Encouragement needed

[FreeforNow]

I have been free of drink since 6th Sept 2013. You may remember me under the name Softy

I am 50 in Jan. I have a lot of pressure in work. Got myself in a bit of a relationship pickle.

For the first time in a long time I am considering a drink.

I started smoking again on Thrusday after five years off.

Life is hard and I need some help.

You fine people helped me once before - any words of wisdom?

Sorry to ask but feeling very low - back on anti depressants too

[Sunbeam]

Softy, welcome back. There is a large group of repeat learners. I don't have much new to say: look for ideas on the tool box thread, make a list of strategies that would work in your life.

Life gets better in the long run without alcohol, not with. That momentary relief isn't worth the high cost in your life.

[available]

Hi Softy, lovely to see you back and realising you need support. One day at a time is all i can advise and be on here. The big 50 and sober too thats something to be proud of. Pull out all the things in life to be grateful for even if they are small.

As you know we are always around for a chat. the newbies nest is pretty busy these days so pop in and say hello. I still look at your avatar and smile, love that pic.

A huge congrats on your 3 years plus also.

[SoCali]

FreeforNow / Softy - I have no words of wisdom, as I am only on day 8 being AF but I would say you KNOW you have an incredible amount of strength and determination to have gone for over three whole YEARS without alcohol and you do NOT need it now. When times are tough it can for sure be tempting to say "to hell with it" and fall back into your old drinking habits HOWEVER, I assure you, it will NOT help with your relationship pickle, it will NOT make the pressure at work any less, and it will most definitely NOT make life any easier, or better in any way. I don't know you at all, nor do I know if you are spiritual or if you have ever tried meditation but I would say to rely on any / all positives you can think of! One thing I have had huge successes in my life in trying times is to step OUTSIDE of myself (for lack of a better way of saying this...). Try to pretend that your best friend is coming to YOU for advise and counsel regarding this exact scenario (so, step outside of yourself and pretend they have come to YOU telling you exactly what you have said to us here in this forum). As an "outsider" think long and hard about what you would say to your friend, and how you would direct them to proceed and to try to get them to "turn things around" in their heart and in their mind. You clearly have a TON of resolve and strength to have gone this long without AL - I can only DREAM of the day I can say I have been sober for over three years! What a GREAT accomplishment!!!

I hope you are able to find the answers you need to turn this around for yourself and get you back on the "upswing". Just remember, tough times don't last but tough people do. There is a saying that goes something like "no matter how good, or how bad things are, one this is certain, they will always change eventually" (sorry, I'm paraphrasing, but hopefully you get the gist).

Giant hugs your way, even though I don't know you!!!

[Pie]

Protect your quit, Softy! Heaven knows you've worked hard for it. :hug:

[Guitarista]

Hiya Softy!

Cool stuff on 3 years AF! This thread might be useful reading. Take care of yourself. A bit of self lovin' never goes astray.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/73619-relapse-retrospect.html?highlight=relapse+retrospect

[satz123]

NO NO NO Softy - do not even consider it.
Take the ADs - give them time to work.
Alcohol will not make things easier in work / relationships - it'll make them more difficult.

These are transient difficulties - they will pass.
To go back to alcohol however will take years to undo.

[JackieClaire]

Softy, my dear friend. Where the devil do you get to?

Remember when 3 days seemed like a lifetime..........in fact sometimes just 3 hours felt like a lifetime...........and you've now got 3 years...........I repeat 3 years. Well done you.

The fact that you're taking anti-depressants means you're in touch with your GP...........and the fact that you're not drinking will give them a much better chance of working. I'm wondering if he/she has recommended counselling and if not....... why not?

The smoking errrrrrrrr no comment. I'm still at it.

Get into the habit of posting a couple of times a day. No-one's asking for a 2000 word essay.......just a quick hello 'til you get used to posting again.

And nice to meet you So/Cali...........8 days.........talking in weeks now.......well done you too.

[techie]

Welcome back. Get a quick plan together and work here to get back on track. There is no magic wand here. You have to do the work. There is however, a bunch of people here that will support your efforts without judgement,

[starty]

Dear Softy I cannot say emphatically enough that drinking is NOT the answer to anything. Work/relationshiip pressure/boredom/feeling lost. Drinking will exacerbate all the negative feelings of any of those situations. I drank after 6 years and it just made me more confused than anything. In addition I drank much more than perviously and despite me telling myself "I could stop anytime as I had done it before" I couldnt. It took 2 years to get it back.
Softy allow yourself to deal with the bad stuff, if you cannot do that then just give yourself time until it passes. It just isnt worth the soul destroying destructive behaviour of drinking. Let us know how you are doing

[mario]

Hi softy, Can't add much more to what has already been said,

Do you remember why you came to MWO ? You remember the very dark place you were in & the huge struggle & fight you had to get to clean & strong.Use that strength again to get you through this down part of your life at the moment. As you know this to will pass & it will get better.

[frances]

Hi - sorry you're having a tough time - it's a hard time of year for that too! It will pass and you know, you know, you know that drinking will only make things worse, not better! Like Ava said, take it one day at a time - stay close - you will never ever regret NOT drinking!

[Pavati]

Hi, Softy!

Good to see you back. I addition to the thread G shared, go Google relapse. It is very enlightening to see the stages that happen BEFORE you start drinking. You are wise to come here before it was too late. There is NOTHING worth picking up a drink again - we all know that would not make your problems go away, just intensify them. Play out drinking now to the inevitable end - you know it is not worth it!

Self care right now - set boundaries, exercise (even just walking around the block if that's all you can muster), eat, sleep.

And can you change your new name? FreeForNow should read FreeForever.

Take good care of yourself, friend.

Pav

[gettingthere]

Hi Softy, how goes it today? I hope all is well with you and your struggle has passed. So many people are concerned for you and want to help here! Stay close!

[FreeforNow]

Hi Softy, how goes it today? I hope all is well with you and your struggle has passed. So many people are concerned for you and want to help here! Stay close!

Wow you people really are great. I'm much stronger today and still AF!!!

I knew if I reached out I would be supported and it would give me strength

THANK YOU!