International Army April 2020

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION]

I'm getting twinges of guilt. I also find myself getting on the defensive with regards to my separation. Anger feels better than sadness - it makes me feel more alive. It's a defence against feeling bad about myself - to get all worked up and indignant about what others are "doing to me" - absolves me of blame, you see, makes me feel strong and confident. But it's all a lie really. It's not a mature response, and it always ends badly for me - usually over confidence, and telling the world were to go f itself.

I am going to generalize massively here and open to contradiction but replacing worry & guilt with anger is a man's trait I think ? They are bred to not discuss how they are really feeling.

But I know this NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING TO YOU - your relationship with alcohol is the only culprit.
I know this from being on your parents' side of the fence.

Remember you can discuss anything you like here..... always someone to respond hopefully without judgement. We cannot judge we've been there.

>>>>>>>>> runs away before being shot down

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION] - great post.
I was going to Weightwatchers & need to lose a few Kgs. Eating my weight in chocolate every time i'm in work has not helped.
Must go back & study those things of which you speak.....

Now daaalings - 5 in a row
- that's a sign of a relaxed Satz - embracing 'stay at home' : no-one annoying me : no work : me & Rosie ..... Bliss

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] - oh boy do I know that it's not anyone else's doing. It's just what I choose to believe when I want an excuse to drink. That's the frustrating part and one of the most hurtful parts for my wife. I know what can happen, yet I do it anyway. There are other additive behaviours too which have caused a lot of damage. It the lies that cause a lot of damage in the end.

So yeah, I did't sleep well last night. I was up til about 5 and consequently slept until 2pm. Which is ok in a way because I;m working nights tonight, but it's not how I like to do it. If I were at home I'd be racked with guilt right now getting up to a busy house, feeling like I'd let every one down.

But I need to start using some tools. I'm getting bored and disinterest is starting to becoming a thing.

Anyways hello all and I hope your all doing well .

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good afternoon all.. super that they are actually paying some attention to the nursing homes... shocking at both inmates and staff levels..
When I was in my teens there were two lads - never was 'involved' with them - they were just sort of 'in the crowd' -- but their names (obs not the real ones ;-) ) were Clappy and Chancer... never thought TOOOOOO de1eply bout their names tbh - but every time I see you post I think 'Chancer' --- no slur on you I promise -- just a great name -- he was a super guy (actually he had his demons too but.....!) deffo one of the good ones!

Yes you DO know it's no one else's doing - and of course its a defense mechanism to react with anger - and as Satz says definitely more a trait of the male -- I was in treatment a few years back and it was very prevalent among the lads... and the councillors were very adamant that that needed to be knocked on the head.. One lad had to read out in group one day a letter received from his wife's solicitor -- and oh wow - it was some litany..... it went on and on and on.... the poor lad at the end was dancing with rage --- 'that's not true.... that's not true... that's not true' -- so the councillor (lovely wise man he was) just let him rant and rant and eventually the room descended into silence... after a few very awkward minutes - Dermot (the councillor) says quietly --- 'so it's ALL wrong?' --- the lad sort of bristled and said 'well no --- not ALL of it' --- 'well' says Dermot ' was half it wrong?' -- 'yeah' says the lad... 'at least half'..... another little silence --- 'so it was half right then' says Dermot..... I learnt an awful lot from that... I spent YEARS and YEARS blaming my husband for my unhappiness, my drinking, my behaviour, everything really -- but of course it takes two -- even us as addicts - aren't/weren't always wrong -- but to acknowledge and accept our wrongness is so important -- we can fix ourselves - and our own mistakes -- and by acknowledging what we do.. it can give our 'antagonist' the self respect to look at what their part may be in the situation... it saved my marriage.

Sorry that was a bit of an epistle -- much simpler what the ladies said before --- ALL you have to do -- today - and tomorrow -- is not drink..... it IS as simple as that - and with even a short period of sobriety - the most awful situations can seem to nearly work themselves out a bit --- ALL on their own!!!

[brit]

Re: International Army April 2020

Excellent stuff on here today. Waiting for call from hospital re more treatment for Mr A. Coping much better with everything today-- Hard work here but thank you for your kind posts.
( Did 6 miles around the garden at 6 am)

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

Excellent stuff on here today. Waiting for call from hospital re more treatment for Mr A. Coping much better with everything today-- Hard work here but thank you for your kind posts.
( Did 6 miles around the garden at 6 am)

Great to hear you sounding brighter Whiz xxxx

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

Five in a row, an epistle and our Brit's got firemen at her beck and call
One of Mr JC's pals ex fire brigade is doing blood & drug runs.
Love the posts today.........I blamed the world..........the only one that didn't get blamed was the dog.

I've had to get some otc reading glasses (ptl for amazon) a tad stronger than mine as our optician is rightly closed.........think staring at screens most of the day is not helping.

Just laid on the bed and played a word game on my Kindle.............I got first place the other day........mind you theyre's only six of us playing around the world. Still bollixed though........no wonder I can't see.

[rustop59]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good night everyone. Great posts today. Nothing much happening here but that’s good too.

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

but every time I see you post I think 'Chancer' --- no slur on you I promise -- just a great name --

So [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] - do you want to be called 'Chancer' ?

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] -
So yeah, I did't sleep well last night. I was up til about 5 and consequently slept until 2pm. Which is ok in a way because I;m working nights tonight, but it's not how I like to do it. If I were at home I'd be racked with guilt right now getting up to a busy house, feeling like I'd let every one down.

But you're not. You are sober and did nothing yesterday to be guilty for. Isn't that a great thought.?

With regard to sleep - disturbed sleep is one of the worst things - I know - and could be a main factor in relapse.
We all need that respite from reality & sleep gives us that. We resort to alternatives like alcohol otherwise.

Nytol one-a-day ( Jacks used to send them to me ) are now on sale here.
Try them I found them great.
It's just an antihistamine with the side effect of helping you sleep.

Over & Out
Dr Benjy Satzenbrau

[fickle]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning Army,
A beautiful Sunday here and likely to rain which is a very exciting thing here in Aus always 😊
Mrs A, so glad to know you are doing well 6 miles around the garden is awesome!
JC, any sleep you can get is great, whenever you can get it!

Mary and Satz, in relation to watching weight, it is a thing I find helpful for me to focus on as it gives me a framework for my every day. Its also less stigmatizing to talk with others about fitness, and it gives me an excuse to avoid after work drinks (mind you I still get told I’m BORING whether I’m saying no thanks to donuts or drinks. What the heck is exciting about a donut?). I practice intermittent fasting because it is the only thing that has worked for me since my metabolism nosedived in my late 40s and every predicted desk job evil came true. Two words: belly fat. A thing never before in my life had I considered possible.

Intermittent fasting helps me focus on self-discipline and that fact that I actually have quite a lot of it, which makes me feel good about myself. I am practicing mindfulness and also urge-surfing. Every time I have a craving, I look at emotional state and find another way to make myself feel better. I drink a black coffee, then teas all morning until 12pm, and break my fast with protein and veggies. I don’t eat anything after 8pm at night. This lady is great on the topic, although I can’t do her method – alternate day fasting is too hard core for me. MY EXPERIENCE WITH INTERMITTENT, ALTERNATE DAY FASTING - YouTube But I have had good results with intermittent fasting - It is surprisingly easy once I get into a routine. Over 5 months I lost around 20k but in my last bit of silliness I put on 5k. I am just getting back into my routine. Staying AF is major because without that my willpower is nonexistant.

So yeah, I did't sleep well last night. I was up til about 5 and consequently slept until 2pm. Which is ok in a way because I;m working nights tonight, but it's not how I like to do it. If I were at home I'd be racked with guilt right now getting up to a busy house, feeling like I'd let every one down.
But I need to start using some tools. I'm getting bored and disinterest is starting to becoming a thing.

One important takeout from Catherine Grays book for me was to treat getting sober like a job. Don't do it in a half-assed way. Go the whole hog - read everything, research it, live and breathe it as if everything depended on it.. because it does. She gives us a picture of a triangle with sobriety at the top, with every good thing in life depending on it, forming the rest of the triangle.

As for sleep, I too have a solid working-class ingrained guilt about sleeping at odd hours. In the sleep book, he explains it's like we have a sleep bank account and when we have a sleep deficit we need to repay it or our brain can't function properly. After learning that, for the first time I have resisted waking my young adults on weekends because I've realised, this is their legitimate chance to repay the sleep deficit and that is the only way they can be happy and healthy. So do this for yourself Outy, sleep when you need to. you will reap the benefits.

I personally have issues with emotions around food and drink. It was in a book I read about the liver that I was told a very obvious thing: Do not use food to fulfill your emotional needs. That led to my adventures with fasting, exercise and sleep. Instead of focusing on the benefits of eating and drinking, I focus now on the good feelings I get from walking, music, exercise and generally feeling a lot better AF. This is also exercising new parts of my brain, developing new habits, laying down new neural pathways so I can experience joy in new ways.

I hope, even though it might sound a bit like I am evangelizing or lecturing others, but really my little rants are to reinforce my own thinking. I think the discipline of writing each day is helping me. Thank you everyone for your indulgence 😊

One last thing (apols for writing a book again) I had an argument with someone yesterday and felt a lot of grief afterwards. I reflected that in the past I would have headed to the wine shop because I could not have tolerated the pain I was feeling and would have needed to numb out or change the subject.. become more jolly and watch a movie or something while doing it. It’s a sign of the great change in me that I felt my feelings, reflected on these things and did not need to act the way I would formerly have done.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army April 2020

I choose the wrong option to relax. I should know better than to discuss anything even mildly contentious with me old fella! I think he argues with himself when there's no one there. :-) On the other hand it can be a draining experience so I'm tired now.
My list was things to do tonight instead of drink. Chatted with Mam, had a frustrating conversation with Dad (I do love him though) and now I;m in bed with the laptop and a cup of tea. I might watch some Netflix. It's a bit crap, but I feel good and the only way I can do that is to not think about my family, so I'm getting twinges of guilt. I also find myself getting on the defensive with regards to my separation. Anger feels better than sadness - it makes me feel more alive. It's a defence against feeling bad about myself - to get all worked up and indignant about what others are "doing to me" - absolves me of blame, you see, makes me feel strong and confident. But it's all a lie really. It's not a mature response, and it always ends badly for me - usually over confidence, and telling the world were to go f itself. Which also means I think f this abstinence lark, and off we go again and end up in a spiral of despair. In other words I need to watch that and try and keep calm.
However even though I got a bit frustrated and that, it wasn't all bad. The auld fella just chuckled the way he does and Mam was smiling because I was out of my room and talking and looking alive.
But yeah, I need to try and keep an even keel because I can very easily lose the run of myself and get over excited with these practical changes I have to make, which will end up either in "celebrating" or "needing to destress" or massive disappointment and giving up on myself. See this is the most frustrating bit. When I try, I do know myself a bit but it still doesn't stop me. Sometimes I lose myself in the noise of the world and don't even see myself coming.

Janey mac, I only popped in to say hello. Me fingers lost the run of themselves!! Thanks for all the shout outs and support guys!! Hope you all are having a good evening

Wow :eek-new:. I can relate to almost every single thing that you've said there.
I'm 11 months sober now and I never, ever even think about alcohol or drinking any more. It's just an abstract concept. If I were you, I'd want to hear that now. This feeling DOES NOT last forever-and the longer that you don't drink, the better life gets and the more grateful you are that you don't. Just press on lad.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army April 2020

No Mary, she's moved on to another piece of low-hanging fruit. She's a sick piece of gear. In less that 12 months she accused 2 individuals and a 'group of men' who I'm sure never existed. She'll keep.

I remember the triangle analogy from that book Fickle. It brought to mind the old AA saying - 'anything you put before your sobriety, you will lose'. It took me so long to really understand that but it's a great truism. It also took a long time to understand 'one day at a time' for some reason too, still struggle sometimes but I get it.

I do get the anger reaction myself. Reacting angrily was very convenient-you could easily parlay it into an excuse to drink. Especially when the anger was everybody else's fault and 'they are doing it to me'. Then it's their fault that you drank. Good eh?
As a matter of fact, I think I used to have a temper tantrum so that I could drink.

God, but life is so much more simple and better now.


The amount of gardening that I got done yesterday amazed even me. A couple of Sunday morning back episodes of Gardener's World and I am off out there again. See youz tonight sleepy ones.

[NoSugar]

Re: International Army April 2020

It sounds like the woman is revealing to everyone that she’s the one with the problem, Bridget. I doubt anyone thinks your boy or the others are at all at fault but it still must be hard to have the whole thing brought up again. What kind of gardening do you do in fall? Or are you somewhere that is pretty warm year round?

I loved your post, Fickle. We seem to have similar approaches and have made similar decisions. We even have some favorite books in common. I loved the Lewis book and will now be ordering Gray’s on your recommendation - thanks!

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Excellent stuff on here today. Waiting for call from hospital re more treatment for Mr A. Coping much better with everything today-- Hard work here but thank you for your kind posts.
( Did 6 miles around the garden at 6 am)

My God Ms A you are a marvel. :applause2: You put me to shame. I really hope when they lift restrictions - that the blanket over 70 malarkey (even for or fit people like you) ..... is first to go.
I truly believe that it's detrimental for older folk to be locked up like that. I heard yesterday 'Alone' calls from distressed older ( and 70 IS NOT OLD) people had gone up 100%.

Then there is me here wondering have I caught 'the virus' ( not being smart) because I'm getting breathless walking up the stairs.
I'm glad I'm getting a test - then I'll KNOW that's bullshit and go get some exercise.