June Army Thread 2019

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[QUOTE=IamMary;1766332]well I never knew that. Just been googling and its great for cut flowers, insect repellent, shiny hair, killing mould, as a weed killer, cleaning jewellery and removing rust. Seriously, why did we ever drink this stuff, to keep our insides shiny and mould free?
[QUOTE]

We could have had years of clean drains, weed free gardens and no skin rashes. What a waste.

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

First things first..............It didn't go as planned. Pa-in-law must have realised that with both children arriving at the same time what they were coming with and had all his answers ready. It came down in the end to him saying he would drive no further than the local shops and 'promised' he would use taxis for anything further afield.
Mr JC came back looking awful.
Our kids have been warned never to get into the car with him.........if they're short of funds we'll pay to get them home (the busses up there are few and far between).

Secondly..........Mr JC and I had a screaming row about how this is affecting us. I barely see him.
Because he works more or less a ten hour day plus travel (and brings work home) I barely see him during the week.........at weekends he's up there mowing the lawn/gardening, shopping. It is shared with his sister who equally as busy at her her job at 7:30am and then home near 7pm. He's taking time off work to ferry his Dad to hospital appointments. His whole life is being run by his parents..
Bearing in mind I'm 3 years older than Mr JC and I'll be 70 when he retires which leaves little time for us two. I have COPD which over the next 8 years is going to get worse (its very mild at the moment).

Also he has his dodgy hips. We knew when he had the last one replaced that in future the other one will need doing. After the initial 6/12 weeks its not a bother.
It boiled down to by the time he's been shopping for his parents, mowed the huge lawn, bought and dropped off what they need.......there's no weekend left and in the evening he has his dinner and sits nodding off until its time for bed.
We have no life of our own. I will not do this to our chidren as far as I'm concerned we had children in the hope they would add something to this world not look after us in our old age. There's a lot of good help out there.
Mr. JC is haggard with tiredness, he's lost weight with worry and you know tbh I've thought I'd be burying him before his parents.
Its been a fraught couple of days with many arguments. There were many tears.
So after, as I say the humdinger of an argument he's told his parents straight that they are going to have to get a gardener and a cleaner. He'll still visit but he is not their handiman. They will have to accept outside help. Its not the good old days when your retired at 60 with a nice work pension and a state pension. Then you could take up nice little hobbies like bowling and flower arranging. Cruises, walking holidays, holidays that last longer than 4 days.
There's a lot more but it involves a lot of tears. The in-laws can make me the bad guy ...........but I'll be blowed if I see my husband old before his time.
I'm crying again so I'll be back later.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

JC, you sound lonely. It made me feel lonely to read that. You must feel as if you don't have a partner.
We're supporting others for most of our life. Raising kids, often in a 'helping profession', helping neighbours, helping the community, putting relatives up, supporting friends and often putting them up at crucial times as well. I don't know how many years I've thought to myself 'I'll just get XXX over and done with, then I can have the life that I want' Then the next crisis comes along. What if the golden age never comes? What if we never get our turn?

I've known a few people over the years (not many) who insist on living life their own way even if others see them as selfish and inflexible. 'My way or the highway' types. I used to actively dislike them. Maybe I was envious. Now I get it though. Especially since I often find myself feeling bitter and resentful (because of my inability to say no)

Anyway, I'm babbling, but I suppose the point is that we aren't young any more and if we don't insist on taking our lives back and living it our way nobody else will insist on that for us.
And dear old Dad might have to just understand that.

[abcowboy]

I understand what you're going through JC, I'm going through it as well with Bubba and her parents. Lots of time spent over there and it's almost an hour drive away. Bubba and I are living more like brother and sister rather than husband and wife, and it will only get worse I'm afraid. In September the MIL has her driver's license medical and is sure she won't pass because of her eyesight (macular degeneration). If that happens, Bubba will spend even more time over there, and if and when the house sells, she's hinted at getting an apartment or a basement suite to stay over there during the week and come home on weekends. If this all happens, then I'll have an important decision to make, one that I don't like being forced to make....

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION]...........exactly the word. My kids have flown the nest and as I said I expect nothing from them and oddly enough we probably get a lot more quality time with them now than when they were just flying in to be fed, go out or studying..........I have my little Barnados thing going (its been put on hold for a few weeks would you believe I hurt my back doing stock take) but at 7pm.........for him its dinner, bit of TV and he's off to bed. I have friends but they also have lives of their own.

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]...........remember the wedding vows............in sickness and in health.........well that meant husband & wife.......not the relatives. I had to remind Mr. JC of that.
I put forward the idea of when this house gets finished its refurb that we sell and I'd get a flat and his parents could have him all to themselves and he could pop by and see me now and again (this was in the middle of one of the rows) and it actaully opened his eyes.........he married me by choice.
I'm truly sorry for your situation .........we're caught between a rock and a hard place. Have one of these to be going on with. :hug: You know where I am if you need me.

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION]...........sorry it been me, me , meeeeeeeee. Just think this time next month you'll be on your way to painless dogging walker and you're so well prepared.

And our Satzuma, congratulations on 6 years to a fine, kind, generous woman.:hug:

[rustop59]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION]...........sorry it been me, me , meeeeeeeee. Just think this time next month you'll be on your way to painless dogging walker and you're so well prepared.

And our Satzuma, congratulations on 6 years to a fine, kind, generous woman.:hug:

Evening everyone. You are the most kind, generous person around JC so you just vent away. It’s a horrible position to be in. I was lucky to avoid it but have lots of friends in the same place. I definitely would never want to do it to my kids and being honest I would not get away with it. Would be told what to do with myself.

How are you feeling Starty? Not long now. When is Satz back? Glad you got the baking done JC. Need to put the dinner on, back in a bit.

[IamMary]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Evening, thats a very tough one [MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION], but i think you are right to stand your ground on this one. And you might sounds demanding, but its not going to come from anywhere else.
Mr M is one of those people Bridge talks about, he helps his parents, but on his terms. This always annoyed me, but maybe I need to think differently.

sorry, short reply to an important discussion.. chat more tomorrow.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Just checking in to see how all are feeling. Why is life so rarely simple and carefree? Hmmm?
Hope you are having a ball, Satsuma.

[starty]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

I am so sorry you are going through this Jax. It is a tough one. I know what its like to feel so tired and have little or no time for yourself or family and it is horrible. I also know what its like to have a spouse so tired that you feel as if you are on your own. That is kind of how I feel just now too. I think your frank talk will go a long way to a resolution at least I hope it does. We have never had demanding parents although when mum was ill it took up most of our time.

Right now I just feel so low about my impending op. Worried about all of it and overwhelmed with all sorts of fears.

Many congrats on your 6 years Satz. You have approached your recovery with such humour it is admirable and even though you have many challenges you have navigated them well. I hope you are enjoying your break which is much deserved.

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Morning,
Heartfelt thank yous to all of you. If you heard a huge sigh of relief it was my sister-in-law. She didn't know that Mr JC had put his foot down about the cleaner and gardner. She's been getting in from work and just falling asleep after tea. I think that may be the end of saga for now.

[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION] :hug:...........it is scary, it is life changing and it will be uncomfortable for a while........but having awareness like you have make it possible to get through it pain-free. Listen to your body. Look at the success stories on-line not the horror stories..........they're rarer than hen's teeth...........I'll rap you on the knuckles with a ruler if I find you doing it

Off to get my fringe cut...........its longer than Cher's was in her early days with Sonny.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

I am off to beddles now. Leaving a nice cup of Horlick's for each of you in your favourite mug. Remember to soak your mugs afterwards. You know how that stuff sticks but it does make everything better.

[rustop59]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Night night Bridget, Have heard of Horlicks, but never tasted it. Glad the drama over JC. Will hate losing my independence but hopefully I’ll be able to live without inconveniencing my kids.

Good advice there Starty. Do you practice meditation? Might be helpful if you do, I always find that it helps. Has turned into a lovely day here so think I will spend a while in the garden.

[IamMary]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

Ive never had Horlicks either, I think its more popular in the UK/Australia. I'll tell you what does drive me potty when they dont soak or wash them, is bowls of weetabix! its like a rock the next day.

Good news JC, have they started looking for the help? It will be a win win all around, Mr JC and his sister can spend quality time with their parents too, sit down and have a chat instead of tearing around trying to keep the place nice.

Bridge, I think we are all a bit guilty of filling the gaps that we should be using for doing nothing. Always jealous of Starty and Rustops short week, Id love mine back!

Weather supposed to be improving. I dont believe it.

[JackieClaire]

Re: June Army Thread 2019

[MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION]....returning the favour.........just leave the mugs as per usual.
Horlicks............its like the inside of a many maltesers squashed and made drinkable. Its rather yummy.
Heatwave's bypassed us in the north of England as well. There was a glimpse around 6ish.
Night lovelies.