Need help, about to drink

[southshoregirl]

It has been a few months since I posted here but I remember all the helpful and kind members on this website. Anyway since I last posted I had a few relapses, but I'm currently sober for almost 5 months. I go to 2-3 AA meetings a week, have an AA sponsor, working on the 12 Steps with her. I also try to do other positive things like exercise and church. Anyway I want to drink so bad, and I don't know why.

I discussed my urges to drink with my AA sponsor, and she suggested prayer. I don't even like praying, outside of church. Now I want to drink even more. The urges to drink are killing me, and I'm at my breaking point. I feel like I got sober so that I could stay employed and make money, and also because I was tired of my drinking hurting my family. I started a new job a couple of months ago, it was great for a while, but now I'm not really happy with the job and I'm starting to dislike my coworkers. My family seems to take my sobriety for granted now and they don't know how bad I want to drink. At the same time I'm scared of drinking because I'm afraid this might be the time I don't make it back to sobriety. I asked my Doctor to prescribe me Antabuse but she refused because she said if I drink on it, it may be fatal and she doesn't think it's safe. I'm seriously considering ordering Antabuse online though. Anyway, any advice is welcome.

[abcowboy]

Hi ssg, your name is too long for me to type so I abbreviated it lol. Good to see you posting in a time of struggle. You really don't want to give up all you've gained, I know you don't! Might I suggest looking up and reading about PAWS? I think it was around the 5-6 month area where I struggled a bit as well, wondering if it was all worth it. But, I did pray, and stuck to my quit knowing that the feeling will pass. And this feeling will pass for you as well!

Try practicing some gratitude, thinking about the good things sobriety has done for you. I know you have some, you're just not thinking about them right now. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and you'll get through this!

[paulywogg]

I agree with Cowboy on the PAWS,it passes in a day or two,I see it as a rapid rewiring and healing of the brain,it causes huge discomfort but reading up on it helps,you do not want to lose all your wonderful progress only to hafta start allover again, huge ((hugs)) Southshoregirl, check in often hon

[NoraC]

:hug:How are you doing?

[madonmehndi]

Hi, just read your post, I have started reading up on PAWS as Cowboy suggests and it is really helpful, I didn't realise it can take so long for our bodies and minds to re-adjust and to heal from drinking, hope you are ok and got through your urge to drink, stay here, it is a lovely safe place with lots of helpful like minded people

[available]

Hi South and a huge congrats on your sober days.

Obviously you dont want to drink and came on here which is fantastic. You need to do what you feel is right for you to not drink. We do reach a stage where we think "is this it" and yes it is and being sober is so good. Maybe write down the positives and negatives of drinking and not drinking, what you would lose if you drank.

I always think to myself that i drank for ten years and if it takes me 10 years to recover then so be it. I also found my emotions did not really stabilise until the second year and i was very angry and happy and sad and anything else thrown in to screw me around. Its learning to accept how we feel and work on these feelings or put them away for another day. I still have a box inside my head of things i dont want to deal with yet and thats fine, i will pull those emotions out when i am ready to deal with them.

My children also take my sobriety for granted so i make a point of telling them that sometimes i do want a drink and sometimes like xmas or special occasions i do feel deprived and i will never ever be cured. They try to understand but unless you are an alcoholic you just dont "get it" but they will always be my support network.

Being sober is a lifelong journey for us, dont let anything take your sobriety off you. You deserve this life that you have now.

[southshoregirl]

Thanks, I heard of PAWS and I definitely think I have it. I feel better after sleeping on it, I definitely want to make it my goal to at least get 6 months sober. There is a lot I gained by being sober, I especially notice feeling a lot better physically and saving up money.

[Pavati]

Glad you made it through, SSG!

Great idea coming here. If you're sponsor in AA isn't going to help (or will offer things that aren't helpful) can you get another sponsor? One who will offer suggestions that will resonate with you?

The real pain in the neck for me was realizing that quitting drinking didn't bring a perfect life filled with glitter and fairy dust. The pain, boredom, stress and anxiety that life produces is still there. Life goes on. What is DID do, however, is allow me to get through all of that crap much easier and more productively. Among other benefits, quitting drinking allowed me to gain confidence at work to actually take a path I had been thinking about but didn't have the guts to execute. It has been extremely hard, but also extremely rewarding. Maybe you can spend your craving time contemplating what your next job might be, or how to make this job all it CAN be? Point is - you will still encounter hardships - you just will be able to get through them more easily.

Hope you're feeling better.
Pav

[southshoregirl]

A few days have passed and honestly I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I finally tried exactly what my AA sponsor suggested (prayer) and I don't feel like it made any difference. No offense to anyone who feels prayer worked for them, I really wanted it to work but I just feel it didn't work for me. Anyway my current goal is to make it to 6 months sober, even if I have to white knuckle it. Anyway if I still feel like this at 6 months sober then I am definitely drinking. For now I decided to try drinking NA (non alcoholic) beer and wine. I know a lot of people think this is a bad idea but so far it does seem to help me. Anyway it is obviously better than drinking regular beer/wine. My main motivation for staying sober right now is that my mother is getting older and is getting ready to retire. I don't want to give her any extra stress by drinking. So if I have to drink NA beer/wine then so be it. If it keeps me from drinking real alcohol then it works. I have to focus on staying physically/mentally healthy and be there for my family.

[treetops]

If non alcoholic wine and beer does the trick then use it. Stand on your head, curse out loud, whatever works.
No disrespect here either but I assumed that for prayer to help that the person actually doing that has to believe in that and have conviction. Otherwise it's a ritual without substance. You have to believe in yourself to get through this but it won't happen overnight . more so be practical and distract yourself, try new habits, talk to people. Don't think about what you will do in 6 months but try to change the quality of your life in small ways and you may be pleasantly surprised. I was. But it takes time to learn to live sober and accept that this. It can become your normal and it doesn't have to be white knuckling.
Alternatively if the white knuckling persists you might want to explore medication to help break the association of pleasure and AL - such as naltrexone. Just a thought.

[kuya]

A few days have passed and honestly I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I finally tried exactly what my AA sponsor suggested (prayer) and I don't feel like it made any difference. No offense to anyone who feels prayer worked for them, I really wanted it to work but I just feel it didn't work for me. Anyway my current goal is to make it to 6 months sober, even if I have to white knuckle it. Anyway if I still feel like this at 6 months sober then I am definitely drinking. For now I decided to try drinking NA (non alcoholic) beer and wine. I know a lot of people think this is a bad idea but so far it does seem to help me. Anyway it is obviously better than drinking regular beer/wine. My main motivation for staying sober right now is that my mother is getting older and is getting ready to retire. I don't want to give her any extra stress by drinking. So if I have to drink NA beer/wine then so be it. If it keeps me from drinking real alcohol then it works. I have to focus on staying physically/mentally healthy and be there for my family.

I totally understand where you are at. I suffered from PAWS but at a much later stage and it was hellish. I had the flattest feelings, not depressed, not anything really, couldn't be bothered with anything, didn't clean the house, didn't want to shower, life was pointless.

The problem was biochemical....my brain (that had been running on booze for 25 years) was lacking chemicals.

I cannot tell you this will fix you but I can tell you what to try.

Go online and get one (or all if you can) of the following supplements

Theanine with GABA

Inisitol powder

Melatonin

Tryptophan

High dose Vitamin Bs

If you need advice on dosing then ask here.

Don't drink, it WILL give temporary relief but you will reset the progress you have made and will still have to go through this process later, whether that be weeks months or years from now.

Understand that what you are going through is NORMAL and you can get over it.

[southshoregirl]

Don't drink, it WILL give temporary relief but you will reset the progress you have made and will still have to go through this process later, whether that be weeks months or years from now.

Understand that what you are going through is NORMAL and you can get over it.

This is definitely true, I don't want to erase the progress I made.

I'm going to pick up some multivitamins and something called Dream Water, I tried it before and it helped. It has GABA and Melatonin in it. It's a drinkable supplement. I'm kind of scared to take any other supplements but I will consider it.

[kuya]

This is definitely true, I don't want to erase the progress I made.

I'm going to pick up some multivitamins and something called Dream Water, I tried it before and it helped. It has GABA and Melatonin in it. It's a drinkable supplement. I'm kind of scared to take any other supplements but I will consider it.

GABA and melatonin WILL help.

We are funny creatures, aren't we??

We will tip the equivalent of lighter fluid down our throats for years but worry about supplements ! LOL (and I am exactly the same and query ANY drug my doctor advises)

[southshoregirl]

Re: Need help, about to drink

I haven't posted for a while but I wanted to post again due to some things going on in my life. I have not drank alcohol for over 6 months but I did get high on cough medicine last week to the point of blacking out for a few hours so to be honest with myself I reset my sobriety date. ( I didn't have a cold or anything, I took it for the effect). I guess after 6 months of urges to drink I wanted to escape reality for a little while. In any case what's keeping me sober now is knowing that, I can either go through this now, or relapse and go through this days, weeks, or years from now. Why give up on the progress I made, just to go through the struggle of getting sober again. I got a new AA sponsor and will continue to work on my sober, healthy lifestyle.

[Wildflowers]

Re: Need help, about to drink

Congratulations on your six months. I'm sorry about your slip. Good for you for being honest with your self. Heard a few stories over the yrs of cough medicine, vanilla extract and mouthwash. Thank you for coming here and telling us. The escape. Exactly what it is for most. Except its not really an escape. Not a long one. It's all a crutch for not dealing with reality. Reality bites sometimes. Drinking, drugging is more then just a bite. It's a huge chunk out of your soul, body and spirit. The thing is reality is still waiting. Know you likely know this. Don't let the shark-beast take any more from you. It will devour you. If you let it.

Hope your new sponsor will be a better fit for you Southshoregirl. Very glad to hear your not giving up on the progress you made! :hug: