One Step at at a Time - September 2016

[aihfl]

Hello everyone, happy Wednesday. Pauly, I saw somewhere it is your birthday so I hope you're having a great day. I'm on a combination of Celexa and Remeron. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since starting the Celexa about six months ago. The Remeron was mostly prescribed as a sedative, but those effects come and go, and sometimes I have to supplement with doxepin. The dose is so low sometimes I wonder if it's really doing anything. Haven't touched the Ativan in several months, but it's there if I need it. Feel better Liz.

I am off to ride my bike to Dollar Tree for a turkey baster. I tried using my espresso maker for the first time in years and I have to manually prime the pump. I don't know if it even came with a priming pump but if it did, it's long gone. I hope this fixes it. I was so looking forward to having a functioning espresso maker.

[abcowboy]

Liz, I don’t think the why is really important, it is to you of course, but you can share if you want. We have all used every excuse in the books to start drinking again, even though we knew drinking wouldn’t help. There is no such thing as “I deserve a drink!”, no matter how bad we think we have it.

What really matters is what you’re going to do when that type of situation arises again. You’re back and that shows you’re not giving up and that’s what's important. You said hub’s and the kids were really disappointed, have them text or email a message to you as to why they were disappointed and why they want a sober wife/mom. Then use those messages the next time you think drinking is more important than they are. Try to change what you’re doing, add something new to your toolbox.

You can beat this, I know you can!

[NoraC]

Pauly - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! :balloons:

[NoraC]

Excuse me, but I'm going to write & post as I go along. Every time that I sit down & think I'll have time for a long post, I get interrupted. I am planning ahead.

aihfl - I want to congratulate you again on how well you are doing! Fantastic and I am so happy for you. And, I hope that you got your espresso maker working.

Mama - hang in there sweetie. Sorry that the job offer was a bust. How is Nana doing? Did hubby enjoy his boys weekend?

[NoraC]

SK - I am so happy for you. I think you will be so much happier being close to Vivian. You have such a special relationship with her. :heartbeat:

Pauly - how are your teeth today? I hope you can get some sleep tonight. What did you do for your big day?

AG - great job on the Nal. I don't envy you with two kids in high school. lol

[NoraC]

Speak of the devil and she appears :lildevil:

Thanks for thinking about me. Sorry - I haven't been very well and couldn't spend more time on the computer than I had to. Seems the Lexapro really doesn't agree with me after all.

How are you feeling now? I am so very sorry that you had such bad effects from it. :hug:

[NoraC]

Techie - that sounds like positive news. I hope that your alternative therapies are very helpful. I think that there are many treatments that are not offered in the actual normal medical field. At least in my own personal experience. Is there a reason that the Stanford treatments are waiting until after the first of the year? Just curious if it was at your request or if their schedule is that delayed. You are in my prayers always.

[NoraC]

Liz - I am sorry that you drank. But, today is a new day. You have been doing fantastic. Do not sell yourself short - you have been doing great. I am really sorry that your family is not happy with you. But, the truth is that nobody is more disappointed than you are in yourself. I KNOW. :hug:

Yesterday wasn't great but you stopped and got right back here. Liz - that is huge. Give yourself a big hug from me to you. :hug:

[NoraC]

Rusty - you are sure busy. Whew! Hard to keep up with you.

Red - I've been thinking about you so much. It is safe to come back, I'm not going to offer anymore advice. :rotlf: Seriously though, I do hope that things start looking up for you soon.

Uhoh - I can tell my time for rambling is up. My family found my hiding spot. And, I am not done! I haven't said hello to everyone yet...........See you all tomorrow

[actiongirl46]

Nora, as always, you make me laugh. I am just not always sure why? But you do! Thank you for your posts.

Liz - everything will be ok. You got this. I know you do. Remember what my therapist said about that voice that says what the heck are you doing?? It's a good voice! it is keeping us safe and you are one of the lucky ones to hear it and have the ability/smarts to pay attention to it. You can do this my friend.

pauly - happy happy birthday!!! I hope you had a great day because you deserve it!! Maybe someone shampooed and styled your hair today?? Mani/pedi??

sorry techie & aihfl, girl stuff . . .

Take care all - AG

[Glass Half Empty]

Liz - you ARE doing well, honey. One bad day isn't a failure compared to all your AF time. You know your family just loves you and wants you to be healthy. Pauly I've been meaning to say the same to you.

SK - Vivian sounds gorgeous. I'm 55 and still not entirely sure what a geologist does. But my son has a degree in evolutionary biology and I have no idea what that is either. :happy2:

Nora - I've halved my dose back to 2.5mg (which is difficult given they're tiny) and after 3 days I'm already starting to feel better. I'll do the same tomorrow and then stop on the weekend when it's safe.

[Lizann]

Good morning all. Family and I discussed my situation and I will go see someone today. Yes they do love me. I seriously feel like I have been carrying g the weight of the world on my shoulders. I will hang my head in shame for a bit and then be ok, I'm sure, I appreciate your kind words, I did reach out to an old friend yesterday who has 4 years sober. I don't want to burden her but perhaps I shall. Let you know how my meeting today goes.
BTW it's my sons birthday today, I will try to make it happy for him.
Have a good one

[Rusty]

Dear Liz-huge hugs coming your way from Chicago. I know you are feeling like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders but it's OTHER people's weight, honey, not yours. I know you've been worried about your BIL and you have some angst about CJ's engagement (Joe's dad is strange, I know). Don't make a mistake I did and take on other people's burdens as your own. It just adds unwanted anxiety, frustration and the feeling of being totally overwhelmed. These are Situations YOU cannot control. All those things were triggers for my drinking and I caved every single time. Please think of yourself right now and what's best for you. We all love you here!

[aihfl]

Liz, I had an outstanding therapist in detox this last and hopefully final time, and I thought I'd just take a moment to share some of the things we worked on. We talked in detail about the relapse process that consists of four distinct stages. They always take place, whether it takes milliseconds, days or weeks: trigger --> thoughts --> craving --> use. You have to find a way to stop yourself at the thoughts stage, because once craving kicks in, the drive to drink is no longer psychological. It becomes biological in much the same way you eat when you're hungry. She taught me grounding and thought stopping techniques (I won't go into detail now but will be happy to if you think it might help you), one I found helpful for the first few months was "snapping;" wearing a rubber band around your wrist and "snapping" yourself back to reality when you find yourself thinking about drinking, and talking to someone. We all know that lack of support is one of the worst things for the newly sober, but so is unstructured time. Do you mind me asking what your support network is like? Are there people you can call when you're feeling bad? This forum is great and all, but making a post and waiting hours for a reply doesn't do when you're thinking about drinking. I hope you have a better day today.

[paulywogg]

Hey all, Liz,you are doing amazing so don't worry about it too much,just learn from it and move on, listen to AG I have a appointment with the dentist this morning and I'm kinda freaking myself out, must stop being such a goddam baby!! I asked g hubs to go with me but he can only follow me up there then head to work, I want to be driven and someone to let me crush their hand while in the chair I'm such a weenie,I know he probably won't do any work on me today,more than likely just x-rays and antibiotics if needed so why am I being so overdramatic?probably just overly tired, I slept awful again, shoot, get me through this day, hope everyone is well back later