July Army Manoeuvres

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Isnt it strange how it is always the daughter who gets the shitty end of the stick in these situations. Even now my brother is still surprised if I tell him stuff about when mum was ill. He was good, but he lived further away and I didnt always want to worry him. :egad:

Does he want her to live with him?

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Isnt it strange how it is always the daughter who gets the shitty end of the stick in these situations. Even now my brother is still surprised if I tell him stuff about when mum was ill. He was good, but he lived further away and I didnt always want to worry him. :egad:

Does he want her to live with him?

That is so true.........my brother knew all of it but chose to ignore as my mother was 'only' 70.

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]......imvho........even if she can't join in she can watch, safe in the knowledge she doesn't have to wait too long if she needs help. Food at regular intervals and her appetite monitered, her drugs given at the appropriate time...........that can't be done at home. From what I've seen home-care can be good or slapdash..........but incredibly lonely for the one at home. Most visits only last 20 minutes. We organised a rota of relatives for my Mum and put a signing in and out book. We also made the carers sign it..........But you know each time one of us left it was like leaving a confused toddler and although me and my mum couldn't abide each other it broke my heart. My kids are under no illusions of what to do if I go doolally........its either a quick shove off the Tyne Bridge or a home.

Is he worried about what the neighbours will say about him.........still a lot of guilt goes round about us not looking after our elders.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Doubt it he's thought it through - does she want to go home as well? Maybe she's playing you? Old people can do that

I was going to say 'no' - but you could be right Molls. Dementia or not she's as cute as a fox :haha:

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Does he want her to live with him?

No Starts - at home - but he is just down the road from her.
I live in a different county and I work.
I think it's bring her home & the women should look after her needs.
I'm not cut out for/ qualified for full time nursing.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Is he worried about what the neighbours will say about him.........still a lot of guilt goes round about us not looking after our elders.

So true Jacks ...... he has known the carer we pay for ourselves a long time and she is that type and in his ear I'd say.
I think she's miss my Mam if she had to stop looking after her. She still visits the hospital Mon - Fri and won't let anyone near the wardrobe side of things.

[mollyka]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

mind you - a carer like that is gold dust - see a lot of 'apprentice' carers coming into the library - looking for their school books for free - we don't DO school books - buy them yourselves... but no - we are s'posed to provide - and 95% of the folks that come in that categorically refuse to go upstairs in library (one short flight of stairs AND there IS a lift) to use computers are the 'carers' - they are the laziest bunch - so yeah - she sounds quite unique!!!
But god yeah I'm guessing it's a combination of all the above-mentioned --- maybe if you gave him the 'potential' rota if she came home - as in ' Monday/Wednesday are your days - 7am breakfast - change incontinence pads after her shower - then meds, company, tea, shopping, cleaning and then it's time for lunch and another change of pads...…' etc etc… just might concentrate the mind??

[JackieClaire]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

--- maybe if you gave him the 'potential' rota if she came home - as in ' Monday/Wednesday are your days - 7am breakfast - change incontinence pads after her shower - then meds, company, tea, shopping, cleaning and then it's time for lunch and another change of pads...…' etc etc… just might concentrate the mind??

I love that its pure genius.

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I love that its pure genius.

Yep me too - pure evil genius Molls :haha:

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

mind you - a carer like that is gold dust - she sounds quite unique!!!

Oh she is. Quite 'rough' round the edges but a huge heart.
She lives in the flats in the inner city and NOTHING fazes her - she's seen it all.
(If you watch Mrs Brown - the movie - that is where it was made - in her hood ) :haha:

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I was very lucky, I was my mums full time carer for the last 6 weeks or so and her mind was completely there (apart from when she lapsed into unconscious - last 2 days) But it was still incredibly hard. I would not have had it any other way but I am not sure how I would have coped had it gone on longer.

Focussing the mind in that way in perfect. Gets rid of any romantic notions :haha:

[starty]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

My bros FIL has a carer like that. She is an eastender, previous pub landlady and is the best thing in the world for Alan He also has dementia but she just sorts him out and wont stand any nonsense. Costs an arm and a leg though

[mollyka]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Do you think people used to be kinder back in the 'old days'? Just couldn't imagine anyone of my parents generation (or mine even... shit I'm really getting old!) being unkind or careless with either children or old people - each equally vulnerable - and yet.. oh I dunno - maybe we just hear more about it... and the extended family - the lynch-pin for many - so many people now just want to do something if there's money in it for them.... sorry -- just rambling really

Older sprogs arriving today - very unusual combo -- they either love each other or hate each other on any one day ;-)

[satz123]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I dunno Molls - it was all under cover and subversive in those days.
People were cruel to children for sure - nuns ( the brides of Christ ), priests ( Christ's rep on earth) 'Christian' Brothers - say no more about how they treated young boys.
- the very ones who were supposed to look after them abused them.
Maybe the older people scandals have yet to surface.

[mollyka]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

I dunno Molls - it was all under cover and subversive in those days.
People were cruel to children for sure - nuns ( the brides of Christ ), priests ( Christ's rep on earth) 'Christian' Brothers - say no more about how they treated young boys.
- the very ones who were supposed to look after them abused them.
Maybe the older people scandals have yet to surface.

yeah maybe you're right - but -- that was just the Catholic Church -- I'm talking ordinary folks - ordinary families - the ethos in the church was vile - how they can still pertain to be 'religious' people when they caused so much unhappiness and cruelty..

How's you?

[rustop59]

Re: July Army Manoeuvres

Evening all. Think that goes on in a lot of families Satz. I had 2 brother in laws who were very much Moms not going in a home but the actual caring would be left to someone else. Poor soul did not live long enough to go anywhere. Absolutely balmy here today. Getting fed up of bbqs so did roast beef and all the trimmings. Work in the morning so going to have an early night.