Paulysville

[treetops]

Re: Paulysville

Congrats Pauly - always good to have good news. I like Liam as a name.

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

Sleep still wonky,been dreaming about my family a lot,nothing bad they're just in my thoughts I guess,been walking a lot just to clear my head which is a good thing cuz I've been having lots of brain fog lately but its probably hormones and maybe a bit of stress,whatever I'm not drinking, I go to work,I watch Lou,I keep a (cleanish) house,getting shit done! The kids and hubs still want to take a trip to California but I'm on the fence,although I promised Louie the beach,when I promised that I didn't expect all of this other stuff to happen,my mind isn't in vacation mode anymore and I think once we got down there I'd just wish I was home anyways, plus I'd rather keep the money,plus I need to go to my hometown more or maybe I should just plan the trip,go,get it over? Probably be a PIA next summer cuz Kell will have the new baby,grrr,see how the next weeks go,if I didnt go off the rails in July I'd have an xtra $500 at least,fucking binges cost my ass with beer,smokes,time off from work,etc! And I had a cool Cinco D mayo quit date,damn!

[abcowboy]

You've got an even better quit date now Pauly, the final one! Maybe the vacation is exactly what you need, enjoy your family and time away from the routine?

[paulywogg]

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I'm not sure Cowboy, I'm finding I hate travel anymore, being out of my routine, strange bed,plus California with all the traffic and stuff,I just don't know see how it pans out

[abcowboy]

I'm the same as you Pauly, I like my routine and don't like when things interrupt it. It was that way when we went back home for my niece's wedding, didn't really want to go, but even with the 7 hour drive I was glad I went!

Every time we go home it seems like it costs about $1200.00 with hotel rooms, meals, gas, Hank's boarding, etc but hey, I always found money to drink so I should be able to spend a bit on myself!

But if you think you're not wanting the trip, then by all means stay at home, but take some time for a bit of r&r for yourself either way!

[Pavati]

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Hey, Aunt Pauly.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family.

I sometimes get myself into a tizzy with anticipation of how hard something fun will be (usually a party) and once I get there, I'm glad I went. I get the hesitation - do what you need to do for yourself.

Hope all is well in Paulysville.
Pav

[ToMyHealth]

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Hi Pauly,
Sincere condolences about your brother. Thankyou for sharing about the gust of wind. Totally believe it was a sign from him.

Hope you are feeling a bit more optimistic with the start of the new week. Unisom has helped me with sleep. May not be good before a workday, however. I find I seem to sleep harder in the morning hours.

No doubt travel can be stressful. Like Pav said it often turns out better than you thought it would be. Cannot tell you how many times I have updated my Iphone calendar as to daily routine, what I want to accomplish each day...while gone on trip.....when can't do any of it.

Take care,my friend. You were a big part in encouraging me here, and I thank you for that.

TMH

[paulywogg]

Re: Paulysville

Haven't been here in a bit,figured I'd ramble had "therapeutic beers" as I called them last week during a really yuck stomach left me nauseaus, I figured a few beers would calm my stomach and it did work,stupid reason,stupid thinking but it is what it is,I'm finding that I dont do so well with feeling uncomfortable, maybe everyone is like that but manage it different? I'm just at a point where all I care about is me and what's going on in my life that it makes it sort of hard to keep up on my threads,easy poke ins I can do but I feel like I've been through the ringer this summer and its hard cuz one day I'll feel at ease,the next day I'm crying while driving to work,talked to dad and he finally went to SLC to see his doc,he's so goddamned secret about everything so I'm not entirety sure what the plan is,he did tell me he has to wait on selling the house cuz he wants a big enough profit to buy something decent but he's picky and thinks everything is a dump! Talked to mom yesterday, she'd been drinking and listening to Jon's music all day,I told her maybe she should put his CDs away for a little bit, maybe thats wrong but I had moved a table Jon made into my room and after that started dreaming of him and my family every night,I think it was the energy so I moved it out again cuz I thought I was ready but I wasn't, I also took the time to watch his DVD they played at the memorial while I was drinking, maybe subconsciously I wanted to get drunk so I'd have the balls to watch it,,I don't know, don't think I can watch it sober,not yet,really it hasn't been long since he passed but it feels like it has been,each day he pops in my head and it's made the days feel like an eternity sometimes, I guess it just takes time.

[Guitarista]

Re: Paulysville

It sure takes time Pauly. Give yourself that time as best you can. I don't know how long these things (grief) take to become managable for us. I reckon it depends on the individual, we can't compare. Thinking of you buddy.

[paulywogg]

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Thanks Mr.G on a side note I wanted to mention that my"therapeutic" beers were not an ok thing to do,don't want people thinking I'm condoning it for myself but its also not a "help me I drank" statement either,I know what I need to do,it was just a blip..

[Mr Vervill]

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It does take a lot of time, and pain, Pauly. My SIL, who lost a daughter said, you never get over it, you just learn to live with it. Sending you strength, dear one.

[ssd858]

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Hi Pauly - Losing a sibling must be one of the toughest things to endure. Then to have other family issues makes it even harder. Be kind to yourself. And be proud that last week's beers were just a blip and not a relapse. Crying can be a good thing - I find it has a soothing effect.
And please come here where you can let it all out. So much better than keeping it in. I find that when I am keeping things in I have nightmares like you are having about your brother. :hug:

[dill]

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Pauly, you have been through the ringer this summer, there's no doubt about it. It takes time. Eventually things will get better.:hug:

[techie]

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So sorry to read about all your struggles. I am sending healing light and prayer to you and family. I too know the pain of losing a sibling. xo

[abcowboy]

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You know Pauly, I think grieving the loss of a loved one is kinda like getting sober, we all have to find our own way of doing it. And when you find your way, it will "click" and it'll all make sense...