One Step at a Time - March 2017

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi Steppers! Quick check in as I'm about to lose power on the computer. If I get the powercord I'll be up another hour and that's probably not good for this night owl.

Good day today, busy, productive, clear head. More later!

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Oops, one more thing . . . HAPPY SPRING!

It is hubs and I's 18th anniversary today. Yes, it was intentional to pick the first day of spring. We had a good day, no big celebrations as we had a basketball banquet to go to. But, we got to watch our son be rewarded for his hard work in something he loves. I'll take that over a good steak!

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[abcowboy]

A day late and a dollar short, the story of my life lol. Anyway..



Mr & Mrs AG!

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Thank you Cowboy! I can't believe its been 18 years plus the 5 before that, but, sometimes I can. LOL

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Steppers, as you know, I had to stop the Newbie's Nest Roll Call as I just couldn't go back to Day 1 after slipping up. It did help me tally the days though and I liked that. For me, this is an internal competition, I was happy for the others racking up days but that didn't necessarily inspire me to keep up. Well, not a whole lot anyway.

So, I created an electronic calendar. For an AF day, I change the color to green. If I slip up, I leave the box white and note the number of drinks. It is a way for me to visually track the progress as well as any patterns in my slips. (Yes, there has been more than one slip but I am on track.) Weekends are still tough for me mentally as are a few people. Hmmm . . . good to know. One of my biggest drinking nights used to be Sunday night (why? who the heck knows . . . what nonsense, probably my private rebellion at having to go back to work which only hurt myself immensely). I have solid green since 1/22 the night I almost killed myself with red wine (woke up at 2am standing at my island, my head being the only thing to "balance" me. So lucky I didn't fall over, the top of my head hurt for a few days.)

Yep, feeling more than a little vulnerable sharing the above again but this is why we are here. This is where I am at today and a lot of this writing is for myself (going into the journal!!)

Thanks all for your support!! I am so happy to be here on MWO working on my journey, despite not being perfect, I am learning, much happier, and moving forward.

Onward!! :sohappy:

[ssd858]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

AG - please try to not be so hard on yourself :hug: Your electronic calendar is perfect. I know that the goal is to be 100% af, but in the beginning just having more af days has such a positive effect on your health and wellness, you should celebrate it and not focus on being imperfect.
The problem with being so hard on ourselves is that it makes us more likely to say fudge it and have some drinks! Be kind to yourself as you would a dear friend and you might be less likely to turn to your drink of choice. Hope this didn't sound preachy.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Sounds like a great idea, AG. :welldone:

[techie]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Happy Anniversay, AG xoxo

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi, all. Fly by from me. I'm at my parents' house in Baltimore because my mom had surgery on her foot. No biggie, but OUCH! She's off her feet for a couple of days, at least. I thought I'd help out. Plus, Ed has a trade show in DC and I'd be alone during this time. I don't want to drink, think I might be indifferent again, but didn't want to chance it. Plus, it seemed like the universe was stepping in to help me out, since the dates were the same. Damn universe.

I adamantly don't count days. It's not good for me. I know it motivates some people, and that's cool. But not me. Just the opposite. I start to think that if I make it too many days I'll never ever (neva eva) get to drink again. Or some such crazy and crazy-making brain dysfunction. It was cool to reach 30. And I haven't had a drink since I checked into rehab. But I'm not going to say never. I'm just gonna stick with, "not today." Plus, it's nobody else's business, unless I need to and want to share it. I don't mean that in a bad way, either. But let's face it. People can be judge-y. Even if they're not, I feel like they are, and internalize it all regardless. I need support, not shame/guilt/resentment, especially the self-created kind.

Just my take on it all. I'll add that it feels really damn good to wake up these days, and I think my brain is working again. Mostly. Somewhat. A little bit. lease::distracted: Plus, I'm scared to drink again. The relapse wasn't the worst thing ever, I didn't "hit a bottom" or any of that jazz, but it still suuuuuucked. And I couldn't stop. Scary stuff.

My dad's driving me crazy, y'all. Being hyper-vigilant and very snippy. I get it. But he's being a knucklehead and yelling at me for no reason. Poor mom's suffering the brunt of it, but she's too loopy to notice, thank all that matters.

Hope that Erin's dilemma is solved soon and without major consequence. Is it disastrous thinking to worry that she's going to be made to take disability? That seems extreme to me, but our school systems can be mighty messed up. Hope not. And hope she's able to stay on her feet and active, too.

Gotta go. Mom's calling.

Good day everybody!

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Great posts by everyone, Happy anniversary AG

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi guys.
AG, happy anniversary! I'm so glad your enjoyed your day! I love the electronic calendar, what a great idea. I've done some things that are pretty hard to admit to. How very brave of you to share with us.

Ne, like you I don't like to count days either. I find I have done so much better not counting. I'm just not drinking! Glad you're able to help out your parents. I am sure you mom appreciates it.
Thank you for your kind words regarding Erin.

Nora, Pauly, rusty, techie Skendall, Nursie, glassie, hello, hope all is well with you guys.
Wishing us all a great AF night!

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Thanks all for the anniversary wishes! Much appreciated!

I think the electronic calendar will help for more insights. ssd858, no, you were not preachy, I do tend to be too hard on myself. This is by far the longest I've gone without AL daily. It is also out of the house and that feels very "normal" now. Most days.

More later!

[abcowboy]

AG and ssd, there's nothing wrong with a bit of imperfection in our sobriety. I know I have occasionally thought of having a drink and I know that Nora has mentioned it as well. But when I do think of having a drink, I'm honest with myself, I don't want just a drink, I want to get drunk! That honesty alone keeps me from picking up the first one.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi Everyone,

Swamped with work and just wanted to say hello!

AG-A belated Happy Anniversary!!!! So happy for you, and congratulations on your continued sobriety!!!

In my spare time, I have been rearranging the food in my new fridge. A color scheme is very important to me! Hahahahaha!

Big hellos to everyone else.