My mental rock bottom!
When I started working on my recovery and also heard many instances from fellow recovering addicts and wrote down a lot of my own experiences where I did crazy things whenever I got drunk..but during the course of working my program, I actually found the mental rock bottom which came as a surprise to myself.
I used to stay in Dubai and used to rely on a bootlegger to deliver me my juice despite of being eligible for a license. I once came home, parked my car and saw a lot of police cars and a coroner's vehicle on the road and a lot of crowd on the adjacent building. I got down and asked an Arab cook from a cafeteria in that building and he made a long face and spoke in broken English "Baby Fly". A 3 or 4 year old kid had an accident and fell a few floors and had died and the commotion was due to that...
I considered myself a loving caring person and not to mention, had got drunk discussing and abusing wars and policies in Syria which was killing children but in this case, my first thought was on how the bootlegger will deliver my booze in front of the cops and my immediate reaction was to call him and pressure him to deliver the bottle in the next block...
Working on the recovery, this came as my mental bottom ( and when I was not under influence as I had just finished work) and taught me a few valuable lessons
1. Alcoholism is not in the bottle, but is in my head...I was fighting the wrong war!
2. Root of my powerlessness lies deep within my own character defects and the more I feed my monsters, the worse my addiction will get!
3. There are 3 'me'- What I think I am , What actually I am and What others think I am. The more dispersed they were, the deeper I got in my drinking (and the other way round too). When consciously, I followed God's will, they aligned together and my urge to drink diminishes!
Any thoughts on these? Would love to hear and learn
Thanks,
Vijay N
I used to stay in Dubai and used to rely on a bootlegger to deliver me my juice despite of being eligible for a license. I once came home, parked my car and saw a lot of police cars and a coroner's vehicle on the road and a lot of crowd on the adjacent building. I got down and asked an Arab cook from a cafeteria in that building and he made a long face and spoke in broken English "Baby Fly". A 3 or 4 year old kid had an accident and fell a few floors and had died and the commotion was due to that...
I considered myself a loving caring person and not to mention, had got drunk discussing and abusing wars and policies in Syria which was killing children but in this case, my first thought was on how the bootlegger will deliver my booze in front of the cops and my immediate reaction was to call him and pressure him to deliver the bottle in the next block...
Working on the recovery, this came as my mental bottom ( and when I was not under influence as I had just finished work) and taught me a few valuable lessons
1. Alcoholism is not in the bottle, but is in my head...I was fighting the wrong war!
2. Root of my powerlessness lies deep within my own character defects and the more I feed my monsters, the worse my addiction will get!
3. There are 3 'me'- What I think I am , What actually I am and What others think I am. The more dispersed they were, the deeper I got in my drinking (and the other way round too). When consciously, I followed God's will, they aligned together and my urge to drink diminishes!
Any thoughts on these? Would love to hear and learn
Thanks,
Vijay N
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