Well, it's official...

[Pisces]

Well, it's official...

Thanks everyone!

I'm feeling very positive, and when I told my daughter her reaction was overwhelming...

She said " Wow mum, I'm so proud of you! Not many kids have a parent brave enough to step up and admit they have a problem and actually do something about it, and it's the best gift you could have ever given me..."

Yes, I screwed up a good proportion of her childhood with my drinking, I had thought I had saved her from the physical, verbal and sexual abuse I had suffered as a kid by being a single mum, but by drinking to numb my emotions, I know now I hurt her just as badly, as I wasn't always there for her, and worried her so much.

I'm so proud of her... She has started her diploma in phsycology, still trying to help me... and as she said in regards to my parents (who are still together???) who still deny that our family was majorly disfunctional, "they'll never admit what they've done to you mum, but having you admit what happened and doing something to get help is all I could ever ask for"

I'm feeling good about that, and determined to get myself better, for me and my daughter, and she is pregnant, so for my grandbaby too...

Thanks again! Love Jas

[cassy]

Well, it's official...

Well done jas..you can now tackle the issues using all the strategies needed..fab that maybe for the first time you can get tho the bottom of some of the issues that have led you down this path...good luck with the therapy.

Cassy

[rachel28]

Well, it's official...

hi jasmin, i dont have any answers but lots questions, your story sounds very similar to mine, im trying to get the courage 2 c dr, they kinda no, blood test yr ago showed high liver enzymes, not sure i didnt hang around long enough to hear what it meant, im bein thickAGAIN! is campral an anti deppressant, im not sure what any of the pills mentioned r for, have u ever took medication b4, i was on various pills yrs ago,i dont think my mind was in right place to get better then, i m desperate to turn life around now thou, have u been to councelling yet!! please let me no if its benificial, i wud like to go but i think i would leave the shrink needing a shrink, every1 i know dosent seenm to b able to work out the random thoughts that garble together whenever i talk about past, i seem to have 100000s of thoughts all flooding in my head and linking together all at same time, if i cud piece it alltogether and explain what i feel i think i would solve 1/2 the problem, now ive confused myself,any 1 else get lost there!!!! c what i mean xx i hope it goes well xx

[Pisces]

Well, it's official...

Hi Rach

My story is that when I was a kid, very young, and with very young parents who didn't know any better I guess, my dad used to touch me intimately, it's hard to talk about, surfice to say that he touched me and wanted me to touch him, and I remember kisses that are only meant for lovers.

My mum either didn't know, or didn't want to, but when I was around 7,8.. I told her that I didn't want dad to do that anymore, she got angry with me and told me to never say anything like that again.

She must have told dad, and from that time he said I was a slut, hit me, and physically and verbally abused me, Mum and Dad also fought very badly too with violence. My brother who is 5 years younger than me retreated into a shell. But I remember us clinging to each other under his bed when the fights got really bad, and I always thought and heard it was because of me. We saw some bad scary shit, and I wont elaborate, I'll keep that for my therapy...

The last time he hit me was when I was 15, and I hit him back, we ended up in a full on fist fight, of course I lost, but I did make a point, and moved out of home on my 16th birthday, legal age to leave home.

The years after that has been a time of trying to work out why I wasn't good enough to be loved 'normally' by my dad, what I did to be hated so much, and why wouldn't mum protect me etc etc.

This is so hard for me too say.... but for the next 20-30 years I drank to escape the pain, and hurt my daughter big time, and my son is another story, as some here know.

I hope this isn't too depressing, reading back I'm glad I can say it how it was, and I'm getting help. I don't know if it helps you, but this is my life up till now.

I'm going to get better, I'm determined!!

Don't know what else to say now,

Love Jas

[Pisces]

Well, it's official...

So Sorry!

I've just realised I got bogged down in the why...

I've just found a great doc that prescribed the Campral, and I'm finding it great, not a quick fix, but I do feel better, and better equipped to resist the urge to drink, and I don't feel like smoking at all! funny thing with the smoking, but I'm liking it!

I know I need to see a psyciatrist, which I'm doing thru community health for free, and same with the alchohol councilling. The difference being.. a phyc is a proper doctor who has completed medical studies and specialises in mental health, much like a gynocologist specialises in you know what, lol, it takes around 10 years to become a phyc, and they look at you in a medical fashion and work out a treatment. A councillor is someone who has done a course (sometimes over a weekend) to listen and sympathise, and sometimes offer good advice, there's a big difference, but any tools i can get in my 'toolbox of life' are good for me, 24 phycs and councillors, working 24/7 couldn't be too much fo me, lol

Hope this helps, love Jas

Ps. find a hobby that you've always wanted to do, mine was scuba diving, puts me on a natural high, helps big time!

[rachel28]

Well, it's official...

babes thats shit, you said it how it is well done, i hope that the counselling n all makes the difference and shit if u can move forward after tht then my god so can i, r stories sound similar but r different, my mums bf moved in 2 days after my father left i was 10, he hated me an my big bro an baby sis , well shes 23 but shes my baby, 1 bf hated us an teased my sister a lot, me an bro stuk up 4 her , my mum thought we were jus causin trouble, by 13 i was drinkin my bro was takin drugs mum married said bf, had 2 babies, an step bro gad moved in 8 of us in house, bro moved out i started on the drugs , fights an all that crap, at 13 i was so drunk i passed out as an older bloke raped me, luckily i did not have to deal with it bein a family member as u an many others have, iv spent yrs lettin men beat me an demeen me bcause of this my mum could not stand me an could not c y we hated her partner, he has since died an 2 weeks after she was seein another man 2 weeks after that he moved in , history repeating all over , im barred from the house , she tried to stop me seeing my little bros as they were running away to my house as the r unhappy at home 1 is slightly autistic, 1 is a genius an takin his gcse now hes 13 !! but he is gettin drunk every weekend an smokin pot , i have argued wiv mum so many times shes slapped me so many times cos she dosent like to hear the truth, she has never drunk to excvess an has no reason for bein so blind, i hope with all my heart that u an every 1 here can do this an suceed cos fXXK ME WE DESERVE IT XX

[rachel28]

Well, it's official...

U R A TRUE INSPIRATION thank u and we can do this

[tea]

Well, it's official...

Ah Jasmin, what an enormous step you have taken, that must feel just great knowing that you are helping yourself. I wish you all the very best and look forward to hearing your progress.

Thanks for sharing that.

L

[Pisces]

Well, it's official...

Hi again,

I'm 41 now and no longer afraid to tell it how it was, I know now it wasn't my fault.

Please see a doc and tell him eveything, and if he doesn't care or help, see another one.

I've been on antidepressants now for around 17 years, Aurorix, which is a serotonin thing, and it has helped me get out of the hole. My doc is happy for me to continue with this, and alcohol doesn't affect it, Apparently Campral is similar, works on the brains wiring, as isn't sedative ect. just helps rewire your brain to put it back to what it was was before all the crap started.

Thanks for talking, I know I have to keep talking about what happened, to get it out of me, 'putting out the trash' so to speak.

If I can help further I would be happy to. And another thing I know that helps is positive affirmations, eg' I am a good person" and " I have alot of love to share" etc etc.

Everday when I wake up I say to myself, " wow, what a wonderful day, what great adventures await me today!" It really helps!

Keep thinking positive!!! Lot's of Love, Jas

[rachel28]

Well, it's official...

i know im alright to , deep down, ive had some shitty experiences as have u,but i do know im ok,!! im glad we can talk u are right it does help to get it out , if your talking about it i think its helping piece things together instead of having hundreds of thoughts spinning around in a haze, i WILL go drs if im honest about the drinking then he can mayb give me some tablets that dont react, thats prob where i went wrong b4, again i say fair play to u for being so strong, lets keep talking