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[diamond]

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I know the feeling Rachel, that's why when I see someone trying like you I want to support you.
I know I have been at fault many times but all I remember is 'it's my fault' for everything - I have family isssues and this has manifested in heavy drinking (my dad is heavy drinker and my mum drinks a fair bit too).
I know you don't want to split up with bf but sometimes they hold us back - your health should be first - that includes physical and mental health.
From what you said he isn't helping you with either at the moment??

[rachel28]

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u have been great, appreciatd, i dont know what mums excuse is , shes never really drunk, she shud be a perfect mum, shes just a selfish bxxxh, my bros an sisters all agree but they get on ok, i have always been the 1 who stood up 2 her or bfs!! plural, which makes me the black sheep, i started drinking an gettin in trouble at 13 an she never saw y, now she just thinks im a waste of space, as for bf im thinkin i should go, last week we decided if we argue like that again its got 2 b over, i have suffered to much domestic violence in my life to stay where its a horrible place 2 b, i tried getting my own place with not much sucess , only got offered a bed an breakfast miles from school an work, i decided it would prob result in my poor child bein taken from me, bf realised that i genuinley meant i would go an pulled his finger out, i think i need to get him to realise that possibly he has a problem as well, he dosent understand depression , or the mental scars that some people r left with, i hope he starts soon,cos i got a lot of em!!! x it cant b your fault as its always mine!!!!

[Pisces]

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Hi again,

I understand about having abusive relationships, we get abused as kids and don't know any better and then go on to one loser after another, and drinking to numb the memories and the immediate pain = more depression.

I'm glad I broke up with the latest ex, he was so wonderful the first couple of months then he began to change and for once I took notice of the red flags flapping all around me, usualy in the past I have hung around until it got really bad, but not this time, I'm learning!

Hasn't been all plain sailing, but I refuse to be afraid of him, and glad I'm taking steps to get myself better.

And today had great news, my parents had been planning (threatening it felt like to me) to move to the town where I live.... it had me freaking out, as I can't stand to be around my dad for obvious reasons, and my mother flatly denies that he did anything wrong, I was really starting to freak out about them living here, so I'm very relived they've decided to stay where they are, in a different state, whew,

Well all keep plugging along to gether and fight for a better future, hey!

Love Jas xx

[betty boop]

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Hi Rachel, I've had a really busy weekend so only just checked in.

You are doing really well, kicking the brandy is excellent, and im really proud of you, getting to 10 am is good too ..... keep sipping instead of gulping .....

Keep it up, you are definitely going in the right direction ...

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[Guest]

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A year sounds little but is a good amount of time...keep trying rachel, just keep trying! I had several skinned knees before I was able to even begin a stretch of AF days. AND honey, I can't even tell you how much I used to drink...it was BAD, real BAD. Take the supps....I take Topa too, has helped tremendously!

[rachel28]

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hi guys, 12 an im doin well, still got 1 can in fridge!!! thanks guys, pisces, well done to u for takin notice of yourself, its so easy to just get drunk and blunder thru ey, but good on u, its another step further, good news about your parrents cant c them bein much use to u, xx betty nice to hear from u, i think ive decided brandy never ever again, its my biggest weakness, xx

[Guest]

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Rachel, I would like to ask you some questions about your relationship, if you don't mind as I read your post. I am so reminded of my early life. When I was 28 I was with a man 15 years older than me, I thought he was so much older and worldly than me. How could I survive without him is this how you feel/ he also was very controlling, Is your boyfriend? He told me I was lucky to have him and that no one else would ever want or love me. Does this happened to you? I could go on. But with me this is when the heavy drinking started. My then boyfriend drank, I did too, to fit in. After all he was someone I looked up to being the 15 years older than me. I think you are doing great, and we have to become like someone obsessed when it comes to controling our drinking. I guess what I am saying is do you think he is a major obstacle in reaching your drinking goal? You seem as if you torn, one part wants to leave and the other is afraid to leave. Rachel, why would you loose your children if you went to the bed and breakfast? Maybe I'm thick, I didn't understand that. I see shades of myself at 28 in you. You are a strong woman I think you can make any changes you want to.
Hugs
mar

[cassy]

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Hi Rachel..thinking of you today and hoping you get the windows cleaned!!!

you arent at work today so maybe plan the next few hours with a few chores..a bubbly bath, watch a bit of Tv...plan to cook something healthy for tea??

What about the evening...thats my bewitching zone........plan it..clear out your wardrobe, ring a friend, go for a walk..........drink water with lemon/ice.

just go hour by hour planning what you are going to do to fill the day....go to bed early if it means you wont drink.

good luck.....rachael get support from good sources..keep coming on here and dont think change is not possible for you because it is...watch your self esteem grow as you drink less.

regards Cassy

[rachel28]

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thanks cassy, simey bear, some answers? i think u know i started 2 drink heavy at 13, drugs and ass hole MEN in there mid 20s they took advantage of the fact i was 13/14/15 an pissed, 3 violent relationships an lot of booze later i meet my current bf, i m trying to think honestly now how he is, i suppose in ways he is controlling but not like the others , sometimes i do feel like his kid, but then i guess sometimes i do act like 1, he does remind me that he is older an wise! an that he SAVED me!! debatable, i moved out of my own rented home away from drug aquantices so in 1 way hes helped but in another hes give me an open bar tab, i dont have to worry about where the nxt beer is comin from as he keeps buying them, he s not violent, he has given my son some stability, i have got more control over my drinkin in the last 3 yrs just now i have realised i cant actually stop, im a happier drunk than b4, just now i dont want 2 b a drunk any more, he is full of talk of stopping in the week, still waiting 4 that 1, as 4 the b an b , if i went there id prob b an awful cryin mess , miles from job,school etc, id prob just get wasted an wallow,hense lad bein took away, we have talked about if i did leave he would help me rent a place, all well an good when he was wanting me to stay, im not so sure in the heat of the moment if he would, u r right im completly torn, i want to b normal, go out havve a few drinks an a nice time, but im kidding myself, my brain dont work like that, i have confused myself now, xx