One Step at a Time - August 2016

[NoraC]

Welcome to Awesome August!
Let's make this one the best we can.



This is a little bit early but thought that was better than late.

[Glass Half Empty]

Right on time for me! :upsidedown:

Happy August everyone.

[aihfl]

Hello Everyone, busy time on my end. Still sober and going on five months. Just bought a flipped lakefront condo, so that is exciting to once again be a homeowner and be out of the glorified broomcloset I've been living in for the past year. I got it for cash so NO MORTGAGE YAY! Just HOA dues, property taxes, utilities and insurance. Also looking forward to my first real vacation in a looooong time next week to the mountains in northern Georgia. I know many of you dislike Spiritfree for whatever reason, but he very kindly offered to take me goldpanning and hunting for Civil War relics (he knows where skirmishes were fought). It will be nice to get out of Florida's oppressive heat and into fresh mountain air for a week.

Also taking proactive steps toward "housecleaning" and getting toxic people out of my life once and for all, including a toxic ex-girlfriend and my toxically radioactive mother. The last straw came before I knew I would be able to buy a place outright and asked her to cosign a mortgage. It is her perogative to say no, I understand that, but she had to follow it up by belittling me saying that her friends' children who are my age are winding down their first careers, starting their second, and they now help their parents and for me to have to ask her for her help is embarrassing. I didn't ask her for money, just a signature. My therapist asked me if I needed anything from her and I don't as I am once again financially stable. He asked why then have anything to do with her, and I couldn't argue. Her phone number is blocked and her emails are flagged as spam so I don't even see them. I should add that she has been emotionally abusive my entire life, and she was very violently physically abusive when I was a child, so this animosity didn't arise in a vacuum. She is almost 80, and despite lip service that she is trying to own up to her past mistakes, I don't think she actually will. I don't have to let people bring me down anymore.

Anyway, have to head off to work. Just wanted to pop in and let everyone know I'm still alive.

[paulywogg]

Happy August, I'm glad July is over! Lots of pop up triggers that I forgot about but I made it through, Rusty,immature of the coworker for sure and this chick is 65! Just like my mom,they act the same I swear I dunno where their stamina comes from sheesh I can't do that crap anymore, don't want to eitherthink I have Mondayitis hope it passes,Salt lake gets HOT! I think its humid cuz 100 felt like Vegas hot when I used to go up there, safe travels Rusty, Nora,try to ignore the family drama,detach somehow, hope we all have a great day

[Rusty]

Happy Monday, Friends!!!!

Aihfl-GREAT GREAT GREAT to see you!!! Good for you for getting toxic people out of your life!! Wow, to cut off your mother takes courage but yes if she was violent then get her out of your life as she is still emotionally abusive. Congratulations on getting the condo, too!! Woot Woot!! BIG CONGRATS on 5 MONTHS AF!!!:yay:

I am re-evaluating my friendships as well and I may just distance myself from my very closest friends. Yes, they have stuck with me through my drinking (Oh, there were MANY times when they arrived at my house and I was smashed. They never confronted me...just continued to support me and be very kind..even though I would get sarcastic and snotty when drunk). BUT....this is difficult for me...they are also very NEGATIVE people and I want and NEED to be around people who are uplifting. I have distanced myself from them and they wonder why I am doing so.

Hi GLASSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Pauly, I can't believe that co-worker who was smashed is 65!!!! I was thinking she was 22 or 23. Oh yes, so done with that kind of behavior FOR SURE!!! Yup, they have heat warnings here but I found a lake to cool off in after LONG days in a manufacturing plant (doubled up on the deodorant-hahahhah) and the Hampton Inn I am staying at was totally remodeled and is it ever nice. I think I will find the pool refreshing as well.

Happy August 1 everyone!!

[Lizann]

Good morning and happy Augus!

Rusty, I love the sound of that lake swimming! I'm glad you have a nice hotel. Even though you have to work, it sounds lovely. I'm thinking I need a little get away with hubs. Talking about distancing ourselves from negative people that are close to us, I have done the same with a woman that I have been friends with since kindergarten. I'm kind of sad about it, and find myself thinking about it more than I would like. This time, though, I'm sticking to my guns. I just don't need that negativity in my life, furthermore why did I put up with it all these years. Where does one find new friends?

Nora, sorry you got dragged into the family drama. That is not an easy thing to deal with.

Pauly, does that coworker come into work drunk a lot? Kind of embarrassing I would think. I think your right about Kelly's job. Is she seeing someone for the anxiety. She's so young to be dealing with it. I know, I've been there

Aifi your condo sounds lovely! Sounds like the perfect spot. Good for you, you sound like you're in a good spot right now

So our day yesterday was lovely. It was pouring when we left, so instead of bring a lawn chair and a bathing suit I brought a windbreaker and umbrella. By the time we got there it was hot and sunny! My SIL, the one that has been so sick was feeling heaps better. My son in law Dan and CJs bf Joe fit right in. They had a blast! My five year old great nephew had water balloons. Hubby and the guys had the best time. Volleyball in the pool and ladder ball. I was concerned Son in law and bf wouldn't fit in, they so did! Anyway a good time was had by all. Best part that side of the family doesn't serve al. My nephews brought over 1 six pack. Relaxing and fun day. I wish they lived closer. Hubby and I usually do AB workouts together when I'm home, he's too sore today, LOL

Anyway another cloudy rainy day here. We really do need the rain. Hello to all! Have a great Monday!

[SKendall]

Hi all.

Rusty, so glad you had a good time with family. All of those activities sound like so much fun and I'm glad you have a nice hotel to return to. I agree with you on negativity. My last negative person was actually my daughter when I told her about the sale of the house and she told me that I'll never get my 50% of the house. I told her that was the last thing I expected from her and said goodbye. I did receive an apology later.

Nora, so sorry you had all that drama when you should be in a much better environment. Gosh darn family drama. I too am going through stuff, I lost 10 lbs since the accident so my clothes so I put 9 pairs of pants and capri's plus 3 skirts in a box by the garbage area and my friend took them and was delighted. I never thought to ask her because I was awkward about it.

Mama, did you have fun with your family?

aihfl, a new and very exciting chapter for you. There was a period in my life when I had to cut out my mother for her drama and manipulation. Our relationship improved after that.

Pauly, I wish there was a good answer for Kell's anxiety, I really do. Uggh, on the co-worker.

Glassie, happy August to you lovely person.

Lizz, deviled eggs, lol. I've taken them lots of times. Glad you enjoyed your outing.

I've already posted much of this on the abstinence thread but it bears repeating. The buyer is a middle age Japanese lady with 2 waterfront homes in California and one in Japan. So she wanted to buy with contents of home, including plants and garage contents. It's a triple garage and contains the husband's toys incl. table saw, boat. wood chipper, chain saws (2) flyfishing pontoon, some fishing rods, etc. It's clear she has no use for them, but he made a list of all and submitted it with the counter offer which was accepted.

He called Saturday and invited me to raid the pantry and freezer. My friend was delighted because he had wild coho salmon, and we made out well. We started to discuss remaining stuff to divvy up, and it's clear we need a mediator. So I received a call from him when I got home saying he's sacrificed so much and I've and I sacrificed nothing! He has seller's remorse about his toys. As many of you know he had an affair with my friend and I was never allowed back in the house again forcing us to spend our retirement fun on maintaining 2 homes. She stole most of my clothes, including my gorgeous mother of the bride dress. I have had to live in a drug-infested low income, apt. complex. Lots more on this story, but I will get back to now, he wants me to pay 1/2 of his credit card $25,000, which I have never had access to because he says I should because of his sacrifices. Naturally, I am stunned and he gave away a 150 yr. old chest of drawers (mine) and there is not a nail in it. All dove and ----- Joints. I told him he should not have done that and he said, "tough, buy another one".

I haven't answered him, because I'm so incredulous. He threw away a 30 yr. marriage and my access to my home to %$#& my friend and predictably she dumped him.

Thanks for letting me rant.

[Lizann]

Skendall, is not at least a little remorseful? Unbelieveable! Where is he living now and does he need help getting around. He had his legs amputated, if I remember correctly. At some point you'd think he'd get it.

Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a drs. Appt to discuss the results of her MRI on her hip. She has a torn muscle which will require some time to heal and perhaps physical therapy. We are just so relieved it did not require hip replacement:sohappy:

[NoraC]

Definitely mediator. Ridiculous!

[NoraC]

Thank goodness, no hip replacement, Liz.

[SKendall]

Lizz, he had one leg amputated below the knee. I am in admiration of how he gets around, and being an A-type and high achiever he still cooks, cuts the grass on the rider mower, lifts weights, etc. He doesn't do self pity etc.

He is capable of remorse, just not now as we are down to the wire. He is a relapsed Catholic and does have the guilt thing as he was educated in private Catholic schools was an altar boy, etc. Some of his friends have suggested amputation = bad karma regarding his treatment of me, but that is way too heavy for me to accept. I would have never wanted this to happen to him and losing a limb is no small thing. The darn thing just won't heal and I'm his best cheerleader for his recovery and a prosthetic. He is just being a rascal and I'm not going to comply with his request, will look for a mediator, and not even going to raise the subject.

On the positive side, I'm not going to buy another house and travel expensively. One thing I've learned living here is how many refined senior ladies are struggling in this ghetto and their families are far away. So, I'm going to buy a couple of mobile homes that are decent and hold their mortgage on it. The spots in the mobile home parks is about $400/mo, which includes a backyard and a garden and Park Mgr. etc. I am not looking to make any money but helping a couple of these ladies will be very satisfying. I will buy a much more modest home than I'm used to and I think I'll be pretty darned happy.

Pauly, I've been thinking about Kelli and wondered if you've gone thru the pharma route. Lexapro helped me and then after the accident they added wellbutrim. I also make chamomile tea at bedtime and put some powdered theanine in a glass of water and drink that. I was drinking lots of green tea, but with my blood pressure being low, it lowered it further. Satz believes in magnesium morning and evening and I did that until I ran out and still haven't re-purchased! She is more knowledgeable than me. I'll put it on my shopping list. Theanine is a good amino acid that relaxes without sedation and a brain scan of someone who has taken theanine shows the brain waves to be smoothed out but now flat compared to more jagged waves. She may have tried all this, I don't know. Anyway, good luck.

[paulywogg]

SK,she does use "natural calm" a magnesium powder,I tried theanine before and didn't care for it,made me hyper for some reason? I don't think she'll take meds ,her doc gave her xanax before but she didn't like how it made her feelso she tossed it,which is good don't want her developing a habit there,she's tapering off hydrocodone and I think that's why the anxiety is heightened too,I think it's an awesome idea of you buying a couple of mobile homes to help out,some of them are really nice today my head is pounding the shitty air finally hit me plus the barometric pressure is making me feel weird, grrrr,just rain already!

[Lizann]

Theanine? I'm going to give that a try. Pauly, I'm sure the tapering of the oxycodone is causing her anxiety! Hoping this resolves soon.

[ToMyHealth]

My goodness, how do you all keep each other straight? Of course, you have known each other longer than I have so sure that helps.
Welcome back, AG! Hope some answer your question about choosing quit date. It's on my horizon also. Over weekend I purchased on my kindle The 30 Day Sobriety Solution. Thought yest being a Monday and a 1st would have been perfect. This is a book that you read one chapter a day and take some type of action for that day. First chapter says you may not choose today, but think about it, decide, and come up with quit day within the week. I made taco salad for dinner, dh did some pool work, then invited me out to lanai for glass of wine. We had 2, then dinner. No guilt. And, of course, there are the usual excuses......his b.d. Is on the 6th; mine is on the 16th. We all know there is always going to be something.

Started day with 5th week of Couch to 5K run. Still some walking involved but can feel the training effect. Yay! Then hopped on bike & went back to condo neighborhood, lifted weights at Fitness Center and biked back home. Tomorrow is a golf day, and I have to learn how to deal with these women whose every brain wave comes out their mouth. Since it's off season and not so busy, I may insist on my own cart. In fact, I could ask saying not sure if I will play 9 or 18 so better to have my own cart.
Pauly, interesting about your co-worker. I recently found new young lady to cut my hair. She gave me card & wrote off on Thurs & Sun. Last time she cut my hair was a Sunday. Last Fri I called & was told she wouldn't be in until Sunday. Was busy yest so dropped in today. No appts needed for haircuts. She was gone so chose another gal.
SK, you know what they say about guilt, the gift that keeps on giving. That is awesome about the mobile homes. What a kind person you are!
Well, got up at 4:30; it's now 5:30 think I'll start the coffee. Hope everyone has a terrific Tuesday!
TMH

[mama bear]

Hi guys.....I tried to log on yesterday but my internet was wacko. I have not read back, but I skimmed enough to say that I think you are amazing SK. You sound so calm regarding your ex and I admire you for it. And that's sweet of you to buy the mobile homes.
Nora - I will read back and find out what is going on with you.
We had a wonderful time with my family. Saturday dinner was marvelous. We laughed and laughed. My dad was telling us stories I had never heard, and Clay my youngest had Dad laughing so hard he was crying.
Sunday we went on a catamaran to see dolphins. No dolphins were seen, but I spent quality time with my sister and my niece. She is a horrid 16 year old and I had a firm talk with her, but I know she will outgrow this snotty phase.
Off to work.....love you all