enemy it really is. It’s pretty easy for me now to just let those thoughts float by, but I also know how nice an ice cold beer would taste after a long, hot day. Funny thing is, it’s been so long that I forget what beer tastes like lol. And there’s no point in refreshing my memory!

The booze did do it’s job for me though when I wanted to relax and escape. It made all my problems disappear for the time I was drunk. But then I’d sober up, the problems and excuses were still there, so I’d get drunk again trying to make them go away forever. What a vicious cycle I got caught up in, it was easier to stay drunk than to deal with life.

And that’s what alcohol does to us, promises us to make all those things we call life disappear, and as long as we stayed drunk, alcohol kept it’s promise to us, until the depression and guilt kicked in! And then alcohol failed us by only making things worse.

So no matter how much drinking helps in the short term, we all know the results of the long term. My new norm on the deck is a good book, and a condensated glass of ice cold iced tea. It only makes one promise, you will enjoy me because I taste every bit as good as the alternative, without the negative side effects!

So no matter how much that AV whispers to you, there’s always a better alternative!

[dill]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Thanks for the great post, [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]. I just wish I had seen it and read it yesterday. Maybe it would have made the difference for me. Still, I gratefully read it today and once again appreciated your honest sharing of your thoughts and experiences.

[southshoregirl]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Thanks abcowboy, I haven't been on this site for a year (not because I didn't like it, lol, I was concentrating on AA) but I remember your thoughtful posts.

[abcowboy]

Well look what the cat dragged in lol, I was just about to ask how you were doing [MENTION=23023]southshoregirl[/MENTION], but then I had a look at your other posts. You’re into your sobriety too deep to give it up now, what’s causing all these drinking urges? If we can get to the bottom of that, we can find something else to help other than drinking!

[southshoregirl]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Well look what the cat dragged in lol, I was just about to ask how you were doing [MENTION=23023]southshoregirl[/MENTION], but then I had a look at your other posts. You’re into your sobriety too deep to give it up now, what’s causing all these drinking urges? If we can get to the bottom of that, we can find something else to help other than drinking!

i guess basically I want a temporary "escape" or "vacation" from life. Not that my life is terrible or anything, but sometimes I just get tired of the everyday pressures of life.

[abcowboy]

I hear you on that one ssg, but we'll always have those days we want to escape from and then the merry-go-round just starts all over again. I'm too lazy to re-type this, so I just copied and pasted it from a post I did in the Nest lol

My next step was to find another way to cope, another way to deal with all life’s problems. And everyone here who has been successful at quitting had to do the same thing, and I’ll bet for each of us, those things are very different. For me it was 3 things; I got back to praying. Maybe not so much praying, but talking to the Big Guy. And not asking Him to cure me, but to help me find my “cure”.

The second thing I did was develop an attitude of gratitude. I always try to find a positive side in every situation, and there is one. We can learn to make the best out of any situation if we choose to live with an attitude of gratitude. If you don’t believe me, just go over to the monthly abs thread and read the joke @Mick posted about the guy that went to hell. My first thought after I finished laughing, here’s a guy that can make the best of a very bad situation!

The third thing I did was start reading again. I love to read, but drinking took over that love, so it was time to take it back. And I found when I read, my mind got absorbed into the story I was reading, and took it off drinking. I was never much into the self-help books, mostly I think because it reminded me of what a loser I had become, and what a failure I was.

And no matter what member you ask about what they did, you’ll get a lot of different answers; listening to podcasts, join AA, read and post here everyday, exercise, get counselling, talk to a mentor, etc, etc. The point is, there is a way out for everyone, but you can’t ever give up trying to find what works for you.

So you see, find something, such as reading, to escape into, anything other than drinking!

[abcowboy]

I'm enjoying a relaxing Saturday morning, just cruising through youtube and watching some music videos and came across this little gem. Take a couple of minutes to watch it, then reflect....

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I want to stay sober. My mind wants to play tricks but I will defeat it. I enjoy being sober too much.

[abcowboy]

My uncle, who is 55 years sober, told me that was the secret to sobriety [MENTION=9396]DriftyAlison0[/MENTION], you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Needing to be sober and wanting to be sober are two entirely different things. Those words have helped me many times when the thought about having a drink crossed my mind. As you said elsewhere, you know you can do this because you've done it before, let the slip be a reminder to you that we have to always be on guard.