No alcohol My entire life??!!

[southshoregirl]

I thought I posted earlier but guess not. The problem is I don't even have bar friends were I live. I moved across the country twice for a shitty abusive marriage and am now 3000 miles from family and 1500 miles from my friend-family. I live an hour south of where he still is and where my so-called friends, who know all about the abuse and told me they would never leave my side, decided to tell me to get lost when I was out of the picture and he is still there. It has taken me two years of counseling to realize these people were never my friends, only using me for whatever they wanted and are too weak-willed to stand up for me when I stepped out of right in front of their faces. So here I am, stuck in a job I don't like for at least another 8 months bc I stupidly came back to where I had people to support me and it turns out I don't. I never would have moved back here if I could have predicted this. I don't live in an area where 'people have socializing groups' or activity groups or whatever. Maybe I just need to move back to where I know people care about me....but again, that can't be for a while. And in that while I don't think I can do it totally sober bc then I am totally alone. I need people around me for energy, actual face to face contact and smiles and stories and stuff....I know this about myself, when I start to feel this alone and have to keep being alone is when the depression gets real bad. I am not good stuck inside my own head.

That is a tough situation. Have you considered meetings of AA or SMART recovery? You can look up meeting times/places on their websites. Maybe there are some meetings close to you. I've gone to both AA and SMART meetings and still go to AA meetings. Even if you don't agree with all of AA or SMART, going to meetings will give you an opportunity to socialize.

[Matthew6]

AA is good start and helpful for recovery. Volunteer work, soup kitchen, food pantry, church groups, even visit a nursing home (many, if not most are lonely, and can't leave or do service work, and have the best stories) all keep you busy and involved. You'll meet other people with similar interests from all walks of life and backgrounds. Generally people doing this type work are of better character then the folks at the bars. It will get you out of "self", which is important for recovery. Hell, it's got to beat sitting alone watching TV getting drunk, and I promise you'll feel better the next morning.

[dyingtobealive]

Hi, there. Just wanted to say thank you for posting. I'm currently on day 2 and your exact thought has haunted me for the past couple weeks as I've come to realize more and more I have a problem. I'd always think, "OK, I'll give it up for 6 months and then I'll be fine." 6 months only ever lasted 1 night. If that. I'm still scared and think often of 'forever.' No congratulatory drink with my daughter on her engagement/wedding night? No special bottle of wine on our 10 year anniversary? No wine at all when we go to visit Paris again? All those things make me sad.

But, as others have said, I'm trying to take it one day (and sometimes one hour) at a time. It's 5pm, usually that means crack open that bottle of wine. So last night when the urge hit I tried to say, "How about we revisit in an hour?" And just kept pushing it back. This morning I woke up feeling fantastic, even after a hard night with a sick toddler. But what I keep trying to remind myself is - how awesome I felt this morning and how much of a better mom I was to my sick toddler at 2am because I didn't feel that impending hangover starting.

I know I will have much harder days than this. But I will continue to take baby steps to success.

Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

[Baclofenman]

I'm still scared and think often of 'forever.' No congratulatory drink with my daughter on her engagement/wedding night? No special bottle of wine on our 10 year anniversary? No wine at all when we go to visit Paris again? All those things make me sad.

Once you learn to prioritise these wonderful events ahead of your alcohol opportunities you will realise you have made great progress

My daughter will be married one day, I will enjoy the day and raise the toast with....whatever - The contents of the glass are not important - As I said before, it is about life change and your focus will adjust accordingly

You have made the first step, recognising things have to change, take one day at a time, reminding yourself of the successful day you had yesterday

Regards



Bacman

[dyingtobealive]

'Once you learn to prioritise these wonderful events ahead of your alcohol opportunities you will realise you have made great progress' - this is great reminder, thank you. I often felt 'giddy' when I knew there was an alcohol fueled event coming up, because it was 'acceptable' to drink then. Eventually I hope it will not matter what I have in my glass.

Dove - I was going to suggest volunteering as well. Is there an animal shelter? Someone else mentioned soup kitchen or nursing home. Maybe a exercise group? I'm blanking on what they are called - but basically when non professionals get together to play soccer or basketball or something like that.

[doveagain]

Actually, I envision myself (in my mind) at all of these things as the non-drinker....and in my vision I am smiling and happy and it doesn't matter that I am not drinking. I think that I can do this because I have played this role every now and then throughout my life...the one watching everyone else get wasted and stupid and having fun not being them, but being able to help out if needed....something about being the caretaker appeals to me. This hasn't happened in a lot of years as my ex-husband enabled me to be the drunkest bc he was always there to drive me home. Then after the divorce...with no friends to drink with, stuck in small town nowhere, I have become the sit at home, lonely, drink to pass out and forget the last hour of the night drunk. I really am an extrovert and being so alone has really hit me hard. When I was in college I went through a stage where I only drank coffee at the bars so I could drive everyone home safe. If only I had drunk friends to take care of, right??!! Just kidding...kind-of...maybe not....ugh.

[kronkcarr]

doveagain, how are you? I haven't seen you posting lately.

[lex]

dove- i would just quit for 30 days each year. then once i upped it to 90 days, mostly for dieting purposes. But then at some point I decided on a year (because i hadn't lost much weight during the 90 days). So, what happens is this: by the time most folks get a few months in, they wake up to the simple fact that they feel better without it. This time I'm two years into a three year personal commitment, but I can easily see I won't start again after three years even though I have my personal "permission" to do so. Just because I would rather feel good, than not good!

Well and also because I still won't have lost that 15 pounds.

[Nelso]

As trite and cliche as it sounds, getting through this fight really is about winning battles. The war is ongoing, it gets easier, but it never really vanishes, at least for me.

Try and get past each urge as it hits