i've relapsed into heavy drinking and cannabis addiction. i have lots of experience in this, but it's not helping me out.
i guess one of the things that's making it difficult to turn the switch is that i'm feeling very alone with this.
my love is very sympathtic, he's a very caring and gentle man. he grew up with an alcoholic father who thoroughly neglected and traumatized him. it speaks for itself that it is difficult for him to deal with my boundarylessness. in his powerlesness towards my addictive behavior, his reactions are not helping me though. i feel so ashamed of myself already that when someone, leave alone him, reacts irritated or angry when i'm stoned (smoking weed is mostly the issue, though it is facilitated by drinking alcohol), i feel so ashamed of myself and angry at myself, that i shut down completey and have a hard time opening myself up to him or myself anymore. of course this leads to drinking and smoking.
none of my other friends know that i've relapsed.
i have such a history in addiction. i've overcome it everytime, it's so frustrating to be at the same spot again.
i was wondering if joining this forum could help me.
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