Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

[NoSugar]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

If only one, why not none?

This is an alternative to the 30-day AF challenge, ABC. I heard about a program that instructed people who believed they could change and control their drinking to have exactly one (standard size) favorite alcoholic beverage at the time of day they usually began drinking each day for 30 days. No skipping days and no having more than one.

This sounds much more difficult than abstaining for 30 days to me because after one, all bets were off. So I agree, why not NONE? But for a person who doesn't think s/he needs to quit entirely or simply is unwilling to do so, this is a good test to show them one way or the other whether moderation is a possibility for them. I suspect it doesn't take long for most addicts to fail the protocol. I know I would, anyway so am going with the NONE option!

[NoSugar]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Hi, [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION], I didn't see your post when I just wrote mine. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Addicts are master manipulators, as we all know, and he's trying to unearth any feelings of guilt you might have. The thing I always try to remember is that no one can MAKE you feel guilty, only you can do that - and there's no reason for it. You've done the best you can. It's up to him to make the choice. xx, NS

[satz123]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Addiction is addiction..........albeit ours is a legal one, just some people are better at hiding it. I am no worse or better than my mate who lived in a tent, in fact he was harming no-one but himself while I wreaked havoc on my family. Would any of you say just use heroin on a weekend........just like alcohol its a mind altering drug.

I agree addiction is addiction but I'm talking about how severe it is, how far down into the pit we have gone & how much damage it has caused.
If your mate was living in a tent it's because he had used up all his options on his way down into the pit.
Some people take longer than others to descend - depending on their circumstances. The more you have to lose - the longer it takes to burn all those bridges.
IMVHO ....
Young Satz has used up all his options and me & MrS are his last hold on reality. I think he may now panic .....

[satz123]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Hi, [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION], I didn't see your post when I just wrote mine. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Addicts are master manipulators, as we all know, and he's trying to unearth any feelings of guilt you might have. The thing I always try to remember is that no one can MAKE you feel guilty, only you can do that - and there's no reason for it. You've done the best you can. It's up to him to make the choice. xx, NS

Thank you my lovely ! :heart:

[starty]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Came home from work to very upset MrS.
He got the guilt trip treatment when he refused to engage with young Satz today. He had gotten up & gone & bought more alcohol having been out all night last night.
We were supposed to be grateful he didn't drive home.

YS :"Why aren't you talking to me - I'm your son & I need help "
Mr S : " I will not talk to you till you stop drinking"
YS : "Maybe you'd prefer if I was (Nephew's Name) " - FFS !

HELP Jacks ...... where to from here ?

Manipulation at its finest. My dad did the same. Emotionally blackmailed us on so many levels. The pain is still with me today but I could not and did not buy into it or I would have continued to enable him. The only thing you can do it ignore it and do not buy into it on any level. His life his problem.

[satz123]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Thanks Starts - just what I was thinking. I know very little - but that is my (&MrS) gut reaction.
So that is how I'll play it from now on.
I KNOW from reading here for so many years that people from gone to hell & back to get sober.
He just takes the easy way out when he's hungover & has another drink - thus starting the merry-go-round again.
I'm sick & tired of it.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Came home from work to very upset MrS.
He got the guilt trip treatment when he refused to engage with young Satz today. He had gotten up & gone & bought more alcohol having been out all night last night.
We were supposed to be grateful he didn't drive home.

YS :"Why aren't you talking to me - I'm your son & I need help "
Mr S : " I will not talk to you till you stop drinking"
YS : "Maybe you'd prefer if I was (Nephew's Name) " - FFS !

HELP Jacks ...... where to from here ?

Manipulation at its finest. How on earth did Mr S not clatter him? You and Mr S have bent over backwards to help him. I'm cross again at how he can hurt such a lovely couple as you two.

Sounds like it'd be hard to catch him sober or not hungover. Was thinking about the doctor again but he'll have to pay as he's working again....if you catch him sober what is he willing to do? He can't go into sobriety dithering about........a proper meeting schedule, reading, the companionship of other alkies. He needs to get humble and drop the why me?

[IamMary]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Evening,
1 standard drink, no more, not a hope! Id sooner have had nothing and save them all up, but thats the point I suppose.
My youngest goes on with that shite [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION], when shes tired and cranky ('you don't like me..'). She is a child, young satz is a grown man. Have you thought any more any getting him to move out?

Agree with the scale.. I was on the lower end for donkeys years, still hiding bottles, but managing my intake. No particular reason why I escalated, probably just snuck up on me.
Will RC fall into bad habits when the school is out?? No way, hes going to post here every day, embrace a busy sober summer, meet a lovely girl out running one day and live happily ever after:love_heart:. that's my predictions.

[starty]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Isnt it amazing what we will say when we are pushed into a corner? Always blaming someone else and pushing our control away. I have done it myself many times to my parents, to Mr S and the result is never what I was trying to achieve. It is only with the hindsight of sobriety and a clear head that I realised that is what I was doing. It's definitely a hard lesson to learn and lonely but the only option. I think Young Satz has to realise there is no where else to turn except inwards and accept his desperate blame games do not work. In the dog world when dogs are behaving badly I have heard the mantra "No touch, no talk, no eye contact" mantra and have used it on occasion to reset the behaviour button. It works as it leaves them with no option other than to change their behaviour to obtain whatever it is they want. Obviously with dogs it is used on a minute by minute scenario. With humans because they are not as intelligent as dogs it might need to be employed rather longer :haha:

Had a lovely catch up with Chill and as ever she is doing great. Back to work today which is a bummer as the weekend was way too short. Have a good one folks

[satz123]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Isnt it amazing what we will say when we are pushed into a corner? Always blaming someone else and pushing our control away. I have done it myself many times to my parents, to Mr S and the result is never what I was trying to achieve. It is only with the hindsight of sobriety and a clear head that I realised that is what I was doing. It's definitely a hard lesson to learn and lonely but the only option. I think Young Satz has to realise there is no where else to turn except inwards and accept his desperate blame games do not work. In the dog world when dogs are behaving badly I have heard the mantra "No touch, no talk, no eye contact" mantra and have used it on occasion to reset the behaviour button. It works as it leaves them with no option other than to change their behaviour to obtain whatever it is they want. Obviously with dogs it is used on a minute by minute scenario. With humans because they are not as intelligent as dogs it might need to be employed rather longer :haha:

:haha:
Wonderful Starts
I think subconsciously that's what we've been doing "No touch, no talk, no eye contact" ... just moving through our lives - but sadly.
I will add "no dinner" today !!!
That is the one thing he loves and I liked accepting the compliments ...... so to withdraw that particular expression of an Irish mammy's love is big .................
( not all that different from the canines)

[rustop59]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Evening all. Really hope something gets through to him Satz, it’s heart breaking going through it . You really need that break away. First day back at work after two weeks and very busy so relaxing now after being fed. Just myself and the fur babies so evening of crocheting and Netflix planned.

[RunningCourage]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Evening troops

Thank you [MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION] for your lovely prediction! I have, I have to admit, more or less given up on the ladies front. A bachelor life seems destined. Relationships I just don't seem to be able to make work/fathom... BUT, if it was to happen, I'd welcome it with open arms. Am sure I've said this before over the years, but back in my mid-20s supping a bottle of wine on a nightly basis, i'd tell myself that i'd replace wine with love once i'd found it. Alas, no love found... (and i'm actually soberer these days than I was then... but that's to do with a) age and b) having a job that scares me into not getting drunk on a nightly basis.)

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] - it's interesting reading about Young S and his "woe me" outlook, only as he and I are similar in age and I wonder whether I have that also. I think when we don't want to give up, we find excuses to continue, and for him, perhaps, "woe me" supports his inward desire to keep drinking. And maybe having previously had a few days and weeks sober, he has also discovered that it's not all easy staying sober... I wonder too, even though we may admit to ourselves we have a problem/issue with AL, and may even share with others, that there is still some part of us that does not believe it, or at least want to believe it, so we return to it thinking, 'I can handle this'... or even not thinking anything, just letting it run our lives.

It's probably the same with all addictions and many mental health issues too... "just letting it run (and potentially ruin) our lives" is something i am aware of letting something do to me - though i don't here speak about AL.

Anyway, Monday done :yay: Should be doing some work... But too banjaxed after washing, ironing, cleaning. Did somebody mention netflix earlier?! I'm there.

[satz123]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

RC have you tried online dating .
DD was resigned, like you at 38, to spinsterhood.
Like Bridget Jones - the Alsatians were circling :haha:

He has had lots of dates but this latest seems to be 'special'.
Haven't met him yet but she seems to be really taken with him....... so don't put yourself on the love scrapheap EVER !!!!!!!!:heart:

[IamMary]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

RED ALERT - netflix is DOWN!
:egad:

Satz, thats lovely about your DD :heartbeat:
My SIL is very similar, only a good bit older and she has a pep in her step this weather too!

[starty]

Re: Join up!! Army against the grog !!! June 2018

Hello How is everybody?

Where is Jax?

Think that is it for the questions :haha: