One Step at a Time - March 2017

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi all . . . back again! Whew, thought I'd take your advice and jump in and post when I'm not feeling right. I'm not thinking about AL, necessarily, I'm just feeling sad. There is NO reason for it, did my yoga, got a fresh new cut (but not too much), sitting here with my tea and faithful loving dog in front of the fireplace. My kids are home, healthy, happy and safe.

I thought giving up AL would lessen Hubs and I's relationship issues. Not so much. He is certainly happy I am not drinking, he is kind, etc. I am safe, I am certain about that. But he is still very removed and acts more like a roommate than a life partner. Sigh. Now that I'm not numbing myself every evening, it is even more painful, like a dull ache. Its not just that, I am angry with him. That has come out into my consciousness much more in the last 5 weeks. Part of the reason I am angry is he doesn't DO anything. I work my ^&* off and he brags to his friends that he is living life like a retiree (he is 53, too young for that. He has a job that earns a decent salary but he only has to work about 4 - 7 weeks of the year. I know, it is good and has been good for our family, especially when the boys were little. But they're not now). Yesterday, I scheduled time with my therapist but can't get in until 3/21.

Thanks for letting me get that out, I don't want it to fester inside and cause worse problems than it is. Back later, I'm sure, feeling somewhat fragile today.

P.S. Rusty, that was truly all about me . . . (just joking with you, I know what you meant!!)

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

AG - hugs. Big hugs

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

AG - I understand so much!!! First - Good job on coming here and talking when you don't feel right.

My husband doesn't work. He is permanently disabled but you wouldn't know by looking at him. And, I have definitely had resentment towards him. I have worked and supported this family for about 20 years now. I am just telling you that so that you know I understand what you mean about working full time and then trying to do everything else. Big hugs to you.

The following are only my thoughts. Take it with a grain of salt. I think that relationships change over time. I think that I took a lot more shit when I was drinking because maybe I felt like I deserved it? I just mean like hubby's bad mood, etc., I would take responsibility for things. I would be quiet and keep my head down & my opinion to myself. The longer I was AF, the better that got. I allowed myself to trust my feelings.
I think that you need to protect your quit hard right now. This type of environment at home definitely made me slip more times than I can count. No, it didn't make me slip, I would use it as an excuse.
As I got more comfortable in myself, I was able to tell my hubby things. Such as you can tell your hubby to DO SOMETHING!!!!! If he is the house husband he should be taking care of all of that stuff.
It is hard right now but you will find your happiness. Hang in there. Please keep sharing. We are all here for you. :hug:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Oh AG - I just want to give you a big hug. :hug:

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi AG,

I started to answer you and then my sister called and I stepped away. Sending strength your way.:hug:

Nora is right. I know I put up with a lot more shit from people because I thought I deserved it...considering they had put up with my drunken phone calls for about 3 years or so. I didn't deserve it, but when I was drinking so heavily, I didn't have the presence of mind or confidence to defend myself in personal situations that really hurt me.

I also have another "take" on your situation...if your husband likes to brag that it's like he's retired because he only works 4-7 wks/year (wow, what does he do...can we trade jobs? Just kidding), maybe he is suffering from low self-esteem. It really, really does take a lot of confidence for a man to be a stay-at-home-dad, and maybe now since your sons are a little older, he's not sure what to do with himself but doesn't really know how to express that? Your boys don't need him as much, so maybe he is feeling a bit out of sorts? Maybe he feels intimidated by your career success and is kind of going through some kind of mid-life crisis. That's why I thought couples' therapy might help. Just my two cents. ;-0) Good for you for coming on here and telling us how you feel.:welldone:

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Nora:heartbeat:I had no idea you had been supporting your family for 20 years! OMG!! What an incredibly kind and unselfish woman you are...and strong, too! I am grateful that you are our thread leader!:thumbsup:

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Wow, AG, rusty and Nora sure have a handle on your situation! Valuable insights for sure. I know my self worth declined as the kids needed me less. He may not even realize that's what is happening to him. Have you suggested couples counseling? I worry about you being sad. Like Nora says, you will find your happiness, just hang in there. We are here for you:hug:

Rusty, glad you have a free weekend. I hope you can just kick back and do absolutely nothing. Your advice is always spot on and I for one appreciate your experience and wisdom:love:

Nora, hope your doing ok. Are you back home yet? You are stronger than you know!

Erin came by today and we started putting ideas together for CJs bridal shower. I'm struggling not to get these two showers confused! The baby was moving while she was here and she let Mark feel her tummy. He was somewhat apprehensive but he did. You should've seen the look on his face when he felt baby move, Priceless:eek-new:. He couldn't believe it. It's one thing to know it's a live being, quite another to actually feel it.

[actiongirl46]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Thanks Steppers! You nailed it . . .

Nora and Rusty, you are right, when I was drinking I kept my feelings to myself and didn't express my opinion very much. Plus, in hindsight, I was focused on drinking and not him so much.

Maybe he doesn't know what to do with himself now . . . he is a smart guy and has a lot to offer. I wish he would get out there and use his talents, even if it is volunteer work. I think he would be happier. He certainly doesn't seem to want to be around me. Enough of that. I will check into couples counseling.

Rusty, how nice for you to be home! Enjoy.

Liz, I bet you can't wait to hold that baby! So exciting.

Nora, thanks for always being here wherever you are!

I appreciate you all so much. I will watch my quit, yes, this stress is probably one of the worst for me.

Onward!

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

What I DON'T like is when someone posts and it is ALWAYS ALL about them, and they don't bother to ask about how anyone else is doing, or to offer support or congratulations, when warranted. None of us is like that, though. We did have one regular poster who was like that but this person does not often visit. ;-)

Are you talking about me again?
I'm sorry I haven't been around lately.
But enough about me. What do you all think about me? :happy2:

Nora I hope you're surviving things and your brother has started helping.

Liz - I had such a laugh at the thought of you getting the showers mixed up. Imagine the look on everyone's face if you presented a baby gift at the bridal shower!

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Good Morning!

Glassie!:yay::hug: I absolutely was NOT talking about you!!!! You always ask about other people and encourage people when they are struggling, that's why we love you here!!!:heartbeat: How are you doing? How is your beautiful granddaughter? How old is she now? So glad to see you, sweetheart. I have missed you. I have been bad about keeping in contact via email but I will try and send one off to you today.

Liz-you are so very sweet. How cool that Mark got to feel the baby move! Wow, what an experience. It makes the baby so REAL...I think I would have started bawling. I love babies! I get your showers mixed up.... LOL. Did you decide on a venue for both of them? Yesterday, I took your advice. I did practically nothing...well, nothing productive. I was on here a lot and "chatting" with a few members here back and forth. It was fun. I did do laundry. That was the only task I completed yesterday.

Nora-when are you coming back to California????

Cowboy-I keep meaning to tell you that my trip to Ottawa this month got cancelled. My client there has been battling cancer (stomach, pancreas) for years and has been on palliative chemo forever. He retired last Friday because the chemo was wearing him down so badly. I've never been to Ottawa. I've been to Windsor, Stratford, Toronto, and a couple other places.

Pauly, what are you up to today? Isn't it Brady's birthday party?

Wildflowers-how are you doing? Were you able to get back on the AF horse? If not, let us know and we will help you all we can.

Who did I miss? Big hellos to Nursie, Techie, and anyone I missed...happy Sunday!!

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Glassie, I have missed you! Rusty was not talking about you. But I think I know who. She's right about you, you are always supportive. How's things by you? How's your granddaughter? Do they do baby showers in your neck of the woods or is it just a US thing?

Rusty, enjoy another relaxing dong nothing day. So sad about your client. Not an easy diagnosis.

AG:hug: Does your hubby know how sad you are about your relationship? Hoping today is a better day for you.

Wishing us all a fabulous AF Sunday. It's 10 degrees here today brrrrr.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

See, I told you, Glassie! I was not talking about you, my dear.:heartbeat:

Lizzylou!:heartbeat:Were you able to get Joe's mother to contribute ANYTHING to the wedding or the shower? It's supposed to be 40 degrees here and sunny. I am going to walk on the lake path. Do you give up anything for Lent? I gave up sweets because it seems like my clients think I like, want or need them? WANT them...yes. NEED them...um, no. UGH. Such a struggle. Reading posts on The Sugar Free Challenge helps me, though.

Did I say I was going to work out...yeah, I'll get there. As soon as I get done talking here. Hahahahah! I am having too much fun. SOOOOOOO nice to have a weekend all to myself.

Friends....I have a dear friend here on MWO. Her name is dill. I have "known" her for about 7 years now. She has ALWAYS been loving and supportive of me, and anyone else on the thread where she has contributed. Although she needs no formal invitation, I have invited her to join our thread because I think she would add wisdom, grace, support, and personal experience with her sobriety journey. Please wave to her as she might be lurking.:happy2:

HI dill!!!!!:heartbeat:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Hi dill. We would love to have you here!

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - March 2017

Glassie - So great to see you. I have been awful in keeping touch with anyone. It's been a wild ride lately. How are YOU?!?!?!?!?!?

AG - how are things today? Keep talking. :hug:

We go home tomorrow. Last night there was a little hail mixed in with the rain. My DIL and I went out and stood in it. We might get a little snow tonight. That's on my bucket list - to see snow coming down from the sky.

[abcowboy]

Well come on up Nora and take one thing off your bucket list, you'll see lots of snow falling from the sky up here! And depending on the night, you might get to watch and listen to the Northern Lights! Have a safe trip home tomorrow, hope you got done what you wanted to!