Amends

[MossRose]

Last July, I did the most evil, stupid, lowdown thing I have ever done. I said mean, hurtful things to all of you. My MWO family had never been anything but kind and supportive. It was an undeserved attack. I had gone back to drinking, and had become such an angry person. There is no excuse. It was just an awful thing to do. I regretted it - as drunks always do - and thought I couldn't go any lower. I was wrong. I wallowed in my shame for a long time. Total pity party. I couldn't come back and face everyone. I was too ashamed. Still...being the slow learner that I am... I managed to screw up my life much worse afterwards. After a very painful experience several months later, I realized enough is enough. I finally woke up. Really, Truly, Finally, Woke Up! I wanted a different life. It's been a struggle, but this time it's different. I reached out in real time/real life, publicly confessed, joined an alternative recovery group (AA doesn't resonate with me), and am happily sober. My life still needs improvement but I feel hopeful. I am slowly finding my way back to happiness, and I have moments of true peace, and for now, that is enough for me.

This is a message for my old friends. I know I was a real ass. For those of you who missed it - I don't want to rehash. For those of you who read it - please forgive me. And for all newbies and lurkers, this is a reminder that things can get better, even when you slip, fall, screw up, etc. But one thing I've learned is we can beat this awful addiction. We can learn to navigate life without AL. And best of all, we can learn to forgive ourselves. For me, that begins with apologizing to those I have hurt.

xo,
Moss

[Rusty]

Mossy!:heartbeat: so glad you are back! I missed you! Good job for getting back in the saddle on working to overcome your addiction. You're never hurt me, and I am just so absolutely relieved to see you. Let me know what I can do to support you. Love, Rusty

[MossRose]

Hiya neighbor. I've missed you. Hope all is well in your world.

[actiongirl46]

Hey Mossy, I remember you, not any negative posts though. I am so happy so see you back here and doing well. Welcome back!!

[NoraC]

Glad to see you. :goodjob:

[NoSugar]

Hi, Moss
It is wonderful to hear that you are doing so well!
xx, NS

[Glass Half Empty]

Moss I don't know what you said but I'm sure anyone who read it understands that it came from a place of intense pain at the time.

You were only ever friendly and supportive to me and I admire you even more now for having the courage to apologise for anything you regret.

I'm SO happy to hear you're now in a good place. :heartbeat: :hug:

[paulywogg]

Good to see you Mossy

[MossRose]

Thanks for the kindness. I realize that an apology without action doesn't mean much, so I had to wait until my behavior aligned with my words. That's why I waited so long to come back and post. I needed to know it came from a place of love and truth, and wasn't just me looking for some sort of validation. I realize that some things I may never be able to fix. But with each good day, I realize it's worth trying. While I am not doing a 12-step program, I am trying to live my life according to specific precepts now. One of them is to be cautious of my words. It's a daily practice. Luckily, I am surrounded by many lovely new friends who are helping me stay strong.

It's nice to see familiar faces. I hope everyone is doing well. NS - you were so right. Cutting sugar out of my diet as completely as possible was part of the solution for me. Thanks. Take care all. As always - I am running late for work.

[Sunbeam]

You are a big person to apologize , many people would never visit this site again. As a result You are a new person, stronger in your resolve to stay with your quit. I have no memory of your words, we have only occasionally exchanged conversation. You are now a role model, that is a great contribution.

[abcowboy]

Welcome back MR! I'd love to hear more about your recovery program, how it helped you, what it's all about, and why it's working for you. And I'm sure there are others who would be interested as well!

[SnoopyC]

Mossrose,
I remember you, but not anything negative. So happy you are back and contributing, we need you and your hope and experiences. Please feel free to share. I truly believe that 12 step programs are not the only way out, each of us has to find our particular mix to live the life we want, AF. I recently have been watching my words too, and reminding myself, "if wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care: to whom you speak, of whom you speak and how and when and where." I memorized that as a kid and not sure where it came from, but words to live by for me. I have said some things and felt stupid later, oh, and sober too. So I guess the work on ourselves is ongoing.

[available]

Hi MR and welcome back. It is always lovely to see oldies return to MWO. I am glad you are doing well and we all find our own way out of al hell. Glad it is all working for you. x

[MossRose]

What a lovely way to start the day. It's so good to be welcomed back. I will do my best this time to be helpful, not hurtful.

Cowboy, I will post a new thread about some things I have tried that seem to be working for me. My years of abuse and unmanaged stress took a toll on my body. I had caused some serious damage. That's when I had to make a decision. I couldn't do both - drink and heal my body - so I gave AL the boot. I was tired of suffering. I was tired of causing suffering to those I love. I was just tired. However, every day that I feel healthier and stronger makes me grateful, and the urge to drink lessens. btw, I think of you often. Hope your garden is doing well.

I wish you all a peaceful day.

[abcowboy]

Hey MR, I thought about you and your patio garden as well! Still growing stuff in planters or have you moved? I'd love to read what you're doing for sobriety so that I can maybe pass it on as an alternative method to those still struggling.

No garden this year, we turned it into a flower/shrub garden, but it looks like there'll be another garden next year, I think Bubba misses watching the veggies grow, maybe not the weeding though lol. The greenhouse cucs and tomatoes are coming along great! Should be able to pick the first cucumber next week.

I emailed you a couple times but never heard back, then I lost your email address, so it's great to see you back!

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