One Step at at a Time - September 2016

[paulywogg]

Hey all, my last AA meeting I attended was an early, before work meeting and there was this fat guy glaring at me the whole time gave me the creeps! When it was time for the donationbasket to be passed, he held it out to me ,I put in a $1 and he grunted,stared at me then left,when the meeting was over I was walking out and there was a group of women outside smoking I'm guessing waiting for the next meeting as I walked by I heard a young woman talking loud to the lady next to her she said"oh who's this bitch!"about me!,the lady next to her told her to shush,I never returned, I know sometimes Liz and I get shit for not wanting to go to these places, ie,AA and alcohol abuse counselor but you guys gotta understand that while we WANT help,a lot of people who go to these places are court ordered cuz they got in trouble or whatever, they don't want to be there,they HAVE to be hence the bad attitudes and yuckiness,that's all I'll say on it anymore, it's just my humble opinion pissed cuz I'm sick again, I exercise,take vitamins, drink a ton of water, my immune system should be made of steel! Louie was coughing all over me but I figured that I wouldn't get it cuz I just got over a cold,well I was way wrong,I told Kell to switch docs,she never called the antibiotics in on Friday and Kellls only seen her once anyways and didn't like her,change while it's still early I think, hope everyone is well,let's have a great Monday

[NoraC]

Almost lost my shit at work. Trying to hang on with deep breathing and focusing on my Be Happy tattoo on my forearm and what it means to me. Of course you can tell that I was crying because I'm the ugliest crier in the world. And actually I didn't really cry but just enough to look ugly.

[Lizann]

OMG, so much to comment on. Thank you all for your advice and comments.

Pauly, amen sister. I don't to think I'm better than anyone else, but I also don't want to be frightened and uncomfortable either, I continue to seek a therapist. I have found one that seems a good fit, just working out the insurance payment details.

Nora, I'm the ugliest crier and I was right there with you today. Long ugly story but I decided to take some deep breaths and put a smile on my face. I chose to be happy. It eventually kicked in.

I think Mamas sick. She posted on fb.

I'm at lunch outside in a beautiful little garden by a waterfall. Sadly it is time to go back to work. Check back with you later!

[Lizann]

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[NoraC]

What a great attitude Liz. I was not as successful as I usually am though. I try to tell myself that it's only a job but .......

[paulywogg]

Don't be sad Nora we love you

[Glass Half Empty]

Nora I’m so sorry work sucks at the moment. It’s horrible when that happens and we have to spend so much time there. I hope things pick up soon for you.

Liz, if I’m reading your posts correctly the problem is that your husband wants you to see a dedicated addiction therapist, but you’d prefer to see someone more general. Is that right? If so, is there a middle ground? Your system may be very different to ours, but many of our psychologists specialize in a few areas and we can look for someone who has the right combination. For example, when I was looking for a psych a few months ago I knew my anxiety and depression were caused by empty nest syndrome (I was very much like you and fell apart when my kids left home) and things I was carrying around from the past, so I wanted someone who specialized in life transitions and schema therapy. I was able to do a search and find someone who listed those amongst her specialties.

There were many others who had different combinations, some of which included the way those issues manifest themselves, such as substance misuse, without it necessarily being the major focus of the therapy. Instead, they just accept that it might be one of the symptoms of what you’re going through and treat it accordingly. For example one of them said “He has extensive experience working with various psychological concerns that can present at different stages in adulthood, including mood, personality, and anxiety disorders; substance dependence and various other emotional, physical, behavioural, and relationship difficulties.” In other words, substance dependence is just one more issue to be dealt with in the same way any other issue is. Would you be more comfortable with this sort of approach?

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and maybe I’m wrong, but given that you’re able to go for so long without drinking but have the occasional lapse, it seems to me to be more of a symptom for you than the major problem itself at this point. What I mean by that is that most dedicated rehab or addiction programs are designed for someone who is actively drinking on a daily basis and can't stop at all without assistance. That's obviously not your problem, but there are underlying issues that are causing you a lot of pain and contributing to your occasional relapses. Unfortunately, but perhaps understandably, your family can only see what happens on the surface and think that's the problem but can't see the underlying issues that need to be addressed. If you or anyone else thinks I shouldn’t be saying this please let me know and I’ll delete that comment. (I’m not a psych, just a qualified counsellor).

Also, I think the AA concept is ridiculously outdated and inappropriate given the advances in knowledge since its inception. I would never subscribe to any program that tells me I’m powerless over something that is basically nothing more than a chemical compound.

Sorry for the long post!

[Rusty]

Glassie-:heartbeat::heartbeat:That was an absolutely brilliant post and right on! Never apologize for the length of your posts because they always have incredible value. What type of counselling are you qualified in and are you currently practicing?

Liz-Glassie is amazingly insightful and you might want to approach a therapist with this idea:

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and maybe I’m wrong, but given that you’re able to go for so long without drinking but have the occasional lapse, it seems to me to be more of a symptom for you than the major problem itself at this point. What I mean by that is that most dedicated rehab or addiction programs are designed for someone who is actively drinking on a daily basis and can't stop at all without assistance. That's obviously not your problem, but there are underlying issues that are causing you a lot of pain and contributing to your occasional relapses. Unfortunately, but perhaps understandably, your family can only see what happens on the surface and think that's the problem but can't see the underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Liz-I think you might also benefit from couples' therapy. I really think hubs needs to participate. When my aunt finally got sober after 30 years of drinking, part of her rehab was that her husband HAD to go to therapy with her. It changed their lives for the better.

Hello from Omaha...and Pauly, I hope you are feeling better, dear. I thought of you yesterday when I was on the train to get to the airport. There was a woman and her daughter who were going from Vietnam to Portland, ME. The woman had a Hello Kitty backpack that she got in Vietnam that was SO cute, and her daughter bought this gigantic Hello Kitty at the Duty Free shop at O'Hare. I always think of your Hello Kitty Avatar. :-0)

Ugh...work to do before I go to work.

I hope everyone has a great day, and again, Glassie, many thanks for posting this morning. We so love you here!

[Lizann]

OMG glassie, I have tears in my eyes. Yes, exactly. You should be a therapist! You are very insightful and hit the nail right on the head. My family would like me to get help, their suggestion was rehab. I did look into it and it's exactly like you say. I opted for an therapist specializing in addiction and they are all on board. I've thought a lot about it and actually was up during the night and had a rather epiphany if you will about the way I drink. Then I wake up and read your post! Thank you so very much. Please don't ever feel like you shouldn't say something to me, I value your opinions:love:

Rusty thanks for your support as well. I think you are right. I am not sure exactly how but I will see if at some point we can incorporate hubby into this process. He's such a good guy.
Don't work to hard. Just wondering, what is Omaha like? I picture a lot of corn fields.

Have a good day. I love you all:hug:

[Rusty]

Liz, I had tears in my eyes reading Glassie's post, too!!! Your family's suggestion of rehab is probably because that's all they know....just like my family. Traditional, and like Glassie said, OUTDATED AA and rehab. My family swore by it. I also think Glassie hit the nail on the head when she said rehab is for people who are drinking daily and CANNOT quit. This is NOT the case with you. I fear for you that if you went into a traditional rehab you would find MOST people in such worse shape than you that you might say, "I just don't belong here" and leave after two days. I also think you have to be READY to go. I was not ready. I knew, I just knew, that if I had gone to rehab after 28 days I would have stopped at the liquor store on the way home, just like my mom's sister did, THREE times after "graduating" from 90-day rehab stays. It is also VERY hard to find a non-12-step rehab that does not push AA. Just my two cents. We love you here and we will help you all we can. :heartbeat:

[paulywogg]

Hey all, Liz,I'm no expert but I think rehab would be overkill for someone like you, I liked Glassys post, Rusty,I do love hello kitty and miss my avatar but I like my afro in the current one plus hubs' guts hanging out that was a fun Halloween sick of being sick,Louie was all over the damn place last night, hyper as hell!! If I still feel shitty later on in the day I'm gonna have to ask them to have his uncle or other gramma watch him,I HATE doing that but I was almost losing patience with it last night, he was jumping on furniture, throwing toys,trying to punch me,hitting the dogs,thank goodness hubs was here to help! Hello to all and I hope we all have a great day

[NoraC]

:heartbeat:Glassie - LOVED YOUR POST


Mama pulled her back out. Sends her love.
Love right back to you and feel better soon. :hug:

[NoraC]

Hello everyone....

I've been thinking of Techie so much. Positive energy being sent.

Glassie - Your post was so amazing. I'm so glad that I know you. :heartbeat:

Pauly - how you doing? I do love that pic of you & hubs. Was Louie better? He probably had all that stored up energy because he had been sick.

Liz - I am so glad that you are picking something that is helpful for you. I agree with what everyone else has said. I never thought that AA or rehab was what you needed at all.

Rusty - good to hear from you. You have been so busy lately.

Red - I don't know if I ever got around to saying how great it was that you stopped in. I am glad that you are doing better. I used to love going to craft fairs. Enjoy! Oh, the massage actually helped. So, I will be having more of those.

SK - How are you doing? Are you able to start planning the move yet?

aihfl - any new on the condo meeting, etc? Hope you don't start running into problems.

[paulywogg]

Nora,I hope I have that much energy when mine goes away haha,glad the massage helped I used to get a mini-massage at the chiropractor but my favorite doc left I liked him body structure cuz he was sorta burly,not fat but not one of those annoying bony people who torture you when they press down ouch,Mama, I hope you're ok, now how did you throw your back out? Was is the weight of the 44 longs? Haha,hope everyone is having a nice night

[NoraC]

The woman that gave me the massage was a little on the heavier side. She was great. I can't believe that I signed up for that year package but it was the first time I haven't been carrying all that stress up in my neck and my shoulders/shoulder blades in MONTHS. It is starting to tighten up again now. But, wow - it was such a difference. At least with this plan, I'm able to freeze it for a month or so, then use it for a couple months, then freeze it, etc. I am spending money on myself that I can't even believe it but at least it's not on alcohol, right?