Originally posted by one2many a few years ago.
My alcohol free life is crap ..................
When I ditched the booze....
I thought.....................
My life would change....
I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..
NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....
It didn't except for...
My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...
No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..
No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.
The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my grandchildren instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening or the pub.
The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.
The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.
The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.
The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.
The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.
The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.
The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)
The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.
The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.
And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.
In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.
My alcohol free life is crap ..................
When I ditched the booze....
I thought.....................
My life would change....
I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..
NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....
It didn't except for...
My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...
No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..
No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.
The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my grandchildren instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening or the pub.
The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.
The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.
The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.
The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.
The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.
The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.
The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)
The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.
The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.
And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.
In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.
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