Cravings NOW

[Nursie]

Checking in. I am having overwhelming cravings right now. Part of me thinks how easy it would be to go directly to the store and then drink it really quickly to just get it over with.
The other part of me will be here reading the tool box and cooking dinner.

I'm really having a hard time. I'm crying because I want to drink so badly despite all the bottoms I have hit. I am angry and spitting mad that I still desire something so vile that it stole my 30 year old brother from me, stole my 56 year old mother, and has torched my life to the ground so many times. I'm astonished and disgusted that even after my 8 year old son has looked at me with his innocent little face and begged me to quit drinking with great bigs sobs. I'm in agony that despite blackouts, doing heinous things while in black outs, and waking up a million times saying "this has to stop"; that I still crave the burn and sense of ease and comfort that I get from having that drink.
I am angry and I am craving the thing that I hate the most in this world.

[aihfl]

Nursie, since you are a part of "the fellowship," do you have a list of other women to call or a local hotline number? It's a difficult call to make, but critical in times like these. Best of luck to you. It. Will. Pass.

[Guitarista]

Nursie. You need to get out of your head and leave those thought be. This means distraction. Change of environment. Force yourself to Ring someone now and get talking.

[Rusty]

Nursie:hug: The 3 Principles' Thread is REALLY good!!! It talks about a craving being just a thought...you don't have to act on it.

Are you sure you're craving a drink or could you truly be hungry instead. Eat something...even if it's ice cream or chocolate...anything to take your mind off drinking. You will be so proud of yourself if you don't drink...and so will your son. Hugs, friend!!

[JackieM]

Nursie-
Good on you for reaching out. I know the cravings can be overwhelming. Do you have time to check out the Relapse In Retrospect thread? Maybe reading other's stories would help a bit. The Bubble Hour also has some awesome podcasts if you have access to them.
I feel for you. Alcohol promises that quick fix but we all know the hellish consequences that come with it.
Take care and stay strong.

JackieM

[Nursie]

Thanks friends. (((Hugs))) I am weathering the storm. Cooking dinner, ate a really healthy snack, doted on my son with healthy food. (You guys know I love to cook right?)
I am reading through the tool box and some other threads.
I am taking my son to karate in an hour and then will be home by 7:30. Then I will read and go to bed!!
I will check in later. Thank you.

[NoraC]

Nursie - EXCELLENT JOB on coming here and asking for help immediately. Stick close - :hug:

[daisy45]

Good job Nursie! X

[Nursie]

In bed. Safe. Kept myself very busy and when not busy I made a call and I read here. Another sober day in the books.
Thank you all for your support. Xoxo

[Lizann]

One day at a time Nursie. We are here for you:heartbeat:

[Nursie]

Thanks xoxo
I had a rough night sleeping. I kept having bad dreams and I would wake up telling myself "you didn't drink, you are safe, everything is ok". Still, I dreamt that I was drunk and couldn't remember what I did.
I woke up exhausted!

[Lizann]

Yes, I've had that happen to me too. Good thing is you didn't drink and hopefully you'll sleep better tonight!

[Pavati]

Great that you reached out Nursie. You set a great example for the rest of us, and you flexed that sober muscle. Thanks.