Paulysville

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

So bloody ashamed at myself yet again,I'll be back when I'm sober again..

See you tomorrow. Early morning check in. No excuses in the morning. Deal? :hug: I love you friend.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] - I didn't see you check in today. I'm sure I'll catch you first thing tomorrow, right? :heartbeat:

[Pavati]

Re: Paulysville

Hi, Pauly--

I'll be here with Nora waiting for you to check in today. There's always a way out.

xo
Pav

[satz123]

Re: Paulysville

So bloody ashamed at myself yet again,I'll be back when I'm sober again..

:hug: Pauly
Come back and post. No need to be sober ............

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

I'm here,2 days sober thank God but it took a lot to get that way not sure what else to say,I tell myself I'll go to AA or something to do it different but I just don't know,I do know that I hafta want this more than I want to keep drinking here and there but I dunno where and when I'll ever find that true want,seems its all been words for these past few years.

[NoraC]

Re: Paulysville

Pauly :hug:

[Guitarista]

Re: Paulysville

Great job on your 2 days off the sauce Pauly.

Well, they say change is uncomfortable. So we might have to be prepared to get a little uncomfortable and challenge ourselves. Try something different or new and add it to the mix. In the case of meetings, and groups like AA, it might be uncomfortable or daunting to walk through the door. But that sort of discomfort ain't bad i reckon. they also say nothing changes if nothing changes. I think that's true.

Trying something different makes total sense to me when previous methods have shown they don't work. Go for it mi amiga!

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: Paulysville

Pauly I'm not sure what will make it click for you, sweetie - but I do know that you are one of the most determined people I know. And I am SO proud of you for coming back here so quickly.

You have had so much crap in the last few years but now is the time to focus on the future and how much fun you have with Louie and little Romeo.

Love you lots!!!!!!!

[abcowboy]

Not just sure what to say Pauly, except I'm thankful that you're back. I thought about you a lot last night, even talked to Bubba over it, and she said something that I haven't thought of. She said; well you've tried tough love with her, you've tried enabling love with her, you've tried common sense love with her, why not just show her some real love, the kind of love God gives us, maybe that's all she needs.

I thought about what Bubba said most of the night, and realized that was the love she showed me when I was trying to quit. She didn't get mad when I wasn't successful, she didn't harp on me when I wasn't successful, and she didn't enable me by agreeing with my excuses when I wasn't successful. She was just there for me....helped me put the pieces back together, and try one more time.

So, I'm going to love you like that Pauly...just be here for you...help and support you any time you need it....that's real love....

[Rusty]

Re: Paulysville

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION], Pauly:hug: I am glad you're back. I missed you! I wanted to email you but I didn't want you to think I was nagging or anything other than being a good friend. I echo what Glassie said...you are one of the most determined people I've known here. You never give up. I am proud of you, too. Do you have Women For Sobriety in your area? I think it is Jude58 who goes to WFS meetings near her home in New York. Maybe you could reach out to her? Also, see if you can find a female addiction therapist/counselor. I know you've had a negative experience with a male therapist, so see if you can find a female therapist. You have had SO SO SO much trauma in the last few years...the sudden death of your brother, your dad's illness, etc....I think talking it out with a therapist is what you might need. I am speaking from experience here: I lost my best friend, broke up with my long-term partner, my brother died suddenly, my dad died suddenly, and my other brother almost died in a horrific boating accident. This all happened within 4 years. These were huge triggers that pushed my social, moderate drinking into out of control drinking because I was trying to drown the sadness I felt. But as Ann Landers once said, "People who try to drown their sorrow with alcohol forget that sorrow knows how to swim." I am acquainted with a psychiatrist who treated me for anxiety in the late 90s. She told me I should have started seeing a grief therapist right after my best friend died. She was right. Don't make the mistake I did, Pauly. Keep looking for the extra support you need because you are so worth it.:love:

[mollyka]

Re: Paulysville

Great you're back pauly - there were things I was resistant to trying - AA was one - my counsellor just told me unless I was willing to try anything - absolutely everything - then I wasn't committed to staying sober - did attend AA for a couple of years then and the face to face with normal happy addicts in recovery helped me get on the road - you do need to find a good meeting tho - maybe try a few ??

[starty]

Re: Paulysville

Hey Pauly, I hope you are OK today? I feel your pain with the constant relapses. It really play havoc with our mental health doesnt it? I struggle to understand who I really am and what I really want. I think deep down all I really want is peace and I have to accept that will not be found in a bottle or a packet of pills.

[Lizann]

Re: Paulysville

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] :hug: I can't explain it anymore than you could, I just know how it is and it sucks! I love you too!

[satz123]

Re: Paulysville

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] - I have to agree with Mr G & Molls ......... try AA.
Do it now. Find a meeting and go.
From what I know of you - you will fit right in and not be awkward talking to new people ?

It reminds of losing weight & me. For years I went to WW and lost and put on the same 2 stone. Kept doing the same thing week after week and it was not working. They always welcomed me back - told me it was ok - why not, it's the likes of me that makes them rich - cos it doesn't work.
It was NOT ok .....
Until I changed my relationship with food by reading, reading, reading, finding new ways and a gym that made me accountable nothing worked.
Change is scary .....

So - out you go on the ledge and do something different. Find an AA meeting and go 2/3 times a week. Build up relationships.
AA DOES work - like MWO alone works for some but unlike WW

p.s. I'm not thin but I'm content now 'cos being too thin is aging. There are no wrinkles in a balloon
I will always define myself as 'someone who is losing weight' - even though I'm not :haha: just as I'll always be an alcoholic - even though I'm not drinking.
I wouldn't know what to do if I actually got to goal weight. :hahaha:

[NoSugar]

Re: Paulysville

@satz123, this cracked me up!:

There are no wrinkles in a balloon

The one I heard is that as we get older, we have to choose our bodies or our faces - if we strive for one to look 'younger', the other is sure to look 'older'. There's one place where moderation is probably a good idea! And we sure don't want to be those balloons that are slowly leaking air (Young Pauly probaby doesn't even know what we are talking about :belchha.

I'm so happy to see you in the NN, @paulywogg!