One Step at a Time - June 2018

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Pauly - glad you made it to work. How you doing now? Things better at home?

So my friends - here's a question. Several of you are not where you want to be regarding alcohol. We don't talk about drinking very often on this thread. What can we do to help on this journey? I am the type to just turn into myself and not reach out for help. Please reach out to us. I'm certainly no expert but I have years of trying to stop drinking. :heartbeat:

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Love the visual representation, Nora. Thanks, sweetheart!:love:

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

I think you have a point Nora,,this is an alcoholic support site,,its not only about family and the weather,even though we care about that too of course,its really hard cuz all the threads I post on are full of peeps with long term sobriety and theres really never the talk of the daily struggle anymore and usually the ne people come and go I'm not new of course but damn,I dunno what to say,I just think its great you brought that up,I should have voiced what I was feeling last week but I dunno if it'd helped anyways

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Hey Pauly, It seems like when you go home, it's just easier for you to follow the crowd with regard to drinking as opposed to fighting it because you get no support from your family. I get it. I really get it. I know that's why my mom's 3 alcoholic sisters would cave when they were surrounded by my hard drinking cousins...it was easier to just join in than answer all the questions about "Why aren't you drinking???????????" Then unfortunately, the incredibly depressive nature of AL sneaks up and bites you in the butt the next morning (s)...and then trying to stop AGAIN becomes so exhausting. SIGH. I agree...talking about the weather and recipes gets pretty dull after awhile. Glad you are back.:hug:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

I know that I have been going over & reading in the newbies nest a few times recently because I need to hear about alcohol. I need to remember that it not a path I want to travel. So, I think it would be helpful if we brought up our struggles here. And, I think we all have them. I have certainly had some times in the last few months where I really wanted something to take me out of my head. But, that's not really an option. I do not want to drink. Period.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

I have certainly had some times in the last few months where I really wanted something to take me out of my head.

Nora, many times over the last few months, I wanted something to take me out of my head, too...that's why I MUST get to the gym (if I can) and just have a pounding workout. It's a longing to escape sad/anxious/frustrating feelings. Sometimes, YES, the thought of drinking does pop into my head but I dismiss it because like you, I don't want to go back. I may be able to moderate for a little while, but it would just creep up on me faster than I would be able to recognize. That has happened to me SO many times. The statements from the Newbies Nest about it getting harder to stop every time you start are so true.

[Rusty]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

I am missing Liz!:love:

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

I miss Liz too. I hope she is having the best time.

It's a longing to escape sad/anxious/frustrating feelings.

I doubt that I would moderate and I really don't want to experiment. And the truth is that getting out of my head would only last for a little bit and then reality would be right back here. Plus, I would have all the extra baggage of guilt & regret to carry.
Oh - let's be honest. I never was able to moderate. If I had been able to moderate, I never would have been googling sobriety websites!

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

And, funnily enough.....I really feel better when I do yoga. So, I'll stop complaining about it. LOL

[bird]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Hi all,
I did it again. Drank beer. It is almost like I am at work and drinking after work. Same ol routine. Work to exhaustion, stop on way home and buy beer. Then did more stuff while drinking, packing up books and stuff. Woke up at 4 a.m. Gawd, I'm so done with this merry go round!! I am just way off my routine, not going to the park, not getting my nap in the hammock, hitting the drive thru way too much. And still a long way to go to get through this move. I might start my own thread for accountability and posting here as well. Also I have not been making as many WFS chats as I was, and those are very helpful....anyway....so thankful to have you all to talk to about it. I am gonna take some time for myself today. Maybe go to the park later.....b

[paulywogg]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Bird,I know the drill,we want our sober lives yet that damn beer escape just niggles until we give in Rusty,all of my family has basically quit drinking the way we did back in the day,everyone just kind of moderates,,or have switched to weed since my tribe owns a dispensary,nobody was drinkin on my trip,,it was all me and tbh none of my brothers wanted to hang with me,go to the lake,etc cuz i had been drinkin ,then when I got started mom started,Kell and LB bought a twisted tea,hubs had his 2 modelos but NONE of them are like me when they drink and like Nora said,,I can't moderate,I wanna get shite faced when I drink cuz it's not about relaxing or having a good time,,,it's an unhealthy escape for me,the first day is cool,can relax laugh,second day still ok but my third+ is getting fuckin irritating,,alcohol becomes a need,a physical,,mental,emotional need and it's absolutely disgusting! Just trying to play normal and do what I gotta do to get through the day gets me "required" to have some booze,nothing becones easier,cooking,cleaning,work,,even keeping up with my damn guinea pig becomes an irritating task! Plus g-kids,tortoises,husband,kids,people i love the most get put on the back burner,I hate it,just rambling,,love you all thanks for the insightful posts

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Hi all.

I do think that when we stop taking care of ourselves, we get into trouble. We seem to think everyone/everything else is more important.
I think your own journal is a great idea. Talking here is a great idea. WFS chats are a great idea.

I have had thoughts lately where I just have felt like saying I'm going to take one day and just forget it all. I will drink as much as I want and just let it all go. But, I step back & seriously think about it. And it's not a pretty picture. Just like you said, Pauly. One day - ok fun, second day - not really fun, third day - awful and then the recovery to get back to where you were. I can give you a very accurate picture of the way it would be for me and I know this because I tried to control my drinking for YEARS. The only way that I can control my drinking is by not taking the first sip. It's that simple for me. I do not have the off switch.

I am really glad that we are talking about this. Reach out here - share the feelings/thoughts. We all understand.

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Just found some mermaid soaps that I ordered for party favors for the party. Hubby & I spent an hour or more putting new fence slats in the chain link fence gate. I'm so glad to have that done. J&C were supposed to get up early & come over so he could help. Hrmph. Overslept. The nerve of them. :harhar: I'm just kidding. He did come over & helped move stuff around and clean up the patio. She is really feeling crummy quite often. To be honest, I think we all will be very glad when this dang shower is over. LOL

[NoraC]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

This is from my journal Nora's Journey. I wrote this on 5-13-12. Notice that I escalated for the next 3 years until I thought I was going to drink myself to death.

Read a great post from Byrdlady today. Someone asked if it was possible to mod:

No.

Well that's the short answer. I can elaborate. I tried to moderate for a solid year...I never drank harder. You see, when it's taken away...you panic, and then when you get it, you think that you better drink it all now you might not get any later! It's a catch 22. I have seen very few (none) who can actually control it...try as they might, you will see them trying and failing and trying and failing...just like I did. The only way to win is to cut it off at the head. One drink feeds it. This is not all doom and gloom...I would have never believed it, but quitting it totally is EASIER than trying to make it work. It is more peaceful in my head than the constant struggle of 'Should I?' Shouldn't I?' I don't know when my drinking crossed the line...but there is no going back to a point where you are not a problem drinker, in my opinion. Your relationship with AL is as good today as it's ever going to be....and it will get worse! Never thought I'd be giving advice on an AL forum, but here I am. One drink leads to another...period. Sorry! But I am happier now than I've been in the 25 years I've been drinking. You actually do already know the answer, but making yourself accept it is a bitch. It is much better on this side. I hope that helps...pick out a day and begin! Byrdie

Those words right there - "You see, when it's taken away...you panic, and then when you get it, you think that you better drink it all now you might not get any later!" say it all for me.
Right now, when I decide to drink, I have to make sure I have enough. I know that I am going to only drink for that one day or two and so I have to have a lot. I have to have enough. It is a compulsion.
I am drinking so much less than I did a year ago. But, the compulsion is still there. I think about it - about when I'm going to drink, how much I'm going to drink and on & on. That stupid voice in my head.

[bird]

Re: One Step at a Time - June 2018

Hi all,
I have never been able to moderate. It's weird but I rarely set out to get drunk off my ass. But, like everyone else, I make sure there is enough to do that. And we all know how much that takes. Scary shit for sure. What I find scary as well is seeing people falling off the wagon after years of sobriety. The longest I have gone was around 9 months. Then I had a couple. Next day a couple. By the 2nd week I was back in the same mess as before. It is a black hole for sure.....anyway, on the homefront...getting things ready for yardsale this weekend. Had a guy come over yest to buy an air compressor we had on fb marketplace. He ended up buying a lot of stuff. Went out to eat and then walmart. In bed at 9 and slept 10 hours........Nora, good on the mermaid soaps. How long till baby time now? Must be getting close......Pauly, yes everything gets put on hold when we drink. It is like we are in outer space or somewhere. .......well, guess I will start my thread. Gotta think of what to call it......b