One Step at a Time - January 2018

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Pauly:heartbeat:You are so sweet!!! You will again be the hottest and youngest Nan here on the thread. Damn you!!:love:

[Jude58]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

[MENTION=1214]Rusty[/MENTION] I'm sorry that you are feeling so down, but given the circumstances, it's not surprising. Often people have feelings of guilt as well as sadness over the fact that they can't keep someone dear to them in their own homes. I work with people that suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's, and I really love my job! I care for people in their own home, which enables them to stay in an environment that is familiar to them. I have also helped many people who are already in assisted living and many of them love it! Everything is set up to make their lives easier, but I think that the most important thing is the companionship. Many people that stay at home are very isolated with visits from a few friends or family members. Have you found an assisted living facility yet? If not, do your research, it will really pay off in the end, as the quality of some assisted living places isn't much better than a nursing home. If you haven't already done so, visit as many places as you can, and ask a LOT of questions. Search online for questions to ask when visiting assisted living facilities.

I know that it's not an easy time for your family right now, but try to be positive, as this move may be the best for your Mom at this time. Some people are actually happier after moving, as they often socialize much more than they used to. In the past I viewed the elderly as white haired people that clog the aisles in the grocery store, or frustrated me with their driving. After I started to work with them, I realized that they often have fascinating stories to tell, and that most led more interesting lives than I ever did. They are people with feelings, memories, heartbreak, joy and sorrow, trapped in a body no longer young.

Sorry, starting to ramble here.....just try to stay positive. If your Mom fell at home and broke a hip, she would likely end up in rehab and then right into a nursing home. At this point, she has a choice to go into assisted living before something like that happens.

Good luck with everything, and try to be a positive influence on your Mom, it will help both of you! :hug:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] - Thank you for your wonderful post!! You gave such great information. Thank you.

Rusty - I just am sending you big, big hugs. :hug: I KNOW how hard this is for all of you and I am so very sorry. Jude is right that it might be a great thing for your Mom. I know it was a good step for my FIL because he interacted with people. A friends grandmother just moved into one and it has been night & day. So much better. I hope that this is a positive move for your Mom.
Please remember to take care of you. I know what you mean about not wanting to do anything. I have been feeling a lot like that lately. You do what you need to do for you. But, don't let yourself fall into the trap of distancing yourself from the support you need. This is going to be one of the hardest things you have to deal with. Taking away your support system at this time might not be what you need.
Ok - enough of the lecture :heartbeat:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Pauly - I am so excited for you. Please keep us posted. I'm still feeling a little in shock about J&C you know. Like I can't believe it's real. But, it is and I am so happy. I just have to look at the ultrasound everyday. LOL

Liz - how was work today? I hope you had a good day. We went to Wal-Mart and out to lunch. It's not easy getting Mom out but we had a good time. How is your Dad doing?

Glassie - How are you? Are you completely over your illness???

NoSugar - how are you doing? I have thought about your story about your grandson and the phone so much. I hope that I can teach my kids to put the electronics down.

Allswell - how are you doing? Please check in.

AG - you surviving the weekend?

So I'm just going to write this. Don't know if it will help anyone or not. I just want to tell you that it gets so much easier. It took me so many day 1's that I lost count. But, I have not had a drink of alcohol in almost 2-1/2 years. I was the one that couldn't string more than a day or two together.
Yesterday I was having crazy alcohol thoughts! As if I was being deprived because I couldn't have a drink. Several times during the day I would have a random alcohol thought. And, it was always followed by the immediate 'poor me' thought. But, I was able to analyze it for what it is. I wanted alcohol to numb the part of me that is unhappy. When I thought about actually sitting down at a table and having the glass of champagne, I followed it with the reality. Several glasses later, the voice woken up inside of me that wants more & more & more. The headache, the unsteadiness, the guilt, the CRAVING for more. I don't ever want to do that to myself again. I came to MWO because I needed to stop drinking. I didn't want to stop drinking. I wanted to be able to have a drink. Why? Why do I want to have a drink? I can't think of one good reason. I can think of a page full of reasons not to drink. But I can't think of a good reason to take a drink.
Sigh - I am not making sense. I just want to say that it's just a thought. And as the days go by, that voice so rarely comes out. And when it does, you can see it for what it is.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Great one minute message from Belle today. intentional

Really worth listening to if the link works.

one thing that being sober does (and it does MANY things) is it helps us be able to make plans as to what happens next in our lives. you know the feeling that things are happening TO you? well, when remove the booze, this shifts quite a bit.

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

[MENTION=1214]Rusty[/MENTION], I am so sad for you. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. I do know how you feel, I am not sure how much longer my parents can be on their own. It's just a sad reality. Do whatever you need to get through this. Like Nora says, try to find the happy. We are here if you need us. Sending hugs your way. You know we love you :love:.

Nora, thanks for sharing. You are really an inspiration to me. You are incredibly strong and it means a lot to have you here coaching us all on!

Had a great day today! I don't work every other Saturday for now. During the spring it will be every Saturday. Erin and I went to the jewelry store to have her earrings inspected. Although we didn't buy anything I happen to love looking!!! Then we went to dinner for Erin's birthday. We had Japanese. Back here for the most delicious chocolate cake. Now I'm watching football and right now the patriots are ahead.

AG, allswell, glassy, hope your doing ok.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Liz - thanks, you are so sweet. I sure don't feel strong and definitely not an inspiration. But, if anything I post helps then I'm so happy. I'm just trying to get thru it a day at a time. :hug: I am glad that you had a fun day.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Hi Everyone, thank you for all the support.
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] I

know that it's not an easy time for your family right now, but try to be positive, as this move may be the best for your Mom at this time. Some people are actually happier after moving, as they often socialize much more than they used to.

My mother is an incredibly social person. Her social life is far better than mine. She volunteers at the food pantry and the resale shop associated with her church, and she is so active that she keeps very busy with church related events and spending time with her friends. My mother was afraid of moving into assisted living because she would no longer be in the same community as her church and all her friends. To give you an idea of how sociable she is...at the age of 90, she still HAND WRITES 250 Christmas cards every year and gets that many back. ;-)

[Jude58]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

[MENTION=1214]Rusty[/MENTION] I think that's awesome that your Mom is such a social woman, and those are the types that usually do very well in assisted living facilities! If she is close enough to her old stomping grounds, her friends could certainly come and visit, maybe take her out to lunch or a movie. Most assisted living places have many activities available, from exercise and art classes and these are great ways to meet new friends. It will be an adjustment for your Mom (and you) for sure, change is not always a bad thing, but very often a positive one. I don't know about you, but quitting drinking was a huge change for me, and at the time, very difficult and often emotionally and physically painful. It' only been a little over 4 months, but I will never regret my decision to become sober.

[techie]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Happy Sunday, Steppers xoxo

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Hi Techie hope you're well friend

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Wanted to share this while I was thinking about it.

This was another great post by Belle-Tired of Thinking about Drinking and I wanted to share.

i can’t decide if i like a new thing, or not, until it’s well underway. i can’t decide on day 3, when i’m tired. i know the first week of anything is hard. for me, being tired makes me hate my life (warning). So we do one hard day. then do another. get some sleep. You make the decision to assess itlater. we can’t decide now if it’s worthwhile, while it’s still hard. individual moments are hard. the collected time is lovely. when you look back on it, you see all the achievements, the friends, the connections, the memories, the honest stuff.

you don’t look back on months of drinking and feel proud. not once. not ever.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Techie - great to see you. :hug:

Pauly - I'm so excited for you. Son was over today and talking about the baby. He is excited. So am I.

Rusty - you have been in my thoughts all day. Take care of yourself dear friend. Have you talked to your Mom anymore about it?

Liz - what have you been up to today?

Dill, Alls, AG, NS & everyone else. I will be back later so just a quick hello. :checkin:

[Lizann]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Hi guys.
Techie, good to hear from you, hope all is well with you.
Didn't do too much today. Got on the treadmill and tried to work off all that cake I ate!
Hope you all had a great AF day.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - January 2018

Good for you for getting on the treadmill. :yay: