July Army Manoeuvres

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Bridget - your garden looks great. We would love to have pics later on if and when you plant it. Flowers? Veggies? There is a garden in the back of my building. Plum trees literally loaded down with plums right now. We had apricots earlier and pears. There are citrus trees as well - orange for sure, not sure about lemons. Love having a garden. All of my windows look out on the greenery. :heart:

I am happy to bore you senseless with as many pics as you can take. There is a lot of work to do.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] - just thinking about your situ re Mr Satz's approach to the young 'un. Personally, being not a lot older than young satz, if it were my dad continuing to enjoy his drink, be able to have one, or a few, then leave it, not get drunk every night... then I'd see this - even unconsciously - as almost being allowed to drink: if he can do it why can't i? Also, he's my dad, he's not got a problem, so why should I? So I do think mr Satz is making it harder for all concerned, but especially young satz, to see how debilitating the young 'un's drinking is, and for young satz to really work at it.

Thanks Mr D'Arcey -
I kinda have been seeing it differently. Seeing 'normies' drinking reiterates that I have a problem. Mr S doesn't have to come home & keep going.
Young Satz starts and cannot stop just like me. HAS to keep going.
If there was no Guinness in the pub - Mr S would come home ....... we wouldn't. We'd drink anything alcoholic.


Army : Discuss ......



[MENTION=18049]RunningCourage[/MENTION] - good luck finishing the dissertation ..:hug:

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Morning,

That was a good read back........ [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION].......I know when I was active in my drinking career I could always find someone who drank more than me......so I could justify mine. I'm wondering is the fact that Mr S gets hammered in pubs and pays he counts that as 'normal' and all homedrinkers are alkies.
This is about your sanity..........I'm now thinking our children feel they are 'entitled' to tell their parents all their woes and troubles. You all know I get an earful of Jenny when she's upset/down/ got a bit of a sniffle....... She's nearly 32 FFS. Since coming off the AD's I'm a lot less tolerant and in fact been a grumpy old bag......think everyone's getting a bit of a shock that I'm not nodding and saying well done all the fecking time.

Mr JC asked me late Saturday to tell him when he's had enough to drink on Sunday........well I sat there like a startled rabbit for 5 minutes, laughed like a drain for 10 minutes ..........then said are you joking???...........you're a grown 59 year old man who's got to be in work sharp on Monday.......work it out yourself. Think he's wondering where the mouse has gone.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Army : Discuss ......

Oh Jesus, yes. I'd rather have no drinks than one drink. One drink is boring and makes you tired. That's why we plan our drinking so we can write ourselves off. Cancel all plans, lie if necessary. Don't answer the phone. Try not to drunk text but you've got to be clever. Hide the empties or convert to plastic for the quieter recycling experience. Rotate bottle shops. How do we have time to work with all this planning to do?

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Sorry took so long on that post, I was x-posting.

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Hello RC and Satzy.
Totally admire you on the dissertation RC. I used to study but now I really dont think I would have the determination.

Satzy, I agree with RC Im afraid, as an alkie I would take any view (even if it was the wrong one) to justify my drinking. Ie my dad drinks/gets drunk and manages to function so why cant I. It is only when we really start to examine our drinking and have a determination to succeed in sobriety that we can see our habits differ from others. Most people when they first quit feel it is too hard to see others enjoying a pint or a glass of wine when we so desperately want that. Even the smell on someone else can be a trigger. Even now, I still deep down have a hankering to be a "normal" drinker and just enjoy one or two in the sunshine or whatever. If I had just started my journey and didnt realise it was just my monkey mind playing tricks on me I would surely not be able to cope with seeing others enjoying this "pleasant" past time. Before I gave up the first time and I am sure like all of us, I did not think I could lead a happy life without my crutch. It took a lot of months/years of learning this that I realised that I could. I would imagine that young satz probably feels like that sometimes. This is just my very humble opinion and I hope I havent spoken out of turn

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Morning,

That was a good read back........ @satz123.......I know when I was active in my drinking career I could always find someone who drank more than me......so I could justify mine. I'm wondering is the fact that Mr S gets hammered in pubs and pays he counts that as 'normal' and all homedrinkers are alkies.
This is about your sanity..........I'm now thinking our children feel they are 'entitled' to tell their parents all their woes and troubles. You all know I get an earful of Jenny when she's upset/down/ got a bit of a sniffle....... She's nearly 32 FFS. Since coming off the AD's I'm a lot less tolerant and in fact been a grumpy old bag......think everyone's getting a bit of a shock that I'm not nodding and saying well done all the fecking time.

Mr JC asked me late Saturday to tell him when he's had enough to drink on Sunday........well I sat there like a startled rabbit for 5 minutes, laughed like a drain for 10 minutes ..........then said are you joking???...........you're a grown 59 year old man who's got to be in work sharp on Monday.......work it out yourself. Think he's wondering where the mouse has gone.

I still think they smell the guilt in us and work it to their advantage. Consciously? Unconsciously? Dunno. But I'm betting that they are more divisive than we want to admit.

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Morning,

That was a good read back........ [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION].......I know when I was active in my drinking career I could always find someone who drank more than me......so I could justify mine. I'm wondering is the fact that Mr S gets hammered in pubs and pays he counts that as 'normal' and all homedrinkers are alkies.
This is about your sanity..........I'm now thinking our children feel they are 'entitled' to tell their parents all their woes and troubles. You all know I get an earful of Jenny when she's upset/down/ got a bit of a sniffle....... She's nearly 32 FFS. Since coming off the AD's I'm a lot less tolerant and in fact been a grumpy old bag......think everyone's getting a bit of a shock that I'm not nodding and saying well done all the fecking time.

Mr JC asked me late Saturday to tell him when he's had enough to drink on Sunday........well I sat there like a startled rabbit for 5 minutes, laughed like a drain for 10 minutes ..........then said are you joking???...........you're a grown 59 year old man who's got to be in work sharp on Monday.......work it out yourself. Think he's wondering where the mouse has gone.

Loving the new you Jax I have never suffered fools gladly either

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I still think they smell the guilt in us and work it to their advantage. Consciously? Unconsciously? Dunno. But I'm betting that they are more divisive than we want to admit.

Ahhhhhhhh no, never he was trying to involve me.

Loving the new you Jax I have never suffered fools gladly either

I'm surprising myself.

:eek-new:

I've got to nip wp to the doctors.

[stirly-girly]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Where to start?

First of all, Bridget - you can't bore us with garden pics. Most of us have at least a wee garden or pots in the house. Post away!!

Jackie - I too, am liking the new yew! No that we didn't like the old you but you are definitely, a stronger, more independent woman is emerging without the AD's.

Now Satzy - I will agree to what everyone says. And, as I said earlier, Mr. Satz needs to realize that you have to be united in this and set an example for your son since you know he has a problem with AL. I am adamant about that. Doesn't matter if he wants a few - he needs to show you can abstain from AL and still have a good time. However I'm wondering this - did Mr. Satz ever realize that your problem was as bad as it was or how bad it could have gotten, if you hadn't stopped when you did? Did he ever see you fall-down drunk or out of control, staggering, speech slurred, whatever, or did you hide it? Mr. Stirly saw me that way a few times, my kids never did. Mostly I drank in private. If he never saw you like that, then he can't realize where you could have gotten to and why you needed to stop. Not being an alkie, he may not be able to fully grasp what is involved here. He may think it's easy for young Satz to stop. From young Satz's point of view, I echo what others have said - he's still young enough to want to be part of the group having a few and enjoying themselves but he has not accepted that he cannot do that. He is different from his friends - he has no turn-off switch. And AL is in our faces everywhere. All the movies, TV series, you name it, there is AL involved. A drink or wine with lunch, a drink after work to wind down, a glass or two with dinner and a nightcap or two before we go to bed. Four to six drinks a day considered perfectly normal and more if we're on holidays - you can start with a cocktail or two before lunch and it's okay, you;re on holliers. So the "normies" see things differently than we do because they can take it or leave it. Young Satz needs to realize he's not a normie, and his father has to realize it too. I really think, as I said before, that Mr. Satz needs to see a specialist who can explain things to him on a professional level. Not that you can't, but often with our spouses, our conversations get tangled up and even off track. As far as making their lives miserable to get your point across - don't know who said it but you would probably be just as miserable as they. I would however, refuse to give young Satz the car keys under any circumstances whatsoever and not even if he was stone cold sober at 7 a.m. Just wouldn't want anything to happen and feel that I was partly responsible because I enabled him. Anyway, that's my two-euro worth for today. Thinking of you.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I know if I was to go to the Aftercare meeting for relatives that I used to attend they would tell me - NOTHING you do or do not do will influence the problem drinker.
They will drink anyway.

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I know if I was to go to the Aftercare meeting for relatives that I used to attend they would tell me - NOTHING you do or do not do will influence the problem drinker.
They will drink anyway.

That is very true Satzy but how do they suggest you help yourself? When my dad was doing his thing my mum was told to get an injunction which is what she did :egad:

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

However I'm wondering this - did Mr. Satz ever realize that your problem was as bad as it was or how bad it could have gotten, if you hadn't stopped when you did? Did he ever see you fall-down drunk or out of control, staggering, speech slurred, whatever, or did you hide it?

Stirls I hid it - 'till it wasn't hidden any more. He found a stack of bottles - let a few roars - but I just got more careful.
I eventually just stopped myself. July 2012.
Went to Australia in December and decided to drink for the holiday - the family hosted a drunken intervention - FFS !
Stopped again on return ..... back on again for holiday in June 2013 - home and off again - never to return to it as it just sickened me .......
I know Mr S harbours the idea that 'why can't she just drink when we go out' with regard to me and now probably with regard to young Satz. Drinking at home is for alkies

He may think it's easy for young Satz to stop. From young Satz's point of view, I echo what others have said - he's still young enough to want to be part of the group having a few and enjoying themselves but he has not accepted that he cannot do that. He is different from his friends - he has no turn-off switch.

He drinks at home - somewhat moderately now - as he has no money.
He does not drink with friends - he is a lone drinker like us all.
If he has money he drinks to STUPIDITY.
So maybe MrS is not too far wrong about alkies drinking alone at home.

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Its weird (in a good way) but all these posts are helping me too. So thanks all

[stirly-girly]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I know if I was to go to the Aftercare meeting for relatives that I used to attend they would tell me - NOTHING you do or do not do will influence the problem drinker.
They will drink anyway.

I agree 100%. BUT, I still think that he needs to see examples of life without AL before his eyes in the hope that something will click.

That is very true Satzy but how do they suggest you help yourself? When my dad was doing his thing my mum was told to get an injunction which is what she did :egad:

What did the injunction do, Starts?