One Step at a Time - November 2017

[abcowboy]

Well [MENTION=1214]Rusty[/MENTION], everyday we don’t pick up a drink is Thanksgiving Day, we just don’t eat turkey everyday lol

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

You are so right, [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]!:sohappy:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Happy Saturday. I woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. I'm working on an attitude adjustment.:cuss:

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Hey Nora, what's wrong?? Overwhelmed? I bet you just feel like staying in bed and not moving on the weekends with all that is on your plate.:hug:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Hey Nora, what's wrong?? Overwhelmed? I bet you just feel like staying in bed and not moving on the weekends with all that is on your plate.:hug:

I seriously started crying when I just read this. :hug: I'll be back later so grab the earplugs.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Thank you for letting me just blab. I do not like myself when I am like this. I am short tempered. Scott & Casey both told me that I was hiding it well, that they couldn't tell. But, I can tell. I am irritated at everything for absolutely no reason.

And I guess I am overwhelmed. I was getting excited planning our little trip but we're not going to do it. We might go for a night but to be honest I've lost the excitement. Hubby mentioned a few things that we were planning on buying for the house and maybe we should only go for one or 2 nights. Well, now that I'm sitting here talking to you about it........I think that he hurt my feelings? I was doing all this research on beach houses & hotels, had put in for 2 days off, had contacted my niece & our son setting up taking care of mom. He was just like all chill & whatever. No biggie, just whatever. Well, if it's not biggie for him then we'll just stay home. :sad: But, seriously I am over it. That happened days ago. We might go for a night but it just seems like too much trouble to me right now.

You are right about me wanting to not move this weekend. I have been a total bitch in my head all day. Does anyone else ever have those days where everything rubs you the wrong way?
Slept in until 8:30 this morning. Got up (on the wrong side of the bed!). Came out and Mom was already up. I asked hubby what the plans were and he said haircuts & flu shot. (now.....visualize me cussing in my head) I smile at him and say ok. I did warn him that I was grumpy and woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Seriously now - it's not my fault, I warned him.
I went & got my Diet Coke (which I am trying to break myself of the filthy habit) and got dressed. Came back out and began the long process of getting mom moving. First we talk about it for several minutes, then she starts to get up, looks all around her, forgets what she was doing so takes a drink of her juice, puts it down, looks to the left, back to the right, forgot she had just had some juice, takes another drink. Finally starts to stand. We get her up and she goes into the bathroom. Great - finally heading into the bedroom to get dressed. This is another very long process because sometimes she forgets how to dress. So, it's a team effort with me gently leading her towards the next item of clothing. Yahoo. Finally dressed!
Back out to the living room and I get her back comfortable in her chair. Now we have to wait for the hospice nurse to come by. I'm off in the other room doing something and I come back and the back door is wide open and Mom's wheel chair is sitting on the back porch by the ramp. (Now I am loudly cussing in my head. What in the world is he doing? Going to leave the door open for another 45 minutes?) Scott comes out & sees me slamming the wheelchair around (not really, because it's way too heavy) and gives me a funny look. He said aren't we leaving now? I looked at him as if he had grown horns and said not until Khouri comes. Sigh..........(thinking in my head that I'm being a total b****h)
Ok - nurse comes and leaves. Began the long process of getting out of the house. We don't have things set up well for handicap entry/exit. The ramp I bought is wonderful but the way we have to use it is difficult. Mom walkers over to the backdoor. The wheelchair barely fits on the porch so Mom has to step down and sit in the wheelchair. Scott is already set on the ramp and he backs Mom down. But, we got all of that done and Mom in the car. I grab the walker to put in the car just in case. We have the wheelchair but I just grabbed it. Well, as he grabbed it from me, he noticed it was dripping. Yes, she had used it as a toilet again. :sad: I had already cleaned out the bedside commode so she somehow ended up using both last night. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that must be to balance on the metal walker and pee? Again, I must say that I love my husband very much and am so grateful for him. He just took the walker over to the hose and took the pouch off.
We were going back & forth between the backyard and the driveway with the gate open. Finally got all set. Here we go. Drive around the corner and up to the next street. There is Molly!!!! My 10 year old dog that can hardly walk went on an adventure. She didn't even have her tags on. We are so lucky. She probably couldn't find her way back home, she is almost blind and getting senile. Anyway, we stopped and picked her up and drove back home. Molly was having fun. Didn't even care she was in trouble.
Ok - finally get to Supercuts. Wheel Mom up to the chair and after minutes of finagling around, I got her over into the salon chair. Tried to explain how to cut her hair. Poor Mom hardly has any hair. I decided whatever & said a silent I'm sorry to my hairdresser and got my hair cut too. Then we went to the grocery store. Keep in mind that we have discussed the fact that Mom didn't bring her purse, she would pay me back probably 25 times but got it done.Then off to the pharmacy so hubby could get his flu shot. Then to the auto parts store for windshield wipers. The clerk offered to install them, couldn't do it, got someone else who also had problems. There he was on one side & hubby was on the other. By this time, we had Mom back in the car with her door open, I was sitting outside the car in her wheelchair looking up installation tips and reading them out to the guys. Then the clerk figured it out and it went smooth as could be.

We forgot to give Mom one of her pills last night. She has been so much more awake/aware today but periods of repeating/obsessing. She is not having delusions today at all but we both feel that it's borderline and realize she does need the medicine. We're always doubting ourselves. But, it's been so hard today because I am trying to answer the same questions over & over without sounding tense or irritable. Her constant clearing of her throat is driving me crazy. Trying to color with her and she asked the same questions over & over until I finally had to give up. Almost like she has a very normal thought and converses with you but then it gets stuck in a loop. I don't know how to explain it.

Anyway, I came here and let it all out. Thank you. I am disappointed in myself for a bad attitude instead of treasuring each moment with Mom. For getting irritable with Scott instead of focusing on all the good stuff. I know that everyone has days like this and it's perfectly normal. I'm not a bad person and I know that. I just have been on overload and have been finding a hard time finding my happy. Anyway, thank you for letting me come here and get it out. I know you all understand. :heartbeat:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

And to end this in a positive note - I am here venting to you without a bottle in my hand. It's ok to have a bad day as long as I don't drink. :heartbeat:

Ok - that's it about me.

How is everyone else doing?

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Was reading the Unpickled blog and found this. Thought it was good.

I look better. I feel better. My chest doesn’t hurt constantly and I sleep like a baby (at least until 6 am!). I hardly have to think about not drinking now, that part gets SO much easier. But when it does hit me, the old urge to escape – WHAM! There it is like the smell of mould and I pull back in surprise.
Except now I know to ask, what is making me so uncomfortable that I want to check out? Then I deal with that thing, and if I can’t identify it I comfort myself anyway with something safe – a stretch, a treat, a nap, a walk, an unnecessary purchase.
That’s where I am at now, and in time I will surely be in some even more enlightened place.
But one thing is for sure: I am never going back.

UnPickled - Then and Now

[NoSugar]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

You are an amazing woman, Nora, and one of my most important role models. Much love and respect, NS

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Aww Nora, you're entitled to be grumpy. That's a lot to deal with. You are doing this without drinking and that is huge!!! Can you just tell your hubby that he hurt your feelings about going away? He sounds like a great guy, but maybe he just didn't realize how important going away was to you. Does the nurse come in daily?

Rusty, glad you don't have to bring anything for thanksgiving. You are lucky! We are having thanksgiving here. Everyone will bring something. I cleaned the house today already. I'm working Monday and Wednesday so I'd like to get as much done ahead of time as I can.

Ok so what is TWD Pauly or dill. Oh wait is that the walking dead? Mark watches that. I watched an episode with him one night. Rather, um bizarre? He said the same thing you guys said, gotta have watched it from the start. Everyone at work by him watches it.

Spoke to CJ on the phone this afternoon. They are doing well. Joe is working:sohappy: they finally got their cars. They had them shipped down and it took this long to get them. Work is coming along slowly on the house now that joe is working, but whatever. Power should be restored within the next day or two, finally. They are planning to come home for Christmas, provided work schedules allow. I miss her so, I just needed to hear her voice.

So I moved mountains today and I am tired, a good tired. Wishing everyone a quiet AF night!

[lifechange]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Nora, I don't stop by here as often as I'd like to.. but I ditto what NS said. :hug:

[dill]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

[MENTION=9757]NoraC[/MENTION], what an endurance test just to get haircuts! I don't blame you being grouchy. What you need is a get-away! (I know, I'm preaching to the choir on that one!:happy2 I'm so sorry your plans were not fully embraced by Mr. N but money is unfortunately always a factor. I know. We were just humming along thinking things were really going great when suddenly a couple days ago we started noticing a "funny sound" when the furnace blower kicked on. Called the service man and $700 later, we're humming along again, but with less money for Christmas! But hey, back to you: On the bright side, you are still going to be getting away for a couple days. Even that will do you a world of good! And shortening the time will take a strain off of Mr. N's concerns about cost.

Yes, [MENTION=19302]Lizann[/MENTION], you guessed right, TWD is the walking dead. It's like there are two kinds of people in the country: those who love TWD and everybody else! It's a funny thing!

[MENTION=1214]Rusty[/MENTION], you are such a good friend to be so tuned in to Nora!

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

WOW, Nora...what a day!!!:hug::hug: I am in awe of you for staying sober through all of that. I give Scott a lot of credit...he takes such good care of your mom, and I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings at all...he was just being practical and wanted to be frugal and that's why he thought a shortened stay might be better. I think we all get grouchy in our heads sometimes.

Big hellos to [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] and [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION], our lovable Walking Deadheads. Hahaha!! Just kidding!
[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION], Nora is always there for me. I was available yesterday because I was doing housework and when I got bored sweeping and dusting, I came on here...just luck that I saw Nora's post.

Well, my new handyman came at 7:20 AM today...what a sweetheart. He's Hispanic and he said he had no problem finishing my laundry list of chores before Thanksgiving. I found his business card tacked to the bulletin board at the hardware store. He said he even organizes closets and garages. I think I died and went to Heaven. :-)

@GlassHalfEmpty, please check in!! We miss you!
[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] and [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]...thanks for dropping by!!

Ok, time to work out before I fly to Pittsburgh. Happy AF Sunday!

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

Morning friends,Nora,its ok to feel bitchy sometimes,I just warn everyone around me when I'm feeling it,I hate feeling like that though!and yes as Rusty pointed out it is great you're sober throughout this,can you imagine having to care for your mom while being hungover? Cripes! I feel so shitty for my mom not visiting you guys it really breaks my heart but I know how it would have turned out,last time I was drinking was when Kell got in that fender bender and needed me,I was drunk but I went,then I was rude to her,we never know when we'll be needed so staying off booze is numero uno,I never want to feel as helpless as I did that day,waves to all and wishes for a peaceful AF Sunday

[dill]

Re: One Step at a Time - November 2017

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION], :hug::hug: For what it is worth, I think you did the right thing. But I can imagine how you must be feeling! I think you are going to have to sit down and work out some kind of compromise with your mom or it's going to be a long time before you are safe to have her in your home! That sounds harsh but I really don't mean it be. She is either going to have to agree not to drink in your home or you are going to have to have her stay at a motel and visit her in neutral places while she is in town. Places where you can maintain your sobriety: family style restaurants that don't serve alcohol, maybe parks or other venues that don't feature alcohol. Save the money that you are saving by not drinking and use it to pay a couple of night's stay at a reasonable motel maybe. I know how uncomfortable this must be for you, but she really should be willing to meet you halfway. That is not too much to ask!!