No alcohol My entire life??!!

[doveagain]

Having a hard time envisioning my entire life from now on with no alcohol. Just keep remembering all the times I did keep it under control and all of the forever friends I made when drinking (no, not everyone!) but there are a large number who either I or them could call on at a moment's notice and we would be there for each other. And we spent a lot of our time together drinking. This past New Year's Eve, even, went out for an awesome dinner with lots of drinks and remember going home! Two nights later passed out by myself at home on WAY too much wine...but give it up forever? Having a hard time believing this tonight.

[kronkcarr]

The trick is to not think too far ahead. All we really have is today so keep on like you've been doing and don't drink today. Find something that interests you. I kept most of my friends when I quit drinking like a fool. I just don't go to a couple of people's houses because drinking' what I did there.

You'll build up confidence and self esteem during this process. Keep posting and hang tough.

[available]

As Kronk says dont think about forever. I never thought i could or would not drink forever. Al was my best buddy but now i never ever want to drink. My life is far to wonderful and precious to ruin it by drinking. Time away from al has given me the knowledge to know al and i dont mix and never will.

Yep i could have times where i could just have a couple and be normal (probably due to the fact i had a bender the night before) but the thing with us alkies is that at the end of the day we cant live without al unless we stop it completely. Normal drinking is not in us. One day at a time is all we can do.

[madonmehndi]

I felt like this too at the beginning of my quit and the best advice I can give you is to take ONE DAY AT A TIME one-day-at-a-time-quote-1-picture-quote-1.jpg

[abcowboy]

Dove, I don't have a problem with thinking "never again", "my entire life", or "forever". I think of alcohol as an allergy, and I dug around my thread for something I posted a while back, hope it helps...

Think of all the people in the world with allergies, milk, flour, nuts, shellfish, chocolate, etc etc. Imagine a child never being able to experience the taste of ice cream, or a chocolate bar? Now imagine what they feel they are missing out on. Our missing out on a drink or two seems pretty mild by comparison. So when you get to thinking about how hard you’re done by for not being able to drink, think of all the children who are allergic to chocolate on Easter Sunday morning. Imagine the tears rolling down their cheeks as their parents try to explain why all the other kids can eat their chocolate bunnies but they can’t. Feel hard done by now? I bet not….

[mario]

Dovegain, Suppose everyone more or less thinks, Wow never again, What will I do, how will I socialise , How will I have fun, Its amazing how our addicted minds tell us what great fun we had & how we shall miss it. Facts are we wouldet be here if our addiction was normal, If it wasent causing us so much grief in our lifes, For me I shall never forget why I am here and shall remember that my one bad day clean & sober is still a thousand times better than when I thought I had a good day drunk.

[Byrdlady]

Dove, Im not the biggest Dr. Phil fan, but Id like to ask a question that he frequently does: So how is drinking working out for you so far? Facing facts is hard to do and its much easier just to keep going like we were....until we wake up one day and realize our relationship with AL is destructive and WE are the victim. We have a CHOICE. We dont have to be the victim, there IS something we can do....we can stop the CAUSE. Was I able to sometimes control my drinking? Yes. Was I sometimes NOT able to control it? YES. Loss of control is the problem. AL has become enough of a problem that you have joined a site for AL abuse. Its enough of a problem that you cant imagine life without it Normal drinkers arent this way. If you told my sister she could never drink again, she would say, ok, no big deal. To me, it was as if someone were talking about removing a limb! I couldnt imagine life without AL.
If you look at AL as a 'thing' it helps (at least it did for me). Substitute the words 'flaky pastry' for AL. It makes about as much sense. 'I cant imagine enjoying a beautiful sunset without a flaky pastry'. 'I cant imagine celebrating New Years Eve without a flaky pasrty'. Does that even make sense? NO! Neither does thinking we cant live a wonderful life without AL.
What you are hearing in your head is the dying AL Voice. It wants you to THINK you cant live without it. It wants you to think those friendships hinge on AL, but they dont. Misery loves miserable company....I loved to hang out with heavy drinkers because it made me not feel so bad about how much I drank. After all, they seemed to drink as much as I did. The people behind the AL are what matter, it isnt the AL that makes them true to the end, it is their character. I know that now.
I believe you are on day 4? It is perfectly normal to wonder how in the world you are going to get thru life without drinking. Just keep marching forward.
We are grieving the loss of this relationship and we go thru all the stages of grief: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. You are betwen denial and bargaining and this is what gets a lot of us, 'I wasnt THAT bad' 'Maybe I didnt try hard enough' ' I will try again and put my heart and soul in it' 'How in the world can I live without this? I cant, I'll just learn to live with it better'. 'I dont want to lose frienships over this, what will they think?' 'This is a crazy time to do this, too much going on, I'll just address this later'. Sound familiar? It NEVER gets easier, in fact evry quit gets harder. You over the worst part, just keep going!

There is NO good in AL, for anybody, really. Dont give it all that power, thats just what it wants. The only way to beat this beast is to starve it and you are doing that! Please hang in there and distract yourself from these thoughts, just PUSH them out. Turn it around and set your thinking to something else. It works. Set your sights on getting a wonderful cone of ice cream or a delicious cookie. Sound silly, Im on Day 2181, and that still works for me today.
I was at a company convention early in my quit and these people could drink! Instead of going down to the bar after our meeting the first day, I went out and set myself on finding some wonderful cookies. The next day, I brought them to our meeting and everyone said, where in earth did you find time to get these? I didnt spend 6 hours getting stupid last night.
Like ABCowboy suggested, instead of engaging in a pity party (like I did many times) turn it around. Control your thinking. All you gotta do is get thru this day.
Keep going, I promise its worth it. Byrdie

[southshoregirl]

You don't have to think about giving up alcohol forever, you can think about just staying sober for today. Or make goals like staying sober for a week/a month etc. To be honest even though I really miss drinking, I am extremely happy and proud that I made it through lots of occasions this past year sober (Christmas, birthdays, company holiday party). Staying sober on these occasions is something I can be proud of and remember those special days forever. If I had drank on those days, chances are good I would have done things I regretted later.

[YouKayBee]

Any of my friends who cared, gave me total support when I quit, those who didn't support and understand just didn't understand how harmful drinking was for me.

[Baclofenman]

You don't have to think about giving up alcohol forever, you can think about just staying sober for today. Or make goals like staying sober for a week/a month etc. To be honest even though I really miss drinking, I am extremely happy and proud that I made it through lots of occasions this past year sober (Christmas, birthdays, company holiday party). Staying sober on these occasions is something I can be proud of and remember those special days forever. If I had drank on those days, chances are good I would have done things I regretted later.

This is a seriously good post and shows how what I am about to say below effects you;

Having a hard time envisioning my entire life from now on with no alcohol. Just keep remembering all the times I did keep it under control and all of the forever friends I made when drinking (no, not everyone!) but there are a large number who either I or them could call on at a moment's notice and we would be there for each other. And we spent a lot of our time together drinking. This past New Year's Eve, even, went out for an awesome dinner with lots of drinks and remember going home! Two nights later passed out by myself at home on WAY too much wine...but give it up forever? Having a hard time believing this tonight.

It is about life change - It is about changing your targets, goals and expectations, both your own and those of your peers - To you currently you cannot see your existence without alcohol being a serious part of it - Let me ask you a question?

How many of your drinking buddies would be there for you "at a moments notice" if you were not a drinker?

No - Really.....

I base my question having seen both sides of this proverbial coin - The environment you now consider to be great, is not in fact as good as you think it is from a different perspective

I would consider exploring yourself to determine why you drink to excess, so frequently - As you drink heavily in social circles as well as alone would lead me to think you do not suffer from social anxiety, although it would be pretty safe to suggest some sort on anxiety would be at the route of your alcoholism - But I am not a Doctor

Regarding never drinking again - I suppose I am not the best person to answer that question - I am an abber, definitely and unequivocally - I have *great* respect for the few alcoholics who can moderate but they are few and far between and especially rarer are moderators who have not addressed their underlying issues

I am sometimes tempted by a drink at a social gathering but it does not bug me like it did, when I was drinking - This is partially because I do not like what I see (drunk people) but mainly because I have addressed the main reason why I drank to excess, anxiety

Regards



Bacman

[Pavati]

Hi,

I had that same fear and question - the "bad nights" weren't every night. Why DID I have to quit entirely.

I am happy to say from three years down the road that: 1) I still go to parties, socialize, laugh and have a great time with every single one of my drinking friends. Sometimes we do different things (like daytime hanging out), and I am not always the absolute last to leave every party, but that has benefits beyond being sober! 2) Apart from the occasional "why can I just..." I don't feel sorry for myself any more - I feel sorry for people who always think about drinking. I am so happy to be the designated driver, happy to feel better than everyone in the morning, happy to have had long, in depth conversations that I remember, and happy to be a role model for my kids 3) I was afraid that everyone would think I was weird and be awkward around me, and they aren't. Some people are interested in the fact that I quit, and some people don't even notice. I would say that the most inquisitive, curious people probably have questions about their own drinking.

I could go on and on but I have to sleep. There is nothing to fear - really. You will never regret not drinking.

Pav

[doveagain]

Well I am regretting it because it is putting me in a solitary prison of loneliness. Don't know if I will make it through tomorrow without drinking bc I am lonely and it is cold and the dark is here in the afternoon before I am even off of work this time of year. I could go out and try to meet people, but where? The bar is the only place single people go, around where I live, after 5pm. I am not good by myself. I have been by myself for a week at home now and am beginning to get into a big hole of depression. I need to be around people to be energized. My house and my books and my projects and my dog and my tv and this computer are just not enough bc none of it is real and I am still alone.

[southshoregirl]

I know what you mean about the loneliness. I used to go to bars a lot and had a lot of friends to drink with it was hard to imagine letting them go. However as time went on this became less important. Why? A lot of reasons. Eventually I started to prefer drinking by myself at home, because I had often done things I regretted at bars. Also the bar became too expensive. Eventually alcoholism just gave me too much anxiety to want to be around other people. It because more safe and comfortable to drink alone. The friends I met with at bars had their own lives and problems, and we ended up going our separate ways eventually. Eventually I ended up drinking alone.

If you are a really social person than maybe try to find activities where you are around other people. Maybe join a gym. Even going shopping may help you feel less lonely because you will be around other people.

One week sober is still pretty early, and some of the depression you feel may still be from alcohol withdrawal. You are already sober, why not stick it out for another week and see if there is any improvement.

Hope this helps.

[Byrdlady]

Dove, South is right, try to get out to places where AL isn't the focus! I am serious when I say try and find a wonderful frozen custard place or somewhere that has a good distraction. You are focusing on what you can't have which makes you want it more.
Remember the stages of grief, if you have depression the good news is on the other side of that is ACCEPTANCE and that's where all the good stuff happens!

You've got to get control of your thoughts. (at least I had to) If someone tells you NOT to think of a blue horse, that's all you can picture. Go to a movie or a wonderful spa. I was a cheap drunk and I saved about $10 a day so not sure how much you spend a day on your booze, but you have a 7 day savings there!

Do whatever it takes to fight thru this so you never have to do it again! Accentuate the positive! It helps! Byrdie

P.S. I almost forgot! Your prize for 7 days! :butt: A full moon from your fellow travelers....the worst is BEHIND you!

[doveagain]

I thought I posted earlier but guess not. The problem is I don't even have bar friends were I live. I moved across the country twice for a shitty abusive marriage and am now 3000 miles from family and 1500 miles from my friend-family. I live an hour south of where he still is and where my so-called friends, who know all about the abuse and told me they would never leave my side, decided to tell me to get lost when I was out of the picture and he is still there. It has taken me two years of counseling to realize these people were never my friends, only using me for whatever they wanted and are too weak-willed to stand up for me when I stepped out of right in front of their faces. So here I am, stuck in a job I don't like for at least another 8 months bc I stupidly came back to where I had people to support me and it turns out I don't. I never would have moved back here if I could have predicted this. I don't live in an area where 'people have socializing groups' or activity groups or whatever. Maybe I just need to move back to where I know people care about me....but again, that can't be for a while. And in that while I don't think I can do it totally sober bc then I am totally alone. I need people around me for energy, actual face to face contact and smiles and stories and stuff....I know this about myself, when I start to feel this alone and have to keep being alone is when the depression gets real bad. I am not good stuck inside my own head.