My Way Out members

[NoraC]

I was thinking again today about how MWO is these days. I’m not here to discuss the why things have changed. Whether it is marketing, search engines, administration, fighting – the point is that things are different.

I don’t want to wake up one day and find that MWO is gone and regret that I never said this. So, I am saying this now.

THANK YOU ALL

I started thinking of people here that mean so much to me. The Steppers, The Army, The Nest, The Roll Call, the Abstainers, the Moderators. Many of the dear Undies are gone and we can see all of our threads slowing down. So, I am saying thank you right now.
Many of you don't even know that I read your posts and learn so much since I might not be saying thank you. Quite often there has been a post that resonated with me. Maybe it was from someone asking for help and I could see myself in them. Maybe it was the person answering. But, these got tucked away into my personal toolbox.
I am so grateful for you. You have stuck with me thru all of my battles and always told me I could do it. You have been my cheerleaders. I am proud that you have finally seen me get to this point.

I know that this is rambling but the good thoughts are here :thanks::hugesmile:

[NoSugar]

What a nice note for you to write, Nora. I also appreciate the threads (people!) of MWO and am so grateful that I found the site when I did, when it was a very active, supportive place. I hope there are other forums like the "old" MWO that can help scared and desperate people find their way out of addiction, without mandatory rules or judgement but with the tools and support we all seem to need. My dream is that a change in management or some other miracle allows MWO to become again what it once was. But in any case, many of us are so fortunate it was here for us - we were here for one another - at just the right time. xx, NS

PS: I am thrilled to see what you've accomplished, Nora!

[Matt M.]

Such a nice post Nora.
I too have been wondering and worrying a bit about the this site. I just commented in the nest how quiet it has been.
I really hope things can turn around , but I'll be here till they pull the plug

[treetops]

Oh dear I hope this is not a eulogy or obituary. I also want to chip in and say that I owe part of my recovery and sobriety to MWO. I first joined in April 2012, was welcomed but didn't post much. After seeing a lot of different experts and tying different options at home, I came back to MWO, determined to be abstinent - that was around Oct 2012. I recall, (I think K9 suggesting) that because I was so certain that I wanted abstinence as my way out, that I jump straight into the Daily Abs thread. It was hard at first because I didn't know a group of people who seemed so familiar with each other, and also the time differences (I live in New Zealand) meant that I often came on-line when no one was there. However I was warmly welcomed and supported on that thread. I also liked the fact that it was not just dominated by people from the US (sorry folks but as someone from outside the US - I wanted a more international flavor). Later I gravitated to the Gloamers and we have had some great exchanges. I really appreciated that most people on MWO were not pushing AA or a religious bent - and it seemed to embrace different options, including meds. If it had been rigid or judgmental or overly moralistic, I would not have stayed. Anwyay I have have had some great conversations and support over the years, and I hope that sometimes I have been able to be supportive of newbies and long-timers. I sound as if this is a swan-song but it ain't - just a stock-take. I hope MWO trundles along - partly for selfish reasons but also because I think we have support and help to offer those who suffer from the infliction of AL abuse and addiction.

[Mick]

hi tt..I had just read this fred...(sheer poetry)and you werent there ...so the keys mustve been pounding as I was reading...like you I hope,and yet dont think this is an eulogy for mwo....like you I owe recovery to people that I know and met on here,and like you I didnt realise that al was a bigger issue through out the world...what the problem with mwo is ..I dont know..actually I do...people arent posting like they did previously...the reasons why..I dont know..a few do spring to mind,tho I may be wrong...here is my potted version...please jump in..

Lack of direction and ownership of the site ..no one knows who is doing what how why and where!

The site isnt as widely publicised as it could /should be..judging by the minimal number of support sites for such a world wide problem..it shoud be amongst the top..there are members on here from India Alaska Australia ,UK,NZ..

Social media..not so much in the early initial stages,but as time goes on,people do attract to each other for particular reasons.you then get little social groups on social sites,not neccessarily talking about boozing but just interacting..In fairness, social media sites are pretty much more advanced,direct and quicker than a forum..what forums have got is anonymity....

Bickering and in fighting..people wanting to quit see this and immediately ..do nothing except high reverse...debate and discussion is good,but sniping and bickering doe absolutely nothing at all..

the number of threads...appreciate the time zones around the world,and different people using different methods of support to quit,but when you look,there are headings,click on them into the sub groups and so on ..that is a massive frightener for someone who is looking for support...that is assuming that they finally found the site...maybes the number of threads could be downsized ..(in todays current terminology for chopping!) for instance and thats all it is a welcome and newbies thread,and then possibly progressive threads..after all this is about changing lifestyles for keeps not target achievement...I was talking to a very good friend yesterday about this..maybe we need to look at why we post too and what we want out of it..we all want to quit to start with but then what ..is it a social thing,or a "comfort blanket"ie self support ,helping others...etc

I honestly dont know..what I do know is I have 4 years next month in ...a fact I am very proud of,without being over dramatical,I am not so sure where I would be if I had not got the support I needed in the anonymous cloak I needed to wear at that particular time

[treetops]

Hi Mick. I know when I first came on 4 years ago the number of threads was off-putting, as was the in-house talk of different groups. Having said that, I admit to driveling on about what would seem to be inconsequential matters to someone who is desperate for support. I mean would they give a toss about my bougie plant? It would seem really weird - if you thought this was an AL support group. I am not sure how we can balance all our needs - emergency triage to newcomers, close and tender support for the first few months, and then for those of us with longer AF periods - our need for checking in and knowing we are part of a worldwide community of people with this ghastly problem. I really did worry about how I would go, without checking in - but if I am in a strong space at home, I am OK. But what if I wasn't? That can always happen to anyone for any number of AF years under their belt. Sure, there are other sites - but many of the folks here know our stories and have a sense of our 'styles' of addiction and recovery.
This is a ramble but thought I should respond. You are right, the website is rudderless, and there is no direction or ownership of the site. That lack of direction has been a problem for ages.

[Mick]

tt ...I think you are right..a new comer desperately trying to break the booze issue is concerned about my garden,rabbits yours paulys bougie ,Lavs chickens..not in the slightest and would probably think wtf is this all about..

but if you look at the threads...and where all the "drivel/social chit chat goes on mainly it is after people have quit the newbies..so the format that you are talking about..the close support help etc is already in place..then people move on thru to choice going through whichever door they wish
for me the social chit chat is at times cathartic,but it also makes people aware that ex alkies do and can lead normal lives and it isnt based around hiding in a cupboard away from booze..
it is also an opening for other people to talk and join in too..

the other thing that struck me is the amount of threads that are started,and then just left bimbling along...why do they have to be there..why can they not be deleted when thay pass their sell by..or in fact why are they started in the first place?just a hypothetical example ..I like gardening..so one day I start a thread called..Gardening takes my mind off drinking..then follows a bit of a speil from said me..and a few replies..then someone says yep that works for me only it is hillwalking..so then starts a thread on said subject..Now why in the first place didnt I just write on a general thread gardening takes my mind off drinking ..anyone else feel the same?if there are replies then if I want to continue that convo with someone put it into private messages to them..again only examples but maybe it could be more streamlined in format?

[Lavande]

Thanks for starting this thread Nora & congrats on your success

Here's a few chicken-brained thoughts from me - someone who has been here since early 2009....
I remember Googling 'how to stop drinking' & MWO popped right up. I was scared shitless but sat & looked thru the website & a lot of the threads. It looked confusing but I was willing to join & try my best. I needed social support & understanding from my peers. I did not want or need rules & regulations, lectures, medicines or any of that. Fortunately, I found what I needed.
I just did that same Google search & looked thru the first 15 pages of listings & MWO did not pop up! That's sad because I think MWO still has a lot to offer.

Roberta Jewell was still active & posting on occasion when I joined but disappeared soon after. I think possibly she was having some doubts as to the effectiveness of the program that she initially laid out. She had the research & medical people on board & it seemed like a solid program. The suggestion of an initial 30 day abstinence (detox), hypnosis, dietary supplements, light exercise & mostly a healthy dose of peer support all sounded great. But the plan to learn to moderate did not work out for her & she told us that she decided it was best for her to remain abstinent. That's not to say that it didn't or wouldn't work for someone else. So after all that I believe the MWO program changed & morphed into what it is today.

Everything always seems to come down to money. If there was another individual or a group of people who could provide financial assistance & management services then we wouldn't have to have this conversation I guess.

A program like MWO is great for someone who is motivated & ready to take back control of their lives. It's not something you can force someone to do, they have to be ready to take the necessary steps of joining, stating their intentions & making a good working plan for themselves. One size definitely does not fit all!!

I don't have any real solutions but I do sincerely hope that we can help find a way to keep the ball rolling. So many of us have found success & met our goals. I would love to find a way to keep offering support & suggestions to those who need help!

I am grateful to each & every single one of you!

[Mick]

Lav,thanks for taking the time and trouble to post!as I looked this morning,there were 134 views on this ...and 7 replies....as for your thoughts...they certainly arent hare brained...4 things jump out...commitment form the person wanting to do this,not just a new year resolution kind of job,site promotion, finance for the upkeep and domain use,and the management,maintenance and moderation of the site

1 Commitment..that has got to come from the individual
2 Finance?we dont know what the ads bring in,who owns the domain or in fact anything about it,how much it would cost to put mwo in the limelight again.would subscription be appropriate?I dont mind subscribing....as long as I knew what I was getting for my money and where it was going..are there any other ways?
3 as 2...
4 Management of the site,both the technical and day to day running....havent really got a clue about this part at all!

again like Lav says,I havent got any solutions or quick fix plasters,just simply trying to get it back on track!

[Samstone]

Nora, I appreciate the thought of saying thank you before a possible end. I think we all here feel the same, no matter what our degree of success of sobriety or moderating may be.

Lav, interestingly, the google search for MWO worke 3 years ago, now why that doesn't work is puzzling. Wonder if when the site got re-vamped if somehow things got altered as far as that goes. Techie, where are you?? The switch certainly left a lot of members behind for whatever reason. Before the switch, the spamming was incredible. So at least that got dealt with.

I have to confess that there have been times in the last year here I've thought about dropping out as I feel very redundant in what I say and also I have gotten incredible busy, especially in the summer. But I still feel the need to keep contributing because I don't want to see the site dissolve. Yet to that end, if the site is not serving the folks that really need help, then what is the purpose and if the "owner(s)" of this site are non-existant and not pro-active then how do we get the attention to make "them" aware. If there is no administrative caring what is, then we have no solution; and frankly I understand it when your personal lives are dictating what and where your focus may be.

The mission of this site has helped many people, but I feel quite certain after going to different social functions, that there are plenty more folks out there needing help. I am afraid it boils down to what the powers that be have in mind.

I, too, am grateful for all of you all's friendship and diversity.

Sam

[frances]

Nora, I agree with you so much - MWO has done so much for me and I am incredibly thankful to everyone here!

[spiderwoman]

Like the rest of the other posters on this thread the site has been immensely helpful in keeping me off the booze. Once I joined I no longer felt alone and gave me a sense of responsibility to stay off the vino. I haven't posted too much in the second and third years of the quit but checked in from time to time. I've tried to post a bit more often as I see things shutting down as it would a great pity if the new quitters had no place to go.

In another life, about 11 years ago I used to own and run a food website which my first husband set up for me, he was the technical brain and financial input for it. After his death I found it costly and virtually impossible to get the technical back-up so the site died as I tried my best to keep things running. New blood and more importantly new topics are essential to keep message boards such as these going. There used to be ways to get a site picked up by Google, Ian (my late husband) used to know how to do it so anybody with a bit of technical know how might be able to help.

Money? that always helps as I know that message boards take up a lot of server space but again I'm 11 years out of date. Maybe a one-off subscription would help, just a thought. If enough of the members get active and most importantly stay posting it might just be possible to get back to where MWO was when I joined in 2012.

Sylv

[kronkcarr]

Thanks for this thread. I'm thankful for MWO and the folks that helped me. In December of 1212 I started baclofen and thought I was the only person taking it. A few months later I found MWO and got guidance I needed.

I don't take baclofen anymore due to a side effect and I am sober. I stick around to help others but find the fighting on the meds threads hard to handle. This coupled with the lack of moderation make me less inclined to log in.

Nora, thanks for posting and prompting me to give my thanks.

[Byrdlady]

Nora, I heard about this thread but this is the first time I've seen it!!! Thank you for the discussion!!

I know there may be many 'causes' for the lack of participation, but if we believe what we see about the viewing numbers, there are people who are looking, they just aren't participating. As a SUPPORT forum, we expect those who have gone before us to chime in and offer the easiest route from A to B (and are grateful for it). I have always been active in the Newbie's Nest, so that is my home thread and I check in and try to contribute every day. But I also READ the Daily Abs thread and 'like' various things, but I don't respond. Believe it or not, the posts that I used to put up in the nest each morning would take me 45 minutes or so....by the time I was able to read around, I really needed to get on to my 'day job'!! I think the LIKE and THANK buttons have contributed to the demise of our responses. Don't get me WRONG, I love them, but they have made me lazy! Nothing sparks conversation like conversation! It's EASY to respond when someone raises a point and you have perspective. When we don't get that conversation, we don't have much to work with so it fizzles.

I've said all that to say this: Make it a point to write something! A support forum is a 'give' and 'take', not just a 'take'! If everyone here just reads and never posts, there wouldn't be much to grab on to. A discussion forum can't survive without discussion. I think that is one of the things we are lacking.....we've gotten lazy!

I COULD HAVE read Nora's thoughtful post and hit "liked" and gone on my way thinking 'it's a shame things are slowing down'. BUT we are the lifeblood of MWO, it's our dooty (ehehehe) to bring it back up to speed! Read and POST!!! Edit to add: Case in point, this thread has gotten 194 views and only 13 responses.

I owe my sobriety to MWO. It saved my life. The least I can do is return the favor! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

I LIKE your post, Byrdie :wink:.

I'm pretty sure many of the 'views' and 'guests online' are BOTS, not people seeking help. If you check what threads guests are viewing, you'll see that they often are old, random threads that likely would not be all that useful as guides for quitting.

But that said, I agree that there is a great deal more viewing than posting going on, including by active members. I certainly plead guilty to that. I've realized that I need to stay more actively involved in my sobriety and hope to figure out how to make that work here. 3 posts today is a start, I guess :smile:.