One Step at a Time - February 2017

[actiongirl46]

Work, basketball game, sleep. Work, basketball game, sleep. :egad:

Welcome SoCali!

pauly - I'm so happy you are back here pronto. For one, I would have really missed you and been worried! Most importantly, you caught yourself and didn't let that bad habit cycle start up for too long.

SK, wow. You have a lot going on. Please be extra gentle with yourself.

[actiongirl46]

Well, I'm up!! Ha ha ha! This is very early for me to be up on a Saturday. I used to like to sleep it off until noon. YUCK, as you all know, you still got up sluggish and tired for the rest of the day. Until 5pm. What a waste of time.

I have been SO BUSY with work last week that I don't have the opportunity to read as much as I would like. I'm taking some extra time today.

Here's something . . . I feel like I am learning how to manage my AL anxiety better by using our many tools we talk about here. The growing anxiety in the back of my mind is this . . . Relationship with hubs has been much better the last 20 days. He has said he is proud of me. My worry is trying not to feel trapped because of his expectations. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm still trying to process it myself in my head. I just can't think about "never drink again". I can think about One Day At A Time. My fear is what if I slip?

Ok, there are my VERY muddy thoughts . . . Liz, maybe we need to process this on the phone.

Good news is I am not in crisis or planning to drink, no. I am just trying to be proactive and get my thoughts out here. I tend to bury these thoughts too long and then they become resentful.

Ok, more coffee needed, clearly . . . Happy Saturday!!!

[NoraC]

AG - Makes perfect sense. Living up to hubby's/others expectations.

But, you are right about just thinking about one day at a time. Today I am not drinking. That is enough. I don't have to say I'm never drinking again.

Now I can say I don't drink and I don't feel like I'm missing out. That feeling will come with time.

Happy Saturday. Hubby told me I could sleep in. He is taking care of mom.

[NoraC]

Pauly - you working today? :love:

[NoraC]

Well - I think I'm going to continue talking to myself. What else is new, right? LOL

Yesterday, I told hubby that we needed to go out on a date. Not running errands. So, today we ran some errands but we also stopped and sat down in a restaurant and had a meal. Baby steps. :rotlf:

AG - I so understand what you are saying. I wish I could put it into words. I spent so much time trying to be the good girl, trying to please everyone, etc. Had to make hubby happy and proud of me. Yes - feeling trapped. Like I was doing it for him but nobody gave a shit about how I felt about it. But, I didn't say that I was never drinking again. I said that I'm not drinking right now. Anything past this moment was too much to process.
The truth is that once I got a little time under my belt, I realized that this was for ME. I am not drinking for me. Oh, I had many days of bitterness, anger, depression, etc. But, I hung on. Sometimes the only thing that got me thru was that I had already posted in roll call. Other days, it was a good cry and going to bed early.
I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are saying.

[NoraC]

SoCali - how is your Mom settling in? How are you doing? Glad you are back!

[NoraC]

Ok - Seriously done talking to myself now. :rotlf: I'm going to go sharpen my color pencils. So there! Hrmph

[NoraC]

PS - I'll be in the fort coloring. Come on in.

[Rusty]

You are not talking to yourself, dear Nora. I am here!:heartbeat: Just because people are not responding does NOT mean they are not reading and listening. :heartbeat:

[Wildflowers]

Rusty may your birthday be everything happy!....:congratulatory:

[Wildflowers]

There's so much to comment on. I may need to open a 2nd window. lol

Nora, almost bought myself a posh adult coloring bx after xmas. I cried last year when I gave away all my girls, color books, arts & krafts, games, books etc. I took pics. Yep maybe if I 'd been sober, would have kept. Likely, will never be a Nana. I should have saved for a gf who has several grandbabies. Glad you were able to sleep in & got out with hubs for a bit. Hope his back is doing better. Hope the kids find a place of their own soon. Unless, the cook, clean, pay rent, etc... Lol Daughter & SIL used lived here for awhile, plus sister. Then they lived with his folks for 4 yrs.:eek-new:

Going backwards here. Liz, not sure why Erin (hope have right name) won't be happy of location of shower? Glad your including MIL. Think your a very sweet person, so it's in your nature. Hope the snow is over. With my ankle business I'd be scared to go out & do this. More on this another time.

AG, glad everything is going well. Think I'm forgetting sumpin. Oh have fun at the game with your kids. :smile:

Pauly & Scali, Good for you both jumping back in the saddle. This is small blip-lapse in the journey. Have done this & major relapses. Not good!.. I'm reading & learning about external & internal triggers, planing ahead. Was in OP-re-hab bk in 2008. Still today, the odds haven't change, 1/3 never drink again, 1/3 have periodic lapses & relapses & 1/3 never gain any sobriety-recovery time. I fall into the middle. I'm getting older and have other medical issues. So, I'm hoping I'll join the first group. Not sure I can say never again. Made that promise to self & fam too many times. Here it's almost a month AF & gout is flared up. Was supposed to go out cut hydrangeas.

SK, Just feel awful for all your going through. Know three people who've had full knee replacement. They followed rigerous exercises & all doing well. Trying not to cuss here, but the spine surgery too. Now your purse being stolen. You are showing us excellent examples of staying sober when it pours. :hug: So irritating that Dr's think patients time doesn't matter. Is there anything we can do to help you? double hugs for you.

Don't have 2nd window open so submit this post & go bk for a read. That's right I can't member everything. :egad: Not proof reading. Oh poo, only 4 emoticons.

PS has any one seen Mr G?

[NoraC]

I find coloring very relaxing. Don't know why but whatever works. lol

No - I haven't seen Mr G. :sad:

Rusty - I thought about putting up my 'do i talk to much bird'. :rotlf:

[Wildflowers]

Well, think I'm caught up here. Hubs is outside using chain saw, listening to classic rock, with nice fire in pit. Glad rain has ceased for a day. :smile: Must hobble along & get a few more things done.

Hope everyone has a good AF day, evening. May pop in later.:hug:

May have to try coloring. :smile:

[NoSugar]

Nora, I think you've captured the message of hope everyone needs to hear and take to heart:

Now I can say I don't drink and I don't feel like I'm missing out. That feeling will come with time.

And if a person spends that time actively grateful for what not drinking brings them, the sooner they'll be free. It's great to see so many people here reclaiming the lives they want and deserve. xx, NS

[Wildflowers]

Agree with NS. Heard over the years grateful people: drunks, alkies, problem drinkers don't get drunk. Sorry for so many labels. Many people don't like or think they don't apply.

Well, at the moment not happy with Mr WF. Give a man a chainsaw, power tools and they go crazy. Our back yard is now not private. I asked him to cut back a plum tree so magnolia could grow. Can't get comfortably down the deck stairs to supervise. lol. He's done this before. Then had to build a fence in back. In front of existing fence.

Now, flipping into gratitude. He's alive and healthy enough to do hard physical labor. Our neighbor is 80, widow. In summer when planting, watering we'll be able to keep a better eye out for her. Myself, not Mr WF want to sell & move out of state. Both our girls live far away. Want to relocate near them. At some point in future. It's probably better not having too much privacy for security issues. This may be a good selling point. There must be something else. Don't care as much about our differences anymore.

Now, why am I still irritated? Don't answer, there are bigger things to complain about.