July Army Manoeuvres

[stirly-girly]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I NEVER wanted one or two - not going to start now -- like you say - no illusions -- mmm - do wonder about the 'bad news' thingy - have had a few pretty major challenges family wise in the last years but.... ach I dunno - just scares me when I hear that really - sorry you had/are having such a poxy time -- but yeah - you obviously need to stop - no question - and don't let there be an out. - Thanks for sharing.. always tell me to mind my own business - I can intrude sometimes ;-)


Morning Stirly

Funny you say you were straight back to vast quantities -- a big stumbling block for me was when I decided to 'moderate' after a fairly lengthy little sober stint - and d'ya'know -- it really did work - for a time - feeling beautifully jolly and mellow after a couple of glasses of wine --- but then - after about a month - maybe 3 glasses - and then...…………… off we go -- ending in rehab..

Hey Molls - you'll probably read this later but that's ok. I have not had the best year family-wise. Besides leaving Mr. Stirly and getting a proper calling down from older son, we have ongoing problems with our DIL's. One is a pathological liar and is making life hell for younger son. The other one simply greatly dislikes us and doesn't want us to have anything to do with her girls. Um, my wearing lipstick when we went out for coffee when younger granddaughter was 9 months old was reason enough to bite my head off. You see, the child might have had an allergic reaction to the lipstick! FFS. I didn't even touch her with my lips and within a few minutes had wiped it off anyway. The result is that I haven't seen my granddaughters for about 6 months, something that hurts me greatly. BUT - AL will not solve that or any other problem that I have. In fact it would only make things much, much worse. Yes there have been times when I wanted something to calm me down but a good vent with my sister and/or my special friend usually got me calmed down. Not AL. Not again. Not ever.

And yeah, I was surprised as heck that it took that much for me to get smashed (which is what I wanted to do) and not just a few drinks. Anyway, nuff said - back to work!!

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

It's pretty horrific but not my story to tell. Not at all Molls, glad to get it off my chest in a way.
Stirly that was the scariest part for me too. I really thought I would be starting from the beginning with my tolerance levels as well. Back to when I first started drinking, and that I would have a bit of leeway there. Not so. You take up where you left off and then some.
Anyway, it's off to beddles for me with a good book, the dog and a soft blankey.
Night lovely ones.

[mollyka]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Hey Molls - you'll probably read this later but that's ok. I have not had the best year family-wise. Besides leaving Mr. Stirly and getting a proper calling down from older son, we have ongoing problems with our DIL's. One is a pathological liar and is making life hell for younger son. The other one simply greatly dislikes us and doesn't want us to have anything to do with her girls. Um, my wearing lipstick when we went out for coffee when younger granddaughter was 9 months old was reason enough to bite my head off. You see, the child might have had an allergic reaction to the lipstick! FFS. I didn't even touch her with my lips and within a few minutes had wiped it off anyway. The result is that I haven't seen my granddaughters for about 6 months, something that hurts me greatly. BUT - AL will not solve that or any other problem that I have. In fact it would only make things much, much worse. Yes there have been times when I wanted something to calm me down but a good vent with my sister and/or my special friend usually got me calmed down. Not AL. Not again. Not ever.

And yeah, I was surprised as heck that it took that much for me to get smashed (which is what I wanted to do) and not just a few drinks. Anyway, nuff said - back to work!!

Families are hard … the best of families are hard work -- I think I'm lucky in that I feel I've given all I can give and now I'm going to settle back and enjoy my relationship to the best of my ability - and of course I'm here - I'm granny and I always will be - but yeah - I can't be that doting grandmother that minds the kids all the time and life revolves around them - but I do sympathise - they will be the losers in the end - I'd have loved to have a grandparent - mine were all dead before I was born - and they are depriving the kids of that... anyway - what I always go back to was one of the tougher counsellors in rehab - he would ask the newbies 'why do you drink?' and the reasons would flood out 'because I'm unhappy' 'because I'm poor/rich/lonely/happy etc etc etc' -- he'd let them rabbit on for 10 mins and he'd just eyeball them and half shout 'NO -- it's because you're an alcoholic' -- so I like to think I'm engrained with the idea that there is NO excuse I could find that would make me drink -- probably bullshit - but I hope I'm right

It's pretty horrific but not my story to tell. Not at all Molls, glad to get it off my chest in a way.
Stirly that was the scariest part for me too. I really thought I would be starting from the beginning with my tolerance levels as well. Back to when I first started drinking, and that I would have a bit of leeway there. Not so. You take up where you left off and then some.
Anyway, it's off to beddles for me with a good book, the dog and a soft blankey.
Night lovely ones.

Must be nearly time for you to be back up again now

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Evening,
You know I remember my Nana kissing me on the lips so I could have a bit of lipstick on the go home with. I felt so grown-up. And of course, I had my Granny 'til I was 58............teeny tiny woman, my hero and a barrier/escape from my mother......the dreadful auld bat.....mind my Ma was great with our kids.

[MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION]...........I could go from zero to full relapse in days perhaps hours. I'm an alcoholic.........admittedly I tried and tried to be a normal drinker..........you know only getting hammered on weekends like 'normal' people..........a lot of arrogance, perhaps naivety going on there.

Back to children............was in a well know baker's today (had an urge for two of their greasy sausage rolls)........it was full of brats....... I was thinking............God, do these kids never shut their whingy little mouths...........trouble is I said it out loud.........in fact very loud. The lad serving me burst out laughing and I'm now looking for a safe house.

[rustop59]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Back to children............was in a well know baker's today (had an urge for two of their greasy sausage rolls)........it was full of brats....... I was thinking............God, do these kids never shut their whingy little mouths...........trouble is I said it out loud.........in fact very loud. The lad serving me burst out laughing and I'm now looking for a safe house.

Ha ha, know how you feel, was in Aldi the other day and was like a crèche. Better get used to it, have little people coming to stay tomorrow, hubbys grandnieces, 3 and 5. Busy, busy so will say good night.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Ha ha, know how you feel, was in Aldi the other day and was like a crèche. Better get used to it, have little people coming to stay tomorrow, hubbys grandnieces, 3 and 5. Busy, busy so will say good night.

Worst nightmare ::egad::

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Back to children............was in a well know baker's today (had an urge for two of their greasy sausage rolls)........it was full of brats....... I was thinking............God, do these kids never shut their whingy little mouths...........trouble is I said it out loud.........in fact very loud. The lad serving me burst out laughing and I'm now looking for a safe house.

:harhar:

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

'NO -- it's because you're an alcoholic' -- so I like to think I'm engrained with the idea that there is NO excuse I could find that would make me drink -- probably bullshit - but I hope I'm right

I think you are Molls. Once you KNOW deep down that taking a drink will solve nothing - maybe give temporary relief - you resign yourself to it.
IMHO the more you've stopped & started in an effort to get sober - the more this becomes clear.
Alcohol is such a teeny tiny part of life as a whole - but we give it such prominency in our lives...... madness really.

I hope I don't live to regret my pompous words .............

[Cinders]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Don't have to read through all the posts, in a hurry to drive up to Nashville, but I see several references to picking up pretty much were you left off. That is so well known by my alkie friends and has happened to several.

I have a dear friend that stayed sober 14 years and relapsed when her husband passed away, in 4 years she was in the hospital several times and almost died.

I have relapsed so many times and it has always been the same, maybe a few days of "moderation" and off to the races.

I am convinced that one is waaayyy too many for this girl.

[IamMary]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

...in a hurry to drive up to Nashville...

mental picture of Cinders, roof down in the cadillac, guitar in the back seat

late checkin, nuts in work (before the holidays).
Always interested to understand relapses, especially the long terms ones. Bridge, before you got the bad news in January, any changes in your mindset creeping back in??

Better hit the hay, night gang.

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

No, Molls. No gradual slide. I got some dreadful news about a family member in January and lost it. Straight away. Years of sobriety down the drain. I had eight years up 'with two slips' if you believe in ''slips''. The old debate was always whether you start again or not but I believe that every day off the grog is a triumph and am not much of a counter any more.
Anyway there's no real end in sight with this and the drinking escalated rapidly from being a bit of relief from the stress to being an utter disaster and no help at all. i started being really bloody minded and fell out with family members, fighting with everyone, taking time off work, which I never have before. All completely contrary to character, even in the old days of drinking.
Luckily I work in a team of hopeless twats so it doesn't show that much. I was never under any delusion that I would just have a few. I drink to get absolutely fucked up, always have. I'm not interested in one or two glasses, Id rather have none.
Not sure why, but this week I knew I had to come back and start from the beginning. Shitful timing, but if not now, when?

Sorry about your family news Bridge. Frightening the way it goes from 0 to 100 in the seemingly blink of an eye. My relapses tend to be much more gradual. I start with all good intentions then the quantity increases and the morning drinking starts. For an alkie I hate and loathe being drunk. I only ever liked that relaxed feeling a first drink gave but of course I kept trying to re create that with subsequent drinks. I am actually terrified of being drunk and vomiting which meant that it didnt happen very often. But what did happen was the habitual, large quantities of al that pushed me deeper and deeper into depression and mixed with the addiction to pills very dangerous. I collapsed in the night once and couldnt get off the kitchen floor for probably 30 mins. When I did, I told myself it was something other than an overdose of pills and booze and carried on the following day. Madness

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Good morning Army!!

No such thing as wrong timing to get sober, [MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION] - when it's right for you, it's right. I had just under 2-1/2 years sober in December of 2005. My best friend called and said she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I went to see her and stopped and got a bottle on the way home. Ouzo - always my drink of choice. 40% alcohol content. Went home and got smashed. The thing that was most frightening was not that I reached for the bottle - I'm an alkie, after all. It was the fact that it took as much booze to get me hammered as it had almost 2-1/2 years before. I expected a couple of drinks and I'd be off in lala land, but no, it took half a frikking bottle to get me there. And I drank that amount in a very short period of time, I might add. Just shows we always have to remember that backsliding is so very easy. Luckily it was a one-time thing. What really got me and AL back together a few months later was menopause, but that's another story.

Um - I always thought that incident with yer butt out and yer neighbour was very funny. No date? His loss. I mean when you've seen an interesting woman in holey trackies, it can only get better right? What worse could she wear? And I would have been curious to see what kind of a woman doesn't give a fat rat's clacker (Tawny's expression) if someone sees her butt while she's gardening. Shows her true character right from the start. Nothing hidden, so to speak!!

Menopause is bitch isnt it Stirls? I think it probably has more to do with my relapses than perhaps I realise

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

RE family. I dont really have any family left to piss me off :haha: Just my brother and even he doesnt really annoy me any more. However, when I did have them I could quite easily have let them derail me as family do have the ability to push buttons!

Off work today woo hoo! Just need the temp to heat up a bit and I am off to the park

[stirly-girly]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Menopause is bitch isnt it Stirls? I think it probably has more to do with my relapses than perhaps I realise

Good morning Troopers!!

Yep, Starts - it's a bitch for some women. I went from sleeping half decently to not sleeping at all. Maximum of a couple of hours a night which meant I was always tired. Hot flashes - I ended up wearing either black or white so the perspiration wouldn't show on my clothes. Depression hit as well - something I had never had to deal with before. Ended up going back to drinking to help the sleep issues, got pills for the depression and mixed those with AL a few times - not good. Anyway, menopause passed but AL was still around. And family can be a bitch as well - too much competition on many levels. I distanced myself from that as much as I could years ago. I actually think that in order to keep our mental balance that we need to desensitize ourselves to and distance ourselves from a lot of things. Otherwise we get bogged down in other people's problems. That may sound cold, but I need to be sure I'm okay and then worry about others. Younger son and wife have been having problems for over a year now. Basically it's their problem and not mine. It's something they have to work out. I can't do any more than to be a sounding board for him and be available when he needs to talk. Nuff of that.
We have a birthday party tomorrow for Miss Evie who turned 2 today. So looking forward to seeing all of my Grandkids together. Mind I'll have to deal with the DIL's but I can manage that okay as long as I get to play with the kiddies.

Hope you all have a wonderful day and if clouds arise on your horizon, remember - there's a blue sky behind every cloud!! inkele:

[mollyka]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Morning - crap night's sleep so only skim read yiz are fierce chatty - just looking at headlines on news - two words Donald Trump?????? WTF???? Fed up of these nut jobs in charge of our world