Paulysville

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

((((((((((((Pauly))))))))))))))

[abcowboy]

Great job on falling back on support when you need it most Pauly, sometimes it's as simple as reading something, sharing a thought with someone, or just sitting back and congratulating yourself for the progress you've made.

I'll admit you've had a very tough 2017 so far, and it's easy for me to say things will get better, but then yet another curve ball is thrown at you. The best thing is to look back over these past 8 weeks and remind yourself that you got through everything without drinking, that alone deserves a big pat on the back and an even bigger hug! You got this by the tail Superwoman, no demon is going to beat you or the power of sobriety!

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

I didn't fall back on support when I needed it,,I fell off,,to me this place is so dry! Not anybody's problem but mine, I don't care! I look like a crybaby on this thread if things didn't REALLY happen I'd have never posted,to me it looks made up..its not, I wish it were,I text one of my quit buds but in the end I chose,I'm so pissed at my mom for not using a different picture of Jon for his memorial! Why use the pic AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS ADDICTION!! Why put other brother's names ahead of the boys who grew up with him!? So generic I'm irritated, I hate what I'm going through, I'm out of this stale ass site I'm over..

[Guitarista]

Re: Paulysville

Hey Pauly,

Geez, that sounds rough re Jon's memorial. I'm hearing ya.

[dill]

Re: Paulysville

prayers and thoughts with you, Pauly.:heartbeat:

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

(((((((Pauly)))))))

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: Paulysville

Oh Pauly, you poor love. You really have been through so much in the last few months and you've been so strong. My heart aches for you. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[kuya]

Re: Paulysville

You have been through some horrible stuff recently Pauly and you know how much I admire your strength. As I said to you before you have achieved sobriety for most of your many years here and that is success.

You always get back on the horse and you don't seem to realise that that is beyond many here with long term sobriety....they couldn't do what you do because they might not be able to get sober again.....you do, which shows incredible resilience and strength of spirit.

Same goes for Guitarista

Far from being a failure , you are a fantastic success IMO.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

You have been through some horrible stuff recently Pauly and you know how much I admire your strength. As I said to you before you have achieved sobriety for most of your many years here and that is success.

You always get back on the horse and you don't seem to realise that that is beyond many here with long term sobriety....they couldn't do what you do because they might not be able to get sober again.....you do, which shows incredible resilience and strength of spirit.

Same goes for Guitarista

Far from being a failure , you are a fantastic success IMO.

Kuya - thank you for putting it into words. [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] - I am sorry for all the sadness in your life right now. I know it must be overwhelming. :hug:But never forget that you are a fantastic success. :heartbeat:

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

I'm a strong woman,,til I'm not.I am tired of feeling like crap,I hate that Jon did this to himself, I'm not trying to dwell on it,just comes and goes but sometimes I cry out of the blue over him one night I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep and I just thought of him as a kid,I practically raised him from infancy but when I had Michelle I wanted my own life with hubs and her,I neglected my time with him,took him to my aunts while my mom worked cuz I was selfish I guess,he begged to come to my house but I was an ass I guess,then the fights we had as adults both drunk,foolish! I just don't know how I can deal with this crap, called mom last night and she told me my dad smoked 3 cigs during our phone call! I don't think he's gonna do what he needs to do,,too hard to focus on two major things at once,totally rambling I know, just sad.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

((((((((((Pauly)))))))))))

Please keep talking. You have been hit with so many blows over and over. Of course you are sad. This is awful and it is sad.
But, you have got friends here that love you and hurt with you. So please talk to us about what you are feeling.

[Rusty]

Re: Paulysville

Pauly:hug:It's totally understandable that you would want "me" time with your hubs and new baby and you wouldn't want your little brother living with you. Cut yourself some slack, please. I just sent you an email.

[NoSugar]

Re: Paulysville

I've been thinking about you all day, Pauly. I totally agree with what Kuya said about you being a strong and resilient woman. A couple posts I put in the nest today were with you in mind - not being perfect doesn't make you a failure. Humans can only take so much and you've been through more in a short time then many people experience in their lives. You are essentially living an AF life already and as long as you are willing to keep trying, I believe you will get to the place that you don't have to go through the pain of these episodes. Love, NS

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

Thank you NS,I don't know what happened to me yesterday,I call it the "fugue state" cuz honestly I felt blacked out before I even drank,just in a fog,I'm not sure anybody else can relate to that,it's dumb,drinking lost it's mojo a loong time ago! Why don't I remember that when things get rocky? I do but then I don't.. I'll be fine,dammit the only person I hurt is myself, I'm done hurting myself.

[Lizann]

Re: Paulysville

I don't know what to say to make it all better Pauly. I am here and just know that I do care. Do what you need to do to grieve your brother.