Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

[IamMary]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Hello..
Get this too [MENTION=23019]tonyniceday[/MENTION].. Mr M still drinks, at home. I found it difficult at first, but in another way it made me more determined. I was going to beat it this time, despite him. He'd seen it all before, so maybe, in his defense, it was just another fad of mine, Id be back pouring 2 large glasses by Wednesday..
And I really did miss those moments. But the reality was that most of the time there were no moments or even conversation after the 1st glass or 2.
Its a tricky one, dont blame your wife for not getting it straight away.. she will, in time. Especially when she realises your still brilliant company without the booze! I deliberately didnt comment on my husbands habits, he did make an effort (could have been better at times ) and now I dont batter an eyelid when he has a beer.
When are you away anyway??

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Evening all, Adie reporting from the frontline. Survived the mad storm but had my electricity knocked out for over 24 hours. It also managed to blow the power supply to my wifi router so no internet today and knock out fuses.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Thanks to you all...

It's all so effing confusing...she doesn't want me drunk, but wants me to drink.....not gonna work,is it!

Al anon is a non starter as far as I am concerned because Mrs T went to one meeting and was basically told to throw me out until I'd been dry for a year!!!....but she wants me to drink "NORMALLY" I'm continuing with my plan which is zero alcohol...maybe I should show her the letter I wrote....but that may be counterproductive...

I just cannot be a "normal " drinker...

So confused...

P.s. away from 19th November

[mollyka]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Thanks to you all...

It's all so effing confusing...she doesn't want me drunk, but wants me to drink.....not gonna work,is it!

Al anon is a non starter as far as I am concerned because Mrs T went to one meeting and was basically told to throw me out until I'd been dry for a year!!!....but she wants me to drink "NORMALLY" I'm continuing with my plan which is zero alcohol...maybe I should show her the letter I wrote....but that may be counterproductive...

I just cannot be a "normal " drinker...

So confused...

P.s. away from 19th November

What you must understand is the situation - no confusion - you're an addict and she doesn't understand - but there is an element of understanding she must get or down the road her persuasion of 'having a couple - sunny day - glowing fire - holiday - wedding - insert any fuckin occasion' will seem like a good idea - I remember Joe asking me to only drink WITH him - 'put the bottle on the table' was his expression - happy days - bottle on the table first weekend - bottle in cupboard as well the next...... she needs to get that - maybe your family doctor could explain? Or as I said - find a book explaining alcoholism to the lay person? It's important

[rustop59]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Good morning everyone. ItÂ’s a tough one Tony. Like Marys hubby mine still drinks. It is a challenge and much easier when it is not in the house. In fairness to my hubs he does not pressurize me to have one and takes full advantage of being chauffeured. Also IÂ’m very independent, heÂ’s used to me doing my own thing.

SheÂ’s probably just seeing it from her own perspective, she can stop so why canÂ’t you? Some people think alcoholics are very selfish (quoting a friend who I might also add is a counselor) so basically you have to be selfish, it is all about you NOT drinking. Like Mary said become more determined to beat this despite her. I have read so many of the successful people here talk about having a plan in place before going on holiday so your next step is to get that plan in place. Plenty of advice on the boards. Maybe start a new thread to pull in the people who just post on one thread. Just an idea.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Morning all, sorry I hadn't read back when I posted last night.

Al anon is a non starter as far as I am concerned because Mrs T went to one meeting and was basically told to throw me out until I'd been dry for a year!!!....but she wants me to drink "NORMALLY" I'm continuing with my plan which is zero alcohol...maybe I should show her the letter I wrote....but that may be counterproductive...
I just cannot be a "normal " drinker...
So confused...

Tony I have to say, reading this just makes me angry. That Al anon meeting sounds like it was more of a bitching and moaning session about the alkies than a self help and support group. How in dogs name does telling one to throw someone out on the street until they are sober for a year help anyone?
Regarding your wifes' refusal to accept what you have had the courage and insight to accept must be the definition of frustration, don't let it expose even the tiniest crack in your resolve and maybe consider that she is right and that you have made a mistake all along. I certainly wouldn't need much convincing of that some days when the going gets tough, the demon on my shoulder is enough to cope with, never mind someone telling me you are grand to have a couple of drinks.
I don't wish to speak out of turn here but that would suit your wifes' agenda and dare I say selfish attitude to what in my opinion is a life threatening condition, for if you continue to drink alcoholically it will eventually kill you before your time. Why others find this hard to see or accept is beyond me. Sorry for the rant and I know that I have offered no advice beyond my support and letting you know that there are people here who understand exactly what it is like to have been in our own hell and had the strength to drag ourselves up by our fingernails to dry land. Don't let anyone push you back in.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Good morning, lovelies.
[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION]........nice to see you
[MENTION=21798]Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)[/MENTION].........that wasn't a rant that was passion.

First things first have to say fabulous and helpful posts as usual.

tonyniceday
It's all so effing confusing...she doesn't want me drunk, but wants me to drink.....not gonna work,is it!

It can and will work but like everthing good it takes time. In the opinion of your doctor, your shrink and much more importantly in the opinion of the Army and MWO you cannot drink safely and I'd say I was on the mark that you don't want to drink ever again.


I'd heard about Al-Anon being harsh. We have a woman comes to the meetings whose father tried Al-Anon and found it harsh to say the least........instead he started going to ordinary AA meetings (just now and again) with his daughter...........he got a lot more understanding of what his daughter had been through and what she deals with on a daily basis.

[Rusty]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Good Morning Army Friends!
[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION]:hug:so great to see you here with this wonderful group of people!

I have tried to push "Thanks for this post" and "Like this post" for every post here this morning but I keep getting this weird error message that says I don't have permission to unclick this button. Strange. Anyway...I like ALL the posts and THANK YOU for all of them.

Tony, that advice from Al-Anon was total BS. Maybe she could go to a different meeting? Also, is there any way you could arrive home AFTER your wife has her wine at night so she doesn't pressure you and you don't feel tempted? That's what I did with my mom. She so enjoys her one glass of wine between 4:00-6:00 before dinner and I made sure I didn't arrive at her house until after that time, just before we ate dinner, so she would have washed her wine glass and put it in the cupboard before I got there. We drink water at dinner. Seems to work well for both of us. She gets what she wants and I get to keep my sobriety.

Off to vacation!!!

Have a lovely Hump Day!!!

[abcowboy]

I've just one thing to add to all the great things that have been said Tony. Maybe Mrs T is feeling threatened, or a bit pressured that she'll have to quit as well. You might just have to tell her that you quitting doesn't mean she has to quit... she can still have her drink and enjoy it as much as you'll enjoy being a non-drinker..

[mollyka]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

The treatment centre were RUTHLESS with Joe -- not telling him not to drink - that wasn't their remit - I was the one with the problem - he wasn't -- but -- on our last day we were given a one to one counselling session with the head counsellor and the first question was 'well Joe - if you have a drink at the weekends where are you going to sleep?' He looked completely puzzled and asked why? of course in his own bed - so she just said 'well you would be comfortable breathing alcohol fumes over M and maybe snoring when she has been through this last month'? -- d'ya know -- there was loads more -- but that one really really hit the spot... now I know that's nothing to do with your problem with the missus Tony - but it's just an example of how words can really change a mindset... in a nutshell - from that day - Joe quit and hasn't had a drink since. (I lie - he had a big birthday about 6 months later - went away with the lads for a night and stayed in a hotel and had lots of pints and didn't like it) - he just 'saw' how our relationship could be still damaged with alcohol even with me NOT drinking --

They say in AA circles that the definition of a relapse in Al-Anon is compassion....:happy2: Jilly rang me from Canada after one of her meetings telling me I wasn't that bad - I'd never knifed anyone ;-)

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Hello lovelies, very sad news. Auntie Isobel died a few hours ago. I'm so grateful I knew this feisty woman.:heartbeat:

[IamMary]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Hello lovelies, very sad news. Auntie Isobel died a few hours ago. I'm so grateful I knew this feisty woman.:heartbeat:

Sorry JC :hug:

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Very sorry to hear of your family's loss JC, she sounded quite a woman.

[paulywogg]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

Sorry for your loss Jackie

[Rusty]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol - October 2017

I am so sorry, Jackie. How sad you must be. :-(. She was lucky to have a lovely niece like you. XxRusty