My life has certainly changed significantly. At the time I left, I did so because my wife's bi-polar had her in and out of the hospital, my office closed and all of us were given 2 weeks pay, moved to a different state and had a decent job... Wife died Feb 13th, 2015 from pancreatic cancer, 5 days after my son's 10th birthday. I sure miss my love... I have no desire to find another. Move far away to the best job I have ever had. Nearly at the top of the company, yet here I sit... still drinking.
What gets me is that I have everything... a terrific job, a great kid (let's face it a 14 year old is always a challenge), my Mom helps out with the home and my son (she wants for nothing and has her own MIL appt where all things are paid for her, I am literally one spot away from the top, I have more toys than I know what to do with, and yet here I sit every night drinking. I am never late for work, hungover, call in because of too much... I have worked on extremely difficult projects working 12 -18 hours 7 days a week for 3 months at a time, yet every night I have a beer and about 8 oz of whisky. The same everyday.
My health is taking a hit because of it. I need to lower my drinking. I need to be able to get to sleep without having one drink. In fact, that is the hardest thing for me... Alcohol is a crutch for me to get to sleep. I can't fall asleep without being buzzed because my mind can't shut down. I am more afraid of not drinking so I can sleep than being afraid of the damage done to the rest of my body, which isn't getting any younger.
I am not sure if I am asking anything, just re-establishing myself on the boards to see if I can do something to help myself out.
Any thoughts are welcome.
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