October Army 2016

[JackieClaire]

I like the Home in the Country ones

We need a kitchen/diner where we can talk to our guests while we're cooking..............my thoughts.............you're blooming miles from anywhere they'll not just be coming for lunch so at the least it'll be a weekend so they can watch you cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner.............and the local pub/restaurant is 10 miles away so one of you will have to drive as taxis are few on the ground.

We want our for the children to play out doors..............my thoughts..............give the precious little darlings 'til they're about 14 and want the cinema, their friends (although they could stay over and watch you cooking in the kitchen), anything but an owl hooting out the window. The school run will be so far you'll get 10 minutes to sit down before going back to get them.

We want to be part of the community.........my thoughts............they'll hate you. You're incomers and they're all ancestors of the bloke who laid the first brick in the Norman church that you want to take up bell ringing at.

We want office space.............my thoughts........... that's a garage. You'll stick a desk and computer in it , get no signal and sit playing solitaire all day until its time to go in the kitchen/diner to be watched cooking yet another meal.

And all this is yours for £500K

[satz123]

I like the Home in the Country ones

We need a kitchen/diner where we can talk to our guests while we're cooking..............my thoughts.............you're blooming miles from anywhere they'll not just be coming for lunch so at the least it'll be a weekend so they can watch you cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner.............and the local pub/restaurant is 10 miles away so one of you will have to drive as taxis are few on the ground.

We want our for the children to play out doors..............my thoughts..............give the precious little darlings 'til they're about 14 and want the cinema, their friends (although they could stay over and watch you cooking in the kitchen), anything but an owl hooting out the window. The school run will be so far you'll get 10 minutes to sit down before going back to get them.

We want to be part of the community.........my thoughts............they'll hate you. You're incomers and they're all ancestors of the bloke who laid the first brick in the Norman church that you want to take up bell ringing at.

We want office space.............my thoughts........... that's a garage. You'll stick a desk and computer in it , get no signal and sit playing solitaire all day until its time to go in the kitchen/diner to be watched cooking yet another meal.

And all this is yours for £500K

:harhar:
Sure when we were looking at houses just before we got married - we ended up out in the wilds of the Brig :haha:

[satz123]

Night army !!!

[IamMary]

Night Satz and anyone still up..

Great posts in the nest today. I still have that link Starty, dont think it will ever go - there are worse thing to live with I suppose :happy2:

Buenas noches, GN wannabe owners

[Mick]

YouTube from 1.42 onwards.......

[tonyniceday]

Hi Army
Really busy day today and only now getting time on here.
On a positive note, I guess I've beaten Starty this morning (does it count when you haven't gone to bed Yet? )
More later, just wanted to say Hi

[Mick]

I like the Home in the Country ones

We need a kitchen/diner where we can talk to our guests while we're cooking..............my thoughts.............you're blooming miles from anywhere they'll not just be coming for lunch so at the least it'll be a weekend so they can watch you cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner.............and the local pub/restaurant is 10 miles away so one of you will have to drive as taxis are few on the ground.

We want our for the children to play out doors..............my thoughts..............give the precious little darlings 'til they're about 14 and want the cinema, their friends (although they could stay over and watch you cooking in the kitchen), anything but an owl hooting out the window. The school run will be so far you'll get 10 minutes to sit down before going back to get them.

We want to be part of the community.........my thoughts............they'll hate you. You're incomers and they're all ancestors of the bloke who laid the first brick in the Norman church that you want to take up bell ringing at.

We want office space.............my thoughts........... that's a garage. You'll stick a desk and computer in it , get no signal and sit playing solitaire all day until its time to go in the kitchen/diner to be watched cooking yet another meal.

And all this is yours for £500K

Going on your theme Jacs.........

Reduced for a quick sale..... It’s been on the market for ages, it was overpriced and nobody has been to see it.

Cash buyers only............. Don’t even think about seeking a mortgage. No bank in its right mind would lend on this.

Easily maintained garden/............ Concrete paving as far as the eye can see.

Full of history/................. Try to ignore the fact that the plumbing and electricity don’t work.

No onward chain/............... Someone died there.

No photo available/.............. Once we put the pictures up on Rightmove absolutely nobody will come and view it.

Sought-after area/................/The greasy caff has been replaced by one selling mochachinos, so we added £30k on to the price.

Internal viewing recommended ..............The outside looks like something Stig of the Dump would reject.

Will allow the motorist quick and easy access................... There’s a major road junction right outside the property.

Perfect for a first-time buyer................. We know you can’t afford to be choosy.

Compact................ Glorified cupboard. Can be used as substitute for “bijou’” or “cosy”.

Convenient for transport links.............. The tube will start rattling past your bedroom window at 5.30am.

Period property.............. Semi-derelict with probable outside bog and mildewed lino..

Put your own stamp on it................. needs work big time..

Renovation required............... Watch your money magically disappear.

Quirky................. Nothing matches and the doors are 4ft high.

Competitively priced.............. It’s a tatty old place and has never been updated so we’ve had to chop a bit off the price.

Potential for good rental income............. No sane buyer would actually live there.

Established residential neighbourhood The houses on the other side of the road are nice. This one isn’t.

In the same family ownership for many years............ Get ready for swirly carpets and an avocado bathroom suite.

Stunning/spectacular.............. Stunningly and spectacularly average.

would benefit from some slight modernisation....no heating, leccy gas plumbing.. water is from a well down the road

recently decorated............ The rooms are weeny but they have had a coat of emulsion.

unhindered views of the countryside ...theres a fk off big tree outside the window..


Fifteenth floor apartment with brilliant views ....It’s ex-council and no lender will touch it.

as above with brilliant views and ample opportunity for exercise...lifts broke

But if you’re disposed to thinking “why is the lying liar lying to me” as soon as an estate agent opens his or her mouth, there is something worse. It’s when a letting agent starts talking:

Fully furnished There is an Ikea nearby and the landlord realised there are tax breaks for wear and tear.

Part furnished,,,, The last tenants couldn’t get their sofa out.

Unfurnished If we put a bed in it you’d realise how little space there is.

Mezzanine sleeping area Bunk beds.

Would suit students You are lambs to the slaughter....its a tip

May attract extra fees Will definitely attract extra fees.

Close to amenities It’s above an all-night kebab shop.

Pets allowed It really is an absolute toilet and your dog/cat/croc couldn’t make it any worse.

[JackieClaire]

Yep its ante meridiem (a.m.)............so it counts . I confess that I had to look what a.m. means.

[JackieClaire]

Cross post, there. Mick. That is brilliant.
We went to look at a house not far from here. Lovely house and when we got there the stench of burning was terrible. Poor woman had read somewhere a good selling point was to pop a loaf in the oven and let the aroma float about............unfortunately she forgot about it.............

[JackieClaire]

Getting very quiet round here

[starty]

Sorry, I am here, fell asleep when I got hom. Just woke up

Still ruff as a badgers arse

[JackieClaire]

Cup of ginger tea and off to bed you go. I'll be up in a minute to turn the light off.

[Mick]

Sorry, I am here, fell asleep when I got hom. Just woke up

Still ruff as a badgers arse

oiiii!!

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[IamMary]

Love your furry arse Mick!

Was flicking through the paper and saw a coffee commercial - got me thinking about the strong associations we make with booze and good times, glamorous.

Right, so who is sexier (Tony & Mick, youll have to pretend!).
This

or this..

[Mr Vervill]

Sorry, I am here, fell asleep when I got hom. Just woke up

Still ruff as a badgers arse

Honey Badger don't care.
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