One Step at at a Time - September 2016

[paulywogg]

Great post Aihfl

[Rusty]

aihfl-I think your post was the MOST helpful post I have ever seen on MWO. Yes, please explain in detail the grounding and thought-stopping methods your therapist taught you...it would be so helpful for everyone on our thread and people who are struggling and our reading your insightful posts. Thank you for taking the time this morning.

[Jadalina]

Helpful words: newhere, thank you

[aihfl]

Having just moved, I can't find the notebook I kept during my weeklong stay in detox, but I do remember visualization and mindfulness since I employed these a lot the first two or three months:

Visualization - picturing a lever or switch in your mind and imagining yourself moving it from on to off to stop the alcohol thoughts. Have another mental picture ready to think about in place of those thoughts. You may need to change what you are doing to make this switch.

Snapping - wear a rubber band loosely on the wrist. Each time you become aware of alcohol thoughts, snap the band and force yourself to think about another subject. Have a subject that is meaningful and interesting to you.

Mindfulness/relaxation/grounding - inhale deeply and exhale slowly three times. Clear your mind and do your best to be present in the moment. Feel and experience the surface you are sitting on, the smells around you. If you do this with your eyes open, take in your surroundings in detail. Be completely objective and do not let judgment creep into these thoughts. Instead of thinking, "that chair over there is dirty," just think, "there's a chair over there." Mentally describe an everyday activity in great detail like preparing a meal. Say a soothing phrase to yourself (even though I'm over AA, the AA Serenity is still a beautiful prayer, I think). The possibilities are endless.

And again, I can't underscore the importance of being able to actually talk to someone. The best addiction therapist I ever had summed it up the best way possible when she said, "addiction is a disorder of stuck emotions." Just the simple act of talking through your problems with someone else is a great way to get them unstuck.

[mama bear]

Great post aihfl.....really great
and I am sorry I did not respond to your FSU comments...yes, it was a great game, but I fell asleep!!!
Lizz - who are you talking to?? Is this something you want????? I think you are doing great, but we get it and will always support you
Have fun at the dentist Pauly!! tee hee...NOT! I am not making un....a lot of people have a huge fear of the dentist....I have crown that fell off months ago and it's still on my nightstand to be replaced!
Nora - you post like I do..,....oh yeah, btw....then I think of something else :-)
Hubs had a great weekend and slept most of the day Monday from exhaustion and Nana is hanging in there...thanks for asking.
AG, SK, everyone.....love and hugs
Rusty..I loved my high heeled flippers on FB!!

[paulywogg]

Mama,get it fixed asap! I went in and I thought thought it would just be a quick consultation, he decided to yank my tooth so I had to text work I would not be in,they did a full mouth x-Ray and my crown needs to be replaced and I'm scared cuz it's dangerously close to the front, how can I go to work like that? Aihfl,brilliant post,I do an exercise where if I'm having an al thought I picture a big shoe stomping on it,you've pointed out some other great tips,thank you

[Lizann]

Great post aihfl.....really great
and I am sorry I did not respond to your FSU comments...yes, it was a great game, but I fell asleep!!!
Lizz - who are you talking to?? Is this something you want????? I think you are doing great, but we get it and will always support you
Have fun at the dentist Pauly!! tee hee...NOT! I am not making un....a lot of people have a huge fear of the dentist....I have crown that fell off months ago and it's still on my nightstand to be replaced!
Nora - you post like I do..,....oh yeah, btw....then I think of something else :-)
Hubs had a great weekend and slept most of the day Monday from exhaustion and Nana is hanging in there...thanks for asking
AG, SK, everyone.....love and hugs
Rusty..I loved my high heeled flippers on FB!!

No mama, I do not want to do this

[paulywogg]

You can talk to us Liz,is hubs kinda forcing it?

[Lizann]

So may I ask those of you who went to an addiction counselor what I may expect? My son was trying to be helpful, but I'm thinking this is not the one for me. Feeling heeps better this afternoon and it is Marks birthday so off to celebrate in a bit sans al. Thanks so much.

[Rusty]

Dear Liz:heartbeat:I went to a therapist but I didn't last longer than a few sessions: what to expect first off...he/she will ask you how much you drink and how often. Do you have trouble stopping once you start? Has your drinking caused you to black out, injure yourself, etc? I am at work right now so sorry I can't spend more time now. I would be upfront and say what you would like to accomplish. Hugs, dear friend.

[Lizann]

Yes hubs and son are forcing it. The place just really frightened me. I know they want to help and I will, but just not there. Have put a call out to an addiction counselor, but I'll be honest I know nothing about it. I have had counseling in the past but not for this.

[paulywogg]

Liz,when I went the counselor was a really nice guy,former heavy drinker/cocaine user and he was sober over 20 years, I liked that he could relate but he was really heavy duty into AA and kinda demanded that I attend meetings, which I tried for a bit but I don't like the area that they're held in,kinda creepy, anyway that was my experience, I just kinda quit going and dropped off the Big Book he wanted me to read at the front desk one day

[paulywogg]

Liz,not to make light of the drinking but on my last bender,binge,stupidity whatever I call it my hubs was really angry with me too and I understand of course but I still think our husbands should be proud of how much progress that we have made,I was kinda pissed at mine for acting like I'm f*$"&ed up all day every day like in the past ya know?

[aihfl]

What a shitshow this afternoon has been:

1. Our DMV allows you to put in a cellphone number online and reserve a spot "in line." I thought I had gotten in line at the DMV around the corner from me, but somehow I ended up in line 15 miles away in one of the far western suburbs. I didn't know this until I went to the one around the corner from me and didn't see my cellphone number. So, since I was already "in line" I was rushing to the other office and a text came through that I was at the front of the line. AAAARG! At least it came through before I got on the highway and paid any tolls. So, I will have to take a morning or afternoon off and deal with that crap another day.

2. I got the espresso maker working, but the nozzle on the steam jet was clogged so I tried to unscrew it to clean it and snapped it off. I called Krups and the machine hasn't been made in 12 years and they stopped making replacement parts 5 years. But I found a used assembly on eBay. Thank you, internet.

Liz, I had been a problem drinker since around 2007, but remained functional until about 2013, the year of my first alcohol-related hospital visits, and when I first understood I needed to stop. That was also the year I started seeing a psychiatrist for addiction and other mental health issues. In 2014, I went through my first medical detox and rehab after having a withdrawal seizure and almost losing my drivers license. I still didn't stop. In 2015, I had at least five alcohol-related hospital visits, at least two medical detoxes and rehab again. I still didn't stop. By this year, I had given up on stopping. I just didn't think it was possible. I didn't have the wherewithall to actually kill myself, but if I just didn't care if I passed out and never woke back up. I remember telling my mother that I was just never going to be able to stop. I ended up back in the emergency room in March after a fall, and this time they were sick of me at the hospital and wouldn't admit me, referring me to a psychiatric facility that did detoxes and this time, knock on wood, it's stuck. I'll get into why I think it stuck in a minute, but the reason I chose to share all that with you is because I have been through hell. Through all this, I believed the horseshit that the only way to stay sober is to get a sponsor and go to meetings daily. People get sober and stay sober every day without the baggage of 12 step. I believe I am sober today because in my last detox, I FINALLY had a psychiatrist address my depression. On top of that, this facility did not force-feed 12 step. Yes, they brought meetings into the facility, but the therapists, unlike at my two inpatient rehabs, did not try to cram it down our throats. They just stated that if we choose to use it, it is useful to SOME to stay sober. Instead the focus was on cognitive behavioral therapy and addressed what our triggers were and how we could stop our drinking/using thoughts. At this facility, we had to see both the psychiatrist and therapist DAILY, so in my eight day stay, I saw the therapist twice as many times as both my 28 day stays. We did a lot of work. The therapist also stressed that while 12 step might be useful, it shouldn't come at the expense of fellowship with people with common INTERESTS (vs. common PROBLEMS). So while she gently encouraged 12 step, she strongly encouraged getting involved with groups of people who share common interests.

Backtracking a bit, the reason I felt so powerless to stop was that I had been to inpatient rehab TWICE. WTF was my problem? If they didn't stop prior to rehab, didn't people at least stop AFTER rehab??? Around the four month mark, I started reading a book I've mentioned here called "Unbroken Brain: A New Way of Understanding Addiction" and realized I hadn't been really ready to stop. I would tell you I needed to stop, but in hindsight, wasn't really committed to doing what was needed to stay stopped. And part of the process is seeking help. You really can't do it alone. And it's not about not drinking, it's about making wholesale changes to your life and you have to have the help of others to do it. Some people choose to get that help in AA, others don't. I can see in my own case, my own reluctance to get real help was equivalent to a lack of commitment to actually stopping. I'm not saying you should see this therapist or not see this therapist. But you do have to have someone outside your family. And the reason I qualified that statement is that families and the people closest to us are part of our issue. It should be someone/something that's at a bit of a personal distance.

Sorry that this was so long winded. Six months isn't very much time compared to a lot of other people here, but if sharing my hell helps someone, then it wasn't for nothing.

[abcowboy]

Liz, you said you don't want to go to counselling but are being forced by hubs and Mark, what is it you're afraid of? I only went to 3 counselling sessions, 1 hour each for 3 months, it was the best 3 hours I spent in terms of quitting drinking. My counsellor didn't bother with any of my past, just got right to the reasons why I needed alcohol to cope, and it didn't take her long to figure it out. She taught me the 3P's in about an hour, everything we think and do comes from a single thought, it's what we let that thought do to us that gets us into trouble. If a gruff, old redneck like me can see the benefit in counselling, I'll bet someone like you will find it very meaningful. Besides, what have you got to lose, and it might be everything you have to gain..