Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I don’t know how many of you get over to the Café and Club, but if you don’t, you’re missing out on some excellent daily inspiration quotes. We take weekly turns posting them and one that [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] posted had me thinking for a few days…

If we never go through any valleys how will we know when we've reached a mountain top? How will we know if the mountain is even any good if all our lives we stay up on the mountain and never experience any valleys? I know we'd all like to avoid those "valleys" at all costs, but the most growth for anything happens during adversity.

The first thing that came to my mind was hitting rock bottom and then climbing back up. But as I thought about it a bit more, it reminded me of life, of the ups and downs we experience every day. It does take those valleys to appreciate the mountain top, it does take those tough times to be grateful for the good times, and it does take hitting bottom to crawl out on top again. It does take some sadness to know what happiness is all about.

How boring life would be if we didn’t have something to fight for, to strive for! As we move down into those valleys, we know we can always get to the other side and come out on top if we keep moving ahead, not stay stuck in the valley. I’ve had my share of those valleys, and I manage to make it out the other side each time. I haven’t reached my mountain top yet, I’m still in the foothills, because I know that there is something bigger, something greater, something happier for me if I just keep moving forward. Thanks for reminding me of that Jude!

[abcowboy]

It was definitely a Murphy’s Law work day today, from start to finish! But I got through it and look forward to a better day tomorrow! Was just reading through some of the threads to remind myself how grateful I am that I don’t drink and that I’m not the only one that has bad days, but can get through them sober.

Sorry Pauly, but I stole something you said on another thread because it fits so well with the day I had and it also goes along nicely will the quote [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] had in the Café this morning.

This is actually a really good point,I cruise along in my structure to stay sober but when something upsets my routine I feel uncomfortable and end up drinking,being out of my"comfort zone" derails me,I need to learn how to be sober in any situation,not just the ones I feel comfortable in

We go along day to day things running smoothly and don’t get the crazy urges for a drink, but let one thing upset the applecart and we figure we need something (booze) to relax and get through it. If I was still drinking, I would have been into the beer by 10 this morning and wouldn’t be sitting here typing this, I’d still be drinking. But I worked through the problem this morning, then the next, then the next. Drinking would have just postponed all those problems till tomorrow, with a few extra that I would have created on my own in anger. I would have never thought it possible to get through a Murphy’s Law day without drinking, but I did it!

I remember all those times I tried to quit, only giving up because I figured it was impossible to get through anything without drinking. But the impossible became possible because I never gave up hope that one day I would quit for good. And then that day came, the impossible was conquered.

So the next time you find a situation you don’t think you can get through without drinking, try it, trying doing something other than drinking. Your impossible just might be possible after all. And those small victories, one at a time, will end up with you winning the battle…..

[abcowboy]

I gained a new appreciation for being sober after my recent hospital stay and surgery, and I never really thought about it until the conversation our son Adam and I had. Darcie (daughter-in-law) drove him up to the city to pick me and the car up because Bubba doesn’t drive in Edmonton. On our way back he asked me if at any point did I think of saying no to the surgery, just stitch me up and not worry about the fingers. So a bit about the laceration (big medical term I learned in the hospital lol); I only cut the extensor tendons, the ones that allow you to open your fingers, the flexor tendons are the ones that allow you to close your fingers and they run down the inside of your arm. At any rate, I severed all 9 tendons that run the last 3 fingers, and one tendon going to my thumb. I could still close my thumb though because the tendon that runs the tip was okay, so it was dragging the rest of the thumb with it. My forefinger was fine. At least that’s how the surgeon explained it to me so that I could understand it a bit better.

I guess Darcie said to Adam that it was a good thing I didn’t drink anymore because if I still was, I probably wouldn’t have waited for the surgery. And I must confess, even sober I contemplated that very same thing, I could live life manually opening those three fingers with my left hand as long as I could close them and grip with them. There’s no doubt in my mind that if I was still drinking, I would have never left Vermilion. I would have had the ER doctor here just clean it and stitch me up and then go through life with 3 bum fingers. My left hand was good, I could still wrap it around a can of beer.

Think about that….. I would have been willing to put alcohol above having 3 fingers that worked properly! But, as I’ve said before, I was one of the worst alcoholics there are, alcohol came before anyone and anything! And now you’re thinking, here we go again, Cowboy thinks he knows what he’s talking about! What’s funny is that I thought those same things about the people who got sober before me.

They have no idea what my world is like, what I go through and put up with everyday! If they did, they’d still be drinking too! They need to walk a mile in my shoes! You know what, they did! Just like I walked in your shoes… Granted we all have different troubles, different problems that affect us very differently, but the common denominator for all of us is how we chose to deal with those problems. It’s the nature of an alcoholic to complain and argue, to seek out sympathy and understanding that we need to drink to cope. When in fact, all we were looking for was the permission we wanted to be able to drink. Maybe this only pertained to me, but I think not, I think if we all take a good look within ourselves, they pertain to you as well.

So if you’re here, if you’re reading this, you’ve already made a big step, admitting at least to yourself that you have a problem. The next step is acceptance, accept the fact that you can never drink again. Now you just have to find the faith and hope that you have the courage to beat this thing we call alcoholism. Faith is a funny word, faith in who or what? I’ll let you answer that in your own way, I know what worked for me. But it all starts with you, then find the support you need to carry it through, I know you can because I did, just like so many did before me.

And the funniest thing is “they” did know what they were talking about, even though I didn't want to admit it….

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I really want to be sober. Last night a light turned on and although I did slip once, I have more power now then I did a month ago. I guess not seeing a 1 month anniversary post on me got me down and I slipped. But I have learned from it. I know that in time I will get an anniversary post, and I should not let anything get me to drink ever again.

[abcowboy]

I'll make you a deal [MENTION=9396]DriftyAlison0[/MENTION], you keep saying no when those thoughts turn to drinking, and I'll be there every month to recognize your milestones! Why not join us on the NN Roll Call, let everyone know how your days are adding up! And you're more than welcome to join us in the Café and Club!

I've put you in my Sobriety Calendar so the rest is up to you now... you can do it!

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Thank you and yes I am interested in joining in the NN roll call.

[abcowboy]

A beautiful afternoon in Vermilion today, 23C (78F), sun is shining, a light breeze is blowing. Hank and I are out sitting in the shade under our big spruce tree listening to the 80’s Classic Rock playing a few blocks away on the midway at our annual country fair. I should have been dressed in my finest cowboy gear and standing in the show ring directing the heavy horse teams. I had agreed earlier to be the Ring Master directing the heavy horse teams through their routines while the judging took place. I had to phone and regretfully inform them that I couldn’t do it because of my accident, wouldn’t be much good with one hand if one of the teams went on a runaway. I didn’t even feel like going over there and watching the competition if I couldn’t be involved.

How easy it would be to run down and grab a case of beer and drink away my feeling sorry for myself. But I know better, the best thing for me is exactly what I’m doing, relaxing with my buddy, drinking an ice cold Coke, and knowing there’s always next year. I might not have a next year if that case of Budweiser was sitting beside me….

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

I know that this train need to stop. I am enjoying today and drinking will not bring anything but agony. I am glad that I am finally seeing AL for what it is after forgetting about it. Now I know AL does not help anything but it hurts me.

[abcowboy]

You’re the engineer Alison, but I’ll be right beside you as your conductor!

[abcowboy]

I did something today that I haven’t done in over three and a half years, I went into my old liquor store and bought booze! But, it wasn’t for me lol. My helper and I finished up the plumbing fixture change-out in the ball diamond washrooms and there were all the old fixtures as well as numerous cardboard boxes, etc. that had to be loaded and hauled to the dump. Since I wasn’t able to help Mark load it all into the back of my truck, I called the Village Foreman and within 15 minutes they were over there with a bobcat and box truck and had everything loaded and gone in half an hour! I remembered back a few years, and like most shops, they have a few shots on Friday after work, and there were more than a few Friday's that I joined them. So I stopped at the Co-op and bought them donuts for their afternoon coffee break, and then over to the Liquor Store for a small bottle of whiskey to be shared between the 4 of them Friday after work. They were quite surprised and happy, saying they don’t mind doing things for me because I appreciate it, not expect it.

Being in the store was just like going for groceries, all that booze surrounding me and I didn’t bother looking at anything, just grabbed what I was in there for and headed to the till. The owner, Debbie, was shocked to see me walk up to the till and asked if I was drinking again. I told her no, it was for the Village boys, and she reached over the counter, gave me a hug, said this one’s on the house now get out of here before I start crying! That’s what being sober, and not hiding it or being ashamed of it, is all about.

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

Great for you. I know that the booze is not for me its going to be easier on me once I get the time in. For now I need to consecrate on me. I ran into the booze isle at a store but I just said eww the gross isle to myself and moved on before the cravings could kick in. Now I get to go to bed tonight sober.

[abcowboy]

I was watching the PGA Championship on tv yesterday and I noticed something strange, not one of the 80 golfers, nor their caddies, had a beer in their hand! You mean it’s possible to golf without drinking??

I’ve been thinking lately that I have to find something to do in my spare time other than reading or watching the tube. As I was watching the golf it got me to thinking I should get back to golfing again. I used to be a decent golfer, and curler for that matter. Golfed in the summer and curled in the winter. But I quit doing both when I decided to get sober, knew that both those sports would be a big trigger for me, and I had more than enough triggers to deal with without adding more.

Golfing is pretty much an individual sport, you play against yourself. I think I would start out just early morning golfing, play a round or two by myself a couple times a week till I got my game back. Stay away from men’s night or tournaments till I get back into the swing of things lol. Golfing used to be a drinking game for me, never worried about my score, just wondered when the beer cart would get back around to me. I wonder if my game would improve if alcohol isn’t involved…

The same for curling, but that’s a team sport. Might have to talk to sonny boy and see if he’s interested in putting a team together for this winter. I’m pretty sure I can stay away from the booze and just enjoy the game.

Now that I’m feeling quite comfortable in my quit, it’s time to start getting back into the things I enjoyed doing, minus the booze of course. If the pro golfers and curlers can do it without drinking, why can’t I... Golfing is out for this year with my bum arm, but curling season is just around the corner……

[abcowboy]

I’m not much of a “bells and whistles” kinda guy, but since getting my subscriber status there are a few “extras” available to me that I find worthwhile.

The one I find the most interesting is the daily list of members that log in and post in a 24 hour period, and the daily list of members who log in and not post. It varies a bit day to day, but I’m going to say the average number of members who log in everyday is around 50, and the average number of members who post everyday is around 35. And the funny thing is, it seems to be the same members who do the same thing each day. And those lists don’t include the members who log in anonymously. So let’s take a look at that….

15 members log in almost daily, but don’t post….interesting… There could be many reasons for this, I know I don’t post on a lot of the threads because I don’t have anything to add, or what I want to say has already been said. But if we all do that, MWO would become a ghost town. I’m not going to name names, or point anyone out, but it seems to me we all have something valuable to contribute. I’ve said it time and time again, you just never know when one thing you say may help someone in a way they need it most.

So if the “lists” are accurate, that means we have about 35 active members, I’d like to see that go to 50 and beyond. MWO is ours, each and everyone of us make it what it is, so let’s make it busy again!

[abcowboy]

Well, it’s been a roller coaster of a week for me, 2 very early mornings to get to the city for early appointments that were both actually great news. Fingers and arm are progressing better than expected, so now comes the slow, painful work on getting mobility back in my wrist. Thankfully the physiotherapist figured that running the buttons and hydro stick in the combine would be good therapy all around. My new glasses came in Wednesday and picked them up when we got back from the city, only had to spend $700 for them.

Went for my hearing test and assessment this morning, and as I suspected, I need hearing aids. Then came the decision on how much to spend, who knew how many models and options were available in a hearing aid!! The price range was from $2000 to $8000 depending on the model and options. I ended up going about mid-range, $4950. Rechargeable style with auto volume level, adapted to reduce and mask my tinnitus, and a cell phone adapter. Go next Friday to pick them up and have final fitting done.

Hank’s follow-up appointment with the vet was this afternoon. The meds he was on worked perfectly and the fungal/bacterial infection between his toes is all cleared up! His thyroid range came back normal, so it seems his medication for that is spot on. With all the appointments, tests, and meds, the bill has just about hit the $1500 mark. Then came the bad news. His lipoma has grown so big (the vet estimated it to be 12 – 15 lbs) that it’s pressing on the nerve pack to his back legs and that’s what’s causing the shaking/quivering. It’s also squeezing shut his femoral artery in his leg next to the lipoma and that’s why he’s losing control of that leg. Two options were available to us, leave well enough alone and then have him put down when he loses complete control of his hind end, or have the lipoma surgically removed. He would have the surgery one day, and a “tube” put in to drain any fluid build up after the surgery. He would stay in the vet hospital for three more days for pain relief, observation, and removal of the drain tube. Then he could come home. They did a full blood work-up to see if he was able to handle the surgery and after a 20 minute wait, the results came back that he was in excellent condition to have the surgery and could expect a full recovery in 2 -3 weeks. The vet figured with surgery, hospital stay, antibiotics, and follow ups, the costs would run between $1500 to $2000. My buddy goes under the knife on Monday, and the kid’s inheritance just dropped lol.

Needless to say with me working very little for the past 6 weeks all these costs, along with fuel and parking for my appointments, is putting a bit of a strain on our finances. The good news is, Hank and I should enjoy full recoveries and have a few more years to spend together, and the costs aren’t about to take the roof from over our heads. It’s only money after all….

[Quit wining]

Re: Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

You’re right Cowboy, it’s only money.

Think of how much money you haven’t wasted by pouring it down your throat though. And the improvement to your quality of life will be huge. Good vision and hearing is so important. And returning Hank to good health, how can you put a price on that, especially when you consider how much dogs contribute to our well being? In my opinion you’re making all the right choices.

At least your eyeglasses and hearing aids expenses should be deductible come income tax time. I was stunned at the difference my hearing aid made. Driving home from picking up my hearing aid I heard my left turn indicator for the first time.

I joke every time we travel or make a major expenditure that we’re spending our kids inheritance! They don’t seem to mind though as they’d rather see us happy and healthy.

Hope all goes well for Hank. Great news that your rehab is proceeding nicely!

QW