As I enter into week three I am feeling really good about how things are progressing. It is only 16 days AF but to be honest it feels like months. I have had absolutely no cravings, no 'poor me I can't drink ever again', no walking past the drink aisles and feeling I am missing out, no looking at people in bars and restaurants or on tv enjoying a glass of wine or a cold beer and thinking why can't that be me, why can't I be a 'normal' drinker?
No feeling of being deprived only one of relief and gratitude.
I do find this more than a little strange given how many times I have failed down the years. The only way I can try to explain is that something has just finally clicked inside. My whole outlook and attitude to drinking has completely changed. I am so happy and grateful to be sober right now, not planning where my next drink is coming from, do I have 'enough' to see me through the night, I mean heaven forbid I might run dry.
For me stopping poisoning myself felt like a life changing lightbulb moment, an amazing gift that I have given myself.
I am aware of how this might sound and I may end up looking very foolish and deluded if it all comes crashing down around my head but it is the truth as I see right now.
Anyway as it is so early in my recovery I thought it might be helpful to list some of what it is I am actually doing to help me along this journey.
Day 1: as a daily drinker for so long I was worried about stopping cold but none the less that is what I did along with DW's support, she kept a very close eye on me.
Her support is vital.
So what am I doing/taking? Plenty of mineral water, multi-vitamins, milk thistle, early nights with 8 hours unbroken sleep. Eating freshly prepared healthy food. I walk every day and will increase this to more vigorous exercise as I get fitter.
L-Glutamine is to hand but hasn't been taken yet, neither have the sweets both of which I found very helpful for AL cravings previously. I remember thinking of the bad cravings as a tall wave that washes over one, it does just that, hits and washes over and passes. I will bear this in mind when they come a knocking.
One of the tools I am also using is watching all sorts of video clips surrounding the subject of AL abuse, at least one a day. I search 'alcohol liver damage', 'alcohol abuse', 'alcoholics recovery' etc.. etc'.., on youtube, pick a link and they keep coming.
I haven't spoken to a doctor, probably through embarrassment. In fact I have been only once for something fairly minor in about the last 5+ years. This will change. I am planning to go for a full comprehensive check up. The days of impersonation an ostrich are over.
On Wednesday I start my first ever yoga class and the following Monday the first of a series of mindfullness/meditation classes.
I am taking the first tentative steps on the road to holistically healing myself after years of abuse.
Thank you for reading, I failed to mention one very important factor, MWO and all of you folks that post. It would be impossible I think for me to do this without you. I look forward to the day when I feel I can offer support and advice to people who find themselves arriving here, feeling lost and alone, as once was I.
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