October Army 2016

[questeroo]

Hey LC.. It's Sunday, the army 'pondering' day!!



Afternoon questo.. I second what Molly said about reading everything you can. Books, blogs, this entire website, novels even.. Obsess about brainwashing your brain, that's what it boils down to really.. The cravings will pass, it's the way we think about alcohol that we need to rewire.
Not to sounds too weird :eyes: I am also 45 and similar aged kids.. And I work. Plus Not a single person would have guessed the struggle in my head for the last decade (and the rest If I'm honest!). The panic in making sure I had sufficient wine in, the shame of my trolly contents, the hidden bottles under the stairs, hoping not to get caught with gin top ups, the stress of driving to work the next day possibly over the limit.. The list goes and on.. And now it's gone. Freedom.

Get yourself a plan for later and give booze the 2 fingers tonight...

Hey Mary, thanks for posting back. You're quite right too. Lots of good advice here today. I appreciate every word. I plan to eat. That's one of my things... Not eating and drinking instead. Not tonight. I'm gonna make a nice tea, and I may even put a color on my hair. But I will not drink tonight. Xxx

[questeroo]

Just popping in to report that I'm eating home made chicken curry and I'm sober tonight :sohappy:

[starty]

Great stuff Questy! How do you feel in your head?

I second what the others said, I do that now, and that is what I did previously and it worked until I stopped working it. It is so good to be reminded of why we stop. Mine was living in constant fear my liver and kidneys would pack up or be damaged, the money I spent each week to get through the day, the desperation to get home, the sips while waiting for the kettle to boil in the morning, having a drink at lunchtime instead of food, chugging back a handful of pills before I even made coffee, the depression when I wasnt getting the buzz I wanted, the mornings feeling complete shite which lasted all day, the driving around to get pills and booze, the lies, the lack of energy for everything except my addiction, the inability to focus on anything (except said addiction), the guilt at being the way I was, the exhaustion from it constantly going round in my head oh and the dread when the recycle van emptied our bin which was enough to wake the dead

[questeroo]

I go through everything that you mention starry. The constant should I...one won't hurt...I've had a shitty day.. I'm tired...I'm happy.... Ffs I'm sick of my head being full of it. We run random d and a tests at work so I always have a dread in case they turn up and I get caught !! The number of mornings I've driven to work and not known how I've got there and not remembering going to bed the night before. Did I post something stupid on line ? Did I argue with my husband or kids ? What pro.used did I make that I can't keep ? Well, not tonight !! In fact hubs has just said he thought I'd be having a drink tonight...nope. Not tonight. But I feel down. Sad. Have done all day. Surely I should be feeling victorious ? I just know this is going to be a long long road and that scares me. Failure scares me. Commitment scares me. Am I being stupid ?! Xx

[starty]

No you are not being stupid. Change is scary especially when we have done the same thing for years and years. Also it has been your go to thing in times of trouble. It is natural to grieve but once all the shite is out of your system you will start thinking clearly. Give yourself time. That is the greatest gift. Also dont forget Sundays were your big day so you will feel different.

Are you in the UK? Didnt realise they did drug tests. Thank goodness they didnt do them at my work

[questeroo]

Yes I'm in the UK. Its standard in construction which is where I work. Grieving ? Mmm interesting. Well, I've got through today, I'm not sure how but I have. I may even dig my crochet hook out and have a dabble...xx

[questeroo]

Starry how long did it take for your thinking to change ?? Xx

[starty]

Starry how long did it take for your thinking to change ?? Xx

The first time? a few weeks I would say maybe even a month or 2. They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit and so many things are changing in that time. Vigilance is important, watching your actions and thoughts. Crochet would be a great idea. Do stuff you enjoy that you never had time or energy to do while drinking. It really does open a whole new world over time

[questeroo]

21 days feels like forever.... God help me !! I wish I could hibernate and come out in a month !! :egad:

[starty]

21 days feels like forever.... God help me !! I wish I could hibernate and come out in a month !! :egad:

Dont worry about that for a while. Just take it one day at a time. Each morning commit to not drinking that day. Worry about the next tomorrow

[starty]

And dont forget you will have positive changes in the meantime. You are 2 days off arent you? So you are likely still detoxing which is not the best place to be but it DOES get better I promise

[questeroo]

Thanks starty and Molly xx day 3 tomorrow. I'll face that when it arrives. I still feel sad, so I'm going looking for my hooks xx

[Mick]

hi molls n gang youse all ok?

[starty]

Hi Mick and molls. Yes all good here. I have tomorrow off so feeling quite chirpy for a sunday eve. How are you both?

[stirly-girly]

Hey Mary, thanks for posting back. You're quite right too. Lots of good advice here today. I appreciate every word. I plan to eat. That's one of my things... Not eating and drinking instead. Not tonight. I'm gonna make a nice tea, and I may even put a color on my hair. But I will not drink tonight. Xxx

Hiya Ladies!!

Questy - I highlighted the last line in your post for a reason. There used to be a thread here that people posted on every evening and that's what they posted - I will not drink tonight. And that's what helped a lot of them get through the tough times. Being here, being with people who understand, people who have been where you are, people who are where you will be, people who know what you mean because they've gone what you're going through. And that is so important to us alkies because only an alkie can relate to what we say. No one who had not had an addiction can understand us. No matter how much they want to, they just can't. The ODAT thing, a lot of people might scoff at it, but it is true. Just get through today. And before you know it, you'll have a week chalked up and then you're into the double digits and then two weeks and then a month. That's what happened with me. I have to say, I stopped almost by accident. I drank so much every night for so long that I was afraid to go cold turkey because of the withdrawals and then one night I realized that I had only drank half of what I usually did the night before, thought, hey, if I drink only half tonight of what I did last night then that means I'm tapering and won't have withdrawals. A couple of nights later, I knew I could not drink and not worry about the withdrawals and I've been sober ever since. And before I knew it, I was a week sober and then 10 days, then two weeks and the days just kept piling up. I had never counted days before but this time, for the first 6 months at least, I wrote down that number every day in my daily planner and I was just so chuffed to see that number get bigger and bigger. Instead of thinking about what I was missing by not having a drink, I thought about how awful it had been when I was drinking and how much better I felt and looked since AL was out of the picture. I have to be honest and say that I never really had any cravings. It was like I had shut a door behind me and I had decided to never open it again. And even in the very stressful situations that have come up over the past year, when my AL voice has popped up and said " boy I would love a drink right now", it was never really and urge or a craving, it was just a thought. And I immediately answered it by saying that no, I would not like a drink because I don't want to go back to the hell that was my life when I was drinking. IMVVVHO, it is a matter of sticking to your decision to "not drink today/tonight" and in time it becomes a new habit - to replace your drinking thoughts with other thoughts and to replace your drinking with other activities. Yes, it does take determination, but if we can be so damned determined to drink to the point of getting drunk every night, we can turn it the other way and be just as determined to not let that happen, to not take that first drink, but to think it through and do something else to keep us occupied or to satisfy us in some other way. Just keep at it. It can be done.

Starypants - good to hear you doing so well and sounding so positive!

Hey Molly! You popped in while I was writing my posts. Thanks for your congrats earlier. I just have to comment tho' that I feel that one whole year of sobriety really is serious time. It might not seem like that to those of you who have years of sobriety under your belts but to me, it is a decent length of time. There were times when I wondered how I would ever manage to be one week sober, never mind a year. So yeah, it's serious time in my book and I'm so proud that I can say that I'm a whole year sober. :sohappy:

Hallo Mick! Good to see you. Hope all is well in your part of the world!