Things we don't have to deal with anymore

[NoSugar]

Last night for the first time in years, I cut myself while shaving my legs. I immediately flashed back to all of the times I'd gotten out of the tub to finds rivulets of blood streaming down my legs because I'd shaved while drinking wine in the tub :egad:. So, I'd have to deal with the cuts... and the bloody bath rug... And this was not an occasional thing! It happened A LOT.

We used to have this type of thread on MWO fairly often. Reading the posts can be wryly amusing. Writing them can be cathartic. For me, seeing the self that I HATED reflected in others here who I LOVED helped me learn to love myself again. I had no idea that I wasn't the only one who butchered her legs while shaving (or her dog's hair by grooming while drunk) or hid empty bottles at the back of file cabinet drawers, praying to remember to deal with them later.

It helped so much not to feel so alone. And now it is great to have scar-free legs and a decent looking dog :smile:.

What are you glad to be done with?

[available]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

I think NS my worst was the poor dog haircuts though the repeating myself 100 times to the children was cringe worthy and i could not remember the next day what i said. Then there was the trying to walk to bed and falling against the walls, waking up the next day and finding bruises i had no idea how i come by them. The text messages and fb posts were a doozy and fb still likes to remind me of what i did 4 years ago. If i spoke to someone on the phone i would write down what was said but the next day could not read the writing.

All a part of the past but a stark reminder of how good my life is now.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

I was driving back home today from Charlotte, a trip I have made 100's of times in the past. There is a small town just before I hit my city. Today, I felt a cringe in my stomach as I remembered the feeling of stopping at this liquor store and stocking up for the upcoming weekend. I recalled, in great deatil, the feeling of exhilaration in having a fresh big stash of vodka. Then worrying that I have enough. Then worrying that I can get it into the house undetected. My suitcase used to be incredibly heavy....almost as heavy as my soul.

I am so thankful to be free of that burden. Thank you for the reminder to nuture that which I have worked so hard to achieve. Those werent the days.
Byrdie

[NoraC]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

I was driving back home today from Charlotte, a trip I have made 100's of times in the past. There is a small town just before I hit my city. Today, I felt a cringe in my stomach as I remembered the feeling of stopping at this liquor store and stocking up for the upcoming weekend. I recalled, in great deatil, the feeling of exhilaration in having a fresh big stash of vodka. Then worrying that I have enough. Then worrying that I can get it into the house undetected. My suitcase used to be incredibly heavy....almost as heavy as my soul.

I am so thankful to be free of that burden. Thank you for the reminder to nuture that which I have worked so hard to achieve. Those werent the days.
Byrdie

I had a similar cringe a couple of weeks ago. I stopped by the market where I quite regularly bought the bottle of tequila. It felt like an actual pain in my heart when I walked past the liquor section.

Your line ...........almost as heavy as my soul. absolutely is the way it felt.

[Wildflowers]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Thanks for starting this thread.

Enter our house through the garage and change to indoor shoes. Every time I leave, I unlock the front screen door. Just in case the battery go's out in garage door- key pad, high winds, or if a squirrel bites into an electrical transformer. Needless to say drunk and hungover I'd forget to unlock front screen door. Sure enough key pad to garage is out of order. Then I have to climb back fence, literally almost brake my neck to find hidden key in back and let myself in back door. I never forget when I'm sober to unlock the front screen door.

My memory is better sober. My cooking is edible. No grease fires or huge mess left at night. I remember to take my medication and supplements. I read books, listen to music. Do am stretches. Don't argue with family. Go to job sites. Today at store I sighed when seeing the alcohol, thinking how awful I felt after poisoning my self with ethanol. No drunk calls or texts.

It's good to write out the positive differences. Yes, I cut myself in a major vein down by ankle shaving. Have woke up freezing on bathroom floor in my own vomit, bruises from falling. Not being a good pet parent. Ignoring my adult kids calls or texts. :sad: Omg, the list could go on and on. Oh and writing a check out to wrong company, using my debit for a lg purchase when I wanted to use visa. Not showering, not brushing and flossing teeth. Not getting dressed. Texting my friend-employer last minute saying can't make it. What is eye cream.. What is food, OK that's enough for now. Making myself sick. In sobriety I'm a different person.

[NoSugar]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Man, isn't life so much simpler without it??

Those HEAVY grocery bags were such a drag. I'd often essentially repack my bags once I got to the car in a sad attempt to hide the evidence at the bottom in case my husband was home and offered to help me unload the car. I remember one time when I hadn't expected to be home so I didn't cover my tracks. As I approached our house and saw his car, my heart sank. I drove right by and went to a park to do the repacking, all the while hoping he would have returned to work by the time I got home.

How sad is that? I put drinking ahead of time with my husband. I wasted precious time doing crazy things like repacking grocery bags. Not to mention all other time lost to acquiring, consuming, and hiding cheap, nasty wine, which is what I drank at the end. I am SO glad not to be dealing with that anymore!

[frances]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

So many things! One that came to my mind is the many spills. Particularly the red wine ones. I had drippy streak stains on my walls from where I'd accidentally knock a glass over that was on the bedside table. I had stains elsewhere from other spills. That hasn't happened in over 3 years!

Rushing to hide the glass if the kids came to talk to me about something - if I was up at the computer I'd put it around behind the monitor. If I was in my bedroom, I'd put it out of sight behind something. I didn't want them to know I was almost constantly drinking when I was at home.

Worrying about people noticing a stale wine smell in my car.

Worrying about red wine stains around my lips from the night before. One person pointed them out to me at work one day - I was so embarrassed! I don't know if they knew it was wine but they probably did!

As Byrdie says, those weren't the days!

[mario]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Ah I could write a book on this...


The moment I awake up, first chk to see have I got money in my clothes to get more beer asap & 2nd to see is my car outside & have I got the keys, I have lost count the number of times waking up without them 3 items and I literally died inside them days.

[Sunbeam]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

The wasted time, that was the worst for me. I have a great life, lots of choices always available including the use of my time now that I am retired. Why waste it.

[mario]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Today in Portugal is a lovely sunny day, I remember many years ago waking up here & dreading the sun, dreading the heat, dreading the day ahead , I now wake up every morning & welcome the day, look forward to it embrace it & enjoy it to the best of my ability, how times have changed...

[NoSugar]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Speaking of stains, Frances -- no more stained tongue! I always brushed the heck out of my tongue and told my dental hygienist that I drank tons of coffee... yeah, reddish-purple coffee :rolleyes-new:.

[lifechange]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

This is a great thread.. thank you all!

For me, the very worst thing that happens when I'm drinking, is that I lose control of my mind. Each and every time I drink I do or say something I regret. I hit a couple of new lows the last time and am hoping that a friendship isn't ruined. At some point there's no way to apologize. Except to show by doing..

[NoSugar]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

I'm sorry about what happened, LC. I hope your friend is able to understand and forgive you. I read a quote this morning about how our current actions are going to be our future memories, with us until we die. That really struck me -- if I kind of keep that idea at the back of my mind, it could really affect how I behave in the present. I hate living with regrets so why set myself up for more to carry with me???

[Mom21961]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Hmmm... great thread NS, thanks. It's equal parts happiness that I don't have to deal with those things and cringing at the thought of them. I'm happy that I don't have to check FB and texts in the morning to make sure I didn't send anything I would regret. No more checking the closet to make sure I had enough wine in that black box left over to get me to work (gotta fill that contigo cup) and hold me over until the store opened up. Saying hi to my husband and holding my breath to see how he responded because I couldn't remember the night before. That first cautious conversation when I try and figure out if there are things I should know that I don't remember. Ugh.. and a million other things! :egad:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Things we don't have to deal with anymore

Love this thread.
I put my hand through a window in my last drunken blackout. Cut my arm very badly. Was too drunk to go to ER. Waited until the next day to see a doctor and got 60+ stitches. Have nerve damage in my arm and hand now. The scar and the damage are a permanent reminder. It sucks. I don't ever want to go back.