Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

[rustop59]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Good morning everyone. It’s a hard one Satz, follow your gut instinct. It probably is immaturity as RC says but very difficult to live with.

Took a peak out, light coating of snow not sure if it froze on it which is what they were forecasting. Living in the boonies I have to drive, no choice. Hopefully winter is coming to an end.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Good morning wise ones.

Molls, baseball is like rounders over this way and American football is like rugby with helmets.............although there is talk about them getting rid of the helmets as they don't allow the head to react properly when it gets bounced on.................Btw superb drop kick by your Irish lad on Saturday.

Started snowing about 10 minutes ago...........pretty stuff at the moment at not lying.

[satz123]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Thanks everyone.
He left the house without us knowing last night and ended up in ex-girlfriend's house at 2am.

RC you are well able to give advice & thank you. You are of similar age etc I think so you're advice is great too.
That is why the diversity on this thread makes it work.

I do not know what advice I'd give if I'm honest.
I suppose I'd say exactly what Jacks said but surprise surprise - doing it is a different matter. I know where it will lead. The streets.

While Mr S was roaring - I struggled to say why he can't have 'a few ' like his Dad. He had stopped drinking at that stage, was not drunk and was eating........
Then thought Oh God maybe I have to accept that I will have a drunken son under my roof forever

[satz123]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Good luck with the house Toe Knee :hyper:

[mollyka]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Morning - reluctant to comment.... BUT -- yeah of course I will! None of this is 'I told you so' -- I promise it isn't
BUT -- all addicts are greedy and selfish - and yes I CAN say that because I am one - I don't behave like that now because I treated myself and I am in recovery... however - when I was drinking I did all sorts of devious things to keep myself out of trouble and keep the ball rolling (keep drinking without being bothered in other words) - hence the lies I told and the manipulation of people and things... when my final hurrah came my son pointed me towards how I could go to a treatment centre - that's all - no one paid for it except my own contributions to an insurance policy... and yes I went to rehab - and yes - SO FAR - TODAY -- it has worked.. BECAUSE I WAS READY -- it was my decision - my money - my time - my choice.... THAT'S why it worked
BUT -- at probably ANY stage prior to that when I had gotten into trouble with the family - Joe in particular - if anyone had agreed to send me off for a month to a lovely place and at the end of the month I wouldn't have had to pay anything and I was going to be out of trouble --- happy days.. I'd have gone like a hot snot... met many down there like that who's only thought (in hindsight - thinking of how they spoke about things) was getting back to the 'real' world -- the drinking world.. until the next time trouble ( spouse, parents, bosses, guards... etc) came on the scene - then someone else would bail them out.
The ones that paid for the privilege to be 'cured' -- almost uniformly remained sober as far as I know.. certainly a couple of years in that was the case..

So yeah -- bailing out an alcoholic - particularly financially - is a complete and utter waste of time.. I'm not saying this in hindsight - I said it many times at the time.. and I fully understand the instinct wanting to help someone we love - I really do but tough love is the recommended way to go... could I do it? That's another question entirely -- I don't know is the answer -- if it came to a choice between a roof over their head and the streets -- I don't think I could.... but is the choice that bare? I know there are safety nets for people out there.. don't know what they are tho - is the GF going to be the safety net? I dunno what the solution is - but he will take and take and take as long as you will give - until he's ready to quit - and if he's equating himself with his Dad who drinks normally - he's a million miles from being ready at the moment... either that or it's just last minute defiance... I know this is fuck all use - but again I'm just saying it as I see it. and I feel for you to the Nth degree.. I truly do... xxxx

[satz123]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Thanks from the bottom of my heart Molls.
Sorry but this made me giggle : think I'll go meself !!

BUT -- at probably ANY stage prior to that when I had gotten into trouble with the family - Joe in particular - if anyone had agreed to send me off for a month to a lovely place and at the end of the month I wouldn't have had to pay anything and I was going to be out of trouble --- happy days.. I'd have gone like a hot snot..

You are totally right -:hug: I know that. You've been telling me from day 1 how t deal with this. I went on the totally wrong road and am 8k poorer for it. FFS !!
I am not one for blaming people but I am fighting Mr S here too - who is just relieved he is at home and now seems to be prepared to let him have the 'odd' drinking lapse.
So,blue in the face talking to him, for the first time in 5 years, I've let him into the inner sanctum of the Army barracks and allowed him to read the advice given here today.

He read it all and I hope absorbed it.

[Jude58]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

[MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION] Great post.....couldn't agree with you more!

[satz123]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

[MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION] Great post.....couldn't agree with you more!

OMG !!! :egad: [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] - Molly's gonna KILLLLLLL you . She HATES the @s :haha:

[Jude58]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Awww shit! I really didn't know! Do ya think that she'll forgive me given it's an honest newbie blunder?? Sorry Molly! osteroops:

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION]............we'll not tell her if you don't

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]...............with Mr S seemingly willing to go on with this..............its time to concentrate on you, my lovely. You've jumped through enough hoops, spent a lot of your own money and its a damned shame you're the one bearing the brunt left, right and centre. You went through the humialtion of your family pointing out your drinking was far from normal and decided to do something about it.......a couple of false starts and you were off and running. If he wants to talk, fine.........but not while he's hungover and feeling guilty or drunk.

[mollyka]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

Awww shit! I really didn't know! Do ya think that she'll forgive me given it's an honest newbie blunder?? Sorry Molly! osteroops:

HAHAHA!!! Don't worry bout them bully girls haha --- deffo no prob with an honest mistake hahaha!!! they are rotters worrying you ---
not that keen on the @'s for sure -- just find them impersonal... I reckon everyone reads back the thread anyways - and if we don't it's easy enough to read by others answers if we've missed something - but NO -- you are deffo forgiven:hahaha::hahaha::hahaha:

[mollyka]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

I'm relieved again Benjy that you weren't upset by my 'saying it as I see it' -- I can be seen as rude.. and I never mean it to be - I just don't bullshit anymore..
anyway - Mr S being okay with 'the odd drinking lapse' -- that's the equivalent of the time Joe tried the 'put the bottle on the table and we'll drink together' -- of COURSE we drank together - and then I drank in the kit hen and then I drank in the bedroom and then ....... well you get my gist... basically - drinking in ANY format doesn't work for an alcoholic.. and giving a 'sort of' permission - to an addict is a free for all

[RunningCourage]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

I'm relieved again Benjy that you weren't upset by my 'saying it as I see it' -- I can be seen as rude.. and I never mean it to be - I just don't bullshit anymore..
anyway - Mr S being okay with 'the odd drinking lapse' -- that's the equivalent of the time Joe tried the 'put the bottle on the table and we'll drink together' -- of COURSE we drank together - and then I drank in the kit hen and then I drank in the bedroom and then ....... well you get my gist... basically - drinking in ANY format doesn't work for an alcoholic.. and giving a 'sort of' permission - to an addict is a free for all

PPPFfffffttttt!

THAT is what I struggle with. What I mean is I can easily make a drink or two last quite a long time out in company - simply because i didn't want to look like i drink too quick, or say something/act in a way i may've regretted. BUT... if I had a pint or two (and definitely if it were 3) I'd find it VERY hard not to have another drink back at home. Or, when at my folks, as i've said umpteen times and you'll all be bored of reading again, i'd have some wine with dinner WITH them, a glass or two, no more... but then often would have a a beer or 3 stashed in my bag in the bedroom. No, it aint mixing spirits with wine (knew a guy who did that - raving alky), but it's a) that i felt i "needed" it (is needed the right word here? not sure) and b) i felt guilty about it, so would hide it.

So i'm still working this one through - my mind, i am acutely aware, is still looking for permissions and reasons.

Anyone ever watch The Good Place? I just found it this week on netflix... latest binge watching treat for me

Rightio, of i go to get ready for bed...

[satz123]

Re: Join the Army Against Alcohol-February 2018

make a drink or two last quite a long time out in company - simply because i didn't want to look like i drink too quick, or say something/act in a way i may've regretted. BUT... if I had a pint or two (and definitely if it were 3) I'd find it VERY hard not to have another drink back at home. Or, when at my folks, as i've said umpteen times and you'll all be bored of reading again, i'd have some wine with dinner WITH them, a glass or two, no more... but then often would have a a beer or 3 stashed in my bag in the bedroom. No, it aint mixing spirits with wine (knew a guy who did that - raving alky), but it's a) that i felt i "needed" it (is needed the right word here? not sure) and b) i felt guilty about it, so would hide it.

It takes so much energy doesn't it ?
I dunno where I got the energy for all the duckin' & divin' I see young Satz doing. It's exhausting.

Maybe that's it - the young have the energy - RC & Yong Satz and us older folk just said fuck it we've run out of steam